Everyone has pet hates, right? Here are some of mine. I doubt you will disagree with me on them. Of course, they mainly span around the two things I hate most in my life - people of the road, and my job.
1. The Expectant Hand
I know everyone has dealt with The Expectant Hand. What is it? Well, has anyone asked you to pass them something? The Expectant Hand appears in most occasions after this - as soon as you consent to passing said asked for item, a hand from the asker just WAITS in limbo for you to hand over the item. I HATE it! Just be bloody patient - I said I'd pass you the damn thing, so I will. I didn't just say I would so that I could actually NOT pass you what you wanted and watch your face crumple with sadness. This is something I get at work a lot. To deal with The Expectant Hand is simple - simply look down at it, then take longer to do whatever it is you're doing before handing it to them. The Hand soon gets tired of hanging around and buggers off.
2. Your/You're They're/there/their too/to - uh, WHA????
People not being able to use the correct spelling of these certain words. Seriously. How is it difficult?!?! For example - You're is obviously 'you' and 'are' combined. You can SEE IT! I learned this in primary school for Christ's sake. The worst one is when people write "Your such a twat". What? I'm a 'such a twat' belonging to someone? I thought as such. Fools.
3. Wet socks.
Just Ew. The worst feeling EVER. I have a new puppy that pees EVERYWHERE and the other day I accidentally trod in a puddle of it and did a massive scream. Not at the fact that I'd trodden in urine and it was gross, but because I had obtained wet socks.
4. Road Hogs
Just generally people driving like knobs. Mainly, those that overtake A LOT. 60 mph not fast enough for you? Or those that overtake 38768 cars at once (Obviously they lack a penis). Wheel spinning out of drive thru is a good one too - I'm not impressed. You're just making a lot of noise. The ABSOLUTE worst are the people that overtake you, then immediately turn off the road. WHAT THE HELL?!?!? I could understand if your wife was in labour and I was blocking the way to hospital but if you're just impatient... What the hell is the matter with you?!?!?!?
5. Get Your Own Book
People reading over my shoulder. Just bugger off. I know what I'm doing must be SUPER interesting but seriously - I will stop doing it for just long enough to punch you in the face before continuing again.
6. Sticky Hands
Do NOT touch me with them, and I will not touch you with mine. You are gross.
7. Throat clearing
I may just not be listening to you fullstop. Clearing your throat is just going to make me ignore you more. I guarantee it.
8. Slow - people moving? I dunno, I CAN'T TELL!!!!
Wandering down the street in a huge, wide MASS going at -2 mph, driving along at 40 in a 60 zone, getting to the speaker box at the KFC Drive Thru and taking a minute to READ the menu. Everything in this day and age is made so we can live faster and get things done quicker. This means, we need to sodding well catch up first!!!
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Saturday, 6 August 2011
Monday, 6 June 2011
Mental Retardation - We Are Not Amused
I get the feeling that writing the following statement will cause people to form an angry mob and dig spike-lined pits in my path but: I HATED the original The Hangover film. Physically hated it with every ounce of my soul, smexy Bradley Cooper aside of course, but loathed it none-the-less. It did not make me laugh at all, and trust me - I know funny. So naturally I was not exactly jumping with joy at the thought of going to see the sequal - more like I was dragged kicking and screaming, with only the thought of sucking on a (leave it) Fanta Frozen to entice me a little.
I was pleasantly surprised and enjoyed the movie, I even found myself doing my usual massive bark/hearty laugh. But I found myself listening to the audience more than I would usually, and found that I was laughing almost alone at more subtle moments of humour, and remaining silent while the rest of the audience was reaching a point where they might have had to consider changing their knickers. The reason for their hearty laughter and my stoney silence? Zach Galifianakis, yet another actor who is only capable of playing slight variations of the same character over and over again. In his case, a retard.
For one thing, his character is known to have ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Here is a brief discription of the condition I have copied from the NHS website:
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a group of behavioural symptoms that include inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness. Attention deficit disorder (ADD) is a type of ADHD.
Common symptoms of ADHD include:
•a short attention span
•restlessness
•being easily distracted
•constant fidgeting
Many people with ADHD also have additional problems, such as sleep disorders or learning difficulties. However, ADHD has no effect on intelligence.
See that last sentence? 'HAS NO EFFECT ON INTELLIGENCE!!!!!!' So why, pray tell, does Zach's character Alan act like such a dumb fuck all the time?!?!? The way he has portrayed the character shows no implications of learning disibilities. So why does he act like said dumb fuck? Because apparantly, that is what people find funny. WHY!?!?! It really isn't! It's infantile and stupid - hence, so is the audience.
It's insulting to an audience - it is assuming that they are also all dumb fucks that need a joke rammed down their throats in order for them to be able to understand it. They aren't allowed to figure the joke out on their own. Every apparant funny moment is so obvious it's like it's accompanied by a fanfare and a massive neon sign screaming:
"LAUGH AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I feel sorry for the bloke - he has now awkwardly shoe-horned himself in to a type of character he will play for the rest of his acting career. A retard. My proof of this? Due Date. Same character, different name. Ugh.
I was pleasantly surprised and enjoyed the movie, I even found myself doing my usual massive bark/hearty laugh. But I found myself listening to the audience more than I would usually, and found that I was laughing almost alone at more subtle moments of humour, and remaining silent while the rest of the audience was reaching a point where they might have had to consider changing their knickers. The reason for their hearty laughter and my stoney silence? Zach Galifianakis, yet another actor who is only capable of playing slight variations of the same character over and over again. In his case, a retard.
For one thing, his character is known to have ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Here is a brief discription of the condition I have copied from the NHS website:
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a group of behavioural symptoms that include inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness. Attention deficit disorder (ADD) is a type of ADHD.
Common symptoms of ADHD include:
•a short attention span
•restlessness
•being easily distracted
•constant fidgeting
Many people with ADHD also have additional problems, such as sleep disorders or learning difficulties. However, ADHD has no effect on intelligence.
See that last sentence? 'HAS NO EFFECT ON INTELLIGENCE!!!!!!' So why, pray tell, does Zach's character Alan act like such a dumb fuck all the time?!?!? The way he has portrayed the character shows no implications of learning disibilities. So why does he act like said dumb fuck? Because apparantly, that is what people find funny. WHY!?!?! It really isn't! It's infantile and stupid - hence, so is the audience.
It's insulting to an audience - it is assuming that they are also all dumb fucks that need a joke rammed down their throats in order for them to be able to understand it. They aren't allowed to figure the joke out on their own. Every apparant funny moment is so obvious it's like it's accompanied by a fanfare and a massive neon sign screaming:
"LAUGH AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I feel sorry for the bloke - he has now awkwardly shoe-horned himself in to a type of character he will play for the rest of his acting career. A retard. My proof of this? Due Date. Same character, different name. Ugh.
Sunday, 15 May 2011
Sex. That Is On Fire.
Simon Neil is the definition of this. You know, the lead singer of Biffy Clyro. He is married, so if anyone out there is the spitting image of him give me a ring. I will sex you up.
In other news, vodka is not my friend - after copious amounts of it I apparently ate fish food. I don't remember this. I woke up in bed, completely naked and with one shoe on the next morning. So kudos for Amz and Dakin for physically carrying me back home. Poor gits.
Insidious is a shit scary film, although I have now seen it 3 times and counting. Have now taken to sharpening my claws to Tiptoe Thru The Tulips by Tiny Tim and singing it endlessly, which is creepy on its own. Go and search for him. He is a creepy creepy man.
