Er, hi!
Been a while, hasn't it? About 4 months maybe? Jesus, I don't think I've ever been quiet for that long. I hope you enjoyed it while you could, because I doubt it will happen again. (This is a lie. I'll probably get busy again and forget about you lot. Um, woops?)
So, what's been happening? I've had some drama. I've had some trauma. And about 80% of the things that have happened to me have been totally random and ultimately hilarious.
Basics-wise, I'm back at uni after a lovely Christmas at home with my family. It was also, I'm proud to admit, the first 'carnivorous' Christmas I've enjoyed in 15 years. Yip! Me likey de meaty now! "Why?" I hear you cry? (Well, I don't actually hear you) Well, I have some food intolerances. Um, yay. So, I cannot have dairy or starchy things any more. I'm even more awkward to take out to dinner than I was before. PEOPLE LIKE ME, ARRRRRRR!!!!!!
I turned 20, which makes me wince every time it is brought up. I don't particularly have any wish to be an adult. I don't act like one in the slightest, so I think it would be almost wrong to call myself one. Also, I don't want to feel old. Being 20 makes me feel old. Especially when my younger brother cries out "Holy SHIT I'm going to have an adult sister!!" while I'm driving. Sure-fire way to almost make me have an accident there, Christy Bum!
I've also cut the majority of my hair off. Once again. Even though I hated it when I did it before and practically pulled it all out through the stress of it not growing back again quick enough. I am currently sporting the same hair cut that a young Leah Deane sported. Age 5. She had no choice in the matter and looked vaguely sweet/female with said hair cut. Then Leah Heeney gave it a shot aged 15. I'm not quite sure why she did it - probably some sort of 'I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT' motive. Now, aged 20, Leah Noble has given it another shot.
*Derp face* What? Oh, yeah. I'm not Leah Heeney any more! Due to my, er, somewhat 'iffy' mental state when it came to a certain man (who shall remain nameless as I don't want to end up sobbing hysterically and rocking myself in a corner. Seriously. It was reaching that point. Anyway) who shared my previous surname, I have taken steps. Well, I say 'steps' in an uber-dramatic fashion, but all I've done is change my surname. Oooh, new signature! (Again). Judging on how long I usually hold a surname for, I should get married and change my name again in 10 years time. (Pfft!! Yeah, because THAT will happen!)
Maybe I should change my author name on here, then...
And so, I am back! So, get out the banners and the balloons (Amy style. She filled my room with balloons for my return!) and get ready to be filled with my random witterings once more. How thrilling are they? ^__________^
Showing posts with label old. Show all posts
Showing posts with label old. Show all posts
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Monday, 10 October 2011
It's Just a Jump To The Left...
And then a step to the right. Yadda yadda, you know the rest. For the record, I will NEVER be doing the Time Warp again, mainly because I haven't done it in the first place and so technically can't. Another reason for this is because, and I'm gonna be my usual blunt self here, I look SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better now than I have before.
I'm getting ahead of myself. I thought I'd be a good egg and all-round nice person today and visit my grandparents who still live in Derby (and who I totally ignored the whole of last year. Woops.) So I did. Are you unfortunate enough to be sitting in your grandparents' living room and have your grandmother shuffle in, take one look at you, look terrified and then run from the room crying "George! Who's that strange woman in the living room?" I'm gonna say 'maybe' at a push. Ever have it happen no less than 6 times during your 3 hour visit? No. No you haven't. I'm not going to go all emo and angsty over this or anything - that isn't my style.
It did lead to my (very over stressed out) grandfather putting on some videos of my brothers and myself when we were children just to show her who I am. I've been everything, from Andrew's wife (Andrew is my stepfather and the man I call 'Dad', if you care to recall. So, erm, no.) to 'who the hell is Andrew?' The video idea even ended in disaster as she couldn't seem to understand that I was once 3/6/9 and am no longer that age (thank God)
Here are some conclusions I came to while watching my family interacting with each other 16 years ago:
1. I was a total camera whore. Even then.
2. I do not suit a bob. I did not suit it age 3. I did not suit it age 6. So why, for the love of God, did I think I suited it age 15??
