That's What She Said

Y'know, I think I have a mind that is not capable of anything other than turning everything I ever see or hear ever in to something rude or dirty or sexual or sexual. Or sexual.

Whenever someone says so much as "oooh, that's a big one!" (i.e. my mother in reference to a spot on my brother's nose) I immediately start grinning like a baffoon. Just last night as I was stood hideously sober in the middle of a club, my GORGEOUS new high heels slowly eating away at the balls of my feet and steadily snapping my toes in half, without even the pain-numbing qualities of vast quantities of alcohol to stop tears from being brought to my eyes, I turned to Sarah and asked her what she was drinking. "Sex On The Beach." She replied with a smile. Yes, that drink title obviously has the word 'sex' in the title, but my mind immediately started babbling away about "how much fun that would like to be.. Wouldn't mind trying that some time..."

Every conversation we have at work seems to work its way back on to the topic of sex in one way or another. We are massive fans of 'pub dilemas', such as "If you could sleep with any male celebrities. Repeatedly. Who would you pick?" I've even earned a nickname of 'Mrs Bucket' or 'Sex Machine' at work, which are delightful titles as you can imagine. I don't help myself, but then again, why should I try to?

I'm just being me, and that person just happens to be very comfortable with her own sexuality and expressive in her mannerisms about it. Feel free to take this any way you want (oooer). But yes, sex is fantastic (well, depending on who you're sleeping with of course,) although it is rather like eating a Pringle - 'Once You Pop, You Can't Stop'.

I've Never Killed A Man Just To Watch Him Die

I haven't. Although, some of the plebs that I have to deal with on a daily basis have come pretty close to causing me to change the title to something like "I once killed a man because he threw a chilled hot wing at my face because he hadn't eaten it within half an hour of purchasing it because he was an utter moron." That, of course, is a true story.

Naturally, I'm not capable of having a normal day at work. Last week I collapsed after I pulled a box of fries on to my head. The next day I walked in to an open (hot) cress door and got a nose bleed. The day after that a customer threw a drink at me. The day after that my shirt burst open, yet again, and I didn't realise for about 10 minutes. The day after that Daniel thought he'd slap my ass with full force while I was serving a customer causing me to scream in their face. Finally, yesterday Chubbs thought it would be absolutely HYSTERICAL to demonstrate how loose my work trousers actually are and pulled them down infront of the entire store.

Ah, I do love my male work mates. It's like they've never seen a woman before! There is actually now a small percentage that look me in the eye when they talk to me, which is nice. It's an improvement from virtually none of them. Male customers are the same, which is incredibly irritating. Today I had some of our friends from 'Across The Big Pond' i.e. America who asked me, I kid you not, literally 6 times for mashed potatoes. I told them at least 9 times which side orders with have, which doesn't include mashed potatoes. Every time I looked at them there was a slight pause while they looked up to find my face again.

People get so touchy about their chicken. I'd normally say it's absolutely hilarious but when you're on the recieving ends of threats, insults, throws and physical grabbing, the situation somewhat loses it hilarity. It is fun when you are faced with an extremely red-faced customer screaming blue murder because he "didn't want fucking cheese on his fucking burger" and you are an "ugly skank who needs a breast reduction" and you can smile and wave as they are escorted out of the store by your boss and banned while the entire restaurant claps.

Exit, Stage Left.

Or right. Whatever you do, just get off the damn stage. Quickly. Unfortunately, I had one of those moments when I didn't exit from the stage quick enough and found myself covered in old eggs and rotten tomatoes thrown by a hysterically laughing audience at my feet.

A few days ago I had a conversation with my mother about our worst fear in the world, a fear we both share. No, it not technically a phobia of sorts, though I guess if it had to have one of those ridiculously long names just to fit in with all the other phobias and so they don't take the piss out of it, then it would have to be Lackofmoneytopayforhugeamountofpetrolaphobia. In English (or, with the spaces put back in) a fear of not being able to pay for your petrol after filling up. Sweet Jesus, just the thought of it made us wince. We couldn't work out what you would do - it's not like you could go and get some money on your own, as surely you would bugger off never to return. So what? Get someone to come and bring you money? Hope some passing millionaire feels pity for your pathetic situation? Fortunately for us, I learned today exactly what happens. Holy Hell.

Yup. Picture the scene: I've had a looooooong hard day at work, done extra hours and am heading home. Unfortunately, the amount of petrol left in my petrol tank means that, if I don't fill up before setting off for home I'll find myself half way there, at the side of the road looking like a total knob, weeping in to my work shirt and hitting my head on the horn repeatedly. Hard. Sooooo... Petrol time!! Easing the petrol pump from its holder and gently sliding it in to the hole leading to my petrol tank I apply slight pressure to the handle to get the juices flowing (Yes, I cannot even put petrol in my car without making it sexual.) £35 in later and I head for the tills, a massive queue forming behind me and myself resisting all urges to call out about being in a Michael Mcintyre sketch. Smugly, being in the queue before it got too big, I thrust my card in to the machine with gusto and swiftly tap in my PIN and flash a quick grin to the people behind me. "I'm sorry, young lady, but your card has been declined." "Oh. OK then... Could we try it again? I've been having some trouble with my card lately" (Woe is me for risking it.) Gingerly I put my card back in, heart thudding so loud I could hear it over the general groans and tuttings coming from behind me. Nope, card declined again. I resisted the urge to throw my wallet at the cashier's head and turn and plough through the queue behind me in an attempt to escape but naturally, I had instantly become trapped there.

Instead, I found myself on the phone to my mother, asking for her card details to 'break the usual rules and pay over the phone' and hearing her scream of abject terror when I told her she had to spend £35 on petrol that wasn't even in her own car. Finally, I was free. I ended the phone call to my mum with "I'm racing home to sob in to your arms, now." turned to the cashier and lightly said "Well, that was my worst nightmare. At least now I've experienced it once I won't have to again. Like chicken pox. Toodles!" and all but ran from the till, knocking over shelving units with gay abandon as I went (ok, I made that bit up). So what happens when you can't pay for petrol? You all but die of embarassment and have to have money sent to you somehow. They should have a pen of shame in the corner for you to stand in while you wait, where people can freely mock you and show you how smug they are that they have money and aren't a penniless git.

On a brighter note, I got home to find a wack wack sitting in the garden. Yes, I am the proud owner of a frigging DUCK!!!!!!!!!!! XD My mum had gone out and got her for me to cheer me up. My mum is awesome.

Talk to The Boobs, As Apparently the Face Isn't Listening

There is no real reason why women have bosoms, well, apart from the whole 'need to feed your infant' thing, but other than that they have no real purpose. Decoration, of course, is a consideration and I'm sure millions of men everywhere will have to admit that they believe thatv they are there merely for decoration. Their 'dribble' stains cannot speak otherwise.

Ok, so let me rephrase slightly - there is no real reason why women have LARGE bosoms. Women that do have to cope with so much and they really don't get anything in return for their troubles. I myself, am one of those women, and by writing a blog about breasts I get the feeling I may write myself in to peoples' thoughts as 'one of those women that has sex with other women.' But with that aside, what is wrong with large boobs?