I am now well and truly situated at home in my usual position as the household's Lazy Bitch and have shit all hours at work. Following a complaint from me, I now have some of Adam's new bint's shifts, so I call that a small victory. I am now once again on speaking terms with Adam, following a tag team attack at 2 in the morning for 2 HOURS on wednesday while I was trying to frantically attack some assignments due the next day. Ever been insulted and called every name under the sun for 2 hours by your ex? For lots of people out there the answer is probably 'yes.' I bet the reason for your bile-filled attacks was hurt at the break up, or anger at the break up. My apparent wrong-doing? It is apparently Natasha's (the new bint) business regarding how many people I slept with BEFORE getting with Adam, as well as afterwards. WTF?!? He apologised to me today, but she has remained stoney faced. That's fine. I shall do my best to make her feel as uncomfortable at work as is humanly possible :) :) :)
Ever had to rip a broody chicken off of her nest? I have. Bloody hell, they peck for years! The silly bitch had been sitting on broken eggs anyway, and she was so angry about it! Believe me, I can tell. And Ponyo followed in her mother's footsteps and was a shit mother, so once again I have a new chick friend to raise. I called her Kiki, but Christian has decided to call her Winston. ¬_¬
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I had my belly button pierced (finally) and it is now infected. Bugger. Er, that's about it. So yes. I is back methinks, hopefully for good. And hopefully I shall have something interesting to write about. XD
In other news, vodka is not my friend - after copious amounts of it I apparently ate fish food. I don't remember this. I woke up in bed, completely naked and with one shoe on the next morning. So kudos for Amz and Dakin for physically carrying me back home. Poor gits.
Insidious is a shit scary film, although I have now seen it 3 times and counting. Have now taken to sharpening my claws to Tiptoe Thru The Tulips by Tiny Tim and singing it endlessly, which is creepy on its own. Go and search for him. He is a creepy creepy man.
I am now well and truly situated at home in my usual position as the household's Lazy Bitch and have shit all hours at work. Following a complaint from me, I now have some of Adam's new bint's shifts, so I call that a small victory. I am now once again on speaking terms with Adam, following a tag team attack at 2 in the morning for 2 HOURS on wednesday while I was trying to frantically attack some assignments due the next day. Ever been insulted and called every name under the sun for 2 hours by your ex? For lots of people out there the answer is probably 'yes.' I bet the reason for your bile-filled attacks was hurt at the break up, or anger at the break up. My apparent wrong-doing? It is apparently Natasha's (the new bint) business regarding how many people I slept with BEFORE getting with Adam, as well as afterwards. WTF?!? He apologised to me today, but she has remained stoney faced. That's fine. I shall do my best to make her feel as uncomfortable at work as is humanly possible :) :) :)
Ever had to rip a broody chicken off of her nest? I have. Bloody hell, they peck for years! The silly bitch had been sitting on broken eggs anyway, and she was so angry about it! Believe me, I can tell. And Ponyo followed in her mother's footsteps and was a shit mother, so once again I have a new chick friend to raise. I called her Kiki, but Christian has decided to call her Winston. ¬_¬
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I had my belly button pierced (finally) and it is now infected. Bugger. Er, that's about it. So yes. I is back methinks, hopefully for good. And hopefully I shall have something interesting to write about. XD
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Would You Like Some Cock Porn?
To answer bluntly: Yes. Right. Moving on now.
I find myself very much looking forward to stampeding through endless train stations tomorrow, carrying an A3 acrylic portrait of Simba from The Lion King (that I painted myself of course. I'm gonna have to put a picture of it on here at some point. The only thing I've ever painted that's better than this was my demon March Hare. Which I'm also going to put a picture of on here. Anyways) and yet again grappling with timetables and possibly homeless men. Why is this? It is, of course, because I get to spend the weekend with my Mr :). I have found myself getting more and more open (ooer) and confident. This is because Adam is by far the sexiest man I've ever slept with - I know this because a) it is obvious and b) as Mazi loves to constantly remind me, my line up of ex-boyfriends, stemming from clumsy 15 year old fumbles to what a 16 year old would call 'the real thing', wouldn't look at all out of place in the cast list of another Wrong Turn or Hills Have Eyes movie.
That is probably something I should find depressing, and yes, the thoughts of some of them make me want to shove a double-barreled shotgun in to my mouth and pull the trigger, and as cheesy and crap as the saying is: 'You've gotta kiss a few frogs to find your prince.' Of course, in my case it was kissing a few hogs, snakes, hippos and rats. Yummeh. But yeah - I just hope the bruising on my cheek goes down before I get home. A bruised cheek? Well, a drunken, rejected man has a wide swing. Poor bloke chose the wrong victim - there's a likelihood he also won't be able to have children anymore. The entertaining exchange went as follows:
*Leah is dancing with Abi, Laura and Hayley in a club to celebrate Laura's birthday. Leah downed an entire bottle of jager and schnapps just before exiting the flat and having not eaten all day, she was a little drunk*
*A man, tall, weedy with glasses and a fat face comes over, and begins to attempt to grind dance with Leah*
*Leah moves her arse out of the way of Anus's (the man) 'crotch'*
*Man puts 'crotch' back*
*Leah moves again*
*repeat several times*
*Leah eventually gets pissed off and turns to face Anus*
Leah: Dude! Can you NOT take a hint!? Get the fuck away from me!
Anus: Mmmmm! You're wearing a green bra! Nice!
Leah: Face is up here, where my angry words are currently exiting. Stop staring at what you can't have
Anus: And why the hell can I not have it? Look, let me get you a drink and we can discuss this further
Leah: Or not. For one, you are hideous, 2, I have a long-term boyfriend and 3, you are hideous
Anus: How the hell can a slut like you have a boyfriend? Stop bullshitting and get your arse over here.
Leah: NO! Fuck off! I don't answer to anyone! Get the hell away from me - I've said no, so go dribble on someone else's shoulder!
*Anus smacks Leah round the face*
Leah: ahaha. Nice. By the way - you picked the wrong person to punch tonight
*Leah brings her knee up in to the Anus's 'crotch' with all the force she has*
*Anus doubles over, and the bouncers swiftly come over and eject him from the club*
The End.
The combined stress of house hunting, the random (technically) attack, money issues, job hunting and back problems saw me take another trip to the doctor - the stress having caused a hideous amount of what look like hives to break out all over my arms, hands, face and neck. So, having been put on yet more medication and having physically broken down in to a sobbing wreck in the middle of a lecture, I fled to Jade's. A night of laughs and a few cheeky texts with Adam and I've perked up so much.
I need to go home though. I'm ready to forget everything here, even just for a weekend. And I need sleep - I've been working out double time in the last 2 weeks and it's beginning to show. But it also means I need to keep on top of my sleep. So this is goodbye for a few days - when I come back, I no doubt will feel even better ^____________________^
I find myself very much looking forward to stampeding through endless train stations tomorrow, carrying an A3 acrylic portrait of Simba from The Lion King (that I painted myself of course. I'm gonna have to put a picture of it on here at some point. The only thing I've ever painted that's better than this was my demon March Hare. Which I'm also going to put a picture of on here. Anyways) and yet again grappling with timetables and possibly homeless men. Why is this? It is, of course, because I get to spend the weekend with my Mr :). I have found myself getting more and more open (ooer) and confident. This is because Adam is by far the sexiest man I've ever slept with - I know this because a) it is obvious and b) as Mazi loves to constantly remind me, my line up of ex-boyfriends, stemming from clumsy 15 year old fumbles to what a 16 year old would call 'the real thing', wouldn't look at all out of place in the cast list of another Wrong Turn or Hills Have Eyes movie.
