Here She Is, Doggy Style Anytime!

That is of course a song taken from the first Scary Movie film. A song I unfortunately cannot stop singing for some reason. I think I may be back again as far as the blog writing thing is concerned. I have been ever so busy, and of course I have many tales of my prattish behaviour to tell you.

Sooooo last wednesday I finally got to go and see Black Swan, a film I have wanted to see since it came out (take a wild guess who I went with) and I was disgustingly disappointed by it.Are you meant to laugh the entire way through it? I thought not. My day was made though by Sammy, whom I used to work at the Hallmark with (She asked me why I left. I've left?!?) but she gave me the BEST news EVER! My 'boss', used in the loosest way possible, got the sack. Which is hilarious but also a shame, as I was gonna go and yell at him. Nevermind.

We watched the remake of I Spit On Your Grave. It was FANTASTIC! The original film was banned in several countries, but that one just made me laugh hysterically. Come Thursday Jade and I stocked up on booze for our night in drinking session and I headed of to uni wearing my smartest trousers. I had a job induction at 6, leaving me an hour after uni to walk about 3 1/2 miles. I did it. During the induction we were all chatting and I mentioned that when the induction ended I had about 20 minutes to get back to the bus station, which was about 2 miles away. "Shame, I'm going in the opposite direction, I'd have taken you with me" It was lovely, therefore, watching her driving past me as I stampeded down the road. Bitch. A bus (which I was told was not running) also drove past me. I swear the fucking thing was waving at me. T_T

Do you know what I did? I ran 2 miles in 15 minutes. I think I need a bloody medal, seeing as I was previously a lazy git. Ugh. Following a HILARIOUS night of drinking and playing boardgames (Balderdash. OMFG so funny. And I'm amazing at it) I loitred around until night, after being fed mashed potatoes and cabbage, making me basically orgasm and my Aunt dropped me back home. I headed to Abi's on the idea of just having a few drinks. I got absolutely slaughtered and ended up heading to Blue Note with them. I was so hammered I don't really remember what happened that night, but all I know is that I was sick as soon as we got to the nightclub (I made myself sick in the loo in order to not do it on people's shoes once we got inside) and walked home ALONE at 2 in the morning in the pouring rain. One failed mugging and heartfelt chat with Lissi later and I crashed out.

I was woken by Timmy, my brother, at half 11 and my head exploded. He was in town so I met him for lunch and a mooooovie - Paul, which was funny as fuck but because I hate Seth Rogan I didn't actually like Paul himself. I also bought myself The Life Of Birds on DVD as I have now lost over 1stone wooo! Timmy came back and we prepared for the flat party Lissi and I had arranged the night before. Nice. While most people went out towards the end, I had a small gathering in my room and we watched my favourite youtube videos. I Sit On You and Queen of Vagina are now circulating through my course set. Lol.

uni was its usual stuffs, lolling at everything tbh. Come Wednesday I went to see West is West, which is a fantastic sequal to East is East. I'd highly recommend watching both of them. I will of course be doing movie reviews of all the new films I've seen recently. Which is alot, as we watched Piranhas 3D when we got in - I haven't laughed that hard at a 'horror' film since Jaws 3D. Just hysterical. One delish chinese later and I felt like a fat fuck again ahaha.

But yes - I'm back and I will be writing more often again. Also check out popcorn and pisstakes for my take on the newest cinema hits :)

The Hills Are Alive, With The Sounds Of 'AAAAAAAAARGHHHHHH!!!!!!'

Well, here he is in all his glory! My 3rd tattoo! I love this one the most. And so - I had to trekk PAST Salamander in order to get some cash, battling Big Issue bokes left right and centre. Jade rang arranging to meet in a different place, but unfotunately that call wasn't long enough to take me past him. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Scrooge. I usually buy the Big Issue, but on this particular day I would rather spend all the money that I haven't got on having an owl forever drawn on my skin than help a homeless man buy food. Hush. Its quite unnerving when you arrive for your tattoo appointment and have to loitre out in the rain for 10 minutes because your tattooist is having a good ol' chin wag with the old Bill O_O.

I want my naffing tattoo! But as you can see, it is there and the line work is perfect ^_^ He'd been going for half an hour (corrrr!) and I was sat there thinking, and wincing of course, 'Oooh, he must be almost done by now XD' ...."Right, I'll start on the actual owl now!" What the hell?!? And Jesus, did his head hurt (bahahaha! I'm full of it today. Ooops, there's another one and no- *SMACK*) the closer he got to my neck, the more I wanted to scream. The owl is ever so sexy though. Pottered around town at high speed after getting chips at Wetherspoons to get our strength up (Jade had a cheeky one done too) to get crisps, cock porn and sweeties and a cheap horror film for a girly night in. This is the title.

We LOVE the remake of The Hills Have Eyes. I bought the original, which is possibly one of the funniest horror movies ever made - at one point, one of the blokes that we were meant to like (you know, one of the family the weirdos were trying to eat) was running dramatically over rocks and desert. This was made in to a hysterical image when I listened closely to the music. It was basically the theme to Captain Planet. RETROOOOOOOOOOOOO :)

Mega enjoyed uni - youth crime appears to be my fortay, so I don't know if I should be worried about that or not. Wandered in to town at about 9 to hand in CVs to clubs. Yay at possible night shifts ¬¬. I got in only to instantly receive a text from my Daddy, who was stood outside my door ^^ I love my Daddy. He lives in Scottland now, having officially sold his Derbyshire home (bastard :P) but popped down to go to the dentist (poor bloke) and stopped by. Spent most of the time discussing Christian, my youngest brother and who is the only one of the 3 of us who is not on the straight and narrow. I managed to tell him many things that had been bothering me. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I've found Kevin, but yet again, I couldn't do it. Adam will be pissed off with me ahaha. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough.