3. Ditto blunt fringes. I had a round face as a kid. It only went away last year following extreme dieting/starvation. Why do I cut my hair like that!?!?
4. My Dad should never grow a moustache ever again. Ever.
5. My Mum should never cut all her hair off ever again. Ever.
6. My Mum has a fantastic arse. Always has done. And will moon a camera purely from the knowledge that her husband's parents will then watch the footage. My mother hasn't changed all that much...
7. I had a hamster called Simba. Awesome.
8. Timmy was a total pussy as a kid and was terrified of my hamster and the random brood of 6 baby hamsters she gave me
9. I got Mulan on video Christmas 1999 and subjected my entire family to a viewing of it at extremely high volume (Is it sad that I can tell what film we were watching just by hearing the phrase "PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUUUUUUUUT!!!"?)
10. I had an extremely good swing. I could have been a golfer by now... Sigh...
11. Christian had white blonde hair. LOL.
12. Christian always thought about food, even back then.
13. I was rarely seen with clothes on (Yup, no change there...)
14. Timmy looked up to me, even then... :)
15. My Dad takes the assembly of Christmas toys EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY!!!
16. Lucy, my beloved German shepherd, didn't mind Timmy sitting on her constantly.
17. Nor did she mind a 3 year old me shouting in her ear and shoving my face in hers.
18. Ditto stealing her Christmas presents.
19. My Mum had some very, er, interesting nicknames for me.
20. I looked good in dresses. Without a shape or boobs or anything. Woe, how that has changed things....
So now, I'm sitting here freezing my ass off, it's 2am and I'm trying ever so hard to keep my (frozen) ass on my seat in order to prevent myself from going and raiding the fridge.
I'm getting ahead of myself. I thought I'd be a good egg and all-round nice person today and visit my grandparents who still live in Derby (and who I totally ignored the whole of last year. Woops.) So I did. Are you unfortunate enough to be sitting in your grandparents' living room and have your grandmother shuffle in, take one look at you, look terrified and then run from the room crying "George! Who's that strange woman in the living room?" I'm gonna say 'maybe' at a push. Ever have it happen no less than 6 times during your 3 hour visit? No. No you haven't. I'm not going to go all emo and angsty over this or anything - that isn't my style.
It did lead to my (very over stressed out) grandfather putting on some videos of my brothers and myself when we were children just to show her who I am. I've been everything, from Andrew's wife (Andrew is my stepfather and the man I call 'Dad', if you care to recall. So, erm, no.) to 'who the hell is Andrew?' The video idea even ended in disaster as she couldn't seem to understand that I was once 3/6/9 and am no longer that age (thank God)
Here are some conclusions I came to while watching my family interacting with each other 16 years ago:
1. I was a total camera whore. Even then.
2. I do not suit a bob. I did not suit it age 3. I did not suit it age 6. So why, for the love of God, did I think I suited it age 15??
3. Ditto blunt fringes. I had a round face as a kid. It only went away last year following extreme dieting/starvation. Why do I cut my hair like that!?!?
4. My Dad should never grow a moustache ever again. Ever.
5. My Mum should never cut all her hair off ever again. Ever.
6. My Mum has a fantastic arse. Always has done. And will moon a camera purely from the knowledge that her husband's parents will then watch the footage. My mother hasn't changed all that much...
7. I had a hamster called Simba. Awesome.
8. Timmy was a total pussy as a kid and was terrified of my hamster and the random brood of 6 baby hamsters she gave me
9. I got Mulan on video Christmas 1999 and subjected my entire family to a viewing of it at extremely high volume (Is it sad that I can tell what film we were watching just by hearing the phrase "PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUUUUUUUUT!!!"?)
