Dear God, last night was a good night. Mega style. More on that story later.
And it begins... at 2, naturally. I woke up, on fire (not literally) and yet again stuck to my hideous waterproof mattress. Why does my sheet come off so easily? I really must be running a marathon or something in my sleep. Ugh. Just the thought of it is hideous. Running... But yeah - I see the practical reasons behind a waterproof mattress. Some people, I'm not saying me you fools, may lose control after one too many. Thankfully I've never reached that stage. You'd think though at 18/19 a person would know when to stop drinking. Obviously not the case as I saw a girl being sick ON HERSELF last night. Yum.
For some reason I decided to watch 'The Lengend Of The Titanic', a cartoon about, well, that should be obvious. This is a film often called the worst film ever made. That isn't an exaggeration. Dear God it was awful - I actually wanted to pull my eyes out. According to this 'film', the Titanic hit an iceburg that was pushed in to its path by a giant octopus (Called Tentacles and who looked like Casper the friendly ghost crossed with a fox/seal i.e. completely and utterly retarded.) No one died. Yeah, I'm all for censoring things for kids, but REALLY!?!? The so called 'film makers' might have well have gone to the graves of every single person killed in the actual sinking and deficated on each of them in turn. Animation and dubbing was also shite - a man with long hair and a woman with her hair out of a bun. In 1912?!? GET REAL!!! The limit? This bloke caught a flying glove, in slow motion, then sniffed it. "I AM NOT CREEPY, LADY! LOVE ME! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MEEEEEEE!!!!" "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Gypsy man! Your mince is so manly! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" O__________O
Wandered downstairs to go in to town with Liss. Had a chat with her and Vetty about the school opposite our accomodation. Turns out it's one of those schools where kids go when no other schools will take them. That is why the gate is coded - although if they are determined to get in here, all they have to do is walk around to the other side. Where it is not coded. Thankfully, they either are too thick to have figured that out, or are lazy. Liss drove us up to uni in an attempt to pick up some cheap books. She pulled up next to the woman sat in the booth, who decided who to let in to the campus. Liss pulled up. She stopped. She wound her window down. She then screamed off. I was the definition of gobsmacked! It was bloody hilarious though! It then turns out that we then had to instantly leave as the book fair thing was not on. Fuck.
Walked in to town and the heavens opened. We all had to buy boobrellas (umbrellas to normal people. Yet another one of my words/phrases that I use lots and that are clearly not English) from Primark. I now have 4 in my room, none of which I thought to put in my bag. We soon got bored of banks and the rain, so we got the bus back home. As we were trying to get off, the huge amount of people stood up provided a wonderful obsticle course. The driver stopped at our stop, picked up more people then kept on moving. Liss actually screamed. It was hilarious, once again.
Lissi rang and we all set off to Asda. It took about 15 years to get there, because I was directing. Keep in mind I have no sense of direction. At all. I know where Asda is. I've been there many times as a kid. Josh took us there last month. But can I find it? NOOOOOOOO... Lissi took up doing that beeping thing Jay did whenever Simon mentioned Tara on the Inbetweeners, this time whenever I tried to direct us some more. Which was often. ¬¬. Ahaha. She also told us of her adventures in her lecture - she punched her lecturer in the face. Nice :)
We literally landed on Asda (thank God. I had hideous visions of myself directing us to Nottingham or somewhere equally far away from Derby.) On the way in we were discussing the horror flatmate again. Liss and Vetty said they'll listen out for a gunshot, then the sound of me screaming. I am scared now, so very scared... Liss told me about an hour ago how they heard a loud bang from upstairs earlier and got very worried. They needn't have - yes, it was the horror one, but it was only her HITTING HER HEATER WITH ALL HER MIGHT!!! That is not normal or sane behaviour on anyone's watch.
They do different flavours of Caribbean Twist. OH. MY. GOD! Physically couldn't get over that - I stocked up, of course. MY shopping looked waaaay studenty - Milk and cheese, super noodles, loo roll, booze and... lots of makeup and Stephen Fry's autobiography ^___________^ I love him rather a lot! We had a maccy Ds while there - how cool? An asda with a maccy Ds IN IT! Got lost on the way back too, typically. Lissi had a laughing spaz in the back seat - turns out she'd written 'gay' on my window with an arrow pointing at me. My, they've caught on fast! ;)
Tonight was the where's wally night - an attempt to break the world record for number of Wallys in one place. I drank before we left the flat. We had drinking games. Arrogance = not my friend. uhhhhhhh soooo many 'cocktails'. We were queuing for DONKIES trying to get in to Walkabout and they kept trying to get us to go to the assembly rooms, saying they were full etc.. Hayley and I were the last 2 people to be let in! Wooo! Get in there my son! Jager shots, VKs.... Ended up dancing to saturday Night and throwing my drinks EVERYWHERE!