That is probably something I should find depressing, and yes, the thoughts of some of them make me want to shove a double-barreled shotgun in to my mouth and pull the trigger, and as cheesy and crap as the saying is: 'You've gotta kiss a few frogs to find your prince.' Of course, in my case it was kissing a few hogs, snakes, hippos and rats. Yummeh. But yeah - I just hope the bruising on my cheek goes down before I get home. A bruised cheek? Well, a drunken, rejected man has a wide swing. Poor bloke chose the wrong victim - there's a likelihood he also won't be able to have children anymore. The entertaining exchange went as follows:
*Leah is dancing with Abi, Laura and Hayley in a club to celebrate Laura's birthday. Leah downed an entire bottle of jager and schnapps just before exiting the flat and having not eaten all day, she was a little drunk*
*A man, tall, weedy with glasses and a fat face comes over, and begins to attempt to grind dance with Leah*
*Leah moves her arse out of the way of Anus's (the man) 'crotch'*
*Man puts 'crotch' back*
*Leah moves again*
*repeat several times*
*Leah eventually gets pissed off and turns to face Anus*
Leah: Dude! Can you NOT take a hint!? Get the fuck away from me!
Anus: Mmmmm! You're wearing a green bra! Nice!
Leah: Face is up here, where my angry words are currently exiting. Stop staring at what you can't have
Anus: And why the hell can I not have it? Look, let me get you a drink and we can discuss this further
Leah: Or not. For one, you are hideous, 2, I have a long-term boyfriend and 3, you are hideous
Anus: How the hell can a slut like you have a boyfriend? Stop bullshitting and get your arse over here.
Leah: NO! Fuck off! I don't answer to anyone! Get the hell away from me - I've said no, so go dribble on someone else's shoulder!
*Anus smacks Leah round the face*
Leah: ahaha. Nice. By the way - you picked the wrong person to punch tonight
*Leah brings her knee up in to the Anus's 'crotch' with all the force she has*
*Anus doubles over, and the bouncers swiftly come over and eject him from the club*
The End.
The combined stress of house hunting, the random (technically) attack, money issues, job hunting and back problems saw me take another trip to the doctor - the stress having caused a hideous amount of what look like hives to break out all over my arms, hands, face and neck. So, having been put on yet more medication and having physically broken down in to a sobbing wreck in the middle of a lecture, I fled to Jade's. A night of laughs and a few cheeky texts with Adam and I've perked up so much.
I need to go home though. I'm ready to forget everything here, even just for a weekend. And I need sleep - I've been working out double time in the last 2 weeks and it's beginning to show. But it also means I need to keep on top of my sleep. So this is goodbye for a few days - when I come back, I no doubt will feel even better ^____________________^
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Loooove Love Love *Do do doo*
To be rather blunt and honest with you, this is how I feel right now. I am in love. That is it. It is a wonderful feeling to be quite honest, and I can truely see what Christian was talking about in Moulin Rouge - "The Greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." ^_^ It really is nice though, to be sure to be sure.
And so, I was dragged kicking and screaming to Walkabout come Tuesday night when I should have been doing my assignments, but Liss insisted. And I'm oh so glad she did - a night of free booze, dancing, games and strippers. Oh my God, I wish Santa was really like the stripper we watched (who was hung like a fucking HORSE and had a yummeh yummeh body) The night ended on a complete high in which Noel and I did some hilarious drunken dance routines up on the podium to 'A Fairytale Of New York'. All hopes of me finishing my assignments that night went out of the window, as Adam dropped the L - Bomb (you know, the L word that is important and that isn't Lesbians) and my head fell off with sheer happiness.
The next day my laptop was on for a full 14 hours and actually gave up - I am now unable to click the left, er, clicker (What the hell are those things called?) and when Liss came up to photocopy some notes all hell broke loose as I discovered my printer was out of ink. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK just didn't quite cover it, due to the fact that I do not have microsoft office and so my document wouldn't have opened on another laptop, hence why it got published to my blog so I could print it off using Vetty's.
Soooooo, instead of heading home friday, like I originally thought and had told Adam, I actually began my journey home on Thursday. The story of my hourney home is a typical Leah story. My original train plan was to get the half 6 train, then my final transfer to Spalding would be at half 8, arriving at 9. This information is important. When I found out my lectures were cancelled, I planned to get the half 4 train instead, Amy booking us a taxi for 10 to 4 at about 1 in the afternoon. The taxi did not arrive and Amy officially missed her train at 5 past 4. At this point we got the bus. I arrived at my platform, dragging what felt like everything I own, in order to WAVE MY FUCKING TRAIN OFF! As it flipped the V at me and laughed in my pissed off face. So I went blind, and made my own way to Peterborough at 7, thinking there would be a train to Spalding relatively soon. This is my conversation with the ticket master:
Me: Hello, Do you know when the next train to Spalding is please?
Ticket blokey: Yeah give me a moment....
Me: Thanks. I hope it's soon! I've been lugging all this stuff around since half 3 this afternoon!
Ticket Blokey:... ah. Half past 8.
Me: OH BRILLIANT! Thank you :)
This would otherwise be known as the train I would have got had i got my first train at half 6, meaning I'd chosen to spend 2 hours in a fucking train station O_O It wasn't all bad news though - if I'd have got the earlier train I wouldn't have got my little treat when I got in to Spalding mwahaha!
You all know of those cretins that gather themselves in supermarket car parks and prat around in their cars? Yes, you do. There was a fantastic example - some silly sod had made it so his exhaust shot out flames when he revved his engine (ooer) so cue lots of engine revving. As he came past me, I got blasted with a load of "Oi, love check out my flames!" "Ah, you obviously have no cock! :)" "You wha'? How's THIS for no cock?!?!" And went to the end of the road. He stopped, revved a lot, attempted to do a v fast pull off and.... STALLED! I don't think he appreciated my cheering and clapping.
I am back homey home home! OH it's good to be back! And it was nice to wake up next to someone, even if that someone was a retarded greyhound who lept on my bed as soon as I got in it and slept on the covers in such a way that I had none, and I was cold Imay have well been naked. I woke up with her face pressed up against mine O_O Good morning darling! Why, you have terrible morning breath! ¬¬ Slithering my way to Lynn was terrifying, but worth it to see the look on Adam's face ^_^
Seeing Sexy and David was the cherry on top of a fab day - and I may have even got me some baby rabbits in to the bargin! XD I get to see my Mr tomorrow, and this makes me extremely happy, as you can imagine... If only I knew the plan... Yes, true to form, I fail at making arrangments in advance!
And so, I was dragged kicking and screaming to Walkabout come Tuesday night when I should have been doing my assignments, but Liss insisted. And I'm oh so glad she did - a night of free booze, dancing, games and strippers. Oh my God, I wish Santa was really like the stripper we watched (who was hung like a fucking HORSE and had a yummeh yummeh body) The night ended on a complete high in which Noel and I did some hilarious drunken dance routines up on the podium to 'A Fairytale Of New York'. All hopes of me finishing my assignments that night went out of the window, as Adam dropped the L - Bomb (you know, the L word that is important and that isn't Lesbians) and my head fell off with sheer happiness.
The next day my laptop was on for a full 14 hours and actually gave up - I am now unable to click the left, er, clicker (What the hell are those things called?) and when Liss came up to photocopy some notes all hell broke loose as I discovered my printer was out of ink. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK just didn't quite cover it, due to the fact that I do not have microsoft office and so my document wouldn't have opened on another laptop, hence why it got published to my blog so I could print it off using Vetty's.
