How will YOU get famous?

So, as I was listening to the very sexy voice as the eternally sexy Jim Morrison (who is probably not really dead, but is now probably a very fat, ugly alcoholic living in a cave somewhere. No! Please be dead! Stay beautiful forever! Wait, what was I talking about??) er... *AHEM* and he was telling me about strange people and how they are, well, strange. I was struck by some of the lyrics - "When you're strange, people remember your name."

That is a very true statement, especially in today's society. If you ask anyone who discovered America they will normally respond correctly (Columbus, if you're a bit thick) but if you then go on to ask his nationality, they will normally quip "AMERICAN!" Myself included when I was A LOT younger. He was Spanish. You get kudos points if you've answered correctly so far. However, if you were to ask a group of people about the lives of 'BRANGELINA' they could tell you the location of every single one of Angelina's tattoos, the nationality of each of their kids and even what Pitt's doing with his facial hair at the moment.

My point? I'm not so sure any more, but I think it's something along the lines of celebrity culture being STUPID! We worship these people for doing nothing more than entertaining us, or shocking us with how many cocks they can get in to their body at any one time, and their are even some of them that are better than others at this and so they fall easily in to the pecking order that the media has set up for them. For some reason, we want to BE them - we want to live their lives (lives that even though they have enough money to solve World poverty at least 20 times over they feel the need to complain incessantly about it).

Gone are the days when people actually had to have talent to be remembered, like the many inventors and geniuses that many people today don't know exist because they have been removed from the mainstream by 'better' things. Let's use Mozart as an example. I love the work of Mozart, his musical compositions are breathtaking and there is nothing quite like it. I had a conversation with someone about our favourite music, and I happened to mention that I loved Mozart. "Who the fuck's that?" came the uncultured reply. "A composer and a genius. You should listen to his work, it's breathtaking!" I said through gritted teeth and suppressing a supreme urge to introduce my fist to their face for a quick buggering. "EUGH! Like, classical shit? Why the fuck would you listen to that!? You should listen to real music, like DUBSTEP!" It was at this point that my memory gets a little hazy. I may have killed them in cold blood and eaten their remains, or could have simply walked off without another word, tears in my eyes and formulating a suicide plan for later that night.

With a culture based solely on the internet, it seems like almost anyone can get famous these days, such as the 'Numa Numa Guy' and Star Wars Kid, who got famous for being fat and doing funny things with their body and face, and of course, people like Chris Crocker, famous for putting on eyeliner and sobbing about Britney Spears being bullied. He is now a celebrity in his own right (PAH!) simply for doing something extremely odd but mildly entertaining.

I guess it can't be helped. What The Doors said was true - people do remember your name when you're strange, myself included. Except in my case it's a somewhat amusing nickname from a time when I got beyond drunk, ate fish food and vomited all over a house full of strangers. I am now friends with those strangers and they do remember my name. If I was Christened 'Fish food', that is. ¬_¬

Sha-TING!!!!

It's official - I am 'bang tidy'. Yup! The master of Northern comedy (and by that I mean he's actually trying to be funny. Unlike those fuckers in Corrie - they're trying to be serious, and it's hysterical. Anyways...) Mr Keith Lemon said, very loudly to a store full of shopping people, that he would love to smash my back doors in. The rough English translation of this phrase, as defined in his pant-wettingly hilarious book, is: "I would go to any lengths to seduce that lady/ she is a total looker." I did a bit of sex wee I was so excited.

Naturally, because Lincolnshire is a boring as arse place and nothing ever happens there ever, you should be able to tell that I'm back in Derby. I have 2 jobs - KFC, of course. I'd like to know what Jason said to Ant, my new boss, in order to make him so excited to have me in his store. I've never seen a man so happy to see me before. And that's saying something! I'm also an Ann Summers rep, which many believe is my ideal job. Yup, an Ann Summers rep. People's literal comments seem to be along the lines of "That job is PERFECT for you as you've always got sex on the brain/you're sex mad/ you're sexy." Whereas they SHOULD be saying things along the lines of "Leah, you are so good in lectures and tutorials and your grades are really impressive, you will certainly get a job within the Criminal Justice System!"

I now live in a little house in the centre of Derby with Amy and Katie, which is awesome! The house is so sweet and our garden backs on to Lisa and Georgie's so we're constantly climbing over the wall to visit/they always climb over to nick my Disney DVDs. The wall climbing comes in handy, as on Monday I found myself sitting in a 10ft swimming pool in their garden in the middle of the night, pissed as a skunk, before being dragged to my own house to shove on a pair of heels (and to change out of my bikini of course. Fools.) Emily then got in to my shed for a bit. I'm not kidding. This year is going to be a fantastic year.

Living on the main road is a bit of an interesting experience in comparison with living in the literal dead end of nowhere - last night I had to listen as someone stopped and vomited outside the front door. Loudly. The front door opens in to my room. Essentially, a man vomited outside my room. And I just looked out of my window to watch a man punch my car. Erm... Why the fuck?

Yup, interesting experiences mounting up already...

Child Abuse

So, the Beckhams FINALLY have that daughter they've been dreaming of for 11years or there abouts. What have they named their already much-loved bundle of joy from God?*Vomits* *Ahem*

Harper Seven.

Harper Seven Beckham.

¬_¬

They've had 11 years to think of what they want to name their darling child and they come up with THAT?! Um, WTF? Is it even a name? I thought it was a race car name or a special term for something exceedingly fast (You know, Mac One, Harper Seven... It fits!)

What is it with celebrities naming their children total bollocks? Apple Martin and Coco Arquette would have been my previous headliners for this statement, but those girlies have positively NORMAL names compared to poor Harper Seven. Imagine the abuse she's gonna get at school for her bizzare name! Poor kid...

Even Harper, although the 887th most popular female name in America last year, is odd. Seven as a middle name? Just no.

Although, congrats to them and each to their own and all that jazz...





........... Seven........