Look At The Tits On That!

Shockingly, this was not aimed at me! More on that later. Anyways, here is what has become known as the 'Oooh Shot' That's me, the subject of Mr Mcintyre's ooohing ^____^ Notice that my hand is where it would most likely have been - over my mouth, trying to stop myself from doing a terrifying fan girl scream naturally. Also take time to notice hideous dykey woman preventing people from sitting next to him. She was such a fucking kill joy!! With her big smug face "oooh I'm stood next to Michael Mcintyre!!!!" and putting on her best smile cause she knew she'd be in everyone's photos.

It was one of those nights when I go out last night, so sorry there was no blog. But lucky you! (Or not so lucky, depending on which way you look at it) you get a nice long double blog to read! If you've managed to keep up with my blog so far, then this really shouldn't be a problem for you. If you managed to get through the post about the few days surrounding Lissi's buffdee then I congratulate you immensely. I myself find it wonderful, but maybe it's because I was there. Anyways, Where the fuck was I? I'm doing that distraction thing again.

Spent the day at home. I was attempting to do my essay (That I have had mere months to due and have typically left until the week before the deadline before even bringing myself to look at it) and Gracie was attempting to revise for her not-GCSE science exam. Both of us failed miserably - I spent my valuable time reading my wonderful new book and Grace made a video compilation of all the videos we find hilarious. I will have to do the essay in the next 3 days though - the deadline is on friday, but I would like to be gone by thursday night. To my actual home and that.

Eventually, Yujia, Jade's new blokey, came round and my aunt cooked up a nommy roast dinner. This was purely to benefit me as she thought I wouldn't be eating proper meals. She would be correct. For several nights last week I have literally eaten a tin of beans with some cheese and salad cream mixed in. That has been one of my meals (I have, for some unknown reason, run out of naffing super noodles!!!) And then we began the drinking - Ring of Fire, followed by I Have Never. Aunty Sam stuck around to get some gossip, and even provided some of her own! As horrific as many people may think it is to them, but my family is so close-knit that we don't really care about embarassment and stuff like that. I didn't get as fucked as I normally do, seeing as no one in the circle knew ALLLLL my sexual secrets.

Jade spent about 3275683947594387 year roughly to get ready, whereas I literally put a 'shirt' on (A shirt that screamed 'here is my boobs AND arse simaltaneously') and smeared a bit of lipstick round my face. Then I realised that I looked like a complete pillock and wiped a bit off. Normal women at this time of year use the occasion to dress in Ann Summers outfits (Or outfits of that calibre) whereas what do I go as? A fucking zombie. Sexy.

Following a couple of pitchers to myself at Standing Order, we headed over to Blue Note to dance the night away. Nothing major happened, apart from Shona got waaaay too drunk as is normal and came on to anything in the club that had a penis. David called me also, and also was drunk, in order to mourne the closing of Avenue Q after 5 years. At least i got to go see it - He, being a jammy bitch, got to see it 3 times. And I also got too drunk. At least I remained in control, Well, relatively. I'm not proud of myself tbh. After using myself as a human barrier between Yujia and Jade and the bouncers attacking some woman outside Walkabout while we were waiting for the taxi - When we got home I made chicken/quorn, coleslaw and pickle sarnies for everyone and had a chat with Aunty Sam, I settled down with some doritos and dip to watch Celebrity Juice with Grace.

I awoke tired yet not hungover, bizzarely, and nommed toast with Grace. Another lazy day - due to working almost everyday of my life, I haven't had one of those sorts of dfays in ages. So my pjs were staying on all day. Playing Sonic brought all the fab memories of our childhood back and soon we were all cackling in a heap - one of the main hilarities was the story of a 6 year old me and my dad telling me off. "We don't use words like 'penis', Leah" and me telling him matter-of-factly, "I didn't say 'penis' daddy, I said 'anus'!" yujia carved an amazing pumpkin - IT HAS AN OWL ON IT! I FECKING LOVE OWLS!!!!

After cackling hysterically at X Factor and the fact that Katie is a complete twat, Karen (my aunt's 'wife'. I say wife, as they were once married - they signed the schedule and everything! But they are now separated... Yet here she was! I was staring very intently at my phone when she came in) came over and brought sweets, which I happily ate. The conversation turned to droopy cocks for some reason, and i then found myself watching one of the worst porn dvds I have ever seen, featuring a woman from Bristol. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen, and we spent 99% of the fucking thing screaming with laughter and making hilarious observations. This blog title is one of my faves from a skit featuring the main tart having her nipples sucked by two different men. Even though they are both sucking on them, one of the men said to the other "Corrrr, look at the *fake .... with implants are so huge the skin is actually stretched over them* TITS ON THAT!"

To get in to the Halloween spirit, Jade decided to play Silent Hill for us, and so we spent ages reminiscing about the past again. I have been ordered to bring Gex, Croc and Crash with me next time I come over so we can relive our childhoods. This is another thing we discussed - we played games that were so innocent when we were younger, featuring mainly animals going on an adventure to defeat an obvious bad guy trying to destroy the world. The worst thing we ever had to see was maybe a mini enemy getting bopped on the head a bit. What do the kids of today see? Front line warfare and images that imply that stealing cars and beating prostitutes to death is acceptable. the only game we used to play that even came close to mimicking warfare was Hogs Of War, which was just hilarious anyway, and that we are working on trying to get a copy of in order to play again. Jade informs me that Rik Mayall was the voice I used to find hilarious even as a kid. FUCK ME WE ARE GETTING IT!!!

This really does say a lot about society today. Things were much simpler when we were kids. TV, Movies, games, music... everything was just so much better! And the games were actually entertaining and fantasy, instead of showing kids what they should never see. Plus, it gives the wrong impression. You can die as many timnes as you want in COD (not that you'd really want to keep dying, as it is annoying and frustrating) and then just keep redoing the parts over and over. i think this is why Tim wants to join the army so bad - it looks 'cool'. I doubt he'd ever be able to kill someone, he's way too nice for that. Plus, he'd have to shave all his hair off and take his earring out, and he's way too much of a poof to want to do that.

As we were getting drawn in to the land of Silent Hill, the lid of the pumpkin suddenly fell through and put the candle out. Turns out that the candle had partially cooked the lid and made it shrink to about half its size. This thud not only scared us slightly shitless, but made the room smell lovely. I has a work induction thing tomorrow, which is both terrifying and exciting. FINALLY I CAN WEAR MY PIERCINGS AT WORK! Which is a good thing seeing as I have JUST had my tragus pierced on both ears and my clear nose stud had somehow been wittled in to a very sharp point that practically pierces the middle of my nose as soon as anything comes in to contact with the outside of it. And Beauty and the Beast FINALLY comes out on dvd tomorrow, so I get the feeling that movie night on tuesday will be featuring that. Much to Laura's annoyance - she doesn't like it for reasons best known to herself O_____O whyyyyyy?! It's lovely!

Gonna do some Blackberry exploring before doing some of that sleeping stuff I so crave. Busy day tomorrow - although not filled with rollerskating as initially intended. That will follow next week ^___^

We Met His FACE!!!

Being woken by the pain of that crippling virus at 7 in the morning was wonderful, and was made even better by being woken by the same pain again at 9. Tis a good thing I was woken at 9 - I got a text from Jadey telling me I had an interview at le hotel at 2 in le afternoon (why have I gone all continental? O_O) She went on to say that I was actually going to be interviewed on wednesday but I buggered off because I didn't know this was the case.

I attempted to do some more of that sleeping stuff, you know, to prevent yawning or fainting during interview. When I eventually did emerge, in the dark, I trod on my shirt from last night. That did actually scare me ever so slightly. God damn I am a bit of a pussy tbh. Poor Beckie popped round to pick up a shirt from Lissi - I say poor Beckie because she got to see Leah The Sex Goddess - morning edition. Yup, bed head, makeupless, no bra and xl man shirt and shorts. Lucky, lucky her...

Long story short - after spazzing out about the interview for aaaaaaaaaaages, I instantly got the job. GET IN THERE MY SON! Seriously though - those 2 days I didn't have a job were truely terrifying. When attempting to get moneys out for a piercing (with Jade, to celebrate/because we are addicted to them and weird. Speaking of weird, when I got the job I instantly rang Jade and screamed down the phone at her. Some old couple actually stopped walking along the round to stand and stare at me. Well isn't that pleasant?) one of my cards wasn't working, so cue a HUGE PANIC and sprint to the bank. My new card is on the way, FFS...

And so, after heading back to the flat and washing up and grabbing possibly the heaviest textbooks I own I waited for Jadey, whom I saw coming and instantly made scream with laughter with my announcement that all I could see when she was walking towards me was a big pair of bouncing bosoms. Anyways, as we headed to Salamanders to get our £10 piercings, I felt like I was betraying Jade. It was fine though as she was right next to me and was getting one too. I settled on having my tragus done, and very much enjoyed watching A Nightmare On Elm Street while waiting ^_^ We went all the way upstairs, had our piercings, loved them and wandered back downstae hadn't even reached the bottom step before I'd decided to have my other tragus pierced aswell. Ah well - who needs food?

We popped to Standing Order for chippy chips, of course, and scared many an old person with our v loud conversations. Her description of a Koala bear's worried face had me almost on the floor in tears of laughter. Then off to Home Bargains to stock up on cheap booze for tomorrow night ^________^ People that know me well enough will know that when I find something extremely funny, i find it hard not to laugh. Jade got IDed by the obvious trainee tiller, as she had a man old bat stood behind her the entire time. After her lecture about IDing EVERYONE WHO COMES IN THE STORE, I decided I'd help the girl out and show her my ID. What did stupoid patronising trainer lady say? "Do you know what you're looking for?" OMG I almost errupted when the girl bluntly replied "Date of birth" What else do you look for when IDing someone? Just check out their pic and have a bit of a giggle? Jesus...

I wanted to run to asda in time to meet Mr Mcintyre!!! As we got off the bus, it seemed like every bugger wanted to slow us down. We arrived just after half 5, to be greeted by the grumpiest arsey staff members in the world, who said they couldn't guarantee that Michael would sign them - this got us slightly pissed. Why would they keep letting people queue if Michael was going to bugger off at some point? As the queue snaked its way round the store, we came close to the signing area. I caught a glimpse of Michael's hair and had a slight spazz attack. There he was! His FACE and the rest of him was just over there. And we needn't have worried about him buggering off before seeing everyone - as he himself said "Of course I'm going to sign them all, that's what I'm here for!"

Due to the huge demand for his attention, we weren't allowed to stop him signing to pose for pictures, which was fair enough. We watched as some random ginger bloke sat down next to him. He then stood up and Michael bellowed in his face "who the hell are you?!?" which was funny on its own, before he giggled and meekly said to us "He just sat down next to me :(" Some fat fuck was so fat he had to bring a chair to sit on while in the queue. I say it was a chair, but it was more like a small bench.

Eventually we were able to purchase our books and instantly died laughing when we started to read it - the man is just too funny! And then it happened! Kitty, his wife and who is possibly one of the nicest people I've ever met, ushered me forward and there he was! The first thing he did was apologise for keeping me waiting for a million years, before saying "Hi I'm Michael. This is my book *signs it* And this is me *draws a little arrow with 'me' written next to it on the front cover*" And wished me well. I. LOVE. HIM! He is so nice! Honestly one of the sweetest men in the world, and so humble! Love love love love!!! Oh, he was so nice!

