VAGINA!

No, I haven't suddenly turned in to a lesbian, it is bellowed in an angry black man sort of way, and is a quote. LOL

Also - The PageMaster "AM FANNASIE!" Is bloody hilarious.

As promised, here is a recent pic of yours truely, on the way to Hartington Hall (it was very windy outside.) Note the hair all over face in the form of a fringe and the overall purpleness of the colour.

I am getting another tattoo on Wednesday. On my shoulder blade. What is it? An owl ^_^ Pictures to follow, obviously. Typical me though - "oh I have no money and no job (Don't even fucking get me started) but oooh! £30 tattoo!"

That rhymed. Win! XD

Oh How I Love Being On Top ;)

Yes, I do like being on top... of a bunk bed. Ha at you! Dirty, dirty people!

So yeah. I actually almost didn't want to come back to uni. At all. This was confirmed on the morning of the 23rd Jan, when I had to say goodbye to Adam for the last time in about 2 months. For about 2 months. Holy Christ I cried so much... Got in to the flat (after hilarities at Jadey's and stuffs) my mum left, crying of course and setting me off, and so I spent about an hour just sobbing in to Derek :(
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ EMO ANGST SECTION^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ahhhh, emo angst section over. So yes - I'm going to miss Adam rather a lot while I am here, but I guess it makes me look forward to seeing him again even more than usual. The worst bit? I have gone from having sex almost every day, several times a day for the past month or so to practically becoming a nun. Fuck me. (please. oh GOD PLEASE!!!!!!) We all became civilisation nuns come Wednesday - Course trip to Hartington Hall, to play what was basically a big game of Cluedo.

I believe in a previous blog I mentioned that I would be stuck with that bitch that I don't like AT ALL? Well, I should have my own show - she was in my fucking team. But, as team leader who was voted in due to my capability to win every competition I have entered since uni started, I got to tell her what to do. Not that that mattered to her though - essentially, when we reached the crime scene she just flipped me the V and fucked off.

It was SO fun! REally. The lack of signal was good in a way, as no one got distracted, but MY GOD did I miss Adam. And so - Mr man has been stabbed and found unconscious. Our job was to search the crime scene for clues and I got to boss actual police officers around ^_^ Hours of sitting around later (and making an AMAZING balloon model of the Hoff) we ate what was meant to be food. It hit 6pm, and we started drinking. It was the only thing to do that didn't make us all want to rip off our own skin just so we had something to do. We weren't as bad as the lecturers - they started drinking at 4. How responsible. I know we're adults, but you are meant to be looking after us!

At 8 most of us could be found rammed in to the smallest game room pissed out of our brains or at least getting there. Time for a quiz! General knowledge (having failed EPICALLY at the forensics quiz. We aren't doing forensics, thank Christ.) but still came second. Long story short we won - 99/100 isn't a bad score methinks.

And of course, on the second day, after all our initial evidence had been thrown away by the fucking cleaners, we were the only team to collect all the evidence sheets and guess the murderer correctly. We won. Again. I am awesome. But this post is not.

Over Haulin' My Ass Off.

That I am. Soon to follow will be picatoors of meine neues hair colour, as well as my new hair cut, complete with its fringey goodness. Yes, I have a fringe again. I haven't had a fringe since I cut all my hair off (well, bobbed it) in year 9, so it has been a while.

Also, have purchased a fitness DVD and will be joining the gym. "But why?!" I hear the masses cry! Well, It is because I is a wobbly fat fuck teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebh. Did some of the good ol' fitness DVD earlier and spent most of my time on the floor trying to catch my breath. No, it wasn't a particularly difficult work out, it was due to the fact that the man leadin the routine was actually the campest man on the planet. My mum was rolling on the floor with me (Holy fuck that sounded better in my head). Laughing, that is. Oh please.

It is a good thing I am doing all this too - I sat down on the sofa in the den earlier and broke part of the wooden frame O_O. Sweet Jesus, I've actually broken a piece of furniture with my arse. The prospect of using running equipment is horrifying as running is sooooo painful for me. Care to guess? I'll give you a hint (or, the answer in other words) - my boobs. All 38GG of them. There is no sports bra big enough. FML.

I now have a grand total of 5 Blue nose animals. I am addicted. They are so FUCKING CUTE! Adam says I can be sweet when I want to be - give me a kitten or a puppy or something, and I actually act like my sex for once. It's true.

Aaaand to end yet another 'Fuck, it's 2 in the morning and I start work at 9 shit shit shit!' shitty post, a story:

A while back, Jadey and I went through a phase of loving Diddy Dick and Dom (you know, who live in the cupboard. They've lived there all their lives and never been discovered? Oh, forget it.) The best moment? Dick screaming "It's CLEANSING MILK!". This caused us to say it constantly. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAanyways. I was sat in the doctor's waiting room the other day, happily not watching the TV as it is CBBC and I is mature and that :P I was occasionally tutting and rolling my eyes to show my maturity. That is, until Diddy Dick and Dom came on. I turned to watch it. The first episode? CLEANSING MILK! There was so much noise in the waiting room caused my myself roaring with laughter, that I could actually feel the atmosphere in the room shift ever so slightly when I was thankfully called for my appointment a mere minute later. And everyone else lived happily ever after, whereas I looked like a twat.

