I'll Be Back

Lately, I have been watching A LOT of films that demonstrate my immense status as a geek/the wrong sex. Namely, the Star Wars films (No, I am not named after Princess fucking Leia. My name on my birth certificate is 'Leiah'! Pronounced 'Lee-ah'. It's the Irish spelling!) the Terminator films (well, the first 2. The others cannot be considered Terminator films, as they are, um, shite. To be blunt.) Predator, and the Jurassic Park films. And it got me thinking - yeah, don't be too shocked, I do think on occasion. Why are these films considered films for geeks? Or for guys? What is it within the 2 sexes that makes them geared towards liking a certain genre of film?

I once asked a man if he enjoyed 'The Notebook' in front of a group of his friends, which of course, was a mistake, as when he replied 'why yes, Leah, I very much enjoyed The Notebook' his friends literally roared with laughter and screamed 'GAYBOYYYYYYYYYY' at him for I think most of the following week. When I said the same film was 'alright' to the same group of men, but that I preferred horror or action films, I got several immense back slaps and hand shakes for being 'awesome' (which I am, of course, but that point is going off topic a bit). What is it that makes it so men must enjoy graphically violent, explosion-filled, horrific shooters or comedies, crammed with aliens, monsters and cowboys, where women are stuck with cartoons and romantic films that are all EXACTLY THE SAME!? (I'm sorry. I bloody HATE romance films!!)

I think you can blame it on Testosterone - the MAN gene! I like to call it the 'Peacock Gene' personally, seeing as it causes men to strut about at all times acting butch and avoiding showing any emotion other than anger or mild annoyance. I'm glad women don't have as much of it. Women walking around thrusting their chests out at all times is a sure-fire way for someone to lose an eye.

I grew up watching The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, and I can't remember a time when A Fist Full Of Dollars or a James Bond film wasn't on in the background. Batman was my hero and dinosaurs were the coolest things to have ever walked on Earth! I started playing video games as soon as I was old enough to hold a controller and would love nothing more than climbing trees or digging holes whenever I got to outside. I know that parents obviously raise their children, and have a lot of say on what they watch or do, but my mum and dad were always very in to letting their kids liking what they wanted to like, so it was all me! Am I a boy? Methinks my chest doth protest that claim, but I think you know what I'm getting at!

This attitude that I had as a child hasn't ever left me - I think I'm finally getting round to admitting that I am a geek. Come on, I have a 3ft tall wall scroll of Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII on my wall (Who scares me SHITLESS if I ever wake up in the middle of the night). I have a shirt with a Tonberry on it. No one knows what the frig a Tonberry is. I have a stuffed moogle. There is no normality in that.

I'm not so sure on the point of this post any more O_________O BUT embrace your geekiness! There's nothing wrong with it!

Comments on the topic of 'Jar Jar Binks - WTF!??!' All opinions welcome. Unless your opinion is something other than 'he's an annoying wanker and totally pointless.' in which case your opinion is wrong. I'm kidding :P

Where The Hell You Been?

Er, hi!

Been a while, hasn't it? About 4 months maybe? Jesus, I don't think I've ever been quiet for that long. I hope you enjoyed it while you could, because I doubt it will happen again. (This is a lie. I'll probably get busy again and forget about you lot. Um, woops?)

So, what's been happening? I've had some drama. I've had some trauma. And about 80% of the things that have happened to me have been totally random and ultimately hilarious.

Basics-wise, I'm back at uni after a lovely Christmas at home with my family. It was also, I'm proud to admit, the first 'carnivorous' Christmas I've enjoyed in 15 years. Yip! Me likey de meaty now! "Why?" I hear you cry? (Well, I don't actually hear you) Well, I have some food intolerances. Um, yay. So, I cannot have dairy or starchy things any more. I'm even more awkward to take out to dinner than I was before. PEOPLE LIKE ME, ARRRRRRR!!!!!!