God, that bit was depressing. Now, to end on a high... Hmmm... While handing in a CV at th cinema, I turned, gave my thanks, and promptly tripped over my boots and fell on my arse. Yes, I am hirable. PLEASE!

Here Comes Ali Babarrr and his FUCKING CAMEL!

I am now 19. Isn't that awesome? I now feel I can enjoy being legally allowed to buy alcohol and the like without thinking myself to be 'new meat' or have only just got my foot in the door. Nope, now I have shut the door behind me. I know that one day the day will come when I will be so far away from the door, I won't have left the house for weeks (probably due to the horror-filled thoughts associated with people seeing my withered old face.) I digress. I originally wrote 'digest'. Why have I been eating LOADS lately? No, I am not pregnant. Even if the implant somehow cocked itself up and left me unprotected, my panic attack when the never-ending period actually stopped that caused me to leave the house immediately and purchase 3 different pregnancy tests has proved beyond a doubt that I am not with child. I'm bloody broody though, for fucks sake. I keep dreaming about having this beautiful little girl, called Evie. Oh she is lovely. But no, Leah! 19! University student! No babies for you yet! And I usually fucking hate kids (notice the careful choice of word order there :P)

Turning 19 wasn't fun until I had completed my chuffing exam on the 10th, the day before. This mleft me having to drive all the way back to Derby sunday night. Brilliant. After work. Even better. My complaints were immediately halted when I ended my shift and Adam eventually finished his - he'd swapped his shift on monday so he could come with me! ^^ Thank fuck he did, as a diversion caused me to get hopelessly lost and travelling away from Derby. Bollocks. Had he not been there, I had visions of myself on monday morning, out of petrol by the side of some never-ending road, ringing uni to tell them to shove there test where the sun doesn't shine. It took us 4 FUCKING HOURS to do a hour and a half trip. I still can't bend my right leg properly yet.

The exam itself went as well as it could have done for someone who did jack shit in terms of frevision. Everyone's cries of "Leah! You look really different!" startled me a bit - I haven't worn makeup in weeks due to ongoing eye issues due to Adam's sodding cats and my huge allergies to them. That is why I looked different. T_T But yeah, after bothering Jade and Gracey for a bit (And entering the Ducking Hardcore Mix. I also brought the man around, as promised lmao) we set off home. In Newark my "Jesus, I'll have to pull over soon, I can feel my eyelids going" was totally justified when I smashed in to the curb. ¬_¬

I like lillies. Adam got me a bunch of them for me buffdee. And a massive owl cuddley toy, whom I have named Derek, as well as several of the CUTEST little 'Blue Nose' animals. We went to the seaside for the day. It was completely empty, as everyone else was sensible and didn't go to the seaside in the middle of Januray. When it's raining. Prat-head that I am "Ooooft! I wanna go SEASIDEEEE!!!!" for god's sake - took shelter in the arcades and won a loads of stuffs on the 2p machines. Put £3 in, won £9 back. I'm good ^_^

Buffet and indoor fireworks back homeeeee - video footage to follow. Naturally I have a glass of wine in my hand in every shot. Mini sparklers caused us all to panic and for me to drop it on my foot O_O and G actually burned a hole in his top with the big finale firework. LMAO!

You hear horror stories of parents entering the room during sex don't you? I have no chances of that happening, which is brill. However, the sound of G letting the dogs out will make me laugh no end, and it gets even better when your Grandmother rings during. My attempt to make her stop talking about her bowels failed - "I have to go, my boyfriend is over and I er-" "OH DEAR! OHHHHHHHHHH DEARRRRRRRRRRR I am SORREHHHH *talks about bowels some more*" Shut it bitch.

Adam talks in his sleep. Without fail, every night. My favourite conversation is as follows:

Adam: Leah?
Leah: Yes, sweets?
Adam: I don't like that man.
Leah: What man?
Adam: The man on tv!
Leah: ... We're not watching tv
Adam: Oh, go FUCK yourself then!

Later that night he randomly screamed at the top of his lungs, shoved me to one side, laughed, then muttered something about a dog. I... er....

I dunno. I'm all over the shop. It's late, I'm tired, but I daren't go through the living room again. Meep!

Lots Of Nice Thi- Er, Beer!

My mother is amazing. End of. Although the video of this has now been lost (much to my absolute horror and disgust. This is why G should not be allowed to use a phone sometimes - instead of accidentally deleting the hideous video of me 'dancing' in the middle of a shop, he deletes my mother's hilarious requests for christmas gifts in a comedy beer hat ¬¬). Having spent the evening watching the Apprentice and wrapping what seemed to be 49875398475983749879 different christmas gifts I am chillaxing watching the Father Ted Christmas special. My chest hurts having spent the previous 10 minutes laughing - during the Apprentice mum paused the tv for 2 minutes (this is something I have still to get used to. The thought of pausing live tv is still somethinng of a great intrigue to me.) afterwards, G expressed a wish to watch the weather report. For all of 2 seconds mum flipped the channel, then instantly switched back - in those 2 seconds the lag created by the pause had caught up and the weather had literally just finished being reported. I have not seen him as amusingly annoyed before. Also hearing her pottering out of the room calling out about beer repeatedly was just as amusing.