Jade took some pics of us while I was meeting him. There is a shot of a very shocked Michael looking at me, with an expression on his face that my Aunt went on to say looked like he'd seen a massive pair of bosoms home in to view. And there we have it! The lovely Michael Mcintyre. Who is lovely. ^______________^ Gracie had a bloke round (oooer) and Aunty Sam told us as she was picking us up that he was holding an erection pillow. When we went in to see them, I noticed that Grace also had an erection pillow. Epic win FTW.

I love Mr Mcintyre. He is lovely - and buy his book, it is sooooooo funny!!

Everybody Walk The Dinosaur

As I was ripping my shirt up in prep for tonight, I wanted to sing a song to get me in the mood. Not The Monster Mash, nor This is Halloween - nope, Walk The Dinosaur. Lissi was ever so slightly scared. As was I - I do wonder whatv exactly I'm on most days of my life.

Wandered up to uni, this time with Kim in tow - the group is slowly getting bigger and bigger ^_______^ Today in Angie's lecture we were having a guest speaker (not one of the murderers. Much to Amy and Mine's dismay) It was some cop. I instantly envied Holly and Rachael who were smart enough to no be in today. As lovely as the cop was, he spent 2 hours talking at me. Don't ask me what it was about - I retained NOTHING from what e said. Although he mentioned Harry Brown at some point and I spazzed out.

Following Sam's boring lecture and Sarah's equally boring tutorial about it Amy and I wandered home, seeing as Alex and Sallie buggered off without us. Since getting my Blackberry, many many people have been contacting me - I feel all popular! Amy made my life when Sallie rang to apologise - her final cry of "Fine! You just stand there and watch Leah and I get raped then! Thank you! BYE!!!"

Spent the evening ripping up the new shirt Lissi got me - it was a lovely man shirt, but I atacked it with scissors and red face paint ,which made my hands turn a wonderful shade of orange - it's a good thing Lissi gave me gloves when I did her fake tan, or else I would have changed colour altogether.

After popping to Plonkers to get booze Liss and Vetty and I got ready and I covered myself in an amazing amount of fake blood and basically just got a scrap of material to put over my chest. I got a little rip happy with Vetty's shirt - she was basically topless too O_O

Lissi was doing some awesomes dancing tonight, and I had the scary job of filming the dance. I say scary because I had hideous visions of cocking it up and missing her completely. And also scary because they were all dressed as mimes.Fuck. Even worse? As we were having a boogy a guy dressed as a CLOWN came and rubbed his ass against mine. It was like a Scooby Doo cartoon - I practically jumped in to Lissi's arms. A fete that, if I had actually done it, would have wiped out Lissi, possibly breaking her, and taking out everyone near us, which would have been Beckie, Noel, Vetty, Liss, Leah, James aswell as many more people nearby. Including shit scary clown man. Had this hellish scene that ran through my head occurred, I would have died at the very end - a clown, sat on me. O_________O

Lissi and I wandered home, grabbing some chips cheese and mayo (orgasmic) and had ou photo taken for the shop wall. Well, won't that be a lovely shot for people ordering their food - a mime and a 'zombie' covered in blood. Bumped in to Becca, who is also in the dance troupe with Lissi, so we had a fab chitchat and catch up as we wandered home. Following a packet of nik naks and browsing through the pictures with Lissi and Laura (pictures that got a hell of a lot more hideous when I appeared in them. I did go a bit OTT with the fe blod and stuff. I looked the part though!) Also made sure I had a shower tonight - I didn't want to be one of those people that wakes up after a themed night before with their bed covered in a hideous amount of different paints and stuff. I feel that my experience maaaay have been worse had it occurred to me. Blood and a ripped shirt - huh. What exactly did I get up to last night?!??! But not for me! Yay! Lissi got dissappointed with me sending some dirty text messages - this is not the sort of thing that Mummy Leah is meant to be doing! Ahaha.

It's going to be wonderful tomorrow - I get a lie in, maybe a bit of essay writing (ok, maybe not so great) then meeting Jade in the bus station... to get the bus,.... TO GO MEET MICHAEL MCINTYRE!!!!! OMFG OMFG OMFG I AM THE DEFINITION OF EXCITED!!!

THEY CANNAE TAK MA FREEEDUM!!!

Dave's lecture had so much promise, it really did. What did he do instead? Talk our ears off about how he remembers stuff in exams, but he wasn't sure whether we would find it useful or not. Um, why tell us then? We did watch a mega interesting vid about Fred West.

Fell asleep in his tutorial, yet again, but this time I was upright and so it was blatantly obvious ¬¬ REally really boring day - highlight? While sat in an immensely boring library tutorial, Lisa alerted me to a leak in the ceiling. As we were both looking at it it dripped on our faces. Our screams kinda alerted the whole of the class.

Came home to find a v angry email from one of the ebay women complaining that I didn't pay INSTANTLY for one of the pressies. A fact that she failed in the original auction. Ah well - I still got it. Up yours, bitch! Another movie night with Hayley and Laura - I do love these ^_^ This time we watched Alan Carr followed by the Hunchback of Notre Dame. During this I was working on Lissi's pressie, an activity that both annoyed me and I enjoyed I am creative, but I fail at sewing and things. It looks bloody good though!

Liss posted an itiguing status on Facebook, which required her immediate presence in my room for details. Oh my God - I don't know what I was expecting, but news of Seb and his brother going missing all day and night and being found between hospitals and police was a bit shocking to say the least. There is drama sometimes in ye olde Derby - some stupid arse thought it would be awesome to bring a gun to uni. What the ACTUAL fuck? How would you get in to uni in the first place with a mind like that?

Speaking to my mother about the KFC situation really bummed me down - eventually, We decided that she would help me out a little at first but I was to pack in working for KFC and actively seek other employmenyt. This entailed me skiving off work the next day in order to do CV games and visit the hotel for an application form. And also because I couldn't be arsed to go in. I woke up at 9, 3 hours before my shift started in order to give them chance to cover my shift, cause I'm nice like that. My excuse of being up all night puking meant I wouldn't be able to come back to work til saturday - she pipped me to the post by SHRTILY, like the bitch she is, saying:
Bitch: "I understand you do not like it here and are thinking of handing in your notice due to the customers?"
Me: "Um... yes, that is correct"
Bitch: "Well, if you want to hand in your notice you'll have to hand it in to your old store, as technically you don't work for me."
Me: " *um wtf WHERE AM I WORKING THEN?!* Oh ok, but I don't want to NOT work there, just here."
Bitch: "Do you want shifts next week?"
Me: "Ugh no!"
Bitch: "You don't like the customers... is that the reason you're not coming in today?"
Me: "*yes* no, I am actually ill, thankyou"
Bitch: "Seeing as you can't come back til Sat, I won't call you in and we'll leave it at that. I don't nderstand why you didn't come to me about this and I had to find out about this from my other workers." *the stupid tossers had a staff meeting yesterday and blatantly spent the time talking about me* "You know, I can't cntrol the customers"
Me: " I know that. But you CAN control your staff *tells whole sorry story*"
Bitch: "...You're probably lying anyway"
Me: "Right then. Thank you, and go fuck yourself" *slams phone down*
I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Win! Treated myself to a phone upgradeto contract - I only got pay as yo go as I thought I wouldn't spend £20 a month. I have spent £30 in about 2 weeks O____O Soooo here I am, sitting next to my gorgeous new Blackberry. "Would you like a new phone?" "Uh well I didn't need a new ph-" "Would you like a blackberr-" "YES!!!" and handed in a bunch of CVs. An activity that I panicked about almost all night (til 1 in the morning almost) as my old number hadn't been changed on to my new sim. Yet the old sim had been deativatd. I officially had no phone number. ¬¬

Hayley, Laura and I spent the evening in the kitchen, in a halloween esque discussion, including a session on a ouija board that i crudely drew on a piece of paper. I am not a fan of ouija boards, evil evil things and that haha. Sat around for aaaaaaaaaages waiting for Lissi to come home to carve le pumpkins, an activity we all thoroughly enjoyed XD Our pumpkins look the awesomes - Will deffo be uploading a pic on here shortly! Lissi captured a fab pic of Laura holding a knife up to me - the Psycho shot, lmao! Each of our pumpkins are unintentionally named after horror film characters - mine is Jason, Hayley was Freddie and Laura's was Damien. Lissi called hers Gloria. Ah well - it suits her (her pumpkin, that is)

Vetty popped over for some cheering up/childish films XD while t'others went out. Liss popped up after getting home from Alton Towers (jammyyyyyyy :P) and then Hayley came home. And so we spent ages chatting ^_^ We are going to all go on a ghost walk next week! EEEEE! SO EXCITED!!! After eeryone left and Hayley went to bed, Lissi dragged a load o people back to the flat, so I headed out for some chatting fun and interactions. I know I've said this before, but I BLOODY LOVE UNIVERSITY!!!

It's The Eye Of The Tiger Bread ^^

But first, a short musical interlude: "I aaaaam Gaaaa-aato, I have metal joints, beat me up and you will earn, 15 silver points!" Kwehhh! I has gone Chrono Trigger crazy lately, and that 30 second song has been stuck in my head for about 5 days. It's now reached the point where other people get to hear me sing it. It's so catchy! ^_^

No blog for a while as I was not with laptop. But ues, following another hideous shift at work and a sprint around the shops for essentials (i.e. new black leggings and a new ds game) cheered me up ever so slightly. I diiiid try and buy Return to Oz on dvd. I loved that film as a kid. Well, loved and was scared shitless of (it was the wheelers. UGH JUST THINKING OF THEM MAKES ME CRINGE!!!!!!!!They are terrifying!!)But anyway,the guy said they'd lost the disk for it. My cry of 'Oh no! Aw, I'm bummed now' (leave it) got a response of "OMG I'm so sorry! These things happen all the time! Argh! I'm so sorry, miss!" Awwwww I wanted to hug him! "Aw, don't worry about it! It's not the end of the world!" REally pissed about not getting the dvd thogh, obviously. My day didn't get any better when I picked up a panini (in a different shop obviously, Jesus keep up!) and the bloke apologised profusely for not being able to heat it up. Yes, I was slightly bummed, but it was a simple toasted sandwich and not the END OF THE FUCKING WORLD?!?! Is it really that difficult to remain polite over CHICKEN CARCASSES!?!?!? NO! I wouldn't dream of treating people the way I've been treated at KFC.

Ahhhh... Fell in love with the bus driver, who not only let me on for free but also told me when to get off as I'm thick/blind. I was literally the only person on the bus for a while, then some bloke got on. He had the choice of EVERY OTHER BLOODY SEAT ON THE BUS and where did he sit? Next to Muggins here ¬¬ Well, I say next to me, he was practically on my knee. He was slightly damp O_O Which was ever so yum, as yu can very well imagine. Ben, Jade and Grace enjoyed my tales of hilarity from work - the way I tell stories can make them more amusing than they actually are, but truth be told, I dread going to work, so much so that I'm losing sleep over it and am getting ill, but more on that story later.