A lot, I think you'll find is the answer.

1. They get in the way.

Yes, they do A LOT. I haven't seen my feet for about 9 years now, and my feet are a rather large size 9. That is what I am up against. I'm sure there are many women out there who, like me, long to see what has become of their feet.

2. They knock things over.

I have lost count of the number of times I've sent objects/shelving/people flying thanks to turning round too quickly and throwing them a glancing blow with my numga numgas. Small children and short adults alike bounce off in all directions. I once knocked an entire rack of nail varnish off a shelf and it shattered everywhere. What knocked them off? Well, have a guess, but as Mazi always reminds me, it was one of the most amusing and emabarassing moments of MY life.

3. They weigh a tonne.

I am approx. 5"7 tall but I have a slight hunch. Slight, nay, enormous. If I were able to stand up straight I believe I may reach heights of about 6"3. The way I look at the moment I feel like I should be ringing bells in ye olde French cathedral and rubbing shoulders with gyppos and magic statues. And a goat.

4. They are impracticle.

Forget about running. Just forget it. I have actually given myself a black eye when jumping once. Just ugh.

5. They're embarassing.

In the fact that I have to wear a size 18-20 on top, even though I am a mere size 10. Also, in the fact that my work uniform consists of a shirt that buttons up at the front and a shirt that is too small. So, imagine my horror when I was busily serving a man and his family consisting of young and old children alike and I eventually look down for some reason and discover that my shirt has been wide open thanks to over-thrusting of bosoms and my manky bra is on display. I actually cried a bit.

6. They attract unwanted attention. A lot.

There I was, 'happily' mopping the lobby at work as the last bloke walked out of the store. He yelled a farewell as he left. Well, a farewell of sorts. What did he yell at me as he left? "Bye, Tits!!!" How charming. I also believe that it has been almost 10 years since a man has looked me in the eye while having a conversation with me.

7. They're expensive.

Bras to support breasts of such gargantum proportions cannot be found in normal shops (Even though the AVERAGE bra size in the UK is now a 36D) most shops only stock up to 38DD. So step up, specialist shops and step forward hideous huge price tag. My bras cost £40 each. Case = rested.

8. They're painful.

Back pain, chest pain and chronic snoring thanks to the weight of the damn things.

9. They'll change.

Eventually, large breasts will, um, sag, to put it lightly. Shocking images of spaniel ears or a couple of snooker balls in socks come to mind. Followed by the viewer of said images vomiting politely in a corner. Ahhh... I don't know which is the more attractive image - the old boobs or the polite vomiting.

I know I'm not the only one who suffers with things like this, I'm sure. This is why I find women who pay for bigger breasts slightly laughable. Yes, let's pay for pain and scorn and embarassment. Fools.

And for one, why are men so bloody interested in them? All they are are literally just lumps of fat. With nipples attached for added sensation ;) All my complaints aside, I do love my boobs rather a lot. ^^

Sex, Drugs and Rock 'N' Roll

There comes a point in everyone's life when you wake up in an obscure location, clutching the last remaining can/bottle/random object from whatever happened the night before and think one of two things: either "Hmmm... Things got out of hand FAST! When can I go round again?" or "Omg... OMG is this my LIFE?!? Jesus, I gotta get a new one. Fast."

I mysef experienced this situation only on sunday morning - I awoke in a friend's bathroom, topless and clinging on to a tube of toothpaste as if my life depended on it. My initial thought was not "Jesus Christ, where is my crucial article of clothing?" nor was it "Woops, my shift started 2 hours ago." It was infact "I think I might allow that cat to finish licking my hair, I don't have time for a shower." And it was only then that I thought to myself something that made more sense - me being me, it was the first thought.

I'd like to think that I'm one of those people that does not do things in moderation. If I'm gonna drink, I'm gonna down that entire bottle of vodka and then eat that damn fish food. If I'm gonna try weed, I'm gonna smoke that stuff until 5 in the morning and spend at least 10 minutes laughing hysterically at a damp rose bush. If I'm gonna practically eat the face off that bloke I've known for only a few hours, I'm damn well gonna grab the next taxi back to his and fuck his brains out all night. If I'm gonna get a piercing, I'm gonna get as many as I can in the most unusual places I can find. I could go on, but I think you know what I'm talking about.

It is with this revelation that I consider myself truly to be living life to its fullest. Yes, blackouts are extremely frightening and memory loss can serve as either a fear-inducing drug or as a God send (in my case, my memory loss has still not returned and is a God send. I do not feel the shame I should feel about eating fish food and puking all over some guy's living room simply because I do not remember doing it.) I've come a long way since my days of only being able to drink half a glass of cider (or so it seemed) before people would find me weeping in the corner over the fact that I realised that my curtains and bed sheets clashed. No, I am not kidding. 13 is an age at which you are much too young to drink, as I keep telling Christian, but I'll be damned if he ever so much as considers listening to me.

Where was I? Oh yes *Ahem* Yes, people may consider me stupid for drinking until I black out, or dangerous for mixing alcohol and drugs, or slaggy for sleeping with someone I am not in a long-standing relationship with, and to these people I say "Fuck. You." It's my life, I will make my own decisions and mistakes, and I'll bloody well enjoy myself while I'm at it! I don't want to grow up to ANY age and look back at my teenage/early adult years and think "My God, what a boring arse I was." This is the way I'm choosing to live - I'm immature, spontaneous, rude, crass, crude, and dare I say it, sexy to boot as well?

You may wonder where this sudden revelation came from - after all, I'm not really known for such deep thought unless required but it may sometimes take an emotional knock to encourage such thoughts. I learned about a month ago that a family member had been told that he had throat cancer - not pleasant, but sometimes survivable. Something I could easily cope with. I am not naive - I was quite aware that he could die. I even prepared myself for the eventuality that the cancer had spread and it was indeed terminal, but you always have that hope, don't you? That stereotypical 'it won't happen to me' thought process? It was in vain. Throat and lung cancer. An eventually lethal combination. A 4 month sentence given to a man in his 60s, whereas his parents will still be alive and kicking in their late 80s.

Safe to say I shut down emotionally for a while, continuously weeped internally and externally and refused to speak to people for ages. Well, minutes. Life is unfair, and short. As shitty as some of the situations I have found myself in have been, there have been many, I don't intend on wasting any more.

I've never really been one to care about what others think about me, fickle words don't bother me, but after an emotional shut-down of sorts, even more of the once subtle 'fuck you' attitude tends to surface. Don't like it? Well, I believe you might already know the answer to that question. :) In all seriousness though, live life while you can - you never know when it can be taken out from under you, like a table cloth expertly ripped from a laden table. Only death doesn't leave the settings quite as neat for the people left behind.





^^^^^^^^^^^ Goddamn, who knew I was so poetic?? ^_________^

Sex. That Is On Fire.

Simon Neil is the definition of this. You know, the lead singer of Biffy Clyro. He is married, so if anyone out there is the spitting image of him give me a ring. I will sex you up.