Sooo I spent the night at my Mr's last night, afer spending a loverly (I know that is not how you spell it, that is how it needs to be said) day in Lynn. Following a wonderful Grand Theft Auto-esque move in to a parking space - after driving repeatdly up and down the car park, I spun my car around and instantly found myself perfectly parked in a space. Had I attempted this, I would have failed in a spectacular fashion - as I did earlier today when reversing on to Mazi's drive and ended up on her grass about 27 times. ¬¬ Speaking of Mazi, while nomming a Nandos (following a horrendous bumping in to my mother and G on the way there, which wasn't altogether that bad) Mazi came running in XD God I've missed her! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER so much!

Watched Megamind too, which was a rather good film but was full of hideous screaming kids of course, and I ended up sat directly behind the only person in the audience above 3ft tall so I had to contend with his massive skull, as well as the 3 kids sat on the same row who obviously had bladders the size of a nucleus and who got up about 75 times each through the entire duration of the film. We could have just spent the whole film with Adam stood up and me with my legs annoyingly twisted away to save time ¬¬. Popped to the Globe afterwards to do some more Mazi bothering ^_^

The night was gooood until the morning, when I was alerted to an immense pain in my right boob (don't read too much in to it, sick sick people! This is my pierced boobeh!) and a horrendous wet feeling. Looking down I saw blood all over my shirt and all over the sheets, my boob still pumping out blood with gusto. Oh shitting hell FIRE! And holy hell, did it hurt! I must have caught it at some point (on my shirt!?!?) It makes me shiver at the thought even now. It wasn't fun. Also began turning in to my hideous allergy induced monster - I am rather allergic to cats, and EVERY place I stay at often (or will begin to :P) has cats living in it. Mazi has 2. My aunt has 3. Adam has too many to count ¬¬

Skating out of his road in the morning was awful, but not as awful as the woman on 10 Years Younger with no teeth. Yummeh mummeh! Running to meet Mazi I literally ran in to Liam, which was lovely. And after literally grabbing a subway we headed back to hers in order for me to fail at parking, laugh hysterically with her dad and drive Millie to MaccyDs in order to fail at parking some more. It's the simpler things in life that I love the most - although I really don't like the simple throbbing pain I am constantly feeling and the fact that I have to, yet again grabble with Chelsea for who has the most bed space and/or covers. Ugh. I cannot wait for tomorrow though - I has a meal with my nearest and dearest before heading back to work at Tuesday. Never thought I'd say this, but I really really miss KFC!!

Jesus, Leah steady on! First love, then love for your job what's next? NOT leaving your assignments until the last minute before even contemplating looking at them? PAHAHAHA! Good one!

The Rocky Road To Dublin

Now, am I feeling particularly clever tonight? Is this what can be used to described the so-called 'relationship' I have with my real father? Or is it simply a song I cannot stop singing. People who know me well enough will know that the second option is a more realistic choice. This would also be the correct choice. Oh Leah, have you really been that stuck for ideas for blog titles? Think yourself lucky - it could have been the other song I can't stop singing.... *clears throat* I aaaaam Gaaa-aaato! I ha-ave metal joints if! You can beat me up, you'll earn 15 silver points!
The odd punctuation is so I am able to remember the tune in months to come. Well, not the tune, the timing then...

For some reason, instead of doing my assignments, yet again, I find myself watching someone play Resident Evil 2. Goddamn, I want it to be Friday NOW so I can go home and play it myself! Lest you forget, I should have been born male. This is also judging by my lazy, slobbish behaviour over the weekend - I skipped and went to stay with my cousins again ^_^ I always have a WHALE of a time when I go round, and this visit wazs no different.

I also got a lot of Xmas shopping done, and felt a little sad as this is the first year in ages that I have not done my shopping with Mazi in Ptown :( I have now done a bit more online - bye bye £150 ¬¬ I have no where near finished either, and this saddens me. You know what saddens me even more? My body officially hates me and has begun another rampage to make me go to the doctors. I don't understand why I seem to get so many ailments. For one, I could be a hypocondriach (or however the fuck it's spelled) or there could be a serious underlying issue. This new addition scares me, it really does, as I can't think of anything that it could be.

All that aside, tomorrow is secret santa, Dave has cancelled his lecture so I have time to go to town to get a fuck off sized suitcase and hand in some CVs (don't get me started. Overall it's just easier to say that my mother told me to. This is true.) and I go home on Friday. This makes me happy and excited - don't get me wrong, I love it here, but I neeeeeeeeed a break for a bit!

I might do some assignment now - only 1 1/2 to go! But knowing me,I won't. Ugh.

I Hate You, Kenny. .V.

That I do. I start with a word of advice - if you are walking down a road, no hang on, ICE RINK, and you slip on your arse, look at your audience before you scream every swear word under the sun. "You C**ting fucking ICE!" Will not go down well with the mother and the horde of small children she is herding on the opposite side of the road. You will be able to hear her gasps of horror over the sound of your headphones sreaming out moooosic. ¬¬

I have had to make a hellish time table to be able to get all this sodding work done this week. A timetable I am currently not following. Oh naffing HELL Leah! Get your arse in gear! I have literally only allocated time for work and going to Uni. Nothing else is allowed. No blog writing. Woops. This is all writing effort that could be put towards an essay. Get off of this, Leah. Silly bitch. Speaking of which, I spoke to Fagface today and was quite pleasant and she back. I thought I would be all zen and try and get on with everyone. This is not true of course, it is simply because there is a trip in January and we get put in to groups. For 2 days. I know for a fact I will be put with her. Soooo might start making it less hideous right now...