I very much enjoy spending time with the loons. In prep for going to see Paranormal activity 2 the next day we watched the first film. This was purely for my benefit, having not seen it since that hideous cinema trip seeing as it was a SHITE film. Jade and Grace both thought it was shit scary, so we had to keep the lights on (¬¬ :P) At one point Grace left the room and Jade and I were still focused on the film. Ben said 'boo' and made us both jump slightly, but that was nothing compared to what was coming next - Grace came back and we settled down again. Ben and I wnked at each other, and I began to watch Grace... Ben screamed, including some jazz hands which made my night tbh, and Grace literally died. I joined her - bt laughing of course.

Watching Paranormal Entity, Grace was telling me that it was hideous - the demon was sexual and raped her. "Ah, it's an incubus then!" "HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW LEAH?!?!" Because I'm immensely cool/sad. An incubus is a demon or evil spirit that likes to rape and torture women. A scubus is a female version, that rapes males. I have known that for years, because I'm mega in to stuff like that. I went on a website that specialses in helping people obtain a demon for a fuck buddy. Yes, you saw that correctly. I am now worried that I will think about it and get one O_O

The night was made by a visit to chatroulette land and my attempts to secure some cheese in a can, and not secure some cocks on show. I got neither of my wishes :( I made a sign with 'Get your cock out' on one side, and 'no penis please' on the other. Judging on the hotness of the bloke we were faced with (providing it wasn't just a penis sat attempting to have a conversation with us, that is) One guy came up and I said "What do you recon, penis or no pe-" I couldn't finish, as they guy stood up and he was already completely naked. "Ah, looks like we don't have a choice".

Paranormal Activity 2. Ahaha. Well, after stampeding through town to get to the cinema, and then going back to get sweets (and pencil dicks!!!) We hurtled in to the screen as the trailers were playing. Auntie Sam sat one end, followed by Jade, Grace then me. The film itself was naaaaaaaaaff, but at one point, the fab audience (who were quiet) were mumuring about a part when the baby gets lifted out of the crib by an invisble force. You couldn't hear said mumuring over the cackling coming from myself and my aunt, which set the blokes in the row behind off laughing.

Stayd over again, watching rudetube and bo selecta til 5 in the morning and eating tnnes of food for some reason (I don't know why. At one point we really fancied dorito, but had no dip. We used Ketchup instead. That is how much we wanted to eat!)

I woke up with that usual sense of dread in the pit of my stomach - I physically dread going in to work. I hate the customers, I hate the staff. I'm treated like absolutel shit there. Really hope I won't be there much longer. Only had to cope with 3 hours though, which was alright I suppose, but it still crawled by. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooo come onnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Vegged out at hme and chilled with Lissi watching Mr Mcintyre - I really needed cheering up :) I do have a bone to pick with her though - she has introduced me to tiger loaf, fried when buttered on both sides. It is addictive and nom. And also sehr fattening, of course. Bugger ¬¬

Are You Single? I'm Single! Get In To My Bed!

No, I am not a slag. Ahahaha... If what I just saw on Russel Howard's Good News is true, then James must be living for 27 years longer judging on how much he did last night. Yes - staring at boobs makes you live longer. Not only that, but taking off a bra can save lives.

Attempting to watch The Shining at one in the morning was fail, so I actually went to bed (I know! WTF?!?) but some absolute BITCH came home at 6 in the morning SCREEEEEEEAMING about something. Thanks love. I was awake for an hour - I think. I might have dreamed it. I also dreamt that I sent an amazing reply to a text from Adam. I am fail, to be quite honest.

When my alarm eventually went off I snoozed it. A lot. This is because I was still drunk. Ugh. When I finally started to move I walked in to my bathroom door. Twice. What the actual fuck? I was hoping to play the 'I am so ill and sick and ill and I might collapse again' card at work. I just got a 'hello Leah! there's someone already upstairs, so up you go!' Charming. As I was stripping (in le stock room, ooer) another worker whom I've never met before came in. I was in nothing but a thong. I didn't notice him come in for ages. Now whenever he sees me he grins and looks at my arse. Brilliant. What a fabulous first impression. Naff off with the arse looking thing!

The day only got better from then on. Ha. I don't quite know what to make of Stephen. Sometimes he is able to look me in the eye and have a civil conversation with me, but most of the time he is either looking at my chest (healthy bloke) and trying to get me to eat meat. Dude, does the fact that I am ALLERGIC to it not make you think that's a bad idea?!? Or staring at my arse and making me do things for him (Oh hang on, that sounds so wrong. I meant get stock and stuff!) So I had to deal with him ¬¬ Luckily Shelly, Jono and Toyah were there too, Jono especially as he stopped me from physically smacking this fucking BITCH in her fat face!

The customers in Derby are a new breed of ARSEHOLE. The Smack woman wanted 2 kids meals, both with leg pieces. She wasn't allowed. She ignored when I said that and went on to order a 2 piece meal for herself (My God, aren't you just a wonderful mother?) She wanted 2 breast pieces (teehee lesbian) my God, she was so RUDE. I told her she wasn't allowed about 19 times. Each time she asked me why, but as I began to explain why she'd turn away and talk to her friend. She was just soooo fucking rude it was unreal. I was shaking I was so angry, and was so STRESSED. Eventually she was just going "I don't need your explanation, just give me the food I want!" "Madame, if you care to listen I am telling you that you CAN NOT HAVE WHAT YOU WANT! Therefore, I am unable to GIVE YOU THE FOOD YOU WANT SO YOU CANNOT HAVE THE FOOD YOU WANT." It was only Jono coming up behind me (ooer) that stopped me leaping over the counter at her.

Therefore I was extremely happy when Becky took me in to the office to do a test. A test I have done in my entire KFC career literally 3 times now. I score 100% every time, of course. I had a lovely time in the market blagging all the stuff I needed to finish Lissi's pressie. Still need to pay for the main part, actually. Ah well. I will do. With what money?!"? O_O Maybe the money from my new job, as as soon as I get a new one my notice is being written and I'm being transfered back to Lynn.

The Shining is a hysterical film. Seriously. It's soooo shite! Don't get me wrong, Jack Nicolson is amazing! But I really can't blame Jack/'Johnny' for wanting to kill his wife. Her accent and stupid massive eyes just grated on my every sense. Well, sight and sound. Not so much any of the others. Still a completely annoying bitch. His face at the end made me die laughing - you know, when he's dead in the snow the morning after? Tee hee!

And so now I am sat in my dad's living room, wearing the new boots my mummy sent me and that I love ^____________^ watching Takeshi's Castle. Spent the evening talking about house prices and the housing market, which actually wasn't that boring - I felt really grown up actually being able to understand what was going on this time, having been way too young to give a flying fuck on all the previous occasions we have moved house. That is a lot of moves, by the way. I've lived in about 16 different houses now. ¬¬ Dear God what is wrong with me though? I enjoyed talking about house prices? I'm so grown up I have a pension and zimmer frame. No thanks. I like being nom ( I wish...)

I Have Never Fucked a Woman... OOOOH I HAVE!!

My God. Apologies in advance to my readers - this is one super huge mega blog for the past 2 days/nights. Why didn't I blog? I have been drinking. A lot. Are you ready? Cause this is gonna be big! Even bigger than my arse!

So, we begin on wednesday, where I went to work. Fries again - excellent. Bring on the dehydration. Aimee cornered me as soon as I arrived and pactically pinned me against the fryer asking me if I would like to go out with them all for her birthday. As lovely an offer as it is, I'm thinking of not going. This is purely because everyone, especially Mazi, would have a field day if she found out I'd checked out Derby's Gay Scene. I didn't even know there was one. O_O She calls me Lee - don't get me wrong, people call me Lee all the time. I remember I used to hate it, but it's shorter than Leah so I've got used to it. But she thinks that's my name. Ah well - I've just gotta learn to respond to it until I leave. Which hopefully won't be too long if Jade can dig her claws in for me ^_^

Holly popped by to visit, which was the highlight of my day before I collapsed. Again. I do this a lot. But seriously - let me have a drink! I really am all crap and pathetic at work lately. Ah well. Only there til 6 FFS!!!! Popped home then instantly went to the cheap offlicence (cheap really doesn't do it justice!) with Lissi to get some booze for the night and the night after. She takes the piss a bit - she made me walk alll the way back to the flat with her bags too as she was selfish and buggered off to have chinky wink (Chinese. Learn) with the dance troupe. I am of course, joking.

We were due to pop down to see Liss and Vetty for a bit before heading over to Abi's for another epic partay, but not before I sorted out Lissi's buffdee pressie. I had a brainwave of epic proportions but found that the things I needed to buy were sooooo expensive in the shops! And so, I turned to ebay. Found one I wanted that finished within 10 minutes, so easily won it. Although the main one I wanted (obviously I am not writing what they are as Lissi reads this. Duh!) finished within half an hour, so I had to watch it. It's a good thing I was watching it - some other bugger was bidding on it too and was pushing the price up. Irritatingly, they bid again in the last 2 SECONDS of the auction! I had the last laugh - I'd already bumped my max bid up to £15 and easily won. UP YOURS OTHER PERSON!! MWAHAHAHAHAAH!

It was then that we could finally go to Liss and Vetty's. So there we were, nomming cheese cake and chatrouletting it up (believe me, I have a story to tell about that!) when Seb walked in with his brother and cousin. It was then that I fainted/my head fell off/my jaw hit the floor. You may pick one - it's all the same to me. Seb is attractive. A lot. His younger brother? SCULPTED BY ANGELS! Jeeeeeeeeesus he is yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! I went bright red and kept having to turn to everyone and mouth 'pwoar' every 5 seconds or so. Sex on legs. It's the stubble. I can't resist stubble. Oh. Yum. ... YUM................. Pwoar...

There are some even sexier people on chatroulette. You know I'm joking. Poor Luke - every single one that came up was a penis. Liss eventually stumbled upon this fat fuck who told us he had a magic spunk trick (even though his knob was tiny and flacid) what happened next was hideous - he frantically started wanking, but for some reason we were all transfixed (don't ask me why. Because I don't know) Then we all got distracted by Ed walking in to the room again (pwoaaaaaaaar) but when Liss turned round again she screeched that the hideous bloke had spunked. How pleasant. Although maybe that was his trick - managing to come without an erection? Still ew...

Soooo, following some drinking games we were ready to pop to Abi's. About 3 hours late, but nevermind. David rang, which was lovely as haven't physically spoken to him since we've left. I was a bit drunk, but for some reson I ended up screaming "OMG ARE YOU GAY NOW!?!?" down the phone at him. I don't know why - I love him, and he is my best male matey ^_^ But yes - got to Abi's and the party was already in full swing. By that I mean, as always, Katie and Abi were already drunk and Am, Phil and Sophie were doing a shot a minute. Abi greeted us by falling on us through the door. Love it.

Hayley and I joined in with the shot a minute thing - we got to an hour before we got bored and played I Have Never. By that I mean that Phil and I just bitched at each other for an hour. We were having a lovely chat when Laura came slamming back in to the kitchen and complained that no one had cared about her. Turns out she'd locked herself in Abi's loo for 20 minutes and we hadn't noticed. She now has a MASSIVE purple bruise on her arm from where she slammed in to the door handle. Hayley and I bimbled out in to the hall in time to see Abi diving out of the door, before holing up in her room.