In other news, vodka is not my friend - after copious amounts of it I apparently ate fish food. I don't remember this. I woke up in bed, completely naked and with one shoe on the next morning. So kudos for Amz and Dakin for physically carrying me back home. Poor gits.

Insidious is a shit scary film, although I have now seen it 3 times and counting. Have now taken to sharpening my claws to Tiptoe Thru The Tulips by Tiny Tim and singing it endlessly, which is creepy on its own. Go and search for him. He is a creepy creepy man.

I am now well and truly situated at home in my usual position as the household's Lazy Bitch and have shit all hours at work. Following a complaint from me, I now have some of Adam's new bint's shifts, so I call that a small victory. I am now once again on speaking terms with Adam, following a tag team attack at 2 in the morning for 2 HOURS on wednesday while I was trying to frantically attack some assignments due the next day. Ever been insulted and called every name under the sun for 2 hours by your ex? For lots of people out there the answer is probably 'yes.' I bet the reason for your bile-filled attacks was hurt at the break up, or anger at the break up. My apparent wrong-doing? It is apparently Natasha's (the new bint) business regarding how many people I slept with BEFORE getting with Adam, as well as afterwards. WTF?!? He apologised to me today, but she has remained stoney faced. That's fine. I shall do my best to make her feel as uncomfortable at work as is humanly possible :) :) :)

Ever had to rip a broody chicken off of her nest? I have. Bloody hell, they peck for years! The silly bitch had been sitting on broken eggs anyway, and she was so angry about it! Believe me, I can tell. And Ponyo followed in her mother's footsteps and was a shit mother, so once again I have a new chick friend to raise. I called her Kiki, but Christian has decided to call her Winston. ¬_¬

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I had my belly button pierced (finally) and it is now infected. Bugger. Er, that's about it. So yes. I is back methinks, hopefully for good. And hopefully I shall have something interesting to write about. XD

Toaster in the Bath? Naaah fanks XD

Wehell, it has been a while, hasn't it mon petite pallies? Where have I been? That, I am going to explain. As I sit here in my too big for me size 10 SHORTS (with my ever so white legs on display. White legs that are fantastically toned and lovely, of course.) I am debating whether to go in to the details. Well, I might as well?

So - just as I was about to begin my daily writings again, I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown. My laptop broke, i had a massive falling out with most of my friends back home, my relationship was destroyed, I had 2 deadlines fast approaching and I literally ran out of money, overdraft and all. This all happened in the space of ummmmmm 3 days and saw me retreating back in to the arms of my mother faster than she could say 'I told you so'. As you can imagine, these events kinda fucked me over and made me even consider sitting in the bath with a toaster in my lap or dragging a straight razor over my wrists. But no more!

Everything is back to its good ol' self (well, of sorts. More on that story later ;)) my friendies are wonderful, my laptop is on the road to recovery (I have learned to live without it, something which I thought I would never be able to do) my bank account is back in the positive for the first time in months. The relationship thing? When you find out that your long distance boyfriend has been fucking one of the girls at work you kinda don't give a shit about whether you are with him anymore or not. Shagging random blokes your best mate introduces you too is also a good way of getting over things. Ever meet someone for the first time and just click? Well, that happened. Amy actually tooks bets on how long it would take for us to end up in bed together. ~following a hideous amount of booze it took about 4 hours. In all honesty, I don't remember much of it.

My weight loss has been amazing - as I wrote earlier, I hit my target of reaching a size 10 on the bottom (previously a size 12-14) and a size 14/16 on top (previously size 18-20) and have gone a bit further, in a bit of a bad way i.e. I can't be arsed to eat :S not so good,but I'm not doing it on purpose! When Charlie found me spralled on the staff room floor following a stint of not eating for about 3 days my mother hit the roof. My meals are now monitored. FFS. I also had to be driven home by my darling ex boyfriend that night, an occassion that really hurt my throat (and not in a 'corrr, that took ages that time!' way, I mean in a 'shouty bitch' kind of a way)

But life is amazing - I've finished my first year of uni, which was a blast I have to say. It's a shame I got with Adam and was with himfor most of the time during my first year, as it's only in the last few weeks I feel that I have become a proper student i.e. LOTSSSSSSSSSSSS of alcohol and sex. As everyone at work says, that is me to a T.

Yes, maybe that is me. Boozy and sexy ;) but I'm a student, I'm 19 and I've now got 4 months to do it all at home. Bring it on - I'm smaller, sexier and more confident. Corrrrr, this is going to be an EPIC summer!!! XD

Here She Is, Doggy Style Anytime!

That is of course a song taken from the first Scary Movie film. A song I unfortunately cannot stop singing for some reason. I think I may be back again as far as the blog writing thing is concerned. I have been ever so busy, and of course I have many tales of my prattish behaviour to tell you.

Sooooo last wednesday I finally got to go and see Black Swan, a film I have wanted to see since it came out (take a wild guess who I went with) and I was disgustingly disappointed by it.Are you meant to laugh the entire way through it? I thought not. My day was made though by Sammy, whom I used to work at the Hallmark with (She asked me why I left. I've left?!?) but she gave me the BEST news EVER! My 'boss', used in the loosest way possible, got the sack. Which is hilarious but also a shame, as I was gonna go and yell at him. Nevermind.

We watched the remake of I Spit On Your Grave. It was FANTASTIC! The original film was banned in several countries, but that one just made me laugh hysterically. Come Thursday Jade and I stocked up on booze for our night in drinking session and I headed of to uni wearing my smartest trousers. I had a job induction at 6, leaving me an hour after uni to walk about 3 1/2 miles. I did it. During the induction we were all chatting and I mentioned that when the induction ended I had about 20 minutes to get back to the bus station, which was about 2 miles away. "Shame, I'm going in the opposite direction, I'd have taken you with me" It was lovely, therefore, watching her driving past me as I stampeded down the road. Bitch. A bus (which I was told was not running) also drove past me. I swear the fucking thing was waving at me. T_T

Do you know what I did? I ran 2 miles in 15 minutes. I think I need a bloody medal, seeing as I was previously a lazy git. Ugh. Following a HILARIOUS night of drinking and playing boardgames (Balderdash. OMFG so funny. And I'm amazing at it) I loitred around until night, after being fed mashed potatoes and cabbage, making me basically orgasm and my Aunt dropped me back home. I headed to Abi's on the idea of just having a few drinks. I got absolutely slaughtered and ended up heading to Blue Note with them. I was so hammered I don't really remember what happened that night, but all I know is that I was sick as soon as we got to the nightclub (I made myself sick in the loo in order to not do it on people's shoes once we got inside) and walked home ALONE at 2 in the morning in the pouring rain. One failed mugging and heartfelt chat with Lissi later and I crashed out.