10. I had an extremely good swing. I could have been a golfer by now... Sigh...
11. Christian had white blonde hair. LOL.
12. Christian always thought about food, even back then.
13. I was rarely seen with clothes on (Yup, no change there...)
14. Timmy looked up to me, even then... :)
15. My Dad takes the assembly of Christmas toys EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY!!!
16. Lucy, my beloved German shepherd, didn't mind Timmy sitting on her constantly.
17. Nor did she mind a 3 year old me shouting in her ear and shoving my face in hers.
18. Ditto stealing her Christmas presents.
19. My Mum had some very, er, interesting nicknames for me.
20. I looked good in dresses. Without a shape or boobs or anything. Woe, how that has changed things....
So now, I'm sitting here freezing my ass off, it's 2am and I'm trying ever so hard to keep my (frozen) ass on my seat in order to prevent myself from going and raiding the fridge.
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
Here Comes Ali Babarrr and his FUCKING CAMEL!
I am now 19. Isn't that awesome? I now feel I can enjoy being legally allowed to buy alcohol and the like without thinking myself to be 'new meat' or have only just got my foot in the door. Nope, now I have shut the door behind me. I know that one day the day will come when I will be so far away from the door, I won't have left the house for weeks (probably due to the horror-filled thoughts associated with people seeing my withered old face.) I digress. I originally wrote 'digest'. Why have I been eating LOADS lately? No, I am not pregnant. Even if the implant somehow cocked itself up and left me unprotected, my panic attack when the never-ending period actually stopped that caused me to leave the house immediately and purchase 3 different pregnancy tests has proved beyond a doubt that I am not with child. I'm bloody broody though, for fucks sake. I keep dreaming about having this beautiful little girl, called Evie. Oh she is lovely. But no, Leah! 19! University student! No babies for you yet! And I usually fucking hate kids (notice the careful choice of word order there :P)
Turning 19 wasn't fun until I had completed my chuffing exam on the 10th, the day before. This mleft me having to drive all the way back to Derby sunday night. Brilliant. After work. Even better. My complaints were immediately halted when I ended my shift and Adam eventually finished his - he'd swapped his shift on monday so he could come with me! ^^ Thank fuck he did, as a diversion caused me to get hopelessly lost and travelling away from Derby. Bollocks. Had he not been there, I had visions of myself on monday morning, out of petrol by the side of some never-ending road, ringing uni to tell them to shove there test where the sun doesn't shine. It took us 4 FUCKING HOURS to do a hour and a half trip. I still can't bend my right leg properly yet.
The exam itself went as well as it could have done for someone who did jack shit in terms of frevision. Everyone's cries of "Leah! You look really different!" startled me a bit - I haven't worn makeup in weeks due to ongoing eye issues due to Adam's sodding cats and my huge allergies to them. That is why I looked different. T_T But yeah, after bothering Jade and Gracey for a bit (And entering the Ducking Hardcore Mix. I also brought the man around, as promised lmao) we set off home. In Newark my "Jesus, I'll have to pull over soon, I can feel my eyelids going" was totally justified when I smashed in to the curb. ¬_¬
I like lillies. Adam got me a bunch of them for me buffdee. And a massive owl cuddley toy, whom I have named Derek, as well as several of the CUTEST little 'Blue Nose' animals. We went to the seaside for the day. It was completely empty, as everyone else was sensible and didn't go to the seaside in the middle of Januray. When it's raining. Prat-head that I am "Ooooft! I wanna go SEASIDEEEE!!!!" for god's sake - took shelter in the arcades and won a loads of stuffs on the 2p machines. Put £3 in, won £9 back. I'm good ^_^
Buffet and indoor fireworks back homeeeee - video footage to follow. Naturally I have a glass of wine in my hand in every shot. Mini sparklers caused us all to panic and for me to drop it on my foot O_O and G actually burned a hole in his top with the big finale firework. LMAO!