Hot Fuzz and a Dominos nom nom nom. Abi made the mistake of giving me her laptop and allowing me to sign in to facebook. So cue a load of embarassing tags etc. ¬¬ Eventually stumbled back to the flat carrying several pizza boxes, dvds and my shoes. So all in all, a tip top night! But am ever so greatful to Liss and Luke for giving me a lift in the morning, or I will not have been alive in time for the lecture. I knocked on the door for it to be eventually opened by Ben, who instead of opening it and allowing me to come in, slammed it in to my face and barged past me. Pleasant. This might have been because last night he said that loads of people find him sexy and I laughed heartally in his face. No. You are weird. And not sexy, also.
Hilariously, as I was stood talking to Liss and Luke, Vetty imerged from her room in her dressing gown. It was about 10 to 11. She had a lecture at 9. I don't think she made it, somehow.

Following Angie's death lecture, e had a lovely chat about, you guessed it, sex. What else would we talk about? Seriously - what kind of person do you think I am? Alex yet again threw his toys out the pram about it. Oh do grow up :P Poor Sallie and I had to stick around til 6 for Sam's tutorial. Got talking to Kim about our perceptions of Sam. I.e. I swear he is gay - he's v. fashionable. Lives alone with a cat (who wakes him up at 3 every morning, he later told us. This is why he is looking forward to the trip in January - no cat for 2 days. I am going to wake him up at 3 on those mornings because I'm lovely). This was until Kim offered me some chocolate and I screeched "OOOOH! I love nuts! ;)" and Sam went "Ughhhh no, anything but nuts!"

And so - the night was about to begin again! Popped over to get more booze with Abi and Phil. I needed A LOT. It takes looooooads to get me drunk, and I wantedt get ever so drunk! People began to arrive and we started playing ring of fire, which was immnsely fun! Although Noel didn't like sitting next to me when we had to do 'Waterfall' - one person starts drinking and everyone in the circle can only stop once the person next to them stops. He is a bit of a lightweight, bless him, so everyone kept picking on him to drink all the time. We were all getting very merry very quickly - which was depressing when Noel actually checked the time and it was only 5 to 9.

I Have Never. Again. I was running out of booze! Although I did kinda meet my match in the form of James - we drank to virtually every single one. Again. Noel made me DIE laughing when I said I have never fucked a woman. He paused for aaaaaaaaaaaaages then finally screeched what has now become the blog title. Lissi was taking the oppotunity to pick on me, but then Phil and Abi arrived and I got hit over and over again. Not literally bare in mind.

It's here where things get a little hazy. In a nutshell - Noel went through my underwear drwer and ran around in a G string. We played twister, which ended with Noel pulling my dress up and James spending most of the time bending down to look at my boobs. Dee, Lauren and Noel attacked my room and got Jackson out and ran around the kitchen with him. Phil and Dee poured my condoms all over my desk and a can of cider all over my work hat. Lissi and I ate some of her tingle lube and discussed where it had been and then started comparing our skimpiest underwear. You know, the underwear Noel decided to put on. Then made me take off with my teeth. Abi and I made James (aka Rodney YOU PLOKERRRR) sit through our lovely version of Country Road, but I made Lissi die laughing by SCREAMING the Japanese version through Amani's wall. Lissi, Dee, Nikki and I headed back to Vetty and Liss's t bother Seb and co - everyone's heads fell off again as they were all topless and yum. Dee and I were running down the stairs arm in arm when the lights went off and we screamed hysterically. That ended when they broke out the splifs again so we 3 hightailed it out of there - Phil opened the door to the flat to find Lissi on her back, hugging me extremely tightly on top of her. Um... O_O

Dee ordered pizzas and we went on chatroulette again. As I was sat talking to Hayley and Dee, Lissi walked in and painted my face for me. I looked pretty. Went back upstairs to find Dee alone in my room screaming 'HELLO' to people on Chatroulette. This changed to 'Boo' and eventually 'PUSSY WANKER!' As the pizza arrived, Seb and co did also. This is also when I discovered that there was cider all over my desk.Vetty and Liss left eventually, forgetting their kitchen chairs so that lead to an interesting trip dwnstairs with them while trying not to fall and break our necks and things. As they were leaving, Phil and Co were also going. I asked him t put the pizza boxes in the kitcen but he refused so I balanced them on his head. They slipped off and stuff went all over my clean washing. What I said next became the quote of the night: "FFS Phil! You've got sweetcorn in my pants and mayonaise on my sheets! You're not invited again!"

All in all, a tip top night! Extremely hungover though, but we need to do i again - we sure know how to throw an awesome flat party!

Ahh, That Cheers Me Up After Porn

What does? Watching Sooty and Sweep with Lissi ^_^ Why were we watching porn? Meh - cause it was funny. I love this girl. XD

God dammmmmmmmmmmn guess who was up til half 3 in the morning again? Yeah, this pillock of course. Although I diiiid have a very good reason for this. KWEHHH I can't stop smiling!! Ahaha, feel free to guess, though I know there are many people going "omg FINALLY!" Including Lisa, who was getting up to date coverage of the main event until her fb chat fucked up and she went offline. She was horrified - she called me her personal soap opera lolz =3 But all is good in the Leah Land Warehouse (I am a warehouse now? Meh, whatever...)

REallyyyy regretted the late night chat when it came to 10 o'clock and I had to get up. Nooooo thanks uh ugh ugh. And the cleaner, as lovely as she is, was doing the hoovering. My head actually split open. Ugh. I do love wandering to uni with Amy and Alex - he was in a foul mood, as per always, so Amy and I did our best to cheer him up by singing 'Yesterday' as loud as we could. Out of tune (I did it to annoy him more) It worked - he buggered off at high speed. He came running back though when it started to rain and I got my boobrella out (That is NOT a slang name for any part of my body. UMBRELLA!)

Lisa was very excited to gossip this morning - I am loving a gossip in the morning. Amy's cry of "Sallie is fingering us over!" as we wandered over to the table made is all stop dead. O_O Lisa gave us some goooood gossip. This bloke whom we have named the resident paedo was banging one of Lisa's flatmates VERY LOUDLY. Apparantly he sounded like a pig/dinosaur. Actual rofl. Then said flatmate came walking over and started having a chat I burst out laughing and distracted myself with my m&ms (The crunchy ones.I hate Amy - she has got me addicted to the damn things. Well, a few of them. Whenever I get a packet she eats half. I don't hate her though - that is a lie.)

I may stop ending paragraphs with brackets soon. Maybe. And so - Dave killed us with his lecture. The video we were supposed to watch about offender profling was for some reason not ON said video. Instead we got to watch a few little clips of Top Gear (Which instantly caused me to loudly shout about how great I think Top Gear is and how it is totally hilarious - which is true, but I did it to make a point. Liss had told me of Fagface being a twat some more and saying how it was odd that Liss found it funny. When the others realised what I was doing they all joined in too ^_^)

The hideous 2 hour break between lectures was no where near as hideous as usual - we got to talking about sex, vibrators, anal beads... you know, pretty standard stuff when there's a Leah involved in the conversation. As everyone lovingly pointed out - I need to get laaaaaaaaaaid. I agree. ^_^ That I do. Getting laid is very much at the top of my list right now. Poor Alex - he left when we started, but after he came back Sallie also came back so we had to fill her in.

Sam had a go at killing us next. The tally took the piss completely today. Please Sam, learn some new words. Even worse? It was pouring with rain durin and so the walk back was hideous - spent most of the time squeaking and making odd noises as I discovered I had massive holes in my shoes. How did I find this out? An entire puddle entered my shoes at once. Ewwwwwwwwwwww! And on top of that, the water line on my jeans reached my knees. Hello pjs at 6 in the arvie ^_^

Soooo some soup and fb stalking, sorry, investigating later I was ready for some more movie magic with Hayley and Laura (Lissi was buggering off again. :P) Pocahontas - now another film I can add to my list of films I can't watch with a straight face. It was Hayley's fault - she mentioned that she used to like Thomas (te ginger one) as a kid. Meh. Laura said she used to like John Smith. Understandable. Me? I used to like Ben. The Sottish one. Because he was Scottish. Oh God not any more. I think my stepmother and William have successfully ruined the Scots for me. And poor Laura ended up being sat next to my washing bag. ¬¬

When Lissi got back at about 12 I ended up in the kitchen eating a whole tomato. I don't know - it was quick, didn't require any cooking or washing up and actually counts as one of my 5 a day. And also NOMMMMMM! Tomato ^_^ Although I don't think I liked it that much. I just did some sick :( And now feel very rough. Just in time for work tomorrow. Speaking of which, I am currently in the middle of writing my CV. Fuck this job! ARGH! I HATE KFC! I can't hack it! I'm through. As soon as I'm able to find another job I'm leaving. Don't get me wrong, I'm staying at the Lynn branch. For holiday work and that. But I'm through. I'm sick of it - hideous work conditions, shite 'pay' and on top of that, I get injured almost every shift I work Y life is going in a different direction completely. I need to get out now. Or I feel I will be stuck there after getting my degree and post grad (fingers crossed).

So hopefully I will be saying goodbye to the good ol' KFC stores. Goodbye, and of course, go fuck yourself!!

Grope Me With Your Magic Fingers ;)

Said to the tune of 'Hit me with your rhythm stick, hit me, hit me' you understand. Good, I'm glad we're on the same level here. And so, here we go! After snoozing my alarm once again for roughly half an hour (I actually set my alarm half an hour ealier to allow me to do this. Ah! Not just a pretty face eh? :P) I eventually emerged from my 'bed' i.e. slab of conrete where the sheet had come off AGAIN! I really do thrash around! What the hell do I do alone in bed at night? - hush. That was not for you to answer. Anyways - opened window in prep for shower and got naked(steady on lads...) AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaand then the fire alarm went off again. Fuck off. Just no. I am not going outside in nothing but a towel. I got in the shower instead. I was not going to be late for work AND naked outside for no good reason all in one day.

Although I did use the fire alarm as an excuse when I forgot my work file that my mum spent ages trying to secure from Lynn. "We need it back when you come back! When you work hereyou will need IT! BRING IT BACK WITH YOU FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!" "Ooook... I WILL FUCKING BRING IT BACK THEN! IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT TO KEEP IT!!!!" I am such a geek - looking at all my training test scores etc I got mainly 100%. My lowest score was 98% Wiiiiin. I don't know whether I should be proud. :/

My main job for the day was to ensure I was either not working or finishing early on the 29th so as I can go bum Mr Mcintyre. The rota had been done. 12-8 on the 29th. FML. But all was not lost! This is me we're talking about - I'm an A* Grade actress peoples! ^__________^ "Oh Caroline! I just found out I have an important tutorial on the 29th, so could I please be gone by about 4at the latest?" "... But I've done the rota already and-" "Oh, but this is reallyyyyy important for my course! I'm so sorry but I need to goooo!" Long story short - I finish at 4 and Michael is needed for my course. Why? Does he comment about capital punishment at all? "Isn't it hilarious how a murderer is murdered as a form of punishment??! Where is the line here?!"