I turned 20, which makes me wince every time it is brought up. I don't particularly have any wish to be an adult. I don't act like one in the slightest, so I think it would be almost wrong to call myself one. Also, I don't want to feel old. Being 20 makes me feel old. Especially when my younger brother cries out "Holy SHIT I'm going to have an adult sister!!" while I'm driving. Sure-fire way to almost make me have an accident there, Christy Bum!

I've also cut the majority of my hair off. Once again. Even though I hated it when I did it before and practically pulled it all out through the stress of it not growing back again quick enough. I am currently sporting the same hair cut that a young Leah Deane sported. Age 5. She had no choice in the matter and looked vaguely sweet/female with said hair cut. Then Leah Heeney gave it a shot aged 15. I'm not quite sure why she did it - probably some sort of 'I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT' motive. Now, aged 20, Leah Noble has given it another shot.

*Derp face* What? Oh, yeah. I'm not Leah Heeney any more! Due to my, er, somewhat 'iffy' mental state when it came to a certain man (who shall remain nameless as I don't want to end up sobbing hysterically and rocking myself in a corner. Seriously. It was reaching that point. Anyway) who shared my previous surname, I have taken steps. Well, I say 'steps' in an uber-dramatic fashion, but all I've done is change my surname. Oooh, new signature! (Again). Judging on how long I usually hold a surname for, I should get married and change my name again in 10 years time. (Pfft!! Yeah, because THAT will happen!)

Maybe I should change my author name on here, then...

And so, I am back! So, get out the banners and the balloons (Amy style. She filled my room with balloons for my return!) and get ready to be filled with my random witterings once more. How thrilling are they? ^__________^

Pet Shop of Horrors

Everyone has pet hates, right? Here are some of mine. I doubt you will disagree with me on them. Of course, they mainly span around the two things I hate most in my life - people of the road, and my job.

1. The Expectant Hand

I know everyone has dealt with The Expectant Hand. What is it? Well, has anyone asked you to pass them something? The Expectant Hand appears in most occasions after this - as soon as you consent to passing said asked for item, a hand from the asker just WAITS in limbo for you to hand over the item. I HATE it! Just be bloody patient - I said I'd pass you the damn thing, so I will. I didn't just say I would so that I could actually NOT pass you what you wanted and watch your face crumple with sadness. This is something I get at work a lot. To deal with The Expectant Hand is simple - simply look down at it, then take longer to do whatever it is you're doing before handing it to them. The Hand soon gets tired of hanging around and buggers off.

2. Your/You're They're/there/their too/to - uh, WHA????

People not being able to use the correct spelling of these certain words. Seriously. How is it difficult?!?! For example - You're is obviously 'you' and 'are' combined. You can SEE IT! I learned this in primary school for Christ's sake. The worst one is when people write "Your such a twat". What? I'm a 'such a twat' belonging to someone? I thought as such. Fools.

3. Wet socks.

Just Ew. The worst feeling EVER. I have a new puppy that pees EVERYWHERE and the other day I accidentally trod in a puddle of it and did a massive scream. Not at the fact that I'd trodden in urine and it was gross, but because I had obtained wet socks.

4. Road Hogs

Just generally people driving like knobs. Mainly, those that overtake A LOT. 60 mph not fast enough for you? Or those that overtake 38768 cars at once (Obviously they lack a penis). Wheel spinning out of drive thru is a good one too - I'm not impressed. You're just making a lot of noise. The ABSOLUTE worst are the people that overtake you, then immediately turn off the road. WHAT THE HELL?!?!? I could understand if your wife was in labour and I was blocking the way to hospital but if you're just impatient... What the hell is the matter with you?!?!?!?

5. Get Your Own Book

People reading over my shoulder. Just bugger off. I know what I'm doing must be SUPER interesting but seriously - I will stop doing it for just long enough to punch you in the face before continuing again.

6. Sticky Hands

Do NOT touch me with them, and I will not touch you with mine. You are gross.

7. Throat clearing

I may just not be listening to you fullstop. Clearing your throat is just going to make me ignore you more. I guarantee it.