Soooooo, instead of heading home friday, like I originally thought and had told Adam, I actually began my journey home on Thursday. The story of my hourney home is a typical Leah story. My original train plan was to get the half 6 train, then my final transfer to Spalding would be at half 8, arriving at 9. This information is important. When I found out my lectures were cancelled, I planned to get the half 4 train instead, Amy booking us a taxi for 10 to 4 at about 1 in the afternoon. The taxi did not arrive and Amy officially missed her train at 5 past 4. At this point we got the bus. I arrived at my platform, dragging what felt like everything I own, in order to WAVE MY FUCKING TRAIN OFF! As it flipped the V at me and laughed in my pissed off face. So I went blind, and made my own way to Peterborough at 7, thinking there would be a train to Spalding relatively soon. This is my conversation with the ticket master:
Me: Hello, Do you know when the next train to Spalding is please?
Ticket blokey: Yeah give me a moment....
Me: Thanks. I hope it's soon! I've been lugging all this stuff around since half 3 this afternoon!
Ticket Blokey:... ah. Half past 8.
Me: OH BRILLIANT! Thank you :)
This would otherwise be known as the train I would have got had i got my first train at half 6, meaning I'd chosen to spend 2 hours in a fucking train station O_O It wasn't all bad news though - if I'd have got the earlier train I wouldn't have got my little treat when I got in to Spalding mwahaha!
You all know of those cretins that gather themselves in supermarket car parks and prat around in their cars? Yes, you do. There was a fantastic example - some silly sod had made it so his exhaust shot out flames when he revved his engine (ooer) so cue lots of engine revving. As he came past me, I got blasted with a load of "Oi, love check out my flames!" "Ah, you obviously have no cock! :)" "You wha'? How's THIS for no cock?!?!" And went to the end of the road. He stopped, revved a lot, attempted to do a v fast pull off and.... STALLED! I don't think he appreciated my cheering and clapping.
I am back homey home home! OH it's good to be back! And it was nice to wake up next to someone, even if that someone was a retarded greyhound who lept on my bed as soon as I got in it and slept on the covers in such a way that I had none, and I was cold Imay have well been naked. I woke up with her face pressed up against mine O_O Good morning darling! Why, you have terrible morning breath! ¬¬ Slithering my way to Lynn was terrifying, but worth it to see the look on Adam's face ^_^
Seeing Sexy and David was the cherry on top of a fab day - and I may have even got me some baby rabbits in to the bargin! XD I get to see my Mr tomorrow, and this makes me extremely happy, as you can imagine... If only I knew the plan... Yes, true to form, I fail at making arrangments in advance!
Monday, 13 December 2010
The Rocky Road To Dublin
Now, am I feeling particularly clever tonight? Is this what can be used to described the so-called 'relationship' I have with my real father? Or is it simply a song I cannot stop singing. People who know me well enough will know that the second option is a more realistic choice. This would also be the correct choice. Oh Leah, have you really been that stuck for ideas for blog titles? Think yourself lucky - it could have been the other song I can't stop singing.... *clears throat* I aaaaam Gaaa-aaato! I ha-ave metal joints if! You can beat me up, you'll earn 15 silver points!
The odd punctuation is so I am able to remember the tune in months to come. Well, not the tune, the timing then...
For some reason, instead of doing my assignments, yet again, I find myself watching someone play Resident Evil 2. Goddamn, I want it to be Friday NOW so I can go home and play it myself! Lest you forget, I should have been born male. This is also judging by my lazy, slobbish behaviour over the weekend - I skipped and went to stay with my cousins again ^_^ I always have a WHALE of a time when I go round, and this visit wazs no different.
I also got a lot of Xmas shopping done, and felt a little sad as this is the first year in ages that I have not done my shopping with Mazi in Ptown :( I have now done a bit more online - bye bye £150 ¬¬ I have no where near finished either, and this saddens me. You know what saddens me even more? My body officially hates me and has begun another rampage to make me go to the doctors. I don't understand why I seem to get so many ailments. For one, I could be a hypocondriach (or however the fuck it's spelled) or there could be a serious underlying issue. This new addition scares me, it really does, as I can't think of anything that it could be.
All that aside, tomorrow is secret santa, Dave has cancelled his lecture so I have time to go to town to get a fuck off sized suitcase and hand in some CVs (don't get me started. Overall it's just easier to say that my mother told me to. This is true.) and I go home on Friday. This makes me happy and excited - don't get me wrong, I love it here, but I neeeeeeeeed a break for a bit!
I might do some assignment now - only 1 1/2 to go! But knowing me,I won't. Ugh.
The odd punctuation is so I am able to remember the tune in months to come. Well, not the tune, the timing then...
For some reason, instead of doing my assignments, yet again, I find myself watching someone play Resident Evil 2. Goddamn, I want it to be Friday NOW so I can go home and play it myself! Lest you forget, I should have been born male. This is also judging by my lazy, slobbish behaviour over the weekend - I skipped and went to stay with my cousins again ^_^ I always have a WHALE of a time when I go round, and this visit wazs no different.
I also got a lot of Xmas shopping done, and felt a little sad as this is the first year in ages that I have not done my shopping with Mazi in Ptown :( I have now done a bit more online - bye bye £150 ¬¬ I have no where near finished either, and this saddens me. You know what saddens me even more? My body officially hates me and has begun another rampage to make me go to the doctors. I don't understand why I seem to get so many ailments. For one, I could be a hypocondriach (or however the fuck it's spelled) or there could be a serious underlying issue. This new addition scares me, it really does, as I can't think of anything that it could be.
All that aside, tomorrow is secret santa, Dave has cancelled his lecture so I have time to go to town to get a fuck off sized suitcase and hand in some CVs (don't get me started. Overall it's just easier to say that my mother told me to. This is true.) and I go home on Friday. This makes me happy and excited - don't get me wrong, I love it here, but I neeeeeeeeed a break for a bit!
I might do some assignment now - only 1 1/2 to go! But knowing me,I won't. Ugh.
Thursday, 9 December 2010
Critical Analysis Of A Journal Article On Employment Of Ex-Offenders
Woops, bit of cross over there. This is not an assignment, Leah. ¬¬ Ugh I have no motivation to do this!!! Or any of them for that matter. Total completed: 2/5. Meh... I have just noticed I occasionally switch from writing in the first person to writing in the third person. Although this would be awful if I was actually writing an assignment, or doing an English degree in general, this is genuinely how my mind works. I talk to myself in the third person - I insult myself more often than not. Or tell myself to do things. Right now I should be telling myself to complete at least one more assignment before my weekend off from it all, but nooooo I'm telling myself to blog, as it is obviously much more fun.
I have a massive wooden pig in my room, with delicate wooden ears and feet. Delicate wooden ears and feet that may break if bashed too hard (ey up, there!). A massive wooden pig with delicate wooden ears and fe- YES ALRIGHT! Ahem, that I have been carrying round uni with me all day and trying not to break (As you can imagine, the skate home was really good for my confidence regarding the not breaking thing) Why did I buy a wooden pig? It is a present for my Grandparents. My mum's Dad, so this explains why it is a pig and not something you would normally buy for an old couple. What would you buy for an old couple? A goat in Africa in their name? Lavender-scented EVERYTHING? Big nappies? I don't have normal oldies in that sense...
We had another guest speaker today - from the parole service. "Ooooh!" Came the cry from the very few people who decided to turn up. This man had about as much personalty as a damp old sock. So, none then. Everyone was complaining about how boring he was, but my main critisim was the fact that he had a jittery head. Not his fault, I know, but whenever he paused for breath, his head would shake. Very noticably. This was infront of about 15 people - he can't have been that bloody scared of us.
