Lots Of Nice Thi- Er, Beer!

My mother is amazing. End of. Although the video of this has now been lost (much to my absolute horror and disgust. This is why G should not be allowed to use a phone sometimes - instead of accidentally deleting the hideous video of me 'dancing' in the middle of a shop, he deletes my mother's hilarious requests for christmas gifts in a comedy beer hat ¬¬). Having spent the evening watching the Apprentice and wrapping what seemed to be 49875398475983749879 different christmas gifts I am chillaxing watching the Father Ted Christmas special. My chest hurts having spent the previous 10 minutes laughing - during the Apprentice mum paused the tv for 2 minutes (this is something I have still to get used to. The thought of pausing live tv is still somethinng of a great intrigue to me.) afterwards, G expressed a wish to watch the weather report. For all of 2 seconds mum flipped the channel, then instantly switched back - in those 2 seconds the lag created by the pause had caught up and the weather had literally just finished being reported. I have not seen him as amusingly annoyed before. Also hearing her pottering out of the room calling out about beer repeatedly was just as amusing.

Sooo I spent the night at my Mr's last night, afer spending a loverly (I know that is not how you spell it, that is how it needs to be said) day in Lynn. Following a wonderful Grand Theft Auto-esque move in to a parking space - after driving repeatdly up and down the car park, I spun my car around and instantly found myself perfectly parked in a space. Had I attempted this, I would have failed in a spectacular fashion - as I did earlier today when reversing on to Mazi's drive and ended up on her grass about 27 times. ¬¬ Speaking of Mazi, while nomming a Nandos (following a horrendous bumping in to my mother and G on the way there, which wasn't altogether that bad) Mazi came running in XD God I've missed her! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER so much!

Watched Megamind too, which was a rather good film but was full of hideous screaming kids of course, and I ended up sat directly behind the only person in the audience above 3ft tall so I had to contend with his massive skull, as well as the 3 kids sat on the same row who obviously had bladders the size of a nucleus and who got up about 75 times each through the entire duration of the film. We could have just spent the whole film with Adam stood up and me with my legs annoyingly twisted away to save time ¬¬. Popped to the Globe afterwards to do some more Mazi bothering ^_^

The night was gooood until the morning, when I was alerted to an immense pain in my right boob (don't read too much in to it, sick sick people! This is my pierced boobeh!) and a horrendous wet feeling. Looking down I saw blood all over my shirt and all over the sheets, my boob still pumping out blood with gusto. Oh shitting hell FIRE! And holy hell, did it hurt! I must have caught it at some point (on my shirt!?!?) It makes me shiver at the thought even now. It wasn't fun. Also began turning in to my hideous allergy induced monster - I am rather allergic to cats, and EVERY place I stay at often (or will begin to :P) has cats living in it. Mazi has 2. My aunt has 3. Adam has too many to count ¬¬

Skating out of his road in the morning was awful, but not as awful as the woman on 10 Years Younger with no teeth. Yummeh mummeh! Running to meet Mazi I literally ran in to Liam, which was lovely. And after literally grabbing a subway we headed back to hers in order for me to fail at parking, laugh hysterically with her dad and drive Millie to MaccyDs in order to fail at parking some more. It's the simpler things in life that I love the most - although I really don't like the simple throbbing pain I am constantly feeling and the fact that I have to, yet again grabble with Chelsea for who has the most bed space and/or covers. Ugh. I cannot wait for tomorrow though - I has a meal with my nearest and dearest before heading back to work at Tuesday. Never thought I'd say this, but I really really miss KFC!!

Jesus, Leah steady on! First love, then love for your job what's next? NOT leaving your assignments until the last minute before even contemplating looking at them? PAHAHAHA! Good one!

Loooove Love Love *Do do doo*

To be rather blunt and honest with you, this is how I feel right now. I am in love. That is it. It is a wonderful feeling to be quite honest, and I can truely see what Christian was talking about in Moulin Rouge - "The Greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." ^_^ It really is nice though, to be sure to be sure.

And so, I was dragged kicking and screaming to Walkabout come Tuesday night when I should have been doing my assignments, but Liss insisted. And I'm oh so glad she did - a night of free booze, dancing, games and strippers. Oh my God, I wish Santa was really like the stripper we watched (who was hung like a fucking HORSE and had a yummeh yummeh body) The night ended on a complete high in which Noel and I did some hilarious drunken dance routines up on the podium to 'A Fairytale Of New York'. All hopes of me finishing my assignments that night went out of the window, as Adam dropped the L - Bomb (you know, the L word that is important and that isn't Lesbians) and my head fell off with sheer happiness.