8. Slow - people moving? I dunno, I CAN'T TELL!!!!

Wandering down the street in a huge, wide MASS going at -2 mph, driving along at 40 in a 60 zone, getting to the speaker box at the KFC Drive Thru and taking a minute to READ the menu. Everything in this day and age is made so we can live faster and get things done quicker. This means, we need to sodding well catch up first!!!

Child Abuse

So, the Beckhams FINALLY have that daughter they've been dreaming of for 11years or there abouts. What have they named their already much-loved bundle of joy from God?*Vomits* *Ahem*

Harper Seven.

Harper Seven Beckham.

¬_¬

They've had 11 years to think of what they want to name their darling child and they come up with THAT?! Um, WTF? Is it even a name? I thought it was a race car name or a special term for something exceedingly fast (You know, Mac One, Harper Seven... It fits!)

What is it with celebrities naming their children total bollocks? Apple Martin and Coco Arquette would have been my previous headliners for this statement, but those girlies have positively NORMAL names compared to poor Harper Seven. Imagine the abuse she's gonna get at school for her bizzare name! Poor kid...

Even Harper, although the 887th most popular female name in America last year, is odd. Seven as a middle name? Just no.

Although, congrats to them and each to their own and all that jazz...





........... Seven........

Toaster in the Bath? Naaah fanks XD

Wehell, it has been a while, hasn't it mon petite pallies? Where have I been? That, I am going to explain. As I sit here in my too big for me size 10 SHORTS (with my ever so white legs on display. White legs that are fantastically toned and lovely, of course.) I am debating whether to go in to the details. Well, I might as well?

So - just as I was about to begin my daily writings again, I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown. My laptop broke, i had a massive falling out with most of my friends back home, my relationship was destroyed, I had 2 deadlines fast approaching and I literally ran out of money, overdraft and all. This all happened in the space of ummmmmm 3 days and saw me retreating back in to the arms of my mother faster than she could say 'I told you so'. As you can imagine, these events kinda fucked me over and made me even consider sitting in the bath with a toaster in my lap or dragging a straight razor over my wrists. But no more!

Everything is back to its good ol' self (well, of sorts. More on that story later ;)) my friendies are wonderful, my laptop is on the road to recovery (I have learned to live without it, something which I thought I would never be able to do) my bank account is back in the positive for the first time in months. The relationship thing? When you find out that your long distance boyfriend has been fucking one of the girls at work you kinda don't give a shit about whether you are with him anymore or not. Shagging random blokes your best mate introduces you too is also a good way of getting over things. Ever meet someone for the first time and just click? Well, that happened. Amy actually tooks bets on how long it would take for us to end up in bed together. ~following a hideous amount of booze it took about 4 hours. In all honesty, I don't remember much of it.

My weight loss has been amazing - as I wrote earlier, I hit my target of reaching a size 10 on the bottom (previously a size 12-14) and a size 14/16 on top (previously size 18-20) and have gone a bit further, in a bit of a bad way i.e. I can't be arsed to eat :S not so good,but I'm not doing it on purpose! When Charlie found me spralled on the staff room floor following a stint of not eating for about 3 days my mother hit the roof. My meals are now monitored. FFS. I also had to be driven home by my darling ex boyfriend that night, an occassion that really hurt my throat (and not in a 'corrr, that took ages that time!' way, I mean in a 'shouty bitch' kind of a way)

But life is amazing - I've finished my first year of uni, which was a blast I have to say. It's a shame I got with Adam and was with himfor most of the time during my first year, as it's only in the last few weeks I feel that I have become a proper student i.e. LOTSSSSSSSSSSSS of alcohol and sex. As everyone at work says, that is me to a T.

Yes, maybe that is me. Boozy and sexy ;) but I'm a student, I'm 19 and I've now got 4 months to do it all at home. Bring it on - I'm smaller, sexier and more confident. Corrrrr, this is going to be an EPIC summer!!! XD