I was woken by Timmy, my brother, at half 11 and my head exploded. He was in town so I met him for lunch and a mooooovie - Paul, which was funny as fuck but because I hate Seth Rogan I didn't actually like Paul himself. I also bought myself The Life Of Birds on DVD as I have now lost over 1stone wooo! Timmy came back and we prepared for the flat party Lissi and I had arranged the night before. Nice. While most people went out towards the end, I had a small gathering in my room and we watched my favourite youtube videos. I Sit On You and Queen of Vagina are now circulating through my course set. Lol.

uni was its usual stuffs, lolling at everything tbh. Come Wednesday I went to see West is West, which is a fantastic sequal to East is East. I'd highly recommend watching both of them. I will of course be doing movie reviews of all the new films I've seen recently. Which is alot, as we watched Piranhas 3D when we got in - I haven't laughed that hard at a 'horror' film since Jaws 3D. Just hysterical. One delish chinese later and I felt like a fat fuck again ahaha.

But yes - I'm back and I will be writing more often again. Also check out popcorn and pisstakes for my take on the newest cinema hits :)

Would You Like Some Cock Porn?

To answer bluntly: Yes. Right. Moving on now.

I find myself very much looking forward to stampeding through endless train stations tomorrow, carrying an A3 acrylic portrait of Simba from The Lion King (that I painted myself of course. I'm gonna have to put a picture of it on here at some point. The only thing I've ever painted that's better than this was my demon March Hare. Which I'm also going to put a picture of on here. Anyways) and yet again grappling with timetables and possibly homeless men. Why is this? It is, of course, because I get to spend the weekend with my Mr :). I have found myself getting more and more open (ooer) and confident. This is because Adam is by far the sexiest man I've ever slept with - I know this because a) it is obvious and b) as Mazi loves to constantly remind me, my line up of ex-boyfriends, stemming from clumsy 15 year old fumbles to what a 16 year old would call 'the real thing', wouldn't look at all out of place in the cast list of another Wrong Turn or Hills Have Eyes movie.

That is probably something I should find depressing, and yes, the thoughts of some of them make me want to shove a double-barreled shotgun in to my mouth and pull the trigger, and as cheesy and crap as the saying is: 'You've gotta kiss a few frogs to find your prince.' Of course, in my case it was kissing a few hogs, snakes, hippos and rats. Yummeh. But yeah - I just hope the bruising on my cheek goes down before I get home. A bruised cheek? Well, a drunken, rejected man has a wide swing. Poor bloke chose the wrong victim - there's a likelihood he also won't be able to have children anymore. The entertaining exchange went as follows:

*Leah is dancing with Abi, Laura and Hayley in a club to celebrate Laura's birthday. Leah downed an entire bottle of jager and schnapps just before exiting the flat and having not eaten all day, she was a little drunk*
*A man, tall, weedy with glasses and a fat face comes over, and begins to attempt to grind dance with Leah*
*Leah moves her arse out of the way of Anus's (the man) 'crotch'*
*Man puts 'crotch' back*
*Leah moves again*
*repeat several times*
*Leah eventually gets pissed off and turns to face Anus*
Leah: Dude! Can you NOT take a hint!? Get the fuck away from me!
Anus: Mmmmm! You're wearing a green bra! Nice!
Leah: Face is up here, where my angry words are currently exiting. Stop staring at what you can't have
Anus: And why the hell can I not have it? Look, let me get you a drink and we can discuss this further
Leah: Or not. For one, you are hideous, 2, I have a long-term boyfriend and 3, you are hideous
Anus: How the hell can a slut like you have a boyfriend? Stop bullshitting and get your arse over here.
Leah: NO! Fuck off! I don't answer to anyone! Get the hell away from me - I've said no, so go dribble on someone else's shoulder!
*Anus smacks Leah round the face*
Leah: ahaha. Nice. By the way - you picked the wrong person to punch tonight
*Leah brings her knee up in to the Anus's 'crotch' with all the force she has*
*Anus doubles over, and the bouncers swiftly come over and eject him from the club*
The End.

The combined stress of house hunting, the random (technically) attack, money issues, job hunting and back problems saw me take another trip to the doctor - the stress having caused a hideous amount of what look like hives to break out all over my arms, hands, face and neck. So, having been put on yet more medication and having physically broken down in to a sobbing wreck in the middle of a lecture, I fled to Jade's. A night of laughs and a few cheeky texts with Adam and I've perked up so much.

I need to go home though. I'm ready to forget everything here, even just for a weekend. And I need sleep - I've been working out double time in the last 2 weeks and it's beginning to show. But it also means I need to keep on top of my sleep. So this is goodbye for a few days - when I come back, I no doubt will feel even better ^____________________^

VAGINA!

No, I haven't suddenly turned in to a lesbian, it is bellowed in an angry black man sort of way, and is a quote. LOL

Also - The PageMaster "AM FANNASIE!" Is bloody hilarious.

As promised, here is a recent pic of yours truely, on the way to Hartington Hall (it was very windy outside.) Note the hair all over face in the form of a fringe and the overall purpleness of the colour.

I am getting another tattoo on Wednesday. On my shoulder blade. What is it? An owl ^_^ Pictures to follow, obviously. Typical me though - "oh I have no money and no job (Don't even fucking get me started) but oooh! £30 tattoo!"

That rhymed. Win! XD

Oh How I Love Being On Top ;)

Yes, I do like being on top... of a bunk bed. Ha at you! Dirty, dirty people!

So yeah. I actually almost didn't want to come back to uni. At all. This was confirmed on the morning of the 23rd Jan, when I had to say goodbye to Adam for the last time in about 2 months. For about 2 months. Holy Christ I cried so much... Got in to the flat (after hilarities at Jadey's and stuffs) my mum left, crying of course and setting me off, and so I spent about an hour just sobbing in to Derek :(
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ EMO ANGST SECTION^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ahhhh, emo angst section over. So yes - I'm going to miss Adam rather a lot while I am here, but I guess it makes me look forward to seeing him again even more than usual. The worst bit? I have gone from having sex almost every day, several times a day for the past month or so to practically becoming a nun. Fuck me. (please. oh GOD PLEASE!!!!!!) We all became civilisation nuns come Wednesday - Course trip to Hartington Hall, to play what was basically a big game of Cluedo.

I believe in a previous blog I mentioned that I would be stuck with that bitch that I don't like AT ALL? Well, I should have my own show - she was in my fucking team. But, as team leader who was voted in due to my capability to win every competition I have entered since uni started, I got to tell her what to do. Not that that mattered to her though - essentially, when we reached the crime scene she just flipped me the V and fucked off.

It was SO fun! REally. The lack of signal was good in a way, as no one got distracted, but MY GOD did I miss Adam. And so - Mr man has been stabbed and found unconscious. Our job was to search the crime scene for clues and I got to boss actual police officers around ^_^ Hours of sitting around later (and making an AMAZING balloon model of the Hoff) we ate what was meant to be food. It hit 6pm, and we started drinking. It was the only thing to do that didn't make us all want to rip off our own skin just so we had something to do. We weren't as bad as the lecturers - they started drinking at 4. How responsible. I know we're adults, but you are meant to be looking after us!