That delicious burn on my arm has gone black, and people kept asking about it. Seriously - how else could I have got a burn working with boiling hot equipment? The mind boggles. Someone else asked if the tattoo on my neck was a squirrel AGAIN! It doesn't even look like a squirrel~! Smashed my target by 500 squiddies again and also smashed my back on the low ceiling. Goddamn it... I really am out of practice though. Absolutely shattered by the ed of the day. Although I did enjoy scaring the shit out of Lewis from the street party by calling him by his full name. Face = priceless.

Took my phone back to demonstrate how shit it was being already vis a vis 'here is a text message... *throws in to inbox* haha! find it if you can!' and 'I am charging... NOT!!!! Hahahaa Loser!' ¬¬ The verdict? The bloke didn't see anything wrong with it, as typically it started charging properly and storing messages properly JUST before I walked in to the shop. You little bastard.

Came back and spent most of the evening cackling at Harry Hill. My God! And chatting to Adam of course ^_^ p.s. just ask me out please! I won't say no! XD Am I hinting too much? Wait - hint? Good one, Leah. DO IIIIIIIIIIT!!! XD XD XD I might stop soon...

More chattings in le kitchen with Lissi and Hayley, which I love doing ^_^ Then the Inbetweeners with Laura. Ahhhh what an 'interesting' ending to the series. An ending that had us all cringing and Lissi cowering by my leg. An ending that made me go "WHAT THE HELL DID CARLEY SAY THEN?!?" ~Afterwards. I just got my magic fingers out to give Lissi a massage (i originally typed 'message' - I got my fingers out to give Lissi a message. Tht does not sound wrong in the slightest.) We then did the washing up. Laura's because she's still ill, our own for obvious reasons and Hayley's because.. just because (and Laura just because actually) W go out of our way to exclude t'other one from as much stuff as possible. Her stuff got left. Of course.

She has been on the phone for the past 3758 hours or so it seems, but at mdnight her cnversation must have been bloody hilarious judging by the amount of cackling she did. Fucking Christ! As I said to Lissi (over facebook. I am lazy) it sounded like she had just poisoned Snow White's apple or broken Cinderella's naff glass slipper! Do the shutting up thing... Please. On a brighter note - done all me reading for tomorrow! Well, last week so have probably forgotten. Nevermind. It means I can go to bed earlier tonight. Or not. Bugger.

Let's Try A 'No' With That

It has been brought to my attention by what looks like a reader of my blog that I use a lot of religious references in the wrong context. Pfft. I'm not religious, I never have been and am not open to the concept of religion. I am a scientist. That being said, if people want to be religious, then that's their choice. All I ask is not to be badgered by people to join their religion or repent my sins... I find the concept of a God laughable, but that is my opinion, and they are entitled to theirs. Soooo I suggest if you find the content of my blog 'disturbing' or against your beliefs or whatever, then don't read it. Simples. You can read something else, I'm sure - I hear the Bible is quite popular.

Ok that rant aside (as you can see, I tried my hardest to keep the ranting to a minimum and my swearing in check, but seriously - for fucks sake, just don't read it if you don't bloody like it! ARGH!) I was woken by a lovely drunken text from Adam at half 4 in the morning. Aha! So this is what it feels like. O_O For some reason I had fallen asleep with my phone in my hand and my hand right by my ear. The sound of it going off caused me to scream - thank God it was just me and Amani in the flat, or I would have woken absolutely everyone up! Hmmm Do I feel 'evil' enough to use as many blasphems as possible in this blog posting? That I do. Mwahahaha...

Thanks to this drunken text, I was able to go back to sleep until 3. Jeeeeeeeeeeesus that was good, although I woke with a start thnking I had missed work or uni. I even cooked too! In the apparantly dirty kitchen ¬¬ Fish finger (or as I used to spell them fish figgs) sandwiches and HOOOOOOPS. Nom. I am cool - The fish fingers were't, as of course I burned them ¬¬ Better than being undercooked i suppose, my stomach will thank me for that.

Ahhhh essay time! After facebook of course... better check my Frontier... Ooh! My cafe is a bit dirty... Any new treasures on Treasure Island...? I wonder if my crops have grown on Farmville... Has my cow produced any milk...? Argh! I gotta feed my zoo animals! You get the picture - it was like I was doing anything I could to avoid starting Dave's essay (I still am not used to calling my teachers, so to speak, by their first names. Ah well. Although it's bloody nice to be able to sit in lectures with my nose stud in full view and not having to turn in to cousin IT from the Adam's Family whenever an adult comes near me.) I did my best though - did a bit of a plan and stuff, though I can tell this is going to be difficult. Chatting to everyone about it I found they're all a little stumped too, which makes me feel a little better.

After spending time making Adam feel as guilty as God would allow (lolz =3) I caught up with some reading, watched some anime... Just generally arsed around. Mock the Week is bloody funny, as is Family Guy. Also chatted to Amani a bit. I must say I am warming up a little towards her, although she has spent the last 2 hours screaming with laughter on the phone. How is that even possible? Even I, comic genius/finds anything in the world funny ,cannot laugh for 2 hours straight. Though trust me, I have come pretty close.

And so, yet another Sunday doing fuck all. God damn I wanted to work today - at least I would have had something to do at least, but I wouldn't have had the blissful lie in Isuppose. Am very excited for the next 3 weeks - mainly due to cinema releases. Although I hated the first one, purely cause it was shite, I'm popping out to see Paranormal Activity 2 on friday. Saw 3D comes out the week after (so I've been watching the other films so I'm extra sure of the story. God I'm rather sad.) and then Jackass 3D. Watching the trailer - God, they've upped their game A LOT since the last film. Ahhhh work tomorrow. For 3 hours. What the HELL?!?!

I Just Died LOL Not... Oh Dear.

My mummy came to visit today! Oh, it was so good to see her! It's been a month! How have I lasted this long?!?! She said she'd get here at about 11, so I set my alarm for about half 10, knowing quite well that she wouldn't actually get here at 11. It was about 12 when she did get here, with Timmy and Chris in tow (oh Christ) Chris said about 2 words to me and I instantly wanted to slap him. Thankfully, they were buggering off to the football. Win.

Ahhhh post :) My insider card for le cinema and MANGA MANGA MANGA! Thank God! I need my manga! Reading it online just isn't the same. And loads of other boring stuff too, like textbooks for uni and that. I should prehaps mention the huge amount of food she brought for me, including Innocent Smoothie. Woah, we're pushing the boat out there a little in't we? And my dvds. Hunchback - more Tom Hulce! I knew I knew that voice.... Good ol' Amadeus. LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEE!

We eventually wandered in to town to dump the boys on dad and also to meet the Aunt and cousins for Ladies That Lunch (plus Ben, who as my mum bellowed at him, is not a lady. OMG NO WAYYYYY!) Before they arrived we wandered around the little set of stally things selling continental foods and that. We saw a woman staring with great intent at a completely empty stall. For 5 minutes. I counted. We then tried some oil (with BREADDAGE TO DIPPAGE!!!) I had a lemon one, because it's lemon. I didn't hold my hopes up - I ate it, then literally screamed 'YUCK' at the poor guy behind the counter. We eventually saw the group waiting by the fountain, and just as we got close they buggered off. ¬¬

None of them answered my calls, nor heard my cry of "OI! GILLAMS AND NOBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But eentually caught up with them in Standing Order. So called because you must stand and order, as we found when there were no free tables. There was a bloke in a booth on his own. WTF?!?! We definitely needed the booth we eventually got judging by the amounts of screeching we did. I know I've said this before, but my family is hilarious. It's these 2 generations that are the funniest, and so when we all get together we all die. As odd as that may sound, but I meant die laughing. Tools...

We went to Lush, having previously had discussions about how you get attacked by sales assisstants every5 seconds. Grace and I made a beeline to these pots of funny goo. We were perplexed by them for all of 2 seconds before this guy literally popped up next to me. "Oh! I see you've found the facemasks! Have you ever tried one of our facemasks before?" "Ohhhh that's what they are! No, I can't say I have" "It's easy! You just put it on your face, leave it for a bit then wash it off!" ¬¬ Um. Yeah, I'm not retarded mate! When our mothers finally caught up with us all hell broke loose and they had to leave shortly afterwards due to laughing so hard and disrupting the whole shop. The best one? We were smelling the perfumes and there was one called 'The Smell Of Freedom' which was vile. My mum exclaimed that if that's what freedom smelled like she would stay in captivity. The experience ended when I found a load of creams and kept smearing them on Jade and Grace, claiming they were cleansing milks. This attractced the attention of a sales ass. would came running over and joined in the high-jinks. She then offereed to cleanse our hands (did we really look that dirty?) "Would you like the cleansing spray or cleansing mil-" "FUCKING CLEANSING MILK!!!!" Did she even need to ask?

I then had a very unsuccessful shopping trip - I needed boots and a decent coat. Thanks to my massive man/clown feet, every pair of boots I liked were not in my size. And because of my massive knockers, any coat that came close to being my usual size would not do up over my boobs. I am now a 12 on the bottom, and a 20 on top. This is bordering on the ridiculous. Wait, bordering? I'm so past the border, I've got a job on a sugar plantation and am supporting my family of 17 with a pathetic wage in a house we share with 3 other families. Did I go too far? Maybe. Ah well.

After a v expensive Starbucks we parted ways *sniffle* and headed back to the flat, where I found a note saying our kitchen was crap and they weren't going to clean it unless WE did first. After going off on one, generally screaming and complaining about a certain someone, followed by screaming at Timmy and bitching about horror flatmate I discovered she was in. Shit. Sooooo after shooing them out the door and cooking my fish (I attempted to nuke it to check it was cooked properly, but even waiting for the oven to reach 100 degrees took about 17 years so I was there for an estimated 376863 years in total) I locked myself in my room. I have been in here all night, with only water and my new oreo cookies to comfort me.

Other than that, it was a really good day. Although I really should do some work tomorrow, as I've been slacking lately (so what's new? Well, as you read earlier, not a lot as my body is big in places that make it difficult to buy for ¬¬) and I really would like to get this degree, seeing as I;ve been thinking of getting a PHD for myself... and then getting a further degree. Bwahahaha! ^_^

Big Cook, Little Cook

Welcome to our cafe... Big Cook aaaand etc etc - I really shouldn't know the words to all those songs. The really sad thing? Neither of my brothers are young enough to have watched that show. I remember in Lancaster they first introduced me to it... Let's see... I must have been 13 or so. I remember I got really pissy every morning as I had to walk to school before I got the chance to watch the end (Well, the end song. The hilarious song about washing up) I used to hate walking to school - I lived up a hill that was roughly a vertical climb. Almost 2 miles. The way back = hideous. My music teacher lived up the same hill, and he always looked so bloody smug wizzing past me at high speed every morning. I had the last laugh at the end of te school day. Good luck cycling up that motherfucker. Ha - he wasn't a young bloke either, but he did name me as one of the best vocal soloists in the lower school ^_^ Huh, I'm out of practice... I wanna start singing again.