:)

I Come From Ethiopia.

I don't really, but goddamn I'm eating loads lately. I am Starvin' Marvin, and I found an actual Shake Weight today. I am living in South Park.

I ran screaming from the house in nothing but a towel on wednesday, taking the time to grab my handbag and car keys. Why is this? Well, when you are showering and you are home alone, and you watch the bathroom door unlock and open by itself, it can be a little un nerving. Just a little. To cheer myself up I bought myself a new Ipod Nano. It's sexy as sexy can be - just like its owner ;)

Erm. I have purrrrrple hair now. I fancied a change, and I haven't had purple hair since I was 12, the first time I dyed my hair actually. Yeah. The first colour I chose was purple. Brave move.

And so, I'm feeling generous - if you are one of the first 5 people to comment on this rather pathetic 'post' if you can call it that, I will make or get you something nice and that, and do some sending stuffs for you. In short - comments will be rewarded with gifts. Have I reached new lows to get comments? Nah - I'm a nice person ^__________________^

Here Comes Ali Babarrr and his FUCKING CAMEL!

I am now 19. Isn't that awesome? I now feel I can enjoy being legally allowed to buy alcohol and the like without thinking myself to be 'new meat' or have only just got my foot in the door. Nope, now I have shut the door behind me. I know that one day the day will come when I will be so far away from the door, I won't have left the house for weeks (probably due to the horror-filled thoughts associated with people seeing my withered old face.) I digress. I originally wrote 'digest'. Why have I been eating LOADS lately? No, I am not pregnant. Even if the implant somehow cocked itself up and left me unprotected, my panic attack when the never-ending period actually stopped that caused me to leave the house immediately and purchase 3 different pregnancy tests has proved beyond a doubt that I am not with child. I'm bloody broody though, for fucks sake. I keep dreaming about having this beautiful little girl, called Evie. Oh she is lovely. But no, Leah! 19! University student! No babies for you yet! And I usually fucking hate kids (notice the careful choice of word order there :P)

Turning 19 wasn't fun until I had completed my chuffing exam on the 10th, the day before. This mleft me having to drive all the way back to Derby sunday night. Brilliant. After work. Even better. My complaints were immediately halted when I ended my shift and Adam eventually finished his - he'd swapped his shift on monday so he could come with me! ^^ Thank fuck he did, as a diversion caused me to get hopelessly lost and travelling away from Derby. Bollocks. Had he not been there, I had visions of myself on monday morning, out of petrol by the side of some never-ending road, ringing uni to tell them to shove there test where the sun doesn't shine. It took us 4 FUCKING HOURS to do a hour and a half trip. I still can't bend my right leg properly yet.

The exam itself went as well as it could have done for someone who did jack shit in terms of frevision. Everyone's cries of "Leah! You look really different!" startled me a bit - I haven't worn makeup in weeks due to ongoing eye issues due to Adam's sodding cats and my huge allergies to them. That is why I looked different. T_T But yeah, after bothering Jade and Gracey for a bit (And entering the Ducking Hardcore Mix. I also brought the man around, as promised lmao) we set off home. In Newark my "Jesus, I'll have to pull over soon, I can feel my eyelids going" was totally justified when I smashed in to the curb. ¬_¬

I like lillies. Adam got me a bunch of them for me buffdee. And a massive owl cuddley toy, whom I have named Derek, as well as several of the CUTEST little 'Blue Nose' animals. We went to the seaside for the day. It was completely empty, as everyone else was sensible and didn't go to the seaside in the middle of Januray. When it's raining. Prat-head that I am "Ooooft! I wanna go SEASIDEEEE!!!!" for god's sake - took shelter in the arcades and won a loads of stuffs on the 2p machines. Put £3 in, won £9 back. I'm good ^_^

Buffet and indoor fireworks back homeeeee - video footage to follow. Naturally I have a glass of wine in my hand in every shot. Mini sparklers caused us all to panic and for me to drop it on my foot O_O and G actually burned a hole in his top with the big finale firework. LMAO!

You hear horror stories of parents entering the room during sex don't you? I have no chances of that happening, which is brill. However, the sound of G letting the dogs out will make me laugh no end, and it gets even better when your Grandmother rings during. My attempt to make her stop talking about her bowels failed - "I have to go, my boyfriend is over and I er-" "OH DEAR! OHHHHHHHHHH DEARRRRRRRRRRR I am SORREHHHH *talks about bowels some more*" Shut it bitch.

Adam talks in his sleep. Without fail, every night. My favourite conversation is as follows:

Adam: Leah?
Leah: Yes, sweets?
Adam: I don't like that man.
Leah: What man?
Adam: The man on tv!
Leah: ... We're not watching tv
Adam: Oh, go FUCK yourself then!

Later that night he randomly screamed at the top of his lungs, shoved me to one side, laughed, then muttered something about a dog. I... er....