Sam remembered I love Jazzles and brought me a packet to say thank you for sitting the mock exam. Out of about 5 of us that turned up. He is a baaaaabe <3 <3 (Adam, I know this annoys you, but hush. I don't mean it. It's like when I call my boss sexy or my lover. He clearly isn't - he looks like the elephant man.) I'm not very well inclined to like my job at the moment - I finished early (well, at 10) wednesday night, got IN TO MY FLAT and realised I still had my fucking buzzer on. Knowing that I would not be in after that night (sure, I'm on, but I'm ill in bed. Cough.) I had to go allllll the way back there again to return it. I got home at half 11. Un.Im.Pressed.
Somewhat like that posh snob who ordered some wine from me. I instantly hated him. My "Just a bottle then, sir? Instead o-" "One bottle is what you usually order, yes." If he had let me finish, I would have said 'instead of individual glasses'. Sooo he places his order, and I go back to serving others. 3 Times in 5 minutes I am stopped to find out where the wine is, each time with larger and more obnoxious 'I am OPENING A WINE BOTTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' mime. Fuck off. Sooo the bar had no luck fnding the wine, so he ordered another, all the while complaining loudly and just generally being an arsehole. I run over with their food and do my "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "Beef and Pasta? Yes." ... "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "We ordered beef and pasta, yes." ...... "....Who had the BEEF?!?" They then decided there and then who was having what. FUUUUUUUUUUUCKING HELL! All the while his lap dog/wife was egging him on to yell some more. I was in the kitchen every 3 minutes telling Lee how much of a wanker the bloke was and we STILL couldnt find his wine. Eventually, after having a final go at Sammy for bringing him the correct wine, they stormed off without paying. Everyone stood there slightly stunned and so before anyone could act I charged it to their room. Invisible wine, too!
I hate people - I can't decide whether it's posh snobs or yobbos that I hate the most... And my laptop is now refusing to type what I press.Fab. Just as I'm about to write essays...
I have a massive wooden pig in my room, with delicate wooden ears and feet. Delicate wooden ears and feet that may break if bashed too hard (ey up, there!). A massive wooden pig with delicate wooden ears and fe- YES ALRIGHT! Ahem, that I have been carrying round uni with me all day and trying not to break (As you can imagine, the skate home was really good for my confidence regarding the not breaking thing) Why did I buy a wooden pig? It is a present for my Grandparents. My mum's Dad, so this explains why it is a pig and not something you would normally buy for an old couple. What would you buy for an old couple? A goat in Africa in their name? Lavender-scented EVERYTHING? Big nappies? I don't have normal oldies in that sense...
We had another guest speaker today - from the parole service. "Ooooh!" Came the cry from the very few people who decided to turn up. This man had about as much personalty as a damp old sock. So, none then. Everyone was complaining about how boring he was, but my main critisim was the fact that he had a jittery head. Not his fault, I know, but whenever he paused for breath, his head would shake. Very noticably. This was infront of about 15 people - he can't have been that bloody scared of us.
Sam remembered I love Jazzles and brought me a packet to say thank you for sitting the mock exam. Out of about 5 of us that turned up. He is a baaaaabe <3 <3 (Adam, I know this annoys you, but hush. I don't mean it. It's like when I call my boss sexy or my lover. He clearly isn't - he looks like the elephant man.) I'm not very well inclined to like my job at the moment - I finished early (well, at 10) wednesday night, got IN TO MY FLAT and realised I still had my fucking buzzer on. Knowing that I would not be in after that night (sure, I'm on, but I'm ill in bed. Cough.) I had to go allllll the way back there again to return it. I got home at half 11. Un.Im.Pressed.
Somewhat like that posh snob who ordered some wine from me. I instantly hated him. My "Just a bottle then, sir? Instead o-" "One bottle is what you usually order, yes." If he had let me finish, I would have said 'instead of individual glasses'. Sooo he places his order, and I go back to serving others. 3 Times in 5 minutes I am stopped to find out where the wine is, each time with larger and more obnoxious 'I am OPENING A WINE BOTTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' mime. Fuck off. Sooo the bar had no luck fnding the wine, so he ordered another, all the while complaining loudly and just generally being an arsehole. I run over with their food and do my "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "Beef and Pasta? Yes." ... "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "We ordered beef and pasta, yes." ...... "....Who had the BEEF?!?" They then decided there and then who was having what. FUUUUUUUUUUUCKING HELL! All the while his lap dog/wife was egging him on to yell some more. I was in the kitchen every 3 minutes telling Lee how much of a wanker the bloke was and we STILL couldnt find his wine. Eventually, after having a final go at Sammy for bringing him the correct wine, they stormed off without paying. Everyone stood there slightly stunned and so before anyone could act I charged it to their room. Invisible wine, too!
I hate people - I can't decide whether it's posh snobs or yobbos that I hate the most... And my laptop is now refusing to type what I press.Fab. Just as I'm about to write essays...
Monday, 6 December 2010
Attack On My Childhood
And doubtless many more childhoods. Remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? (Called Ninja for all of about 2 episodes until the name was changed to 'Hero' turtles as it was thought that ninja gave off too much of an agressive image.) I used to love them. I was a very boyish little girlie. Not much has changed - apart from the little girlie thing. Big girlie is more appropriate. Aaaaaaaaaaanyways my point is, as cool a show as it was, it did have its flaws. I know it is a cartoon and is therefore not real. In fact, I fear that society would break down if there were 6ft tall 'turtles' running around doing ninja things having been taught by a man turned in to a sewer rat. This is not my dig. My dig is the title, and the animals that they are claimed to be.
Turtles. This is incorrect. They are land-dwelling, so they are all tortoise. A turtle inhabits water, that is it only goes on land to breed. Hence they have flippers. The ninja 'turtles' do not. However, I will forgive this as it is clear that they are only turtles so they could fit the word in to the super cool theme song.
I spent the night getting attacked (verbally) by my boss, so why shouldn't I get to take my anger out on someone lower than me? That's what he did. Silly dick. Speaking of dicks, I completely forgot that my mum's leaving pressie for me was a hot water bottle, so I have been freezing my ass off for no reason. Fail. And Jade and I decided that I should have the job of walking behind fat people with a tuba. I'm good at it. I also managed to get a pikachu for my phone FINALLY! Video was ruined by hideous set of teeth wolf whistling at us and me yelling at them. Ughhhh, what it is to be female...
On an uber high, I FINALLY found a pair of those gorgey grey skinny jeans in my size! Soooo my extended overdraft, that I extended today in order to be able to afford Christmas, went towards it. No wonder I don't have any bloody money ¬¬
Turtles. This is incorrect. They are land-dwelling, so they are all tortoise. A turtle inhabits water, that is it only goes on land to breed. Hence they have flippers. The ninja 'turtles' do not. However, I will forgive this as it is clear that they are only turtles so they could fit the word in to the super cool theme song.
I spent the night getting attacked (verbally) by my boss, so why shouldn't I get to take my anger out on someone lower than me? That's what he did. Silly dick. Speaking of dicks, I completely forgot that my mum's leaving pressie for me was a hot water bottle, so I have been freezing my ass off for no reason. Fail. And Jade and I decided that I should have the job of walking behind fat people with a tuba. I'm good at it. I also managed to get a pikachu for my phone FINALLY! Video was ruined by hideous set of teeth wolf whistling at us and me yelling at them. Ughhhh, what it is to be female...
On an uber high, I FINALLY found a pair of those gorgey grey skinny jeans in my size! Soooo my extended overdraft, that I extended today in order to be able to afford Christmas, went towards it. No wonder I don't have any bloody money ¬¬
Sunday, 5 December 2010
Christmas Time
Mistletoe and wine.... Cue creepy choir boy being held in the corner by a gun held to his head, come on, why else do you think his voice is so high? Aaaaand with Cliff Richard cheesing his way around in the fore ground, we have a fantastic Christmas hit. Erm, no. It is a bad song - The Poques win hands down every time, purely due to the fact that the only reference to Christmas in the song is use of the words "Christmas Eve" and "Christmas Day".