Skyping my mum and G whilst they were in bed was.... interesting. Thank god they didnt answer with video! This is the last time I start talking first! Emergency 'meeting' about car taxation (Verdict: shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit I forgot about that, sorry Leah! O________O) implant scare (Verdict: G said this would happen! But it's fine, Mum! WHY PRACTICE A SPEECH THEN!!!!!?!?!?! Oh, ok then) and The Big Head (Verdict: Bitch. I knew about the condition of Iris, my mum's aunt, a week before she did.) I also decided to pay G back for fixing my car through use of sexual favours. The 'cap' of £300 got thrown out of the water. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKML.

Soooo I have no money, and no motivation. On the plus, I have The South Park Movie soundtrack! Oh wait, it DOESN'T FUCKING WORK! Ughhhhhh And I have work tomorrow morning. Fuck off please, JLB Credit style...

Attack On My Childhood

And doubtless many more childhoods. Remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? (Called Ninja for all of about 2 episodes until the name was changed to 'Hero' turtles as it was thought that ninja gave off too much of an agressive image.) I used to love them. I was a very boyish little girlie. Not much has changed - apart from the little girlie thing. Big girlie is more appropriate. Aaaaaaaaaaanyways my point is, as cool a show as it was, it did have its flaws. I know it is a cartoon and is therefore not real. In fact, I fear that society would break down if there were 6ft tall 'turtles' running around doing ninja things having been taught by a man turned in to a sewer rat. This is not my dig. My dig is the title, and the animals that they are claimed to be.

Turtles. This is incorrect. They are land-dwelling, so they are all tortoise. A turtle inhabits water, that is it only goes on land to breed. Hence they have flippers. The ninja 'turtles' do not. However, I will forgive this as it is clear that they are only turtles so they could fit the word in to the super cool theme song.

I spent the night getting attacked (verbally) by my boss, so why shouldn't I get to take my anger out on someone lower than me? That's what he did. Silly dick. Speaking of dicks, I completely forgot that my mum's leaving pressie for me was a hot water bottle, so I have been freezing my ass off for no reason. Fail. And Jade and I decided that I should have the job of walking behind fat people with a tuba. I'm good at it. I also managed to get a pikachu for my phone FINALLY! Video was ruined by hideous set of teeth wolf whistling at us and me yelling at them. Ughhhh, what it is to be female...

On an uber high, I FINALLY found a pair of those gorgey grey skinny jeans in my size! Soooo my extended overdraft, that I extended today in order to be able to afford Christmas, went towards it. No wonder I don't have any bloody money ¬¬

Christmas Time

Mistletoe and wine.... Cue creepy choir boy being held in the corner by a gun held to his head, come on, why else do you think his voice is so high? Aaaaand with Cliff Richard cheesing his way around in the fore ground, we have a fantastic Christmas hit. Erm, no. It is a bad song - The Poques win hands down every time, purely due to the fact that the only reference to Christmas in the song is use of the words "Christmas Eve" and "Christmas Day".

You may have noticed that I have not blogged in a while. It may be more realistic to assume that this will continue to be the case, that is, I will not blog daily, due to time constraints and the like. But I promise to make them as amusing as I possibly can. So to start the ball rolling, I got snowed in and stuck at my aunt's house from Wdnesday til Friday. This is not a complaint - I had an EPIC time! The addition of the shitloads of snow only added to the number oppotunities presented in order to be hilarious. Here is an example:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnEC1Oyvyq8

Gracie Pop's newest video - and I am in it! Check it outttttt (You have to watch until the bitter end, purely to see me starring in the best ending to a video ever. Seriously. I do sexy dancing.) All I can say is that her webcam makes me look STUNNING right at the end. I wish people had 'web cam vision' when they looked at me - like putting on your beer goggles. Web cam goggles if you'd like, though I can't see that being as catchy. Also bonded with Jadey some more on the Dancing Stage games - I have got goooooood. We were on them basically all hours of the day, so uch so that now that I've gone, Jade no longer enjoys playing it on her own.

They are more like my sisters, they really are. It is even facebook official. South Park was our main quote source over the weekend (I say weekend, only bcause it felt ike it. I couldn't get to uni or work :/) Dad picked me up come Friday (teehee come)which meant I could go back to work Saturday morning. Oh glee - brekkie. Though I had Maria, Tanya and Lee to keep me amused. Lee certainly delivered on that front - us girlies were discussing how weird it was that all 3 of us were dating men called Adam who worked with food, when Lee informed us that one of the other girls was dating an Adam too. Who worked at the hotel. That's right - Creepy Adam! My "Oh, really?" Was extremely high-pitched due to attempting to keep my laughter/vomit contained. I nearly ripped my tongue bar out through all the effort.

Because I'm such a nice sister, I took Timmy to see Due Date. It was such a shite film that I left half way through to go and hide in the loos. I have NEVER walked out of the cinema before. I was in such a rush when we eventually got to leave, that I was in a mega bad mood. Timmy mentioned that he wanted to go see Tron (possibly the only disney film, aside from Fantasia, that warrants being remade. Orrrrrrrrrrr DON'T BOTHER! The first attempt was shit enough!) soooo mid rant and with arms flailing, I didn't see Dale until it was literally too late and I knocked him flying. Excellent. The head on collision winded us both slightly, and I all but died of embarassment. I'm such a wonderful person to take out in public. May I have my medication now, please?

