Not Suitable For Adults

I wandered in to work the other morning, humming a merry tune and trying to make my trousers not look as though they'd had an argument with my ankles, when I literally bumped in to my boss, who greeted me with, I kid you not, "EH OH!!" and offered me some "tubby toast" in the form of a slice of cheese. Yup, that's my big boss man! Conversation that morning was about The Telletubbies. Thankfully, we didn't change the topic to sex until quite some time afterwards. Talking about a child's TV show and sex in the same context just reeks of 'Paedophile'.

The Tubbies of course, consist of Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala and Po, 4, er, children-esque creatures of unknown species with TV screens on their stomachs, funny shaped ariels on their head and each with their own special item. The main message that this show seems to give across to children? 'TV GOOOOOOOOOOD!!! IMAGINATION BAD!!' Which contradicts what most parents should be telling their children, which is a fantastic start.

Next, the names of the damn things - Tinky Winky? The male tubbie who is quite clearly a raving poofter as his special item is a friggin' handbag! Judging by his name, he has a tiny penis too. Dipsy? With a straight ariel, which is quite obviously a symbol for him being a total knobhead. Lala? A ditzy blonde who is always in 'Lalaland' and finally Po. All the tubbies were blatantly named by children, Po was probably originally christened 'Poo' and censored. 'nuff said.

Tinky Winky has a handbag, a clear expression of his sexuality, and Dipsy has a hat. With a hole in it, rendering it useless anyway. The male tubbies have fashion statements, and the female ones have toys. Again, the males are clearly massive homosexuals - not that it's a bad thing, I just think it'll make children confused about how they should act when they get older. No wonder there are so many 11 year olds claiming that they're gay or bi. Lala has a massive bollock, sorry, BALL, clearly demonstrating her slaggish tendancies and she obviously is a fan of balls. Po is clearly on something - there's no normal way for her to be able to move so fast on that scooter.

The sun with the baby face is just terrifying, all the characters have OCD or ADHD or are on the autistic spectrum, or all 3 (Christ, my spelling's taken a tumble, hasn't it?) and there is a scene that has scarred me for life - a puppet running around a house and turning lights on and off. That's the sort of thing I have nightmares about.

But yes, I spent the rest of the day singing "Hat, hat haaa-aaaaat, hat!" with Sarah. We are adults. It was a lovely last day, seeing as I return to Derby on Saturday! Yeeeee!!! Oh, wait, did I say saturday? I meant to say "I was meant to enroll today, despite having already done so online!!!" So, it was up at 6 to get to Derby for 10 in order to just sit at a desk with some random woman, say "100147846", look at a picture of myself, and say "Yes, that's me." I spent 5 hours using almost a full tank of petrol covering almost 200 miles in order to say a mere 2 sentences.

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I'M A HAPPY CAMPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and I'm back on Plentyoffish.com. Again. Fishing is fun, and some conversations with a certain Mr provide a wonderful pick me up ^^ (No, of course I'm not writing this because I know he'll read it... :P)

My mum just came and presented me with a new sticker for my car. It says 'POTATO!'. My mum is awesome.

Child Abuse

So, the Beckhams FINALLY have that daughter they've been dreaming of for 11years or there abouts. What have they named their already much-loved bundle of joy from God?*Vomits* *Ahem*

Harper Seven.

Harper Seven Beckham.

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They've had 11 years to think of what they want to name their darling child and they come up with THAT?! Um, WTF? Is it even a name? I thought it was a race car name or a special term for something exceedingly fast (You know, Mac One, Harper Seven... It fits!)

What is it with celebrities naming their children total bollocks? Apple Martin and Coco Arquette would have been my previous headliners for this statement, but those girlies have positively NORMAL names compared to poor Harper Seven. Imagine the abuse she's gonna get at school for her bizzare name! Poor kid...

Even Harper, although the 887th most popular female name in America last year, is odd. Seven as a middle name? Just no.

Although, congrats to them and each to their own and all that jazz...





........... Seven........

Attack On My Childhood

And doubtless many more childhoods. Remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? (Called Ninja for all of about 2 episodes until the name was changed to 'Hero' turtles as it was thought that ninja gave off too much of an agressive image.) I used to love them. I was a very boyish little girlie. Not much has changed - apart from the little girlie thing. Big girlie is more appropriate. Aaaaaaaaaaanyways my point is, as cool a show as it was, it did have its flaws. I know it is a cartoon and is therefore not real. In fact, I fear that society would break down if there were 6ft tall 'turtles' running around doing ninja things having been taught by a man turned in to a sewer rat. This is not my dig. My dig is the title, and the animals that they are claimed to be.

Turtles. This is incorrect. They are land-dwelling, so they are all tortoise. A turtle inhabits water, that is it only goes on land to breed. Hence they have flippers. The ninja 'turtles' do not. However, I will forgive this as it is clear that they are only turtles so they could fit the word in to the super cool theme song.

I spent the night getting attacked (verbally) by my boss, so why shouldn't I get to take my anger out on someone lower than me? That's what he did. Silly dick. Speaking of dicks, I completely forgot that my mum's leaving pressie for me was a hot water bottle, so I have been freezing my ass off for no reason. Fail. And Jade and I decided that I should have the job of walking behind fat people with a tuba. I'm good at it. I also managed to get a pikachu for my phone FINALLY! Video was ruined by hideous set of teeth wolf whistling at us and me yelling at them. Ughhhh, what it is to be female...