The next day my laptop was on for a full 14 hours and actually gave up - I am now unable to click the left, er, clicker (What the hell are those things called?) and when Liss came up to photocopy some notes all hell broke loose as I discovered my printer was out of ink. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK just didn't quite cover it, due to the fact that I do not have microsoft office and so my document wouldn't have opened on another laptop, hence why it got published to my blog so I could print it off using Vetty's.

Soooooo, instead of heading home friday, like I originally thought and had told Adam, I actually began my journey home on Thursday. The story of my hourney home is a typical Leah story. My original train plan was to get the half 6 train, then my final transfer to Spalding would be at half 8, arriving at 9. This information is important. When I found out my lectures were cancelled, I planned to get the half 4 train instead, Amy booking us a taxi for 10 to 4 at about 1 in the afternoon. The taxi did not arrive and Amy officially missed her train at 5 past 4. At this point we got the bus. I arrived at my platform, dragging what felt like everything I own, in order to WAVE MY FUCKING TRAIN OFF! As it flipped the V at me and laughed in my pissed off face. So I went blind, and made my own way to Peterborough at 7, thinking there would be a train to Spalding relatively soon. This is my conversation with the ticket master:

Me: Hello, Do you know when the next train to Spalding is please?
Ticket blokey: Yeah give me a moment....
Me: Thanks. I hope it's soon! I've been lugging all this stuff around since half 3 this afternoon!
Ticket Blokey:... ah. Half past 8.
Me: OH BRILLIANT! Thank you :)

This would otherwise be known as the train I would have got had i got my first train at half 6, meaning I'd chosen to spend 2 hours in a fucking train station O_O It wasn't all bad news though - if I'd have got the earlier train I wouldn't have got my little treat when I got in to Spalding mwahaha!

You all know of those cretins that gather themselves in supermarket car parks and prat around in their cars? Yes, you do. There was a fantastic example - some silly sod had made it so his exhaust shot out flames when he revved his engine (ooer) so cue lots of engine revving. As he came past me, I got blasted with a load of "Oi, love check out my flames!" "Ah, you obviously have no cock! :)" "You wha'? How's THIS for no cock?!?!" And went to the end of the road. He stopped, revved a lot, attempted to do a v fast pull off and.... STALLED! I don't think he appreciated my cheering and clapping.

I am back homey home home! OH it's good to be back! And it was nice to wake up next to someone, even if that someone was a retarded greyhound who lept on my bed as soon as I got in it and slept on the covers in such a way that I had none, and I was cold Imay have well been naked. I woke up with her face pressed up against mine O_O Good morning darling! Why, you have terrible morning breath! ¬¬ Slithering my way to Lynn was terrifying, but worth it to see the look on Adam's face ^_^

Seeing Sexy and David was the cherry on top of a fab day - and I may have even got me some baby rabbits in to the bargin! XD I get to see my Mr tomorrow, and this makes me extremely happy, as you can imagine... If only I knew the plan... Yes, true to form, I fail at making arrangments in advance!

The Rocky Road To Dublin

Now, am I feeling particularly clever tonight? Is this what can be used to described the so-called 'relationship' I have with my real father? Or is it simply a song I cannot stop singing. People who know me well enough will know that the second option is a more realistic choice. This would also be the correct choice. Oh Leah, have you really been that stuck for ideas for blog titles? Think yourself lucky - it could have been the other song I can't stop singing.... *clears throat* I aaaaam Gaaa-aaato! I ha-ave metal joints if! You can beat me up, you'll earn 15 silver points!
The odd punctuation is so I am able to remember the tune in months to come. Well, not the tune, the timing then...

For some reason, instead of doing my assignments, yet again, I find myself watching someone play Resident Evil 2. Goddamn, I want it to be Friday NOW so I can go home and play it myself! Lest you forget, I should have been born male. This is also judging by my lazy, slobbish behaviour over the weekend - I skipped and went to stay with my cousins again ^_^ I always have a WHALE of a time when I go round, and this visit wazs no different.

I also got a lot of Xmas shopping done, and felt a little sad as this is the first year in ages that I have not done my shopping with Mazi in Ptown :( I have now done a bit more online - bye bye £150 ¬¬ I have no where near finished either, and this saddens me. You know what saddens me even more? My body officially hates me and has begun another rampage to make me go to the doctors. I don't understand why I seem to get so many ailments. For one, I could be a hypocondriach (or however the fuck it's spelled) or there could be a serious underlying issue. This new addition scares me, it really does, as I can't think of anything that it could be.

All that aside, tomorrow is secret santa, Dave has cancelled his lecture so I have time to go to town to get a fuck off sized suitcase and hand in some CVs (don't get me started. Overall it's just easier to say that my mother told me to. This is true.) and I go home on Friday. This makes me happy and excited - don't get me wrong, I love it here, but I neeeeeeeeed a break for a bit!