I now have 3 advent calenders as my mummy sent me one (her note said "I can't forget my little girlie :)" and the envelope smelt of her, meaning I can't bring myself to throw it away.) Ah. Writing about the envelope, I have just smelt it and now 2 days later I can no longer smell her. Soooo in the bin it goes! I stayed at Dad's on Saturday, purely to get a decent night's sleep away from Amani and her relentless onslaught of noise determined to keep me awake. Fuck off, silly bitch. No one likes you. Even Adam, who spent a mere 2 days, can't stand her.

Ahhhhh just 2 weeks before I head on home. I need a break. I need to see everyone. I need to see Adam. I really miss him. It's strange - normally I am seemingly indifferent to men while I am with them, but this is a completely different story. I can't stop thinking about him. I just want to be with him, as often as I possibly can. I don't know what has happened to me - this really is out of character for me. I even started humming Canon in D Major the other day and imagined myself walking down the aisle to it! Steady on there, sailor! I have never even thought of marriage before (it made me shiver in horror) so there is seriously something going on here. I will keep you posted, although not as often as usual, obviously, I have far too much to do.

Without my Adam, I've had to make do with wearing about 85734987693 layers of clothing and snuggled up with the Tudors. My soft porn, as Lissi calls it. It is incredibly sexy, if not completely historically correct. Henry is EVER SO SMEXY! Get naked some more! P.S. whoever can tell me what I'll have seen Sam Neil in before will get a gold star. Lucky youuuu! Counting down the days til I go home and ultimately until Christmas. Squeeee! XD XD

Paedophiles Say Yes To Small Women

As The music from Gex 3 blares from my laptop, I am still intoxicated. And so tomorrow this blog post will be edited. If my head will allow it. Owwwwwwww!!!

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Ok, my head does allow it, it is fine. I fail tbh - my George Forman-esque "I'm so proud of it, I write it everyday!" (just imagine the voice) would have been abandoned until the start of December, which would have sucked and David would have had a bit of a fit I think :P So Amy is round while we write our essays. Our essays that @I have abandoned in order to write this. Woops,goodbye degree it was nice knowing you (even though I didn't)

Tuesday was a usual day at uni, Lisa was back so we were back to being the loud lot at the back during lectures, and Sam and Dave's lectures swapped places, which confused the hell out of absolutely everyone until the break in the evening lecture, during which the fire alarm went off. Ahhhh fuck it, it was freezing! Most people buggered off just as they began to let us in again. Never mind.

Watched Princess Diaries 2 with Hayley and Laura while Lissi spent some time with her family. I then got in to one of the foulest moods I've been in for a while (I need to point out that this was nothing to do with Hayley or Laura,of course.) but DAVID TO THE RESCUE! I can't believe I've never skyped him before! But it was mega to say the least, and I got to 'meet' his flatmates who are also the awesomes, so come April we are gonna have so much fun ripping David to shreds :P (David's Christmas pressie to me are Avenue Q tickets!!!! XD I get to go visit!) The best part of the conversation was when David dropped his laptop and disappeared. I had died when he eventually popped up again. He badgered me all night to do some blogging, which I didn't do because I was watching Dumbo and reading info about Disney films. Stay with me, this is seriously how cool I am. This I did until 4 in the morning. Woops.

Wednesday was my arranged bumming with Jadey of course. Yet again I had to do her a favour (I'm nice like that you know) and go and get her cds from Inka, which she has left the employment of but just hasn't bothered to tell them. When asked how she is I said she'd been in a car accident. Oh for fuck's sake Leah! Every time I need n excuse, a car accident is the key, obviously. Jade's now been in one (she went 'a bit funny' but is fine) to excuse her from an old job, Adam has been in one to excuse my shitty mood at work and avoid constant come hither eyes and I myself have been in one back home to explain to an ex why I stopped calling him (Intensive care for ages, massive head injuries and chronic limp. Actual answer - he was fuck ugly and odd, and I couldn't be arsed to.) I really hope karma isn't a bitch about all this O_O

Harry Potter was AMAZING!!! Although I can never show myself in there again. We went early to secure tickets and as we were leaving Jade went "Ooh, there's Dale." I had an outburst of tourettes and SCREAMED "WHERE?!?!?!?" and instantly slammed to the floor laughing. No Leah, no. Mexican fooooood which was ORGASMIC to say the least but I choked on my sombereo. Don't ask. This left us half an hour before the film to do all the tasks as the film will probably be about 485948759 years long. Stampeded to Salamander to get our piercings changed (we failed at this the last time we were in town as the shop shut like a minute before we got there) I now have rings in my tragus XD But yes, the film was good. When they moved Harry in to hiding they burst through some clouds to be presented with roughly 47583476583746 Death Eaters. My cry of "Oooh, that's intense!" was heard by everyone, so cue some lolling.

Sainsburys can be a highly entertaining place. As well as Boots. Pokemon mobile phone charm machine dispensers are the best - there is now footage of me attempting to get a pikachu one, which is ambandoned at the retrieval of an Eevee. I am cool. So I spent the night at theirs, doing dance mat stuffs and rudetube stuffs, ending with a massive heart to heart session and cackling session talking about cocks and chocolate bars. Yes, in the same way. Am now addicted to South Park again, not all of it, just the World of Warcraft episode with "You can c-c-count on us!" "TIMMY!"