Work. I'm already fed up of it. Today as I was leaving Lissi was coming back early from her lecture. She's mega ill bless her and going to Kent to see James and meet all his room mates etc. Make her mark... tee hee ;) Although she is taking what I call her Smeagal cough with her. Sexy Lady :P I got half way to work when I realised I didn't change my nose stud. Fuck. This meant I had to run all the way back to change it, as I refuse to have my nose close up thanks to that bloody place. Although if worst comes to worst I suppose Jadey could always re-pierce it for me. :)

I've never worked a 4 hour shift before. Namely because if Joe ever gave me one (A 4 hour shift I mean. JESUS CHRIST NO! NOT THE OTHER THING O_O) I would hit the roof and refuse to come in for any of my shifts until they were changed for more reasonable lengths. This is because it was an hour long round trip for me and cost me about a fiver. Fuck off if you think I'm going all that way for UNDER £20. But yeah - and for some reason I was on a till. Win. But for 4 hours? Pointless. I had to get £500... I got £900. God I'm good ^^ Also, Little Cook Small (well, a bloke who was the spitting image of him) came in accompanied by a woman of about roughly 781 years old wearing a green tacksuit and yellow flip flops. She was sexy and he made my day!

Alone AGAIN toight - so sent mum a v long list of dvds to bring with her and foooooods (she's visiting tomorrow woo!) spoke to my dad and did planning things with Lisa (after her horror story. Dearrrr God I'm glad I live here!) I got sooooo bored... Even Skyping Adam wasn't as interesting as I'd hoped... Passed the time by rinting out some more pics, seeing as this is the first time I've had a printer with ink for just over a year!

Having fun looking back at all the pics... watching the Wallflower (which is just so funny. Even Kyohei saying "Wait! I want soup!" had me in stitches ¬¬) nice and calm... theeeeen the fire alarm went off. FUUUUUUCK! It had to be a time when ALL my flatmates were out (including Horror Flatmate as I discovered after being nice enough to hammer on her door for a bit to check she was gonna come out.) Not only that, but EVERYONE I am friends with were also out. So I felt like a twat standing alone in my pjs again. Got chatting to a few people outside, which was ok. We were the only block evacuated, so we were all pretty miffed at all the smug buggers watching us from their flats. In the warm. And dry. FML

We had a few theories about what had caused the alarm to go off - the bottom floor were doing weed, rumoured. One girl was weeding it up in her room and then sprayed a load of deoderant (spelt? -_-) and the Seb came out. People who had only just put a pizza in the oven were worried it was them. I got chatting to one girl who asked were I lived, hving never seen me before. "Oh, 6D. You?" "6C" "Ah! So you're directly below us then ^^" FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK - I remembered too late about the time Beckie came over and we threw wet teabags on their window. Shit shit shit! Now she knows one of us. Bugger bugger bugger. The extremely angry RAs eventually let us go back inside - asking who was in 6C. It was the girl I was chatting to - she was the weedy deoderanter. O_O

Well, she seemed nice enough anyway. But I'm really not one for the drug scene. Seb was extremely worried about the questioning on the way back up the stairs. He had reason to be - he stank of the stuff. I made sure to stand a distance away from him so as to not pick it up myself. It was an interesting night to say the least, so am now relaxing with the Wallflower anime AND manga. I miss my manga.... :( but mummyis coming tomorrow and bringing me my post. Including some manga I ordered! Kweh! ^_____________________________________________^

Pimp My Ride!

There's something about getting up in the morning that really appeals to me... Oh, hang on, my nose just grew some more (Oh dear God NO!) My text to Alex reminding him that we were meeting at 10 saved his ass - he was still asleep with someone asleep on his floor. His tales of how he literally shoved her out the door and ran to meet me was something of a masterpiece - he is quite the gentleman it seems. He does have his uses though - Fagface doesn't like him. I know this as we were walking towards the lecture hall and Fagface was coming the other way. I cleverly (??) looked down so she wouldn't talk to me, but I needn't have worried - she blanked me cause I was with Alex. Win - I think I shall be keeping him around, despite the fact that he tells me that ever inch of happiness is shot out of him by me with a single glance. Apparantly I'm quite cynical. Ahaha...

And so, we geared ourselves up for Angie's lecture, really expecting the worst. After staying up til God knows what time this morning, after reading all 3 chapters we were confused about I was feeling rather smug - that way, if she picks on me, I will deffo have an answer! Aha - I retained NOTHING from that mammoth of a 'read' i.e. skim this morning, but the lecture was FAB! Nothing like a mass debate ;) about capital punishment, focusing mainly on the case of Ted Bundy (If you don't know who he is AT ALL then HOW???!?!? 300 suspected murders under his belt. O_O) Watched a vid of his execution. I kinda liked it (seeing as it was a film and not real. But upon my return to the flat I found real footage of someone getting shocked. Ugh, i all I can say) I am odd, what more can I say?

Spirits fell when we realised we had Sam in the afternoon (with his PHD. Rofl) AND it was with some of the law students, that know so much it makes us look and feel stupid, which is always nice. Lisa killed me - Amy was talking to Sam and Lisa just turned round and said "Amy, stop flirting with Sam, just because he has a PHD!!!" I died laughing. A lot. I was screeching - worse than that FUCKING WOMAN at the front who may as well just be in the class on her own. Um, let me have a go at the speaking thing please? Thanks love. To make the lecture more interesting and to give me an incentive to lsten to him, Rachael and Holly pointed out that Sam says 'alright' and 'ok' after virtually every sentence. I made a tally. 145 oks and 111 alrights cannot be reflective of someone with a PHD - surely the have a wider vocab than that??

For some reason I watched The Exorcist when I got home. I hate that film - don't get me wrong, I watched it when I was 9 and laughed all the way through. I hate it because it is sooooo long and so fucking boring! SERIOUSLY! Apart from the Spider walk = fucking rofl. A lot. Liss and Vetty charged upstairs and dragged me off Skype to my Mum to take me to the cinema. A quick pancake sesh with everyone and I was charging out the door. I was mega excited for this trip - namely because Seb the Scrummy was going and because Alex was driving, in what Lissi calls the Men In Black Car, but what became known as the Pimp car by the end of the night.

Holy Christ, did not want to touch anything in said car due to risk of breaking it. This car, if you were to look up 'sexy' in the dictionary would be the definition. Holy Christ, I felt famous! Words cannot describe how cool this car was. Seriously. When we arrived at the cinema the screen did not display the film we were atually there to see, much to Liss' horror. Vetty and I stupidly decided to go halves on an XL drink - essentially, a large portion similar to the capacity of the Indian Ocean in a bucket. It was so thick I couldn't get my hand around it (never thought I'd say that!)

Life As We Know It - heartbreaking and hilarious. Liss, Vetty and I spent most of the film trying not to cry. It got bloody difficult towards the end of the film. One reason because the film was so sad, but also because we needed to pee SO BADLY IT WAS UNREAL! Very offputting for such an emotional film. I really would recommend it - althought predictable (though I have yet to find a film that I haven't figured out in the first few scenes. Seriously. I'm awful like that.) Liss' wish to just drive round in the car came true when we got hopelessly lost. In an empty car park. Of course ^_^ And there was no way on Earth that we could be graceful and elegant ladies getting out of the gorgeous car. We were like baby giraffes, except I was male.

Chatroulette - holy Jesus that site is hilarious. I have never been on it as part of a group before, so I was mega excited! I saw my first penis! On Chatroulette, of course. There would be something seriously wrong with me if I was still yet to see a penis. Sex would have been interesting - "I'll just close my eyes in order to keep my innocence!" ¬¬ I mean on Chatroulette - I've always been really lucky in that I've only ever had convos with seemingly normal people on there in the past. I just spent the entire time skipping people as they were either boring, fuck ugly, old, naked, wanking, or fuck ugly old AND wanking! I was more than happy to skip people, yet got horrified when people decided to skip us. What's wrong with us? We're great!

When things got a bit noisy/turned to some illegal stuff (no details pour toi mwahahaha) I decided to hightail it outta there, as did Liss and Vetty. We're good girls. Killed myself with a huge amount of spray though for the walk upstairs as I had the welcome video echoing in my head, screaming "WE KNOW WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE SO FOR GOD'S SAKE NO!" Yeah - We'd refused to smoke it, but it gets in to your clothes SO EASILY! I hate bein around the stuff. It gives me headaches and makes me feel extremely sick, so a bit thank you to a certain ex boyfriend for introduing me to that sensation. Ughhh it isn't nice.

I should learn to listen to myself. Actually no, or I'd be even more of a twat than I am now. And would also have several tattoos baring symbols from Final Fantasy games that will probably (and heartbreakingly) mean bugger all to me in years to come. Yeah - let's do the not listening to Leah thing.

Burn Baby, Burn.

I snoozed my alarm waaaaay too many times this morning, as per always, which lead to a mad rush to get ready. Typically I injured myself in le process - mascara brush in the eye. Bugger. Speaking of mascara - why is it that the right set are perfectly separated and look AMAZING whereas the left eye looks like I've dipped it in some black paint and then wrapped my lashes around a pen a few times to curl them. The wrong way? Why? Please tell me the reason - it's always the same, and is bordering on the heartbreaking if I am completely honest.

I was on middle today (Worky poos, oh the joy. I missed having a job and all and complained when I wasn't working but I reaaaaaally could have done with today off - fuckloads of reading due. hat horror story will come later believe me. It won't be the only thing that will be coming later, knowing me. Oooer missus) Where the hell did my mind just wander to? I went from KFC to sex, and there wasn't even an Adam inbetween (inbetween me and the bed... STOP IT LEAH!!!) aaaaaaaaaanyways *reads back a few lines. Soooo distracted tonight. So what's new?* by middle I mean I was on fries. For a 7 hour shift. I didn't eat or drink this morning as I was stampeding out the door, so I was a little bummed about this.

This KFC is different, in that they don't really want their employees disappearing every 5 minutes for a drink, so today I became a little prune lady. Well, little in its broadest (lolz at the pun =3) terms. I lost basically all my body juices through buckets. Of sweat. How attractive. Although, several of my new collegues seem to think so - I spoke to one bloke and he went bright red and spilt a drink. HAHA! For once, it is not MY head that is falling off! I like this - having a head. I could get used to it. It's different too in that it's so damn clean! Lynn and this one were opened at the exact same time - so how is it that Lynn can be in such a state by now? Granted, it is bigger, but everything there is COATED in shit and grease anfd greasey shit and God only knows what else. This stores CER scores (ratings on how clean they are, well run, profitable, hospitable etc) for the last 3 periods are 100, 98 and 98. Lynns? 51, 65 and 89. ¬¬ I spent most of the day just stood by the fryers waiting for them to cook stuff, whereas normally there would be loads of bloody stuff to clean.