You hear horror stories of parents entering the room during sex don't you? I have no chances of that happening, which is brill. However, the sound of G letting the dogs out will make me laugh no end, and it gets even better when your Grandmother rings during. My attempt to make her stop talking about her bowels failed - "I have to go, my boyfriend is over and I er-" "OH DEAR! OHHHHHHHHHH DEARRRRRRRRRRR I am SORREHHHH *talks about bowels some more*" Shut it bitch.
Adam talks in his sleep. Without fail, every night. My favourite conversation is as follows:
Adam: Leah?
Leah: Yes, sweets?
Adam: I don't like that man.
Leah: What man?
Adam: The man on tv!
Leah: ... We're not watching tv
Adam: Oh, go FUCK yourself then!
Later that night he randomly screamed at the top of his lungs, shoved me to one side, laughed, then muttered something about a dog. I... er....
I dunno. I'm all over the shop. It's late, I'm tired, but I daren't go through the living room again. Meep!
Turning 19 wasn't fun until I had completed my chuffing exam on the 10th, the day before. This mleft me having to drive all the way back to Derby sunday night. Brilliant. After work. Even better. My complaints were immediately halted when I ended my shift and Adam eventually finished his - he'd swapped his shift on monday so he could come with me! ^^ Thank fuck he did, as a diversion caused me to get hopelessly lost and travelling away from Derby. Bollocks. Had he not been there, I had visions of myself on monday morning, out of petrol by the side of some never-ending road, ringing uni to tell them to shove there test where the sun doesn't shine. It took us 4 FUCKING HOURS to do a hour and a half trip. I still can't bend my right leg properly yet.
The exam itself went as well as it could have done for someone who did jack shit in terms of frevision. Everyone's cries of "Leah! You look really different!" startled me a bit - I haven't worn makeup in weeks due to ongoing eye issues due to Adam's sodding cats and my huge allergies to them. That is why I looked different. T_T But yeah, after bothering Jade and Gracey for a bit (And entering the Ducking Hardcore Mix. I also brought the man around, as promised lmao) we set off home. In Newark my "Jesus, I'll have to pull over soon, I can feel my eyelids going" was totally justified when I smashed in to the curb. ¬_¬
I like lillies. Adam got me a bunch of them for me buffdee. And a massive owl cuddley toy, whom I have named Derek, as well as several of the CUTEST little 'Blue Nose' animals. We went to the seaside for the day. It was completely empty, as everyone else was sensible and didn't go to the seaside in the middle of Januray. When it's raining. Prat-head that I am "Ooooft! I wanna go SEASIDEEEE!!!!" for god's sake - took shelter in the arcades and won a loads of stuffs on the 2p machines. Put £3 in, won £9 back. I'm good ^_^
Buffet and indoor fireworks back homeeeee - video footage to follow. Naturally I have a glass of wine in my hand in every shot. Mini sparklers caused us all to panic and for me to drop it on my foot O_O and G actually burned a hole in his top with the big finale firework. LMAO!
You hear horror stories of parents entering the room during sex don't you? I have no chances of that happening, which is brill. However, the sound of G letting the dogs out will make me laugh no end, and it gets even better when your Grandmother rings during. My attempt to make her stop talking about her bowels failed - "I have to go, my boyfriend is over and I er-" "OH DEAR! OHHHHHHHHHH DEARRRRRRRRRRR I am SORREHHHH *talks about bowels some more*" Shut it bitch.
Adam talks in his sleep. Without fail, every night. My favourite conversation is as follows:
Adam: Leah?
Leah: Yes, sweets?
Adam: I don't like that man.
Leah: What man?
Adam: The man on tv!
Leah: ... We're not watching tv
Adam: Oh, go FUCK yourself then!
Later that night he randomly screamed at the top of his lungs, shoved me to one side, laughed, then muttered something about a dog. I... er....
I dunno. I'm all over the shop. It's late, I'm tired, but I daren't go through the living room again. Meep!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)