Froze to death on the walk up to uni and got elbowed in to a lift by Fagface. Fuck off. At least I haven't run headlong in to a wall. Ugh. And ~Andy is a dark horse! (And is alsterrifying when crammed in to a small spaces) Turned down not only an invite out for a curry, also for a Wetherspoons meal. This is because A) I have naff all money. B) If I didn't do some work I wouldn't ever do it and would be living here over Christmas trying to get it done. This is despite the deadlines being before Christmas of course, FFS. Has Liss calling me boring all night and trying to get me to go out. Eventually she won and I turned Lady and the Tramp off (Y) and went out for a cheeky drink at Amy's

This turned in to a full blown party, which was rather mega! I almost ripped my head off leaning back on Amy's bed (It did happen, as unusual as it sounds) and we watched Harry Potter. We are so cool! Played fuzzy duck, or is it ducky fuzz? Ah, does he fuck! Our quest to get more booze failed as I had no ID on me and as soon as Liss put one foot out of the door the store 'shut'. Arseholes. Stumbled in at half 2 after a tip top night and have been getting ready for our flat party tonight (This is why I wouldn't have blogged in a while). Right, now we have to do more work - right Amy? Yeahhhhhhhhhh I thought you'd say that ;)

Tears Dry My Lips Out :(

This is going to be a 'boo hoo' blog. Naff off if you don't wanna read it. *empty seats all round* Bugger. Maybe I should stick to trying to be funny? (I originally wrote 'fucking?' Um, ok then... What would I much rather be doing? You know it!) although am I good at that? Being funny I mean, not fucking. Shut up now, Leah, you're beginning to enjoy being in that corner aren't you?

Highlight of my day? I washed some clothes. Um.... yay? Stayed in pjs allllll day, which was niiiiiace. XD Skyped my mother in a frantic attempt to gain more info - I recieved a txt saying 'Awww, your little is not well at all :( :( will skype later with details of bad news' which made me instantly think 'OMG OMG PONYO NO! NOT MY LITTLE DARLING!!' and spent most of the afternoon in tears, even contemplating hopping a train to see her.

Ponyo is my chick. She is a very special chick, well, chicken now. People may think I'm stupid for getting so attatched to her, but I am her mummy after all (There is a blog about this, in July. Read for info. Which one it is, I'm not sure. Find it yourself!) And it's true of any pet - as my mother has said every time my hamster, or guinea pig, or rat died "NO MORE! It upsets you too much when they die!" and then for my next birthday or Christmas I have got a new pet. A rat may be different to a dog (which my mum would, not replace, but get another for company nd because they are family etc. whatever) but they have still been my pets. I had a hamster of my very own when I turned 5 (obviously my mum thought I was very responsible. Oh how I have changed) and it lived for 3 years. They normally last for 2. I am good at pets. ^_^

Turns out it wasn't Ponyo, it was my car! Yay at Ponyo living! OH thank GOD I was so worried! I'm happy now! I th- ah. Buggerations. It failed its MOT in a spectacular fashion. Woops. £300 on repairs. My words to my mum? "I don't care. Pay it. I'll work it off, take it out of my Christmas and Birthday funds. I need my little car!" Yeah it's a heap of shit, but I love it so! (Yeah, that reads well) Made some rice balls, or origiri, which are pictured. I am the awesomes!

Had a massive rant on Skype about my father again - the real one, I mean, not my Dad. Keep up. I don't have a nice word to say about him or so it seems. My mum's pleas of 'give him a chance' were countered with 'Mum, when Grummar buggered off and left you all, how long did it take for you to start talking to her again?' No counter arguement. I won. I don't want to go see him, I don't want him to come here, I don't want anythin to do with him! I don't see why someone who buggered off around Europe for 16 years or so should get any of my attention now. He STILL refuses to tell me that my grandfather is dead. I' 18, not 8!!! In a way I like that he rarely talks to me or whatever - it's made it so I don't have to tell my Dad or G about it, which has always been my biggest worry in the world. It doesn't need to be known as nothing has changed. If I was to start talking to him more now, I'd have to tell them both and the chances that things will change between us are very high. Then, true to his usual form, My 'father' will fuck off again and eveything will be in tatters. ARGH!!!! This wears me out. To be honest, I will eventually talk to him, but I was hoping to wait until after uni when I'm more mature and maybe when he finall sees me as an adult.

Forced to watch Love Actually, due to EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME (or so it seems haha) being shocked at me having never seen it. It was brilliant, to say the least. Then finished watching The Notebook. I sobbed hysterically throughout it, but not for what people usually cry at - you know, the 'awwwww int love sweet?' sort of stuff. It just reminded me of my grandmother again. One day my grandfather will be in the same situation, his heart broken and watching the woman he's always loved slowly die. It also made me realise I need to go and see them again. I have seen them once since moving here. In September. I am a fail of a Grandaughter. Well, not as much as that other one. The one who buggered off at 15 to live a life of unemployment with her fuckwit boyfriend. Naaah, I'm way better than her. I am happy to say that out of the 2 'grandaughters' (oddly, My dad and his older brother have only biologically fathered boys. I am the eldest of the daughters and am better) My dad never stops bragging to Phil about it - I love my Dad ^^ Don't get me wrong and all, Phil is an alright bloke, but like all uncles he can be a complete knob sometimes. Unlike my Uncle Matt of course. ^__________^

Ahhhhh, another angsty blog over and done with. I think you'll agree that these don't happen often (And I also believe you are thinking 'thank FUCK for that') Of course you are XD.