At 8 most of us could be found rammed in to the smallest game room pissed out of our brains or at least getting there. Time for a quiz! General knowledge (having failed EPICALLY at the forensics quiz. We aren't doing forensics, thank Christ.) but still came second. Long story short we won - 99/100 isn't a bad score methinks.

And of course, on the second day, after all our initial evidence had been thrown away by the fucking cleaners, we were the only team to collect all the evidence sheets and guess the murderer correctly. We won. Again. I am awesome. But this post is not.

Ahaha, Woops...

Yeah.
I missed the normality of a 'OH Em GEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT was Christmas and now it's over and going to be a whole new year and that!' - type post, basically outlining that I stuffed my fat face for a few days then got insanely drunk and lost at a New Years Eve party. Or something similar. It's me. Jesus. (Notice that it is a full stop and not a comma. No, I have not just admitted I am the Son Of God. This is because God does not exist, so how could I be his son? Also, my lack of penis would prove the son part to be extremely difficult.)

But no, there has been good reasonings for no regular postings as of late. I know that as soon as I go back to uni (in 3 weeks), the posts will return to being daily occurances. But, for now, as I sit in a darkened room in my blatantly haunted house, possibly with a ghosty peeking over my shoulder (which I hate. Fuck off and read something else!), I shall take the time to explain and reflect on what I have been up to lately, and through the year as a whole.

I intended to post on Christmas Day, and even started writing it. I then got so drunk (so much so that I fell down the stairs. ¬_¬~) and started enjoying watching my Jackass DVDs too much, so the blog post got abandoned. The Jackass thing? Mazi got me the boxset for Crimby. My family had the choice of watching several family suitable movies, like Toy Story 3, for example. What do we choose? Jackass. That is my household. Ah well. Since then I have basically been living at Adam's, only taking breaks to go to work under the control of a vicious COCKHEAD who's more Bi-polar than the North and South Poles (Geddit?! Oh, naff off then.) I'm 'Princess Leia' one minute - Leia, not Leah, so this doesn't work, and then 'silly bitch' or something similar the next. Fuck you, with your cheesy OTT "OHHHHHHHHHHHH! Your own Hans Solo is in the kitcheeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnn!!" ("Let me just go and yell at him for fuck all reason, sending him in to a horrific bad mood that I will then blame on you and make you cry and want to stab me in the eye repeatedly with a particalarly sharp chip.")

KFC is back in my life, Oh glee, and is full of new workers who won't talk to me. At all. Fuck you. I was there first - people know and like me. They are mostly foreign, and have NO MANNERS! One of them is so rude and arrogant it is unreal. She's the kind of person that makes me want to purposely wrap my car around a tree to avoid having to interact with them. I greeted her with a 'hello' one morning, I recieved a sneer and a 'hmph!' headtoss kinda thing in return. She didn't hear my "I do hope I get the opportunity to slam your head in to a wall today! :)" Well, either that or she didn't understand me.

I spent new years at Adam's, and will have some lovely video footage to share with you soon. We had intended on spending the night in. After getting pissed by 6 pm (I as drinking wine and cider, and hadn't eaten in about 3 days. Have mercy with your slatings) we arsed around for what seemed like days until 9 or so and wandered down to a party in the village. At one point me and Adam walked in to one of the big tent things (I have no idea what they are called tbh. Begins with 'M' methinks. Anyway) *ahem* and I found a woo woo fountain and a tube of pringles, so I stayed there for a bit. God, have just realised that joy of pringle tube makes me sound similar to that thing from Big Brother one year. Yuck. Adam wandered off somewhere, but then when I came out of the house I was grabbed by one of his friends telling me he was frantic and had been looking everywhere for me for the past hour. I thought I'd been in there 10 minutes. I am fail.

Welcoming in the New Year with the man I love was a lot better than last year, although screaming Aude Lang Syne (Or however the fuck it's spelt) in the living room with my mum was rather entertaining, but making a promise to that special someone is so much better <3 I'd like to think I've come a long way in the past year - I've turned 18, left school, joined university, moved miles away from home and started living alone. I've passed my driving test, held down 3 jobs (2 at once), successfully purchased and funded a car, got several tattoos and new piercings, met celebrities, drunk endless amounts of alcohol, seen so many new films, read so many new books and listened to so much more music. Most importantly, I have managed to find someone able to love me, and I have been able to love them back. :)

Don't get me wrong, there have also been low points - personal crisises concerning my personal health, both mental and physical, separation issues and possible divorces, insane amounts of debts and money worries, police incidents, assaults, depression, stress, bitchiness... I could continue, but that would be depressing. So I will leave you on a high (of sorts.)

I turn 19 in a week, so please don't judge me too strongly when I say that, as soon as this blog post is finished and posted, I will be sprinting through the living room out in to the garden and in to my room to avoid our lovely haunter, who has taken to violently rattling the door to what was once my room and the kitchen doors. This both scares and intrigues me. Part of me wants something to happen, but I know for a fact that if it does happen, I will quite possibly shit my pants, scream loud enough to wake up Long Sutton, which is 7 miles away, and trample all 3 of my dogs to death in my efforts to return to the little girl I once was, frightened by the sounds the house makes after dark and running to jump in her mummy's bed.

Wish me luck - hopefully I will have something oh-so special for you next time ;)


P.S. "Fuck me." "Suck me." Makes me LOL rather a lot. Kinda a mood killer, though.

Loooove Love Love *Do do doo*

To be rather blunt and honest with you, this is how I feel right now. I am in love. That is it. It is a wonderful feeling to be quite honest, and I can truely see what Christian was talking about in Moulin Rouge - "The Greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." ^_^ It really is nice though, to be sure to be sure.

And so, I was dragged kicking and screaming to Walkabout come Tuesday night when I should have been doing my assignments, but Liss insisted. And I'm oh so glad she did - a night of free booze, dancing, games and strippers. Oh my God, I wish Santa was really like the stripper we watched (who was hung like a fucking HORSE and had a yummeh yummeh body) The night ended on a complete high in which Noel and I did some hilarious drunken dance routines up on the podium to 'A Fairytale Of New York'. All hopes of me finishing my assignments that night went out of the window, as Adam dropped the L - Bomb (you know, the L word that is important and that isn't Lesbians) and my head fell off with sheer happiness.

The next day my laptop was on for a full 14 hours and actually gave up - I am now unable to click the left, er, clicker (What the hell are those things called?) and when Liss came up to photocopy some notes all hell broke loose as I discovered my printer was out of ink. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK just didn't quite cover it, due to the fact that I do not have microsoft office and so my document wouldn't have opened on another laptop, hence why it got published to my blog so I could print it off using Vetty's.