You may have noticed that I have not blogged in a while. It may be more realistic to assume that this will continue to be the case, that is, I will not blog daily, due to time constraints and the like. But I promise to make them as amusing as I possibly can. So to start the ball rolling, I got snowed in and stuck at my aunt's house from Wdnesday til Friday. This is not a complaint - I had an EPIC time! The addition of the shitloads of snow only added to the number oppotunities presented in order to be hilarious. Here is an example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnEC1Oyvyq8
Gracie Pop's newest video - and I am in it! Check it outttttt (You have to watch until the bitter end, purely to see me starring in the best ending to a video ever. Seriously. I do sexy dancing.) All I can say is that her webcam makes me look STUNNING right at the end. I wish people had 'web cam vision' when they looked at me - like putting on your beer goggles. Web cam goggles if you'd like, though I can't see that being as catchy. Also bonded with Jadey some more on the Dancing Stage games - I have got goooooood. We were on them basically all hours of the day, so uch so that now that I've gone, Jade no longer enjoys playing it on her own.
They are more like my sisters, they really are. It is even facebook official. South Park was our main quote source over the weekend (I say weekend, only bcause it felt ike it. I couldn't get to uni or work :/) Dad picked me up come Friday (teehee come)which meant I could go back to work Saturday morning. Oh glee - brekkie. Though I had Maria, Tanya and Lee to keep me amused. Lee certainly delivered on that front - us girlies were discussing how weird it was that all 3 of us were dating men called Adam who worked with food, when Lee informed us that one of the other girls was dating an Adam too. Who worked at the hotel. That's right - Creepy Adam! My "Oh, really?" Was extremely high-pitched due to attempting to keep my laughter/vomit contained. I nearly ripped my tongue bar out through all the effort.
Because I'm such a nice sister, I took Timmy to see Due Date. It was such a shite film that I left half way through to go and hide in the loos. I have NEVER walked out of the cinema before. I was in such a rush when we eventually got to leave, that I was in a mega bad mood. Timmy mentioned that he wanted to go see Tron (possibly the only disney film, aside from Fantasia, that warrants being remade. Orrrrrrrrrrr DON'T BOTHER! The first attempt was shit enough!) soooo mid rant and with arms flailing, I didn't see Dale until it was literally too late and I knocked him flying. Excellent. The head on collision winded us both slightly, and I all but died of embarassment. I'm such a wonderful person to take out in public. May I have my medication now, please?
I now have 3 advent calenders as my mummy sent me one (her note said "I can't forget my little girlie :)" and the envelope smelt of her, meaning I can't bring myself to throw it away.) Ah. Writing about the envelope, I have just smelt it and now 2 days later I can no longer smell her. Soooo in the bin it goes! I stayed at Dad's on Saturday, purely to get a decent night's sleep away from Amani and her relentless onslaught of noise determined to keep me awake. Fuck off, silly bitch. No one likes you. Even Adam, who spent a mere 2 days, can't stand her.
Ahhhhh just 2 weeks before I head on home. I need a break. I need to see everyone. I need to see Adam. I really miss him. It's strange - normally I am seemingly indifferent to men while I am with them, but this is a completely different story. I can't stop thinking about him. I just want to be with him, as often as I possibly can. I don't know what has happened to me - this really is out of character for me. I even started humming Canon in D Major the other day and imagined myself walking down the aisle to it! Steady on there, sailor! I have never even thought of marriage before (it made me shiver in horror) so there is seriously something going on here. I will keep you posted, although not as often as usual, obviously, I have far too much to do.
Without my Adam, I've had to make do with wearing about 85734987693 layers of clothing and snuggled up with the Tudors. My soft porn, as Lissi calls it. It is incredibly sexy, if not completely historically correct. Henry is EVER SO SMEXY! Get naked some more! P.S. whoever can tell me what I'll have seen Sam Neil in before will get a gold star. Lucky youuuu! Counting down the days til I go home and ultimately until Christmas. Squeeee! XD XD
You may have noticed that I have not blogged in a while. It may be more realistic to assume that this will continue to be the case, that is, I will not blog daily, due to time constraints and the like. But I promise to make them as amusing as I possibly can. So to start the ball rolling, I got snowed in and stuck at my aunt's house from Wdnesday til Friday. This is not a complaint - I had an EPIC time! The addition of the shitloads of snow only added to the number oppotunities presented in order to be hilarious. Here is an example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnEC1Oyvyq8
Gracie Pop's newest video - and I am in it! Check it outttttt (You have to watch until the bitter end, purely to see me starring in the best ending to a video ever. Seriously. I do sexy dancing.) All I can say is that her webcam makes me look STUNNING right at the end. I wish people had 'web cam vision' when they looked at me - like putting on your beer goggles. Web cam goggles if you'd like, though I can't see that being as catchy. Also bonded with Jadey some more on the Dancing Stage games - I have got goooooood. We were on them basically all hours of the day, so uch so that now that I've gone, Jade no longer enjoys playing it on her own.
They are more like my sisters, they really are. It is even facebook official. South Park was our main quote source over the weekend (I say weekend, only bcause it felt ike it. I couldn't get to uni or work :/) Dad picked me up come Friday (teehee come)which meant I could go back to work Saturday morning. Oh glee - brekkie. Though I had Maria, Tanya and Lee to keep me amused. Lee certainly delivered on that front - us girlies were discussing how weird it was that all 3 of us were dating men called Adam who worked with food, when Lee informed us that one of the other girls was dating an Adam too. Who worked at the hotel. That's right - Creepy Adam! My "Oh, really?" Was extremely high-pitched due to attempting to keep my laughter/vomit contained. I nearly ripped my tongue bar out through all the effort.
Because I'm such a nice sister, I took Timmy to see Due Date. It was such a shite film that I left half way through to go and hide in the loos. I have NEVER walked out of the cinema before. I was in such a rush when we eventually got to leave, that I was in a mega bad mood. Timmy mentioned that he wanted to go see Tron (possibly the only disney film, aside from Fantasia, that warrants being remade. Orrrrrrrrrrr DON'T BOTHER! The first attempt was shit enough!) soooo mid rant and with arms flailing, I didn't see Dale until it was literally too late and I knocked him flying. Excellent. The head on collision winded us both slightly, and I all but died of embarassment. I'm such a wonderful person to take out in public. May I have my medication now, please?
I now have 3 advent calenders as my mummy sent me one (her note said "I can't forget my little girlie :)" and the envelope smelt of her, meaning I can't bring myself to throw it away.) Ah. Writing about the envelope, I have just smelt it and now 2 days later I can no longer smell her. Soooo in the bin it goes! I stayed at Dad's on Saturday, purely to get a decent night's sleep away from Amani and her relentless onslaught of noise determined to keep me awake. Fuck off, silly bitch. No one likes you. Even Adam, who spent a mere 2 days, can't stand her.
Ahhhhh just 2 weeks before I head on home. I need a break. I need to see everyone. I need to see Adam. I really miss him. It's strange - normally I am seemingly indifferent to men while I am with them, but this is a completely different story. I can't stop thinking about him. I just want to be with him, as often as I possibly can. I don't know what has happened to me - this really is out of character for me. I even started humming Canon in D Major the other day and imagined myself walking down the aisle to it! Steady on there, sailor! I have never even thought of marriage before (it made me shiver in horror) so there is seriously something going on here. I will keep you posted, although not as often as usual, obviously, I have far too much to do.