I was technically working til close tonight i.e. 6pm, which felt BLOODY ODD to say the least, and so I got thrown in to the sinks. I may have just gone without my 'apron' - the fucking thing kept breaking every minute or so due to gargantum breast size and location. I was happily washing up (well, as happy as you can be washing up when you ar allergic to the flour and get it all over your arms and uniform and having to wash it off with water that could easily double up as lobster boiling water) when the cook decided it would be hilarious to put a chicken tray hot out of the 300 degree (i think) fryer straight in to the water without telling me. Don't worry, I realised it was there about 3 seconds later when my arm came in to contact with it and then in to the scalding water again. Hello blister! Aren't you sweet?

bimbling home I saw just about EVERYONE from my course (well, 2 people) out doing shopping/going to work/finishing work but I was heavily distracted by some random mental bloke who was slowly making his way down the street yelling at things - benches, pigeons, people... the list goes on. I went in to Tescos to get away (and to get more squash. I have NEVER run out of squash before in my life. O______O) and he was still outside, yelling at the Burton's window display. Needless to say, I gripped my bag extremely tightly and put my mincy run shoes on.

I am mummy Leah ^_^ I love it - as in I take care of my flatmates. Today I was painting Lissi's nails then putting her shoes on for her (due to wet nail senario. Keep up) I said it reminded me of Cinderella, which then got me ranting about slippers made of glass. WTF? A slipper? "Ahhhh, my feet hurt... I'll just put on my SLIPPERS MADE OF GLASS! Oooooh, so comfortable... " etc etc. Then gave her all my small change to pay for her taxi (this was because I owed her money. I hadn't LITERALLY stepped in to the role of being a mother for some reason)

Avatar night tonight - of all the things. Every other uni gets Smurfs. We get Avatar. I didn't go,for many reasons - tiredness levels, lack of money, needing to read etc. I think the main reason though would have to be my fear ofgoing and seeing a load of fat fucks/fuck ugly munters in nothing but underwear and blue paint. I feel that that sight would proceed to make me do some upchucking and then scar me for life. Just like this burn will. Jesus it hurts -n have a nice bandage on it thanks to Hayley ^_^

I mentioned I had a lot of reading didn't I? Ah yes - over 50 pages! So instead of starting it straight away, Hayley and Laura came in and we watched Bridget Jones' Diary (My comment of 'omg I would hate people to read my diary' made me look a pillock - what the hell is this like?) and drooled over Colin Firth. Also established that I don't fancy Hayley's dad, which is always good lolz =3

Sooo instead of doing my reading I watched Amadeus, and chatted on FB to David... Skyped my mum... comlained to several people on my course ABOUT said hideous amount of reading and then spent ages trying to find a nice version of Canon in D Major to listen to (I got in to my 'classical mood' after watching Amadeus. Shame Mozart didn't actually compose the frgging thing!!) And eventuallystarted reading and making my usual hilarious notes.

It reached 2 in the morning and I'd just finished the 40th page when Matthew started chatting to me about the reading. Guess who had read the wrong chapter? I was so close to screaming that the only thing that stopped me was my own fist slamming repeatedly into my head and dazing me slightly. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH. MYYYYYYYYYYYY. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. I am SO ANNOYED RIGHT NOW!! I would very easily turn around tomorrow and go 'FUCK YOUR READING!' I attempted to read the correct chapter of course, but it was so full of mindless bullshit that I had to stop. I sy mindless bullshit in the way that as I read it , all the words turned in to 'you read the wrong chapter you fucking moron' over and over again. Police? What the hell is the police?

But anyway - last day of lectures tomorrow woo! Thank god - then I have more time to catch up on the reading I've missed. Oh no, wait. I have work again. For 4 hours. It's a good thing it is CAroline that has given me this shift knowing there is only a 15 inute walk to the store from where I live. Had it been Joe, I would have killed him. Aw Joe. He leaves KFC in Lynn tomorrow, which is good and bad I suppose. I wish he could read the blog sometimes (actualy that's a lie - how many times have I complained about him on here?) and I would like to wish him all the best as when Caroline phoned up for a character assessment on me he said she'd be lucky to have me and that he couldn't have wished for a faster, more efficient, pleasant and better worker than he had with me and that I was a credit to the company. My love for Joe lasted for about 5 seconds until I found out that I had to get my file from Lynn and so I asked my mum to get it for me - he rfused to give it to her. WTF?!?!

So there yo have it! I hope this has been marginally more stimulating than last night's blog. I'm in such a distracted mood at the moment i's odd - I ca't concentrate on anything. It must be tiredness and stress. Obviousy caused by this hideous reading confusion. Ughhhhhh

Ooh I Want Him!

It needed its own title, it really did. Seeing as Lissi made my night in many ways last night. She came home at about 1 ish and the gobby flat were doing what they do best - being gobby, of course. She screamed at them to shut up, and the first thing they did was yell back and bang on the door. This was countered with "If you don't shut up we'll tell the hall manager!" That shuttem up. I burst out laughing and ran out of my room to hug her. Night = maaaaaaaaade ^_^

Up at the crack of 10 to go to uni. Ughhhhh... Although I do like bimbling up there with everyone. For once, Dave's lecture was ok and I was wide awake throughout it. And even through the pointless tutorial where he just told us stories the entire time. When we eventually got on to the topic of the damn thing it was about a gerontophile (Like a paedophile, but instead of going after kids, they go after oldies O_O) A bisexual gerontophile. Meep! Lisa RUINED it for me by asking me if I was to sleep with Dave would it make me a gerontophile? I can't look at him now! And Alex yet again complained about my lunch - this time, cheese and onion pasties. How many bloody types of food can a man hate to be around?! Jeez...

Dave HORRIFIED us with the news that fagface had been made class rep. ERm, SINCE FUCKING WHEN?!? I didn't hear about any of this. Following a heated discussion about it over lunch, Amy asked her. When she came over, the way she'd done her eyeliner made it look like the face she was pulling was 'I will kill you in a moment. ' O_O It actually made Alex and I shiver - and stop saying 'Love youuuuuuuu' like the bear from Family Guy i.e. in a really babyish voice. Turns out she got it because no one else had applied. We didn't KNOW you could apply yet! She told us to still ask about it - they want 2 reps. Well, that's me out then. I don't bloody want it now! I grabbed Lisa's thigh in shock, much to her horror.

A few of us had tutorials after Sam' lecture. Amy and Katherine got to bugger off home, lucky gits, whereas a few mildly lucky sods, like Lisa and Sallie for example, got to go to the 6-7 tutorial. Alex, Rachael and myself were in the 7-8 group. Holy mother of God! I nabbed Alex's phone for some gaming time - by gme, I mean moving bloks around on the screen. I got to level 25, much to his horror! Hahaha.... It was rather fun loitring around until 7, until Rachael got a text saying most of our group had gone to the early tutorial anyway. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

The tutorial itself was boring as hell, as expected. Why do we research? I DON'T FUCKING CARE! LET ME GO HOME! Got let out half an hour early, so basically it was pointless staying anyway ¬¬ DARK AND SCARY OUTSIDE! Full of rapists and murderers (that have multiplied since we started uni, it seemed. Multiplied in the immediate area, too :/) Attempted some pasta, but failed naturally. How am I still living?

Speaking to Mazi made me feel all glum. Don't get me wrong, it wasn;t because it was her (ughh, I hate her with a passion :P) But it just made me feel a little home sick. Even worse was thinking about work tomorrow. I ust want my KFC back :( I feel all glum now, which is so unlike me. I don't feel like doing the reading tonight, So I don't know if I'll go out tomorrow night in order to do it then. I really can't afford it though - they took my rent. :( Aw, this is soooo baddd! I hate being like this. I'm gonna blame it all on lack and want of sleep. So I'm sorry if this blog sucks, but so do I. Night... :(

Kentucky Fried Twat

That would be me again. Did you even doubt it? Yeah, so after failing to get to sleep til about 3 in the morning (After getting in to bed about half 1, for a so called 'early night' Would like to thank the group of men who decided to sit outside and do shouting for hours at a time. Thanks, loves. You is gay.) ¬¬ Aaaaanyways.

Stampeded through town to get some super noodles I mean, uh, go to work of course. STopped by one of those stupid people with clipboards, whom I'm normally waaay too nice to ignore. This one, however, greeted me with "HI SWEETIE!!!! HOW ARE YOU!!!!!?!!!!!?!!!!!!?!!?!?!?!?! XD XD XD XD XD" Riiiiiight in my face. She didn't blink. At all. O_O. I was like "Uhhh yeah I'm good thanks bu-" "GREAT! DO YOU HAVE TIME TO STOP AND TALK TO ME ABOUT *INSERT CHARITY/MONEY GRABBING SCHEME HERE*?!?!?!?!?!?!" "Well, no. I'm on my way to work" "OK THEN! I'LL GRAB YOU AFTER WORK!!!!!!!!" *THRUSTS FACE DIRECTLY IN MINE* My blood ran cold - I truely believe see would have literally grabbed me after work.

Ohhh it really was good to be back in the old KFC uniform. By that I mean I was ever so happy that I could still fit in to the damn thing! It was soooo odd being in another store. Even more odd? Having to go 'backstage' of Westfield shopping centre in order to get to the staff room. Which is in the stock room - Yes, I can happily say that I got undressed in the stock room. After all my jokes of doing it!

After 27 or so years of attempting to clock in, I finally got my till on. Scary stuff. Got chatting to a lovely girl who was telling me how she'd transfered from Pride Park only a few weeks ago, so we were in the same situation! Fab! She asked me how long I'd been in KFC. Nearly 3 years, and she looked about my age so I expected a similar answer. She's been with KFC for 10 years and is married with 2 kids. Yeah - she looks ab fab for her age, which isn't exactly old, but it threw me off a little.

It was nice to have a constant stream of customers and most staff members were ever so friendly. Apart from one. I said hello to him and he just grunted. He looks, acts and IS Lewis. Oh fucking hell fire! I will be killing myself by the end of the year, methinks. I can't bloody escape. The ACTUAL Lewis is going to be one of the only older staff members left at the Lynn KFC by the time I go back for Christmas - everyone's buggering off! I'm gonna look like a right twat!

Not as much as I did when I was leaving. OHHHH MY GODDDDD I hit the limit, twatwise. Seriously. I had a great day, saying goodbye aaaaaaaaaand I ripped the door off its hinges. FUCK. MY. LIFE. I just looked at it and went "Uhhh.... see you on Wednesday!!" And did another dance, simialr to that of the 'Start On Monday' variety. Christ. I gingerly walked down the highstreet - she was lurking! This time she was high-fiving people. I pretending to be VERY INTERESTED in the hideous sketches in a shop window. An A1 + size portrait of some baby, flanked by a hideous young bloke and hideous old bloke. It screamed 'Paedophile' at me. Seriously.

Am watching Cinderella - what the hell is wrong with me?? A dream is a wish your heart makes. I sure hope not - I really DON'T wish for a random old bitch to rip my throat and me to die. I also wish that those fucking mice didn't sound so bloody awful! DEAR GOD MAKE IT STOP! I am revisiting all the films I hate one by one. Why am I doing this to myself? Am I that bored? Jeeeeeeesus Christ.

Spent an absolutely hilarious time with the girlies in the kitchen, drawing things - it was so bloody funny! Pictures to follow. There are some absolute gems, including Lissi's drawing of me as a man (My fave bit? A random going 'ooh I want him!') and my Michael Mcintyre sex on fire piece ^_^ Then watched the Inbetweeners, which was actually rather funny for once. They have got rather, erm, shite as of late tio be quite honest. The best part of the night had to be when Abi pointed out a funny moth thing on the wall, which I poked and caused to move. This n turn caused Laura to hurtle down the coridoor and slam in to the door at high speed.