Soooooo, instead of heading home friday, like I originally thought and had told Adam, I actually began my journey home on Thursday. The story of my hourney home is a typical Leah story. My original train plan was to get the half 6 train, then my final transfer to Spalding would be at half 8, arriving at 9. This information is important. When I found out my lectures were cancelled, I planned to get the half 4 train instead, Amy booking us a taxi for 10 to 4 at about 1 in the afternoon. The taxi did not arrive and Amy officially missed her train at 5 past 4. At this point we got the bus. I arrived at my platform, dragging what felt like everything I own, in order to WAVE MY FUCKING TRAIN OFF! As it flipped the V at me and laughed in my pissed off face. So I went blind, and made my own way to Peterborough at 7, thinking there would be a train to Spalding relatively soon. This is my conversation with the ticket master:

Me: Hello, Do you know when the next train to Spalding is please?
Ticket blokey: Yeah give me a moment....
Me: Thanks. I hope it's soon! I've been lugging all this stuff around since half 3 this afternoon!
Ticket Blokey:... ah. Half past 8.
Me: OH BRILLIANT! Thank you :)

This would otherwise be known as the train I would have got had i got my first train at half 6, meaning I'd chosen to spend 2 hours in a fucking train station O_O It wasn't all bad news though - if I'd have got the earlier train I wouldn't have got my little treat when I got in to Spalding mwahaha!

You all know of those cretins that gather themselves in supermarket car parks and prat around in their cars? Yes, you do. There was a fantastic example - some silly sod had made it so his exhaust shot out flames when he revved his engine (ooer) so cue lots of engine revving. As he came past me, I got blasted with a load of "Oi, love check out my flames!" "Ah, you obviously have no cock! :)" "You wha'? How's THIS for no cock?!?!" And went to the end of the road. He stopped, revved a lot, attempted to do a v fast pull off and.... STALLED! I don't think he appreciated my cheering and clapping.

I am back homey home home! OH it's good to be back! And it was nice to wake up next to someone, even if that someone was a retarded greyhound who lept on my bed as soon as I got in it and slept on the covers in such a way that I had none, and I was cold Imay have well been naked. I woke up with her face pressed up against mine O_O Good morning darling! Why, you have terrible morning breath! ¬¬ Slithering my way to Lynn was terrifying, but worth it to see the look on Adam's face ^_^

Seeing Sexy and David was the cherry on top of a fab day - and I may have even got me some baby rabbits in to the bargin! XD I get to see my Mr tomorrow, and this makes me extremely happy, as you can imagine... If only I knew the plan... Yes, true to form, I fail at making arrangments in advance!

All Night Long ;)

Yeah, this is dedicated to my Mr. My Mr who has not shaved in a while (yummmmmm!!!!) My Mr Who left this morning. :( Aha! The lack of blogging now makes more sense! But wait, there's more. Hang on to your seats, babies, cause this one's a screamer! And quite literally - I did a lot of screaming come Saturday morning (Adam arrived Sunday night, so shut up) no no no, oh ye of dirty minds, Friday was the night of our flat party. Before hand Amy and I took time out from the lots of essay writing (pfft) to make vodka jelly, and Lissi and I wandered to Sainsburys. I purchased a trifle and mince pies. Fat fuck, I think you'll agree. I just REALLY wanted some trifle! But anyways, It was a rather good night tbh - lots of people turned up and towards the end of the night we were all chillaxing in my room watching moooovies and that. Katie was a bit worse for wear, and proved this by sticking her tongue down my throat (Um. GET OFF?!?) followed by Mike's. She then hauled up in my bathroom and attacked the toliet with her vomit, which made me panic hugely and almost break down. No vomit please, Kthanksbye!

So, what was the cause of the saturday morning screaming? Abi told me she had £20 taken from her purse, so I panicked and did a sweep of my room - laptop, DS, Blackberry, Printer, Passport, old 'new' pho- BOLLOCKS! Someone has come in to my home, and searched for something to take. I know this because the phone was partially hidden. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! I was planning on selling the damn thing for food moneys! That's fine though, I really don't need food moneys. Ugh. I was with Lissi in the kitchen before heading to Hell, sorry, work and decided what to eat - trifle. I made her lol ^^

It's lovely working with Maria and Lee, you have a really good shift,even if you all have to wear Santa hats that make you look like an arse and you have to serve toffs from a big company that have no concept of any kind of human language... Drink champers at the end, finishing at half 11. And then being told you're working the breakfast shift tomorrow. Oh. My. God. And it is snowy and hideous outside. Gee, thanks a bunch. Bastard. When he arrived the next morning (late, and sporting a black eye) he yelled at us loads (for what? Getting the buffet ready 20 minutes early?) and buggered off to his office to do fuck all to help out, leaving me as the Hostess (with the mostest, of course. And with a massive hole in my top, exposing a lovely bright green bra.) This must be why I got a £15 tip. A £15 tip that I split with the other 2 without telling Chris. Why should he get some? All he did was wander in to the room once, make a joke about my chest attracting customers, and bugger off again.

Did some workings stuffs before booting Adam towards the direction of a train so he could get here. I had several hours to wait before I had to pic him up, so I skyped David again. As I have mentioned, I enjoy skyping David. Although he kept buggering off, because he's useless. Honestly, I walk all the way to the train station at half 10, in the dark and snow, to meet Adam off the train, only for him to scare me shitless by walking up behind me when I got there. ¬¬ But yesssss, everything was fabbity fab, lounging around come Monday (By that I mean Adam would NOT GET UP! It took bribes of food and stuff ;) to get him to move) I then had to go to work. Bugger. Leaving the poor git stuck in my room for 6 hours and not able to go and smoke.

I asked if ~I could leave work early (spouting some elaborate lie, obviously) And he FINALLY let me go at almost 11. He sent one of the other girls home at 9. WTF?!?! I was the most senior waitress on the shift, meaning I'd been there longest. Oh sweet Jesus, but I am very good at my job, even conversing with some German men, who were ever so surprised when I started chatting away in German with them. RAN through the streets, which was made easier by a group of about 20 men nipping at my heels most of the time. FUCK FUCKING OFF! Burst through my door complaining about the freezing cold, and watched Adam wake with a start and practically fall off the bed. He then got in to his Mard-mobile for a bit and wouldn't talk to me - he DID nick the rest of my biscuits and some cranberry juice while I was gone. UNIMPRESSED :P :P

He eventually buggered off at 11, much to my dismay :( it's really weird in here now without him - he only stayed over 2 nights! Scuttled to uni as fast as we could in the snow that was falling equally fast. Bit miffed about uni - this was the reason Adam had to leave so early. Slept through Dave's lecture despite DVD on hostage negotiation (nothing happened - the hostage and hostage taker both lived. Boring as hell!) and loitred for 2 hours for Sam's lecture, which was cancelled. I could have left at 2 in that case. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- ahem, be a lady Leah. Please try at least once. Walking back from uni was bloody fun though - snow ball fights with Amy, Alex and Sallie, who all have fantastic aim, whereas I am shit at it.

Went to Sainsburys to buy an advent calender, and then staggered back to the flat to be met by Hayley and Laura who dragged me back in to the snow again. And Sainsburys actually. Haha. Dragged outside again for snowball fights with Liss, Vetty, Seb and Shelley ^^

--------------------
This will be edited soon - I should be asleep. I have work in 3 hours. Woops!


I left that party early in order to go to bed for a breakfast shift I wasn't actually working. So I would have gone to work for bugger all reason. Oohhhh, would NOT Have been impressed!