I might do some assignment now - only 1 1/2 to go! But knowing me,I won't. Ugh.

Critical Analysis Of A Journal Article On Employment Of Ex-Offenders

Woops, bit of cross over there. This is not an assignment, Leah. ¬¬ Ugh I have no motivation to do this!!! Or any of them for that matter. Total completed: 2/5. Meh... I have just noticed I occasionally switch from writing in the first person to writing in the third person. Although this would be awful if I was actually writing an assignment, or doing an English degree in general, this is genuinely how my mind works. I talk to myself in the third person - I insult myself more often than not. Or tell myself to do things. Right now I should be telling myself to complete at least one more assignment before my weekend off from it all, but nooooo I'm telling myself to blog, as it is obviously much more fun.

I have a massive wooden pig in my room, with delicate wooden ears and feet. Delicate wooden ears and feet that may break if bashed too hard (ey up, there!). A massive wooden pig with delicate wooden ears and fe- YES ALRIGHT! Ahem, that I have been carrying round uni with me all day and trying not to break (As you can imagine, the skate home was really good for my confidence regarding the not breaking thing) Why did I buy a wooden pig? It is a present for my Grandparents. My mum's Dad, so this explains why it is a pig and not something you would normally buy for an old couple. What would you buy for an old couple? A goat in Africa in their name? Lavender-scented EVERYTHING? Big nappies? I don't have normal oldies in that sense...

We had another guest speaker today - from the parole service. "Ooooh!" Came the cry from the very few people who decided to turn up. This man had about as much personalty as a damp old sock. So, none then. Everyone was complaining about how boring he was, but my main critisim was the fact that he had a jittery head. Not his fault, I know, but whenever he paused for breath, his head would shake. Very noticably. This was infront of about 15 people - he can't have been that bloody scared of us.

Sam remembered I love Jazzles and brought me a packet to say thank you for sitting the mock exam. Out of about 5 of us that turned up. He is a baaaaabe <3 <3 (Adam, I know this annoys you, but hush. I don't mean it. It's like when I call my boss sexy or my lover. He clearly isn't - he looks like the elephant man.) I'm not very well inclined to like my job at the moment - I finished early (well, at 10) wednesday night, got IN TO MY FLAT and realised I still had my fucking buzzer on. Knowing that I would not be in after that night (sure, I'm on, but I'm ill in bed. Cough.) I had to go allllll the way back there again to return it. I got home at half 11. Un.Im.Pressed.

Somewhat like that posh snob who ordered some wine from me. I instantly hated him. My "Just a bottle then, sir? Instead o-" "One bottle is what you usually order, yes." If he had let me finish, I would have said 'instead of individual glasses'. Sooo he places his order, and I go back to serving others. 3 Times in 5 minutes I am stopped to find out where the wine is, each time with larger and more obnoxious 'I am OPENING A WINE BOTTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' mime. Fuck off. Sooo the bar had no luck fnding the wine, so he ordered another, all the while complaining loudly and just generally being an arsehole. I run over with their food and do my "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "Beef and Pasta? Yes." ... "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "We ordered beef and pasta, yes." ...... "....Who had the BEEF?!?" They then decided there and then who was having what. FUUUUUUUUUUUCKING HELL! All the while his lap dog/wife was egging him on to yell some more. I was in the kitchen every 3 minutes telling Lee how much of a wanker the bloke was and we STILL couldnt find his wine. Eventually, after having a final go at Sammy for bringing him the correct wine, they stormed off without paying. Everyone stood there slightly stunned and so before anyone could act I charged it to their room. Invisible wine, too!

I hate people - I can't decide whether it's posh snobs or yobbos that I hate the most... And my laptop is now refusing to type what I press.Fab. Just as I'm about to write essays...

I Hate You, Kenny. .V.

That I do. I start with a word of advice - if you are walking down a road, no hang on, ICE RINK, and you slip on your arse, look at your audience before you scream every swear word under the sun. "You C**ting fucking ICE!" Will not go down well with the mother and the horde of small children she is herding on the opposite side of the road. You will be able to hear her gasps of horror over the sound of your headphones sreaming out moooosic. ¬¬

I have had to make a hellish time table to be able to get all this sodding work done this week. A timetable I am currently not following. Oh naffing HELL Leah! Get your arse in gear! I have literally only allocated time for work and going to Uni. Nothing else is allowed. No blog writing. Woops. This is all writing effort that could be put towards an essay. Get off of this, Leah. Silly bitch. Speaking of which, I spoke to Fagface today and was quite pleasant and she back. I thought I would be all zen and try and get on with everyone. This is not true of course, it is simply because there is a trip in January and we get put in to groups. For 2 days. I know for a fact I will be put with her. Soooo might start making it less hideous right now...