On an uber high, I FINALLY found a pair of those gorgey grey skinny jeans in my size! Soooo my extended overdraft, that I extended today in order to be able to afford Christmas, went towards it. No wonder I don't have any bloody money ¬¬

I Hate Fucking Kids

See? I'm no paedo! Although I genuinely couldn't see when I woke up this morning, ahem, afternoon. First thought? "I'M BLIND I'M BLIND! It's finally happened!!" (My vision has been a little bad these past few days) But no, my mascara had literally sealed my eyes shut. I ripped abou half of my eyelashes off trying to prize the fuckers open again. 'Met' Lissi for some lunch. Supernoodles that I didn't eat (WHAT THE HELL?!?!) then, still as the uber sexy Bedhead edition of Leah, I popped in to Lissi's Zimmer (You know, her rooooom!) to watch hilarious videos. One of which featured what appeared to be a dwarf of undetermined sex miming a song, which both terrified and amused me hugely. Even better was Me plying the Scary Maze game and Lissi filming my reaction. I died (on the maze, obviously) and did a big jump purely cause the screen changed slightly and I was expecting something to pop out at me. It did, whe I eventually got to the final level. ¬¬

Took some picatoorrrrs of my room to demonstrate just how cool it looks and also to distract from the fact that my laptop will not play my Hercules DVD bcause it is a copy. Anyone who wishes to buy the proper DVD for me (it isn't that expensive, but I can't afford it - Hugs and good will for Christmas, remember?) will get my undying love and probably sexual favours, knowing me. I actually cried, as the sheer urge I had to watch it was all-consuming :( :( I bought it on ebay about 6 years ago and wasn't told it would be a copy. Fuckers. It was the same as when I BEGGED my mum to get me Last Order on DVD for christmas one year. She did, but it was also a copy that I could only get to work after 2 HOURS solid of taking it out and wiping it over and over again and for it to work.... Only for there to be a power cut 10 minutes in. I remember that night well. I snapped my beloved DVD (It's a Final Fantasy anime... And I snapped it clean in half!) ¬¬

Ahhhhh... work. After what happened on the way home Wednesday night I wasn't feeling too up for this, to be quite honest and had to leave home early anyway to pick up my implant. The box is MASSIVE! I am scared now... I began to run late as got stuck behind stupid old couple who had to stop every time the wind blew, thanks to the old bat not being able to handle the 'extra pressure'. It was rather windy. FUCK FUCKING OFF!! I have the issue of there never being any veggie pasties left in Greggs when I go in, but tonight my luck changed! As I was queuing some people came in behind me and I heard them say "Oooh! Only one veggie pasty left! Yess!" So how smug was I when I said "I'll have a cream eclair please! Oh, and a VEGGIE PASTY!! Please XD"? Ever so smug. Hahaha up yours other person! Myyy Veggie pasty. I got some evils as I sat on a bench enjoying said pasty, so I played the part a little. "Mmmmm, what a lovely VEGGIE PASTY FROM GREGGS!" Bitchy? Maybe. But it was a bloody good pasty.

Work was it's usual, although got a massive tip from a lovely little (seriously. She was about 1ft tall) old woman. Had to serve a table of 24. O________O My head fell off and my back snapped. And apparantly I'm already on hugging terms with my boss. Noooo, not the touching thing! Stop whispering in my ear and tickling me!!! And the chefs have already started with their sexual comments. Excellent. 3 shifts in. Bugger. Skipped drinking with them tonight, despite my supevisor with a smexy irish accent (yesssss) practically begging me to go.

Minced home v quickly to avoid fainting again as well as to avoid the group of rowdy men following me and yelling stuff. Thank FUCK two cops crossed my path and saw the panic in the speed I was moving and created a barrier between me and them so I could high-tail it out of there. Silly spanish bitches came up behind me as I was opening the door to the block, so I was nice enough to hold the door open for them. I got no thanks, just a snide comment and them high-fiving each other. In return, I walked up the stairs at minus 49879 mph, putting both my feet on each step and walking with my arms out so they couldn't get past. Yeah, I can be rude too, skanks! As I felt them peel off towards their flat I turned and yelled "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

Stormed in to the flat complaing about fucking foreigners, only for our own lovely spanish lot to confirm my complaints. I ran in to the hall, the only thing stopping me from entering the flat being the Spanish door (Yes, the door is also Spanish) that I slammed in to at high speed and thrust my 'Shut the FUCK UP!' note under. Calmed self down by enjoying videos sent to me by Lissi (She could actually hear me laughing from her room) and watching Of Mice and Men. Don't judge me - I love that film! I can still quote my fave line in the book - "He reached in to his pocket and pulled out a small leather thong." ^_____^ Typical me. Speaking of typical me, at the end of Sam's lecture yesterday Lucie and Lisa both cried "It must be LEAH'S!" What was mine? A condom had fallen out of my bag. ¬¬

I am glad to be sitting down, as tomorrow I am doing skating things and will most likely spend most of my time on the floor. I can skate, but it's been a while. I gotta do my sitting for the next few days in advance as I will not be able to do it. After the bruising I got after ice skating for Moosey's buffdee I am not getting my hopes up about a clear leg. It went purple. It looked like it had been hit b a car, which is more than appeared when I actually WAS hit by a car. ¬¬