Quite Surprised It Took This Long To Get On The Sex Offenders Register But I'm FINALLY On There!

This is going to be another one of those 'ohhh I spent days in a row getting pissed so here's the stuff I missed' blogs. Sorrys. Am currently sat here typing with great difficulty as my left arm is in a huge amount of pain. Yup, finally got the vein of my life inserted in to my arm. There's a story that goes with that - come on, it's me. It won't have been just a simple process. No.

Lying on the bed I was bombarded with the same questions he'd asked me just the day before, (Have you had sex in the last week. Answer: 'Chance would be a fine thing'¬¬) I also had my mother's words ringing in my ears "The pill is better the pill is better go on the pill!" Take your pharmacist head off, mum, you know I'd just forget to take the damn thing and you'd have a grandchild before I could say 'woops.' "Are you ready for the anaesthetic?" "...Uh... yeahhhh...." "You don't sound too sure." "I have an awful phobia of needles" "Ah ok then... Look away now then." Take this advice people: When a doctor knows of your phobia and tells you to look away, don't turn towards him and ask what he said. He maaay just be holding the biggest needle in the known universe and fainting at the sight of it doesn't really help him out. I was only out for a few seconds and woke to "Are you alright?!?" "Yeah I'm good, just get it over with!" I have never stared so intently at a wall in my life. The needle killed. Sharp scratch? BOLLOCKS was it a sharp scratch. I'd have loved it if it was the same pain as an injection, piercing or giving blood. Instead it felt like he was attempting to scrape the insides of my arm out. Pain was on par to getting nipple pierced, so you know it's bad. Sorry Kim, I know you haven't had it yet, but I'll be honest - OW just doesn't do it justice.

And as cool as it is to not be able to feel your arm when tapped, don't poke the shit out of it. This leads to the bruising being so much worse then it needs to be and the pain to be greater once said numbing wears off. Just learn from my fails, it's easier that way. I now sporting a GORGEOUS over kill bandage the size of a towel wrapped round my arm, the bruing is hideous, the wound is awful and I can actually see the implant through my skinn. Yummeh... I also learned today that I make a fab alarm clock - Lissi was napping and I went in to the kitchen. Singing 'Like A Virgin' is a great way to wake someone up with a smile. I wasn't smiling when I got to work and stupidly agreed to work the morning shift.

It was nice to be sent home early i.e. 10 so I could do some sleeping. Instead I talked to Adam of course. I had to get up at half 4, which is so hideous it isn't even funny. When my alarm went off I genuinely didn't know what the noise was (The opening to Roobarb and Custard screaming right by your head isn't exactly a gentle ease in to the waking up process). Had some stupid old arse yelling at me for wanting to take his plate away. He had a yoghurt pot on it, which he had yet to finish and picked it up to thrust it in my face/show me. So I established that he was capable of removing the pot from the surface on the plate and putting it on the table. You do not need a plate to eat a yoghurt. Grow up. After only a few hours sleep I fell asleep during Angie's guest speaker. While making notes that I now cannot read. ¬¬ See if you can tell from the pictures which are my usual note standards and which ones I was swanning during. Thank God I had Sallie on one side and Amy on the other prodding me to keep me upright at least!

Had a phone call from work asking if I could work the breakfast shift Friday. Half 6 til 11. I am quite good friends with Yvonne, so I thought I would be honest with her. "No sorry Yvonne, but I will be in no fit state to work tomorrow morning. Most likely I will still be drunk. But if you would like me to fall over, sing loudly and out of tune etc for the customers then I'll come in for you! :)" Soooo after buying most of Plonkers' stock and grabbing Amy and Alex, we headed to mine first. After I cooked Amy and myself fantastically nom cheese toasties and she mixed us some uber strong Woo woos. After chillaxing for a while in my zimmer until Mike arrived - looking through my draws, naturally, gawking at Adam and deciding whether the Hallmark menu was good value for money, we grabbed the kitchen chairs and were off to Liss's.

I Have Never set the mood, but we soon got bored and lounged around, generally being loud and awesome. Although had a few heart to hearts with Liss, Vicky and Alex which were nice ^_^ Lissi, Laura and Hayley arrived and I spent a lot of the time until they buggered off again with Lissi sat on my lap. Ring of Fire is still an awesome game and I do good smoking while I' drunk (O_______O) and I don't like eggs being thrown at me either to be quite honest. I loved singing VERY LOUDLY to Don't Look Back In Anger and All The Small Things, and I was fraped with the lovely phrase that ha become the blog title - 9 people so far have liked it. Bugger. I also got my nipple out, typically, but only because people asked to see the tongue bar (At one point Vicky was telling people she was going to put HER tongue bar in it O_O) and I really hope everyone forgets about the nipple thing. Although they all read my blog so that hope has already been dashed. No eye contact EVER now, methinks. Vetty and Alex also did some tactful cockblocking and Shelley discovered I'm talented with my mouth... after blowing up an air bed of course! Jeez! I also kicked ass on the wii until the wee hours (ahaha see what I did there?! In to the 'wee' hours.. playing th wii!... oh naff off then...) I also drank ALL the booze I had bought and was saving for our up and coming flat party. Alex helped out too I must point out Well, that's more money to spend then...

Unfortunately I had to set an alarm for the morning as had to see Sam. When said alarm went off I cried out "WHITE COLLAR CRIME!!!" I don't know why either, so don't ask. But Sam would be proud ^_^ Sooooo hungover so bimbling up with Alex caused us to crash in the corridoor outside his office for 45 mins. I love Sam. He said I was one of the stronger students XD So I'm gonna do him proud (You have no idea how many times I checked that to make sure I'd written 'do him proud' and not just 'do him' That would have been difficult to explain...) Had a kitchen blitz with Hayley and Laura, who soon buggered off to leave me alone :( :( :P so I wandered in to town with Jade again.

I always have a whale of a time with her, spending 99% of it laughing. Today was no different. Ann Summers is a fab shop and I love it as many of you will know. We were doin serious shopping in there of course, but every time one of the assistants came over we had just found something hilarious to laugh at. We looked about 5 years old. Teehee sex, that sort of idea. Ughhhh never mind (thought of the day - crotchless knickers. Is there any bloody point? No I thought not.) I'm now freezing my arse off and crying due to the pain in my arm - don't think it's been done right. I can see it through my skin, which is not only hideous to look at but feels revolting. I keep catching it too, and it's the sort of pain I get when I catch a piercing. The sort of pain that makes you wretch. Goddamn it...

Reddee For Your Pennniz!

The Queen of Vagina is truly a magnificant song writer. I can't help but sing her song, and have been singing it all night. What are the lyrics? "My Vagina is ready, ready for your penis. Vagina, Vagina, Penis Penis Penis Penis" and occasionally I'll sing "This is what I do, I sit on you. Right on your lap." We shouldn't be allowed to watch rudetube... It creates these hideous situations when we can't stop quoting them. Well, that and Jackass and Peep Show quotes. Family Guy too. And Bo Selecta. Basically anything hilarious we may come across. Like Johnny Cash. Or we'll just occasionally bum each other. This is the kind of family I come from - every 5 seconds we are laughing about something else or creating new things to laugh about later on.