I dunno. I'm all over the shop. It's late, I'm tired, but I daren't go through the living room again. Meep!

Ahaha, Woops...

Yeah.
I missed the normality of a 'OH Em GEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT was Christmas and now it's over and going to be a whole new year and that!' - type post, basically outlining that I stuffed my fat face for a few days then got insanely drunk and lost at a New Years Eve party. Or something similar. It's me. Jesus. (Notice that it is a full stop and not a comma. No, I have not just admitted I am the Son Of God. This is because God does not exist, so how could I be his son? Also, my lack of penis would prove the son part to be extremely difficult.)

But no, there has been good reasonings for no regular postings as of late. I know that as soon as I go back to uni (in 3 weeks), the posts will return to being daily occurances. But, for now, as I sit in a darkened room in my blatantly haunted house, possibly with a ghosty peeking over my shoulder (which I hate. Fuck off and read something else!), I shall take the time to explain and reflect on what I have been up to lately, and through the year as a whole.

I intended to post on Christmas Day, and even started writing it. I then got so drunk (so much so that I fell down the stairs. ¬_¬~) and started enjoying watching my Jackass DVDs too much, so the blog post got abandoned. The Jackass thing? Mazi got me the boxset for Crimby. My family had the choice of watching several family suitable movies, like Toy Story 3, for example. What do we choose? Jackass. That is my household. Ah well. Since then I have basically been living at Adam's, only taking breaks to go to work under the control of a vicious COCKHEAD who's more Bi-polar than the North and South Poles (Geddit?! Oh, naff off then.) I'm 'Princess Leia' one minute - Leia, not Leah, so this doesn't work, and then 'silly bitch' or something similar the next. Fuck you, with your cheesy OTT "OHHHHHHHHHHHH! Your own Hans Solo is in the kitcheeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnn!!" ("Let me just go and yell at him for fuck all reason, sending him in to a horrific bad mood that I will then blame on you and make you cry and want to stab me in the eye repeatedly with a particalarly sharp chip.")

KFC is back in my life, Oh glee, and is full of new workers who won't talk to me. At all. Fuck you. I was there first - people know and like me. They are mostly foreign, and have NO MANNERS! One of them is so rude and arrogant it is unreal. She's the kind of person that makes me want to purposely wrap my car around a tree to avoid having to interact with them. I greeted her with a 'hello' one morning, I recieved a sneer and a 'hmph!' headtoss kinda thing in return. She didn't hear my "I do hope I get the opportunity to slam your head in to a wall today! :)" Well, either that or she didn't understand me.

I spent new years at Adam's, and will have some lovely video footage to share with you soon. We had intended on spending the night in. After getting pissed by 6 pm (I as drinking wine and cider, and hadn't eaten in about 3 days. Have mercy with your slatings) we arsed around for what seemed like days until 9 or so and wandered down to a party in the village. At one point me and Adam walked in to one of the big tent things (I have no idea what they are called tbh. Begins with 'M' methinks. Anyway) *ahem* and I found a woo woo fountain and a tube of pringles, so I stayed there for a bit. God, have just realised that joy of pringle tube makes me sound similar to that thing from Big Brother one year. Yuck. Adam wandered off somewhere, but then when I came out of the house I was grabbed by one of his friends telling me he was frantic and had been looking everywhere for me for the past hour. I thought I'd been in there 10 minutes. I am fail.

Welcoming in the New Year with the man I love was a lot better than last year, although screaming Aude Lang Syne (Or however the fuck it's spelt) in the living room with my mum was rather entertaining, but making a promise to that special someone is so much better <3 I'd like to think I've come a long way in the past year - I've turned 18, left school, joined university, moved miles away from home and started living alone. I've passed my driving test, held down 3 jobs (2 at once), successfully purchased and funded a car, got several tattoos and new piercings, met celebrities, drunk endless amounts of alcohol, seen so many new films, read so many new books and listened to so much more music. Most importantly, I have managed to find someone able to love me, and I have been able to love them back. :)

Don't get me wrong, there have also been low points - personal crisises concerning my personal health, both mental and physical, separation issues and possible divorces, insane amounts of debts and money worries, police incidents, assaults, depression, stress, bitchiness... I could continue, but that would be depressing. So I will leave you on a high (of sorts.)

I turn 19 in a week, so please don't judge me too strongly when I say that, as soon as this blog post is finished and posted, I will be sprinting through the living room out in to the garden and in to my room to avoid our lovely haunter, who has taken to violently rattling the door to what was once my room and the kitchen doors. This both scares and intrigues me. Part of me wants something to happen, but I know for a fact that if it does happen, I will quite possibly shit my pants, scream loud enough to wake up Long Sutton, which is 7 miles away, and trample all 3 of my dogs to death in my efforts to return to the little girl I once was, frightened by the sounds the house makes after dark and running to jump in her mummy's bed.

Wish me luck - hopefully I will have something oh-so special for you next time ;)


P.S. "Fuck me." "Suck me." Makes me LOL rather a lot. Kinda a mood killer, though.