Not Suitable For Adults

I wandered in to work the other morning, humming a merry tune and trying to make my trousers not look as though they'd had an argument with my ankles, when I literally bumped in to my boss, who greeted me with, I kid you not, "EH OH!!" and offered me some "tubby toast" in the form of a slice of cheese. Yup, that's my big boss man! Conversation that morning was about The Telletubbies. Thankfully, we didn't change the topic to sex until quite some time afterwards. Talking about a child's TV show and sex in the same context just reeks of 'Paedophile'.

The Tubbies of course, consist of Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala and Po, 4, er, children-esque creatures of unknown species with TV screens on their stomachs, funny shaped ariels on their head and each with their own special item. The main message that this show seems to give across to children? 'TV GOOOOOOOOOOD!!! IMAGINATION BAD!!' Which contradicts what most parents should be telling their children, which is a fantastic start.

Next, the names of the damn things - Tinky Winky? The male tubbie who is quite clearly a raving poofter as his special item is a friggin' handbag! Judging by his name, he has a tiny penis too. Dipsy? With a straight ariel, which is quite obviously a symbol for him being a total knobhead. Lala? A ditzy blonde who is always in 'Lalaland' and finally Po. All the tubbies were blatantly named by children, Po was probably originally christened 'Poo' and censored. 'nuff said.

Tinky Winky has a handbag, a clear expression of his sexuality, and Dipsy has a hat. With a hole in it, rendering it useless anyway. The male tubbies have fashion statements, and the female ones have toys. Again, the males are clearly massive homosexuals - not that it's a bad thing, I just think it'll make children confused about how they should act when they get older. No wonder there are so many 11 year olds claiming that they're gay or bi. Lala has a massive bollock, sorry, BALL, clearly demonstrating her slaggish tendancies and she obviously is a fan of balls. Po is clearly on something - there's no normal way for her to be able to move so fast on that scooter.

The sun with the baby face is just terrifying, all the characters have OCD or ADHD or are on the autistic spectrum, or all 3 (Christ, my spelling's taken a tumble, hasn't it?) and there is a scene that has scarred me for life - a puppet running around a house and turning lights on and off. That's the sort of thing I have nightmares about.

But yes, I spent the rest of the day singing "Hat, hat haaa-aaaaat, hat!" with Sarah. We are adults. It was a lovely last day, seeing as I return to Derby on Saturday! Yeeeee!!! Oh, wait, did I say saturday? I meant to say "I was meant to enroll today, despite having already done so online!!!" So, it was up at 6 to get to Derby for 10 in order to just sit at a desk with some random woman, say "100147846", look at a picture of myself, and say "Yes, that's me." I spent 5 hours using almost a full tank of petrol covering almost 200 miles in order to say a mere 2 sentences.

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I'M A HAPPY CAMPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and I'm back on Plentyoffish.com. Again. Fishing is fun, and some conversations with a certain Mr provide a wonderful pick me up ^^ (No, of course I'm not writing this because I know he'll read it... :P)

My mum just came and presented me with a new sticker for my car. It says 'POTATO!'. My mum is awesome.

Sex. That Is On Fire.

Simon Neil is the definition of this. You know, the lead singer of Biffy Clyro. He is married, so if anyone out there is the spitting image of him give me a ring. I will sex you up.

In other news, vodka is not my friend - after copious amounts of it I apparently ate fish food. I don't remember this. I woke up in bed, completely naked and with one shoe on the next morning. So kudos for Amz and Dakin for physically carrying me back home. Poor gits.

Insidious is a shit scary film, although I have now seen it 3 times and counting. Have now taken to sharpening my claws to Tiptoe Thru The Tulips by Tiny Tim and singing it endlessly, which is creepy on its own. Go and search for him. He is a creepy creepy man.

I am now well and truly situated at home in my usual position as the household's Lazy Bitch and have shit all hours at work. Following a complaint from me, I now have some of Adam's new bint's shifts, so I call that a small victory. I am now once again on speaking terms with Adam, following a tag team attack at 2 in the morning for 2 HOURS on wednesday while I was trying to frantically attack some assignments due the next day. Ever been insulted and called every name under the sun for 2 hours by your ex? For lots of people out there the answer is probably 'yes.' I bet the reason for your bile-filled attacks was hurt at the break up, or anger at the break up. My apparent wrong-doing? It is apparently Natasha's (the new bint) business regarding how many people I slept with BEFORE getting with Adam, as well as afterwards. WTF?!? He apologised to me today, but she has remained stoney faced. That's fine. I shall do my best to make her feel as uncomfortable at work as is humanly possible :) :) :)

Ever had to rip a broody chicken off of her nest? I have. Bloody hell, they peck for years! The silly bitch had been sitting on broken eggs anyway, and she was so angry about it! Believe me, I can tell. And Ponyo followed in her mother's footsteps and was a shit mother, so once again I have a new chick friend to raise. I called her Kiki, but Christian has decided to call her Winston. ¬_¬

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I had my belly button pierced (finally) and it is now infected. Bugger. Er, that's about it. So yes. I is back methinks, hopefully for good. And hopefully I shall have something interesting to write about. XD