And then a step to the right. Yadda yadda, you know the rest. For the record, I will NEVER be doing the Time Warp again, mainly because I haven't done it in the first place and so technically can't. Another reason for this is because, and I'm gonna be my usual blunt self here, I look SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better now than I have before.
I'm getting ahead of myself. I thought I'd be a good egg and all-round nice person today and visit my grandparents who still live in Derby (and who I totally ignored the whole of last year. Woops.) So I did. Are you unfortunate enough to be sitting in your grandparents' living room and have your grandmother shuffle in, take one look at you, look terrified and then run from the room crying "George! Who's that strange woman in the living room?" I'm gonna say 'maybe' at a push. Ever have it happen no less than 6 times during your 3 hour visit? No. No you haven't. I'm not going to go all emo and angsty over this or anything - that isn't my style.
It did lead to my (very over stressed out) grandfather putting on some videos of my brothers and myself when we were children just to show her who I am. I've been everything, from Andrew's wife (Andrew is my stepfather and the man I call 'Dad', if you care to recall. So, erm, no.) to 'who the hell is Andrew?' The video idea even ended in disaster as she couldn't seem to understand that I was once 3/6/9 and am no longer that age (thank God)
Here are some conclusions I came to while watching my family interacting with each other 16 years ago:
1. I was a total camera whore. Even then.
2. I do not suit a bob. I did not suit it age 3. I did not suit it age 6. So why, for the love of God, did I think I suited it age 15??
3. Ditto blunt fringes. I had a round face as a kid. It only went away last year following extreme dieting/starvation. Why do I cut my hair like that!?!?
4. My Dad should never grow a moustache ever again. Ever.
5. My Mum should never cut all her hair off ever again. Ever.
6. My Mum has a fantastic arse. Always has done. And will moon a camera purely from the knowledge that her husband's parents will then watch the footage. My mother hasn't changed all that much...
7. I had a hamster called Simba. Awesome.
8. Timmy was a total pussy as a kid and was terrified of my hamster and the random brood of 6 baby hamsters she gave me
9. I got Mulan on video Christmas 1999 and subjected my entire family to a viewing of it at extremely high volume (Is it sad that I can tell what film we were watching just by hearing the phrase "PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUUUUUUUUT!!!"?)
10. I had an extremely good swing. I could have been a golfer by now... Sigh...
11. Christian had white blonde hair. LOL.
12. Christian always thought about food, even back then.
13. I was rarely seen with clothes on (Yup, no change there...)
14. Timmy looked up to me, even then... :)
15. My Dad takes the assembly of Christmas toys EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY!!!
16. Lucy, my beloved German shepherd, didn't mind Timmy sitting on her constantly.
17. Nor did she mind a 3 year old me shouting in her ear and shoving my face in hers.
18. Ditto stealing her Christmas presents.
19. My Mum had some very, er, interesting nicknames for me.
20. I looked good in dresses. Without a shape or boobs or anything. Woe, how that has changed things....
So now, I'm sitting here freezing my ass off, it's 2am and I'm trying ever so hard to keep my (frozen) ass on my seat in order to prevent myself from going and raiding the fridge.
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