Without my Adam, I've had to make do with wearing about 85734987693 layers of clothing and snuggled up with the Tudors. My soft porn, as Lissi calls it. It is incredibly sexy, if not completely historically correct. Henry is EVER SO SMEXY! Get naked some more! P.S. whoever can tell me what I'll have seen Sam Neil in before will get a gold star. Lucky youuuu! Counting down the days til I go home and ultimately until Christmas. Squeeee! XD XD
Monday, 22 November 2010
Tears Dry My Lips Out :(
This is going to be a 'boo hoo' blog. Naff off if you don't wanna read it. *empty seats all round* Bugger. Maybe I should stick to trying to be funny? (I originally wrote 'fucking?' Um, ok then... What would I much rather be doing? You know it!) although am I good at that? Being funny I mean, not fucking. Shut up now, Leah, you're beginning to enjoy being in that corner aren't you?
Highlight of my day? I washed some clothes. Um.... yay? Stayed in pjs allllll day, which was niiiiiace. XD Skyped my mother in a frantic attempt to gain more info - I recieved a txt saying 'Awww, your little is not well at all :( :( will skype later with details of bad news' which made me instantly think 'OMG OMG PONYO NO! NOT MY LITTLE DARLING!!' and spent most of the afternoon in tears, even contemplating hopping a train to see her.
Ponyo is my chick. She is a very special chick, well, chicken now. People may think I'm stupid for getting so attatched to her, but I am her mummy after all (There is a blog about this, in July. Read for info. Which one it is, I'm not sure. Find it yourself!) And it's true of any pet - as my mother has said every time my hamster, or guinea pig, or rat died "NO MORE! It upsets you too much when they die!" and then for my next birthday or Christmas I have got a new pet. A rat may be different to a dog (which my mum would, not replace, but get another for company nd because they are family etc. whatever) but they have still been my pets. I had a hamster of my very own when I turned 5 (obviously my mum thought I was very responsible. Oh how I have changed) and it lived for 3 years. They normally last for 2. I am good at pets. ^_^
Turns out it wasn't Ponyo, it was my car! Yay at Ponyo living! OH thank GOD I was so worried! I'm happy now! I th- ah. Buggerations. It failed its MOT in a spectacular fashion. Woops. £300 on repairs. My words to my mum? "I don't care. Pay it. I'll work it off, take it out of my Christmas and Birthday funds. I need my little car!" Yeah it's a heap of shit, but I love it so! (Yeah, that reads well) Made some rice balls, or origiri, which are pictured. I am the awesomes!
Had a massive rant on Skype about my father again - the real one, I mean, not my Dad. Keep up. I don't have a nice word to say about him or so it seems. My mum's pleas of 'give him a chance' were countered with 'Mum, when Grummar buggered off and left you all, how long did it take for you to start talking to her again?' No counter arguement. I won. I don't want to go see him, I don't want him to come here, I don't want anythin to do with him! I don't see why someone who buggered off around Europe for 16 years or so should get any of my attention now. He STILL refuses to tell me that my grandfather is dead. I' 18, not 8!!! In a way I like that he rarely talks to me or whatever - it's made it so I don't have to tell my Dad or G about it, which has always been my biggest worry in the world. It doesn't need to be known as nothing has changed. If I was to start talking to him more now, I'd have to tell them both and the chances that things will change between us are very high. Then, true to his usual form, My 'father' will fuck off again and eveything will be in tatters. ARGH!!!! This wears me out. To be honest, I will eventually talk to him, but I was hoping to wait until after uni when I'm more mature and maybe when he finall sees me as an adult.
Forced to watch Love Actually, due to EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME (or so it seems haha) being shocked at me having never seen it. It was brilliant, to say the least. Then finished watching The Notebook. I sobbed hysterically throughout it, but not for what people usually cry at - you know, the 'awwwww int love sweet?' sort of stuff. It just reminded me of my grandmother again. One day my grandfather will be in the same situation, his heart broken and watching the woman he's always loved slowly die. It also made me realise I need to go and see them again. I have seen them once since moving here. In September. I am a fail of a Grandaughter. Well, not as much as that other one. The one who buggered off at 15 to live a life of unemployment with her fuckwit boyfriend. Naaah, I'm way better than her. I am happy to say that out of the 2 'grandaughters' (oddly, My dad and his older brother have only biologically fathered boys. I am the eldest of the daughters and am better) My dad never stops bragging to Phil about it - I love my Dad ^^ Don't get me wrong and all, Phil is an alright bloke, but like all uncles he can be a complete knob sometimes. Unlike my Uncle Matt of course. ^__________^
Ahhhhh, another angsty blog over and done with. I think you'll agree that these don't happen often (And I also believe you are thinking 'thank FUCK for that') Of course you are XD.
Sunday, 21 November 2010
Ooooh! I Thought I Went Blind There!
This was not me. Infact, this is possibly from one of women from the nicest group of cstomers I've ever met. I actually said to them as they left that I wish I could tip customers. It was at this point that she handed me a tenner. I wanted to throw her across their littered table and sex her up. Also, this is dedicated to David who is a complete tit who (albeit didn't know) I was working the night shift last night followed by breakfastANDlunch today and was bitching at me to blog stuffs. Here is your blog, bitch! :P It's his fault I was up until the early hours friday chatting his head off - not that I minded though, as he is infact my bestie (male edition. tm haha) and I aime him muchlies ^^
On Friday I woke up at about half 3 or so. This was WITH the aid of an alarm. Thank God, I don't want to be late for work! Turns out that I was late anyway, as for some reason I now started at 5 instead of half past. Fuckbags. As punishment I was made to polish, I kid you not, as I counted, 348 knives forks spoons etc. Slight lie though, as 80% of them were knives. Why the hell are so many knives needed? There are not enough forks to match! Do people EAT the forks?!? It wasn't a bad night shift - customers were ok, some were FAB as I said at the start, I got to work with Sammy, who I love and is wonderful - she is SUCH a sweetie!!! And my line manager (My boss's boss) was very impressed with how good I've become so quickly. Did get in to a leeetel bit of trouble as Arnold came in and I got distracted talking to him for about 20 minutes. He is the sweetest little man (little being the correct word here - he held a door open for me and even after bending right over, I still headbutted him in the arm ¬¬) I have ever met!
Also had to contend with Creepy Adam tonight. No, that is not my Adam. Creepy Adam is one of the chefs (a collection of complete perverts, of course, who neglect to remember that I have a face. Damn you tight shirt!) and is soooooo hideous to look at and be around (unlike my Adam who is, it has to be said, absolutely yummy and fab to be around. ^^ Anyways moving on) who was once again creepy and completely inappropriate (No, I don't believe that my breasts should be used for a plaster of paris mould. Fuck off please) and Kieran who, when told that Matt had accidentally brushed against one of my boobs on the way past, basically just trust his head on my chest ¬¬ Goddamn, I hate being female sometimes. To avoid the constant "Want me to take you out for a good time?" comments, I mentioned Adam as often as I could. It's not like I need an excuse to do this. What fnally got them to fuck off slightly was blaming my 'suddenly miffed mood' on the fact that Adam was in hospital. This did not happen, but it got them to back off a bit. Sorry sweetie! Luckily they didnt ask questions or I'd have been fucked and my lie exposed - knowing me I'd have probably said he was giving birth or something... ¬¬ And no, I am not going to complain about it. It's just banter, probably completely harmless but just ever-so-slihtly annoying, that is all. Plus, I've only been there 3 weeks and I'd be getting a bit high and mighty if I complained already.