Oddities

Exploring some other blogs just now (instead of hiding in my own little self-obsessed bubble like I usually do) which is a lie - a comment on my blog alerted me to another uber hilarious blog. Which I now follow. I don't follow enough blogs - I might start branching out from just following a few of my friends/family who have blogs.

When I say 'another uber hilarious blog' I mean yes, I do find my own blog, and myself, hilarious. It's a curse really. As is the lack of capability I have for remaining on the point of what I am trying to say. Where was I? Ah yes.

There are lots of religious blogs (each to their own etc etc, I've said this all before I know) out there on ye olde internete (which is soooo old as my language suggests. Also, stop using FUCKING BRACKETS!!) and I came across a 'Scan For Your Soul' or someting similar blog. This in itself didn't make me do a huge roar of laughter. It was the 'My ex girlfriend still blogs from Hell :)'

Ah, it's the simple things in life that are often the best.
And sex.

Reddee For Your Pennniz!

The Queen of Vagina is truly a magnificant song writer. I can't help but sing her song, and have been singing it all night. What are the lyrics? "My Vagina is ready, ready for your penis. Vagina, Vagina, Penis Penis Penis Penis" and occasionally I'll sing "This is what I do, I sit on you. Right on your lap." We shouldn't be allowed to watch rudetube... It creates these hideous situations when we can't stop quoting them. Well, that and Jackass and Peep Show quotes. Family Guy too. And Bo Selecta. Basically anything hilarious we may come across. Like Johnny Cash. Or we'll just occasionally bum each other. This is the kind of family I come from - every 5 seconds we are laughing about something else or creating new things to laugh about later on.

No alarms todayyyyy as I didn't have a job interview or something equally hideous that I always seem to have when I stay at my aunts (Although was asked to work the brekkie shift. Fuck to the massive off, much.) neither had we made any plans for the day, which we normally do unless we've been boozing it up the night before. so it was jimjams and bed heads for the day! Well, for me anyway. I don't see the point in doing something with my hair or face unless I'm going out - there aren't that many hours in the day and the chances of bumping in to someone I feel the need to impress while sitting in my aunt's living room are very small indeed. That would be weird - sat being extremely sexy (of course) and Johnny Knoxville walks in (he is my imaginary hump at the moment, so have been filling head with Jackass shows and focusing mainly on his sexy bod. That, and Pontius dressed as a Dutch woman and Bam falling flat on his arse) I think I want some Jackass boxsets for Crimby.

Today HAD to be the day I finally got past the Marble level on Sonic and also the day I wasn't playing my own copy of the game and therefore didn't have a naffing memory card with me ¬¬ After Jade woke up on the wrong side of the bed and promptly bit Grace's head off, I made her sit and have a lol at Bella in New Moon. I then for some reason began to read the Twilight books. I have yet to do this, and have finally joined the masses. Bella is still a pillock and is even more of a stupid bint in the book, but I find myself compelled to read on. Bollocks. I don't know what's happening to me at the moment!!!! O__________O

X Factor, was of course a shambles and Katie will be going in my Human Centipede along with Cher Lloyd and Kristen Stewart. Bitches. And Take That pissed me off - Robbie has blatantly only rejoined as they are doing so well and his time as a solo artist has passed. So why did he do all the FUCKING SINGING!??! YOU ARE NO LONGER A SOLO ARTIST! The years have not been kind to you, so let Gary do the singing please and stop having stand offs with Mark Owen - you over shadow him and your mic was blatantly at a louder volume than theirs. Go back in to your drug filled pit! (I was hideous enough to actually do an Xfactor status along with most of the facebook community. Ah well... I'm a celeb was rather good though, it's just a shame that it's the first year I'm not watching it with my mum. Spent the evening lolling at old photos and discussing old memories. We had a serious moment for once!! I'm sure that will pass. But yes. Christmas is deffo coming as the coca cola ad confirmed and so I'd better get my ass in gear sorting that good will out, hadn't I?

One Way Ticket To Hell

I love waking up naturally and realising you still have 2 hours left before you need to wake up. And it's even better when you find a text asking if you can meet an hour later. Yippee! And so today, I was looking at spending most of it on my arse.

It all began on my mince in to town - I needed a cash machine. So when I saw a couple say "Ooooh a cash machine!!" and start making their way towards it, I literally ran to get there first. The woman rewarded my efforts by standing basically IN me, so I paid her back by sticking my arse out as far as I could. That's how I roll. And when getting on the bus I sounded like an old woman. "That'l be £1.30 please, love" "Oooh that's nice!" What the fuck? no Leah, what would have been nice was if the driver had said "You are waaaaay too beautiful to be made to pay to travel on my bus! Sit your fine ass down, you don't owe me anything" Though it has to be said that if that had happened I probably would have slapped him or been extremely outraged at least.