Ended up at the assembly rooms AGAIN! Ended up drinking more free shots AND Lissi's, Vetty's and Liss's... We were waiting to have our pic taken for the record attempt... yeah, we got bored and wandered off before that happened. Not before I basically rolled over to Vetty and Liss and then stole a chair from some poor bloke. It was in the taxi home that I saw that lovely girl vomit all over herself. Sexy. Crashed in at about 2 - someone had buzzed our flat so Laura came out in time to see me slam to the floor giggling hysterically and making AS MUCH NOISE AS POSSIBLE to get back at Horror.'Fab end to a night out!' I thought and slammed on to my bed...
I woke up at about 4, cause there was this funny noise. I bimbled around my room for a bit (still pissed, obviously) then heard lots of banging on my door. Ooooer missus. When I eventually got there Lissi's VERY WORRIED face poked her head round and cried "Leah LEAH! It's the fire alarm! We have to evacuate!!!" ".....oh we have to evacuate?" We stumbled out the flat, Lissi banging on doors as she went - she's a good one to have when there's a fire. My first thought? "SHIT! I'm not wearing a FUCKING BRA!!!!!" I think I quite literally ran in to Liss on the landing, and poor Vetty had to be up at 7. Vulgar.
It was a really well organised fire alarm - they all made sure we were there and checked the buildings were empty... pfft, as if! We all got bored after about 10 minutes and wandered back inside. Despite the fact that you get a fine if you don't get out, the Spanish lot were still inside, still smoking the fags that set the alarm off in the first place. Bastards. I will make their heads roll...
Liss made Luke give us a lift to uni (when he EVENTUALLY got up like 10 minutes before the lecture was due to start - hahaha!) and entered one of the coldest rooms I've been in in my life. It was here that I had to hear my female lecturer with a very sexual voice (based on joint opinions) talk about a very bad SandM case. I was one of the only people who seemed to know what SandM is. O_O I'm too sexual (for my shirt, of course. AS the poor bloke in the flat opposite just saw - I forgot I was topless and went to my window and opened my curtains, as he was shutting his. It was just like that bit in Life of Brian when he opens the window, naked, but without a crowd stood there and just one poor bloke who physically spat his drink out.)
Then in the afternoon, Sam's lecture room was too hot and saw us all dozing off. Eventually he started teaching us stuff, and about 5 minutes after I started getting in to it he went "Ok! We're done now! Have a good weekend! :) :) :) :)" WHA? Awwwww.... I was well bummed (oooer) Alex came back so we could sort the book list out - we're buying half the books each and sharing them. Even doing that has cost me over £100. I started to weep silently once he left...
We went to Wetherspoons eventually for some eats, but by that time I was so hungry I actually could have eaten all my flatmates as well as Lissi's friendies who came to visit. Put my foot in it a bit, actually (what's new there?) When Abby asked her mate James to come and meet her there... This bloke walks in wearing a checked flat cap, big overcoat and tie (yummeh) and he was rather short. "OOOaye! here's Del Boy and Rodney!" Turns out 'Rodney' was James and Del Boy was his mate. They came and sat with us. They wanted to know why my head was a tomato and had imploded with embarassment. I think I died there and then, while Laura and Hayley died laughing at my embarassment.
I went downstairs to watch a film with Liss and Luke, which naturally turned in to a gossip/bitching session. As I remarked, I don't think I've ever had a conversation that hasn't revolved around talking about someone else or turned in to a complete bitch fest. I got a text from Lissi:
Lissi: "Tonight was EGGTASTIC!!"
Leah: "lol, eggtastic? Explain ^^"
Lissi: "you'll see..."
Followed by lots of hehehe and teehee texts. I must admit, I was scared to my very core. I don;t know what I was expecting. Egg carnage? The kitchen covered in eggs? Eggs thrown at me when I walk through the door? Eggs made of plastercine all over the flat? egg mess all over the flat? You get the picture - I was worried. What I found was fab though - they'd drawn faces on the eggs and made little plastercine hairdos, which were the cutest things ever!
Of course, it RUINED THE EGGS COMPLETELY! And Lissi shan't be allowed to have guests again. This is obviously a joke - as I said to Lissi, I'm used to having eggs covered in shit and feathers, so plastercine is a luxury! I didn't really get to meet her friendies properly, which was a shame as I hear so many good things about them, but that time will come I'm sure - I do have a year left with the girl... help me... :P This blog is dedicated to Lissi, who waited so patiently all day for this. I hope she likes this one ^______________^
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