EVENTUALLY managed to bugger off at HALF 11 meaning I would get in at 12 and to sleep at 12, ready to be awake again a quarter to 6. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH go and crawl in to a pit and die somewhere. Don't mind if I do. Breakfast was slow and hideous - no bugger came in til 9, then they all swarmed in and didn't fuck off til HALF 11 LEAVING ME HALF AN HOUR TO SET UP LUNCH WITH SODDING TABLECLOTHS AND EVERYTHING! The only thing that mae this bareable was working with the adorable Arnold and wonderful Maria (it pays to have a cousin with connections and also who has invited her friends on nights outs with you so you can meet them.) and Lee with his scrummy Irish accent, and Mel being as awesome as ever. I died during lunch - 2 people came in. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG it was so slow, I was close to crying at one point and I left my feet in the Mirror Room they were that sore.
Was stood chatting to Mel as the shift slithere by at a slower pace than maple syrup on a cold day, when she told me that Josh, the cook with a gammy eye, was still drunk. This, I had to see. I used to feel sorry for him and his gammy eye (and also a bit awkward. It was like Michael Mcintyre said about people with lazy eyes - you don' know how to look at them. This is completely true) but after what he did next, I am not in that place. It's a glass eye. How do I know this? He took it out and THRUST IT IN MY FACE! This in itself didn't cause me to drop the tray of glasses I was holding (results = no breakages. Total triumph) it was when I was so startled I looked at his face and happened to see an empty eye socket. This sight will never leave me. Mel couldn't stop laughing when I came back shivering and rocking myself slightly. Ughhhhhh I still shudder at the thought. He's lucky I didn't upchuck at the sight of it.
Was working til 3, but there waqs a meeting at 4 so who got to stay on for ANOTHER extra hour? yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay meeeeeeee! Folding napkins and organising some drawers and cupboards. The thrills just didn't stop. Actually that's true - the meeting was hilarious! Although Chris, my boss, seemed to be suffering from 'I Am A Dick' Syndrome toniht. These meetings occur monthly. This is something I am not used to. In good old KFC I'm used to waiting a year if Im lucky before a manager eventually goes "Ooooh, A meeting might be a good idea at some point." Wandering home I saw they EXACT same couple walking the exact same dog having another blazing row I'd seen the night before. This was coupled with another drunk guy walking towards me, followed by 2 cops. At this point I got a bit scared and thought I'd gone through some sort of time warp nd would have to do the whole horror shifts all over again.
Hayley and Laura eventually came home and we did some memory tests for Laura's work. I have an ace memory XD also made an ORGASMIC tuna melt toasty sandwich. Settled down to watch Scott Pilgrim with the sandwich (I showed that sandwich a good time ;) )and chatted to Adam a little bit morrrre. He makes me smile. I could fall in lesbians with him ^^ (Oh Scott Pilgrim, you are a babe!)
On Friday I woke up at about half 3 or so. This was WITH the aid of an alarm. Thank God, I don't want to be late for work! Turns out that I was late anyway, as for some reason I now started at 5 instead of half past. Fuckbags. As punishment I was made to polish, I kid you not, as I counted, 348 knives forks spoons etc. Slight lie though, as 80% of them were knives. Why the hell are so many knives needed? There are not enough forks to match! Do people EAT the forks?!? It wasn't a bad night shift - customers were ok, some were FAB as I said at the start, I got to work with Sammy, who I love and is wonderful - she is SUCH a sweetie!!! And my line manager (My boss's boss) was very impressed with how good I've become so quickly. Did get in to a leeetel bit of trouble as Arnold came in and I got distracted talking to him for about 20 minutes. He is the sweetest little man (little being the correct word here - he held a door open for me and even after bending right over, I still headbutted him in the arm ¬¬) I have ever met!
Also had to contend with Creepy Adam tonight. No, that is not my Adam. Creepy Adam is one of the chefs (a collection of complete perverts, of course, who neglect to remember that I have a face. Damn you tight shirt!) and is soooooo hideous to look at and be around (unlike my Adam who is, it has to be said, absolutely yummy and fab to be around. ^^ Anyways moving on) who was once again creepy and completely inappropriate (No, I don't believe that my breasts should be used for a plaster of paris mould. Fuck off please) and Kieran who, when told that Matt had accidentally brushed against one of my boobs on the way past, basically just trust his head on my chest ¬¬ Goddamn, I hate being female sometimes. To avoid the constant "Want me to take you out for a good time?" comments, I mentioned Adam as often as I could. It's not like I need an excuse to do this. What fnally got them to fuck off slightly was blaming my 'suddenly miffed mood' on the fact that Adam was in hospital. This did not happen, but it got them to back off a bit. Sorry sweetie! Luckily they didnt ask questions or I'd have been fucked and my lie exposed - knowing me I'd have probably said he was giving birth or something... ¬¬ And no, I am not going to complain about it. It's just banter, probably completely harmless but just ever-so-slihtly annoying, that is all. Plus, I've only been there 3 weeks and I'd be getting a bit high and mighty if I complained already.
EVENTUALLY managed to bugger off at HALF 11 meaning I would get in at 12 and to sleep at 12, ready to be awake again a quarter to 6. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH go and crawl in to a pit and die somewhere. Don't mind if I do. Breakfast was slow and hideous - no bugger came in til 9, then they all swarmed in and didn't fuck off til HALF 11 LEAVING ME HALF AN HOUR TO SET UP LUNCH WITH SODDING TABLECLOTHS AND EVERYTHING! The only thing that mae this bareable was working with the adorable Arnold and wonderful Maria (it pays to have a cousin with connections and also who has invited her friends on nights outs with you so you can meet them.) and Lee with his scrummy Irish accent, and Mel being as awesome as ever. I died during lunch - 2 people came in. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG it was so slow, I was close to crying at one point and I left my feet in the Mirror Room they were that sore.
Was stood chatting to Mel as the shift slithere by at a slower pace than maple syrup on a cold day, when she told me that Josh, the cook with a gammy eye, was still drunk. This, I had to see. I used to feel sorry for him and his gammy eye (and also a bit awkward. It was like Michael Mcintyre said about people with lazy eyes - you don' know how to look at them. This is completely true) but after what he did next, I am not in that place. It's a glass eye. How do I know this? He took it out and THRUST IT IN MY FACE! This in itself didn't cause me to drop the tray of glasses I was holding (results = no breakages. Total triumph) it was when I was so startled I looked at his face and happened to see an empty eye socket. This sight will never leave me. Mel couldn't stop laughing when I came back shivering and rocking myself slightly. Ughhhhhh I still shudder at the thought. He's lucky I didn't upchuck at the sight of it.
Was working til 3, but there waqs a meeting at 4 so who got to stay on for ANOTHER extra hour? yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay meeeeeeee! Folding napkins and organising some drawers and cupboards. The thrills just didn't stop. Actually that's true - the meeting was hilarious! Although Chris, my boss, seemed to be suffering from 'I Am A Dick' Syndrome toniht. These meetings occur monthly. This is something I am not used to. In good old KFC I'm used to waiting a year if Im lucky before a manager eventually goes "Ooooh, A meeting might be a good idea at some point." Wandering home I saw they EXACT same couple walking the exact same dog having another blazing row I'd seen the night before. This was coupled with another drunk guy walking towards me, followed by 2 cops. At this point I got a bit scared and thought I'd gone through some sort of time warp nd would have to do the whole horror shifts all over again.
Hayley and Laura eventually came home and we did some memory tests for Laura's work. I have an ace memory XD also made an ORGASMIC tuna melt toasty sandwich. Settled down to watch Scott Pilgrim with the sandwich (I showed that sandwich a good time ;) )and chatted to Adam a little bit morrrre. He makes me smile. I could fall in lesbians with him ^^ (Oh Scott Pilgrim, you are a babe!)
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