Ahhh Rollerworld, that I haven't been to since I was about oooh 6 or so? I remember it was a very embarrassing trip and I didn't go again. This time I was very much expecting for my arse to be meeting with the floor just as many times as it did when I was younger. I was pleasantly surprised! I didn't do any falling, well, by accident. it was only when an entire group of kids fell infront of me and I realised that I wouldn't be able to stop in time or change direction, I just thought "fuck it, I might as well join them" and lifted one of my legs up. Bye went my balance and I went horizontally in to the air before crashing to the floor in a spectacular wah hey! I think hip started bleeding and it is already bruised. I went down sooo hard (oooer missus! :P)

I had to leave the rink at one point due to almost wah heying watching a grown man (Who was mega good at skating and so was majorly embarrassed as could only just scoot around without much purpose) skate very rapidly round with his hands behind his back. I had to leave very quickly. While queuing for food things in the cafe we realised there were no free tables, so I positioned myself near a table full of a family that I knew would be vacating the table shortly. I sat my arse down and a bloke and his kids came and joined me. Um, fuck off? I then saw another empty table, but saw a child making a beeline for it. I started to fall as i reached it, but because I'm so amazing I simply fell in to the seat. Up yours child! There was a party going on while we were there, and I felt so sorry for the little girl who's party was interupted by a massive dykey staff member storming over with a crappy cake with 3 spindley candles stuck in it. Had I been her mother and paid £10 a child for that (seriously!) I think I would have slugged her.

Karma was going to be our bitch as we sat there laughing uproariously at a girl leaning against a wall who then suddenly slammed to the floor. I started crying I was laughing so much. We're gonna make this a regular thing methinks, which will be fab as it really was a rather good workout - i have a rather sore beeehinddd due to muscle tonage and would like to get lovely legs too! We're going to hell also, as upon reaching the bus station we looked and saw the FATTEST FUCK IN THE WORLD sat in the same booth (is that the right word? Booth?) as the one we were heading to.

This made us burst out laughing. Yep. I pointed and laughed at a fat person. This in itself isn't the reason we're going to hell - soon its bus arrived, and it standing up caused us both to burst out laughing. Alot. "Are you laughing for the same reason i am, Leah?" "What, at the fat thing that had to stand up in stages?" Yup - it had to gear itself up (i say it as I have no actual clue what sex it actually was. it was hideous and i didn't quite want to look at it) and sort of jumped up, didn't get fully up and came back down (Causing me to leave my seat as it was like a seesaw and I was unfortunate enough to be sat right next to it) before using the momentum created to finally stand up. ROFL for about 34798 years or so it seemed.

So cue an evening of gaming, Xfactor and generally being arses. I like it here - I spend every spare moment laughing. A lot ^__________^

Living In A Hello Wembly Skit

As hideous as it seems, I can still taste the hideous noodles I attempted to make the other day. Basically, salt water. Ugh ugh ugh... I feel physically sick just thinking about it. But thanks to Liss and her random asda trip I was able to eat brekkie wih Hayley, and by Brekkie I mean a Nom yoghurt. Duh. A certain someone has gone too far - Lissi's section on the white board had 'I have a *crudely drawn cock*' It wasn't me, Hayley or Laura, and it certainly wasn't Lissi. Who does that leave? Oh yeah. Bring it on, bitch!

Jackass 3D with Jadey, but first, a short embarrassing interlude. I had to buy a pregnancy test (not mine. REPEAT: not mine. Remember the whole 'not had sex for months thing? Yeah, it still stands. Fuuuuuuuck. Although obviusly, not me ¬¬ Anyway where was I?) and even though nothing embarrasses me, this did because EVERY SINGLE BUGGER IN THE DAMN STORE heard the sales assistant SCREAM "PREGNANCY TESTS?!?! RIGHT OVER HERE, DARLING!!!!" when I meekly asked her where I could find them. This required the purchase of a decoy. Soooo I was paying, right at the front of a massive queue (obviously. I wouldn't be a the back of the queue or something. Berk.) and they got scanned, and 'PREGNANCY TEST STRIPS' appeared on the till screen in the biggest letters known to humanity. Scan the decoy, SCAN THE DECOY! Would it scan? of course not, and she had to go get someone. All the while with the phrase of death screaming from the till and people looking at me with pity. Fuck you!

Scared Jade and my aunt shitless when I popped up behind them in the 99p store buying sweeties and sweeties. OH. MY. GOD! The film was HILARIOUS! We were screeching with laughter the entire way through! My fave bit was ever so simple - Chris Pontius was dressed as a woman (a very good woman, actually) having a bit of a meal with Preston, which was lol in itself, but it was when Dave England (the surnames are necessary ¬¬) came to serve them, he got blown away by the wind generated by a plane engine. And Johnny Knoxville got his top off. Often. Do me. A LOT! Corrrr the body on that one is an ultimate win~!

Came home and washed basically all of my clothes. I was seriously low on clean clothes. And underwear - I found underwear I forgot I owned. My room smells of cleanness now XD But I soon had to leave for work, standing up my own daddy :( but who came in to the hotel to see me anyway. ^_^ I spent most of the evening serving and being the awesomes, of course. And sniggering manically - it was the 'would you care to try the wine, sir?' *tries it* '...Yes.' and 'anything else sir?' 'an expresso please, just an expresso' *wife* 'an expresso? Just before bed????' I had literally lived through an exact replication of a Michael Mcintyre observation!

My shift came to an end and my night went spectacularly downhill. I had been feeling a little odd all night - can't really explain it, but just really off and rundown. Stupidly, I was walking home alone. I reached a car park, well lit etc... And woke up there about 3 minutes later, freezing, confused and completely petrified. No one had come across me as I lay there, thankfully, as I still had all my valuables, no puncture wounds on my body and no come stains on my trousers. So I hadn't been robbed, stabbed or raped as I lay there.

I feel really weird still. I don't really understand where I am or what's going on. I think this calls for sleep. P.s. are fingenails meant to turn blue without the aid of varnish? I thought not O________O