No alarms todayyyyy as I didn't have a job interview or something equally hideous that I always seem to have when I stay at my aunts (Although was asked to work the brekkie shift. Fuck to the massive off, much.) neither had we made any plans for the day, which we normally do unless we've been boozing it up the night before. so it was jimjams and bed heads for the day! Well, for me anyway. I don't see the point in doing something with my hair or face unless I'm going out - there aren't that many hours in the day and the chances of bumping in to someone I feel the need to impress while sitting in my aunt's living room are very small indeed. That would be weird - sat being extremely sexy (of course) and Johnny Knoxville walks in (he is my imaginary hump at the moment, so have been filling head with Jackass shows and focusing mainly on his sexy bod. That, and Pontius dressed as a Dutch woman and Bam falling flat on his arse) I think I want some Jackass boxsets for Crimby.

Today HAD to be the day I finally got past the Marble level on Sonic and also the day I wasn't playing my own copy of the game and therefore didn't have a naffing memory card with me ¬¬ After Jade woke up on the wrong side of the bed and promptly bit Grace's head off, I made her sit and have a lol at Bella in New Moon. I then for some reason began to read the Twilight books. I have yet to do this, and have finally joined the masses. Bella is still a pillock and is even more of a stupid bint in the book, but I find myself compelled to read on. Bollocks. I don't know what's happening to me at the moment!!!! O__________O

X Factor, was of course a shambles and Katie will be going in my Human Centipede along with Cher Lloyd and Kristen Stewart. Bitches. And Take That pissed me off - Robbie has blatantly only rejoined as they are doing so well and his time as a solo artist has passed. So why did he do all the FUCKING SINGING!??! YOU ARE NO LONGER A SOLO ARTIST! The years have not been kind to you, so let Gary do the singing please and stop having stand offs with Mark Owen - you over shadow him and your mic was blatantly at a louder volume than theirs. Go back in to your drug filled pit! (I was hideous enough to actually do an Xfactor status along with most of the facebook community. Ah well... I'm a celeb was rather good though, it's just a shame that it's the first year I'm not watching it with my mum. Spent the evening lolling at old photos and discussing old memories. We had a serious moment for once!! I'm sure that will pass. But yes. Christmas is deffo coming as the coca cola ad confirmed and so I'd better get my ass in gear sorting that good will out, hadn't I?

Papa's Got A Brand New Thang ;)

I don't know why, it's just been going round my head for the last 4 hours. I don't even know if the words are correct. Ah well. We had another guest speaker with Angie today, this time the sergeant of the Derbyshire police force, who was epic in his stories and that, and we found him extremely interesting. We got to watch a load of clips showing police applying force, including one where this guy and his mate Neil (important info, this) were stopped for driving without insurance. Drama Queen was asked to stop and allow to be searched. He was asked whether he knew what it meant, to which he said no. I instantly admired the cops for not smacking him for being so ignorant - I know I would have! It was now obvious that Drama Queen had a lot of things on him that he shouldn't have, as at that point he ran off, was caught by the cops who attempted to pin him down. This was a hilarious process, as he was screaming at Neil to help him, put up waaaaay too much of a fight and even better? The cop acidentally sprayed his cop mate in the face with CS!!!! ROFL!!!! (What's CS? It's like pepper spray but it isn't as harsh.)

Angie buggered off after 2 hours to teach another lecture, but hoo hoo, he stayed! O_O The only reaaaally good bit after that point was when he got his baton out (Steady boys! Although this sentence implies that all men are of the homosexual variety. Oh dear God no!) and we were all sat there, while he was eating in to our hour long lunch thinking 'fuck off, fuck off, and fuck off now.' Eventually he said we could go - I've never seen us all exit so fast. Sallie had bought a massive pink suitcase with her as she was going home straight after Sam's lecture (A massive pink suitcase that Alex looked amazing dragging up the hill in the morning) and Amy was a lazy git and used the suitcase as an excuse to get the lift down. I walked down with Lisa, but not before I pressed the lift button on every floor. When they eventually came down, Amy complained that it stopped at every floor. I wonder why XD XD

Amy and I had literally half an hour to do a tonne of things, so I firstly set about getting a doctor's appointment, to get the implant and to sort of what the bloody hell is wrong with me. The appointment was half way through Sam's lecture, but he was nice enough to let me and Amy bugger off part way through it (she made an appointment of her own, she didn't just randomly come with me) I must say it was rather hilarious watching everyone's faces as we left. It looked like we were buggering off for a quicky or something.

But the short and short of it is, is that even though I was planning on getting the implant anyway, it would be best as a start to find out what's wrong with me (essentially, there is a chance I might have an ovarian cyst or something judging on v heavy period symptoms amoungst others ¬¬) as they tend to alter how heavy they are. Women who have the implant fall in to 1 of 3 groups, judging on how bloody lucky they are. One group don't have periods for the 3 years they have the implant, which would be win. The second has irregular periods, not too bad. Livable. The third group? They have a constant period for the 3 years. I just KNOW I will fall in to this group, and then I will just die. Uber FML situation, but I need this as a starting point ¬¬

Bimbled in to town with Amy and Alex, each with the intention of collecting something. Amy couldn't get her shoes, Alex couldn't get his World of Warcraft subsricption (thankfully, not for him. And I had to get dragged from the shop when I got a bit excited at Asassin's Creed on DS) and my implant wasn't in stock for me to pick up. Oh FFS. So after nomming a chinese and dragging Alex through endless shops full of owl stuff ^______^ I went back to Amy's and died her hair and enjoyed a bit of Scrubs with Mike.

It was when I got back that I felt really down and glum. After doing some ironing (I
know, how truely gripping) I just curled up on my bed feeling really low. The reason I realised? I missed Adam. Fuck loads. When he started chatting at about half 10 I literally threw myself across the room and smacked my head on my desk (¬¬) so talking to him really cheered me up, along with another of mine and David's epic wall post conversations. We are the coolest. So my 2 fave guys did a fab job at cheering me up, and things only got better from then on. Lissi eventually came back and stormed in to my room with Beckie in tow XD

After telling me of an uber scary bloke that had followed them back, and after disturbing Jackson in all his slumber (Lissi was ever so pissed :P) and me practically ripping my nipple off, we set off to take Beckie home, as I'd be buggered if I was gonna let her walk home alone. At this point I was braless, underwearless and in pjs and dressing gown. A bit sexy, I think you'll agree. Ah well, I'd rather she was safe then me feeling awful after something happened to her.

Had a full circle, mood-wise today. It was odd. I still don't feel 100% - I don't know what's wrong with me and some of it is starting to worry me (3 years down the line, for God's sake Leah) but I'll find out, and everyone is cheering me up without even realising. Just by being their normal selves, or drunken selves in some cases :P, I've been focusing on other things. Danke Mein Leiblings! Ich Leibe dich sehr muss! (Thank you my darlings, I love you very much!)