Rofl. Ahhhh, I'm loving this uni life stuff. Apart from the 'I WILL HAVE A HILARIOUS LOUD TELEPHONE CONVERSATION FOR HOURS WHEN MY FLATMATES ARE PROBABLY SLEEPING!!!!' Guess who? (Not ah ha haaaaaaaaaar though :( ) DO THE SHUTTING UP THING!

WAIT! WAIT! STOP MICROWAVING TUNA!!!

It's a good thing I set an alarm this morning - I was still dribbling on my pillow at 1. I wish I was kidding about the dribbling part. God, how sexy am I? Hugely, I think you'll find. Hugely. Guess where I was again? That bloody house! Meep! I'm not a fan of this tbh, I am worried about my state of mind. And the state of my leg - there are no visible signs on it from the spill the other day. The spill I forgot to blog about for some reason. I got run over - yeah! That's right!

I was walking out of halls and some TWAT was reversing. I could see he was very bad at it - the fact that he was reversing on to the pavement sort of gave him away. I hung back cause he was blates retarded, but he kept on coming and RAMMED IN TO MY FUCKING LEG! Um... OW!!!!!!!!!!!! He got out and in (broken) English (Typically ¬¬) yelled "What the FUCK do you think you're doing?!?!" My reply? "Well, as far as I know I was walking. On the pavement DESIGNED for people to walk on. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't ROADS there for people to drive on??! So that would make YOU in the wrong, wouldn't it? YES! SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT YELLING AT ME FOR WALKING ON THE FUCKING PAVEMENT WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE A CAR PROPERLY!" A mumbled apology later I stormed off, limping slightly of course. Stupidly I didn't think to note his lisence plate number. Fuck ittttt ¬¬ Leg is fine now though, not even bruised just a little one on the knee. Although he did ram it rather hard. Hard ramming is normally enjoyed, but not coming from a fucking car in to my leg!

Completely overestimated how long it would take me to get to Lisa's much to her horror haha! So after raiding bargain booze for snacks and shizz, we wandered back up to her halls. We were feeling a little nervous about buying the food, judging on the film we were about to watch. The Human Centipede. Banned in several countries due to being so horrific. Peers had told us it was hideous and we really shouldn't watch it. Sod that, we were deffo gonna watch it! Though we both thought that any food we would eat would return to visit us during the film.

Alex hates tuna. This we know. So when he finally puffed his way up the hill, Lisa decided to make us some tuna wraps ^_^ The initial smell of tuna made Alex squirm...then Lisa asked me if Iliked warm tuna - the answer being yes. Alex was warned that she was about to heat up the tuna. While we were chatting he suddenly screamed "WAIT! WAIT! STOP MICROWAVING TUNA!" A statement that very nearly killed Lisa through laughing. To distract himself he read the argos catalogue with an extremely determined air to him! It was rather rofl.

And so, the moment of truth. The hideous film. We squirmed. We squealed. We watched a video about completely adorable micro pigs while it buffered. I want one, even more than I want a goat! We 'OMGed' We made sarcastic comments. To give it credit, the film was rather gross - but there was no detail! We couldn'tsee anything! It wasn't as grusome as we'd have hoped. We all felt rather let down.It sooo wasn't worth being banned in several countries. It also had the SHITTEST ending to any horror film I'v seen in a while. Apart from Skinned Deep - fucking ROFL at that 'film'.

ALone in the flat again, taking a little break from endless note makig. UGh. Watching Amadeus - best film ever made. Tom Hulce is so awesome! His voice is on my list with Sean ~Connery, Tom Hanks and Morgan Freeman. It made me want to watch Hunchback of Notre Dame though (He is Quasi in the film. And does his own singing. <3 <3 <3) First day at KFC tomorrow - meep! I haven't had to start at a new store in aaaaaaaaaaaaages :/ ah well - moneys moneys moneys, albeit not a lot. But still moneys. Which I need - they took my rent and car insurance today :( I have no moneys...

Hayley eventually came back so I was no longer on my bill woo! She came bursting in t my room around midnight saying that we had no water. Hot or cold. Bugger. Spazzed out ompletely until we got in to the hall and realised we could smell smoke coming from the gobby flat. So being the snitches we are we instantly rang to complain - so as to avoid the bloody alarm going off again. I rang up. Here is the conversation:

Me: "Hello, I'm phoning from flat 6D"
Bloke: "Let me guess, you have no water?"
Me: "Naah, this is a complaint about something else completely"
Bloke: "Oh. What's the problem then?"
Me: "We can smell smoke coming from the next flat"
Bloke: "Weed or normal smoke?"
Me: "Um... normal more than likely"
Bloke: "Ok then I'll be up to invetigate shortly"
Me: "Thankyou ^_^"
Bloke: "By the way,do you actually have any water?"
Me: "Oh abslutely not! :)"

This lead to Hayley and Ilurking in the coridoor listening out for him going up there. All we could hear was the usual - them all crashing and thrashing around at the eary hours of the morning. For some reason I am watching Snow White O_O Her voice is SO ANNOYYYYYINNNGGGGGGGGG! SHUT YOUR TRAP! But I'm hooked - it is Disney, after all... But the Voice! Hey, looks like tomorrow I'll be hi-hoing my way to work once more! Win!

Would That Complete Pillock Please Stand Up?

Oooft! Here I am! *Waves hand a lot* Yeah, that would deffo be me. Although not last night/this morning, at 3 to be exact. Knowing that all my flatmates were away over night, I knew they would not need to get in to the flat at 3 in the morning and so whoever was pressing the buzzer repeatedly got ignored. Much to their dismay - I could hear them through the window complaining loudly about not getting to play the hilarious joke. I like this game too - you buzz someone's flat, then run away, litening to the 'hello? HELLO?!?' coming from the speaker. But yeah, I heard what they were up to, so they had to go without. So sorry. :P

It kinda perked me up, seeing as my temperature had shot through the roof but all sweat was cold. Damnit! I felt so ill! And if I remember corrctly, last nights blog took twice as long to write than usual cause I made a typo, like, every word I typed. I thought it was the keyboard, but my typing is fine today and so it must have been my illness/general ability to fail at everything causing it.

Got woken up by a phone call at half 1 from dad saying he had a cable for my printer! Win! As he was outside, I quickly popped my dressing gown on - 'Hey, it's saturday! No one will be around!' So - no makeup, no bra, bed head, slippers, pjs... trotted downstairs to find.... a group of 30 people and their parents were all stood waiting to enter the accomodation. That's right - I'd bimbled straight in to a mass of possible students on an open day. Well, that's an impression to make!

Spend day in pjs because as my fave mug says (bought for me by Jem from Disneyland. It features a picture of Grumpy. She got it as she said it fits me oh so well) 'I don't do perky!' making notes and doing reading stuffs - how funsss. That Howett certainly knows how to write a gripping book. Not. ¬¬ Ughhhh when do we get to the murder and rape and stuff?

Hayley came back with her mate, who was unfotunate enough to meet me for the first time when I couldn't look any more hideous. Following another Skype conversation with my mother I have decided to do that sleeping thing, which unfortunately will mean turning pokemon off. Thank fuck - Mistey is such a whiney bitch!

Sick As A Dog

I woke this morning, ahem, this afternoon to find that I no longer had a throat. No, that random infected bitch from my dream hadn't ACTUALLY ripped my throat out. Dear God that would be very messy. And obviously impossible. And also would suck as I would be dead - why the fuck was that the last thing on my list?? O_O No, It had just closed up so much that it felt like it had become a straw. A very thin straw. With a blockage in the middle. Dear God in heaven, it was rather hideous!

Eventually, everyone in the flat buggered off to go home for the weekend/over night, leaving me on my jack jones and bored shitless. I spent most of the day in my jim jams watching the rest of Quarantine - verdict = rofl at the ending, and working up the courage to watch The Mothman Prophecies. Now, I am not scared by horror films. I find them amusing. They may make me jump, maybe. But you will be hard pressed to find one that scares me. I first saw this film when I was 15. It's a 12 - I cannot watch it ¬¬ It's not the whole film, just the voice of the mothman! It makes me shiver just thinking about it. Another film I can't watch? Donnie Darko. Mainly because it is utterly SHITE but alo due to Frank's fucking voice! Argh makes me shver just thinking about them!! And jesus, if Frank ever told me he's been watching me, I wouldn' fucking go downstairs to see him - I'd shit myself instead!

Ended up readin One Piece to see what all the fuss was about and ended up getting sucked in to it!! Nooooo! I had to read the Wallflower to calm down. The Wallflower is a romantic comedy, and is extremely funny. One Piece is a 'comedy' about pirates. Naah fanks, fink I'll pass! Not before I'd read 33 chapters O_O Also watched Goldmember while trying to make some notes.That failed - I got distacted and ended up playing a load of online games. And watching the film. Ah well,maybe later.

Or not. Daddyyyy rang and offered to take me out for a mealage. Not gonna turn that down, you know, free food and that. Oh, and also the fact that I haven't seen him in months. Had a lovely evening just chatting and catching up, but I got an awful lump in my throat, not caused by the illness. The conersation turned to my stepmother and the fact that he hadn't seen her real dad in 23 or so years. A similar situation I was in until I was 16 and turned detective, so to speak. My dad doesn't know that I've found Kevin,and tonight was my oppotunity to finally tell him.

I couldn't do it. I chickened out again! Argh! I really am so pathetic. I'm scared about how he would react. Not his reaction, but how things would be between us afterwards. I'm scared to my core that he would no longer see me as his daughter. I know he wouldn't obviously treat me differently,but I know that something like that would change an attitude, deep down. Every time I try to do it I think of how things will change and I get scared. It rips me apart to think that he might think that I would see him any differently, initially, not knowing how things stand between me and Kevin.There is no doubt in my mind who my dad is - Andrew. Kevin made me, that is all. He can go rot for all I care. Argh.... This is the main stress in my life, and has been for the last 2 years. And by the look of things, this is how they are going to stay for years to come. I love my dad, but it's like he's stabbing me in the heart whenever he says how proud he is of me.

I think the stress made me even more ill - he took one look at me and went 'Bloody hell! you look rough!' Looking in the mirror I found myself looking at a damp piece of paper, and I couldn't stop shaking. Excellent. I have a fever - I am freezing, yet sweating like an abslute pig. Despite the fact that pigs can't sweat, obviously. So am sat in the flat, alone, feeling very sorry for myself. I only cheered up when I found some 'Sonic Sez' skits - "There's nothing cooler than being hugged by someone you love, but when someone touches you in a place or way that makes you feel uncomfortable, then that''s no good. The first thing you should do is say 'NO' the n get the heck outta there! Finally,tell someone you trust like your parents, your teacher or a police man!" O_____________O

Am watching the Pagemaster, another film I loved/was scared of in my childhood(I was really pathetic as a kid - I was scared of everything. Ohhh,how things have changed! Well, a bit.) The librarian is actually the definition of 'paedophile' O_O I can now hear movement in the flat, oh Jesus Christ, so if there is no blog tomorrow I have been killed by a random infected bitch ripping my throat out or horror flatmate ripping my face off with her bare hands and pounding the shit out of it.