Skyping my mum and G whilst they were in bed was.... interesting. Thank god they didnt answer with video! This is the last time I start talking first! Emergency 'meeting' about car taxation (Verdict: shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit I forgot about that, sorry Leah! O________O) implant scare (Verdict: G said this would happen! But it's fine, Mum! WHY PRACTICE A SPEECH THEN!!!!!?!?!?! Oh, ok then) and The Big Head (Verdict: Bitch. I knew about the condition of Iris, my mum's aunt, a week before she did.) I also decided to pay G back for fixing my car through use of sexual favours. The 'cap' of £300 got thrown out of the water. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKML.

Soooo I have no money, and no motivation. On the plus, I have The South Park Movie soundtrack! Oh wait, it DOESN'T FUCKING WORK! Ughhhhhh And I have work tomorrow morning. Fuck off please, JLB Credit style...

Attack On My Childhood

And doubtless many more childhoods. Remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? (Called Ninja for all of about 2 episodes until the name was changed to 'Hero' turtles as it was thought that ninja gave off too much of an agressive image.) I used to love them. I was a very boyish little girlie. Not much has changed - apart from the little girlie thing. Big girlie is more appropriate. Aaaaaaaaaaanyways my point is, as cool a show as it was, it did have its flaws. I know it is a cartoon and is therefore not real. In fact, I fear that society would break down if there were 6ft tall 'turtles' running around doing ninja things having been taught by a man turned in to a sewer rat. This is not my dig. My dig is the title, and the animals that they are claimed to be.

Turtles. This is incorrect. They are land-dwelling, so they are all tortoise. A turtle inhabits water, that is it only goes on land to breed. Hence they have flippers. The ninja 'turtles' do not. However, I will forgive this as it is clear that they are only turtles so they could fit the word in to the super cool theme song.

I spent the night getting attacked (verbally) by my boss, so why shouldn't I get to take my anger out on someone lower than me? That's what he did. Silly dick. Speaking of dicks, I completely forgot that my mum's leaving pressie for me was a hot water bottle, so I have been freezing my ass off for no reason. Fail. And Jade and I decided that I should have the job of walking behind fat people with a tuba. I'm good at it. I also managed to get a pikachu for my phone FINALLY! Video was ruined by hideous set of teeth wolf whistling at us and me yelling at them. Ughhhh, what it is to be female...

On an uber high, I FINALLY found a pair of those gorgey grey skinny jeans in my size! Soooo my extended overdraft, that I extended today in order to be able to afford Christmas, went towards it. No wonder I don't have any bloody money ¬¬

Christmas Time

Mistletoe and wine.... Cue creepy choir boy being held in the corner by a gun held to his head, come on, why else do you think his voice is so high? Aaaaand with Cliff Richard cheesing his way around in the fore ground, we have a fantastic Christmas hit. Erm, no. It is a bad song - The Poques win hands down every time, purely due to the fact that the only reference to Christmas in the song is use of the words "Christmas Eve" and "Christmas Day".

You may have noticed that I have not blogged in a while. It may be more realistic to assume that this will continue to be the case, that is, I will not blog daily, due to time constraints and the like. But I promise to make them as amusing as I possibly can. So to start the ball rolling, I got snowed in and stuck at my aunt's house from Wdnesday til Friday. This is not a complaint - I had an EPIC time! The addition of the shitloads of snow only added to the number oppotunities presented in order to be hilarious. Here is an example:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnEC1Oyvyq8

Gracie Pop's newest video - and I am in it! Check it outttttt (You have to watch until the bitter end, purely to see me starring in the best ending to a video ever. Seriously. I do sexy dancing.) All I can say is that her webcam makes me look STUNNING right at the end. I wish people had 'web cam vision' when they looked at me - like putting on your beer goggles. Web cam goggles if you'd like, though I can't see that being as catchy. Also bonded with Jadey some more on the Dancing Stage games - I have got goooooood. We were on them basically all hours of the day, so uch so that now that I've gone, Jade no longer enjoys playing it on her own.

They are more like my sisters, they really are. It is even facebook official. South Park was our main quote source over the weekend (I say weekend, only bcause it felt ike it. I couldn't get to uni or work :/) Dad picked me up come Friday (teehee come)which meant I could go back to work Saturday morning. Oh glee - brekkie. Though I had Maria, Tanya and Lee to keep me amused. Lee certainly delivered on that front - us girlies were discussing how weird it was that all 3 of us were dating men called Adam who worked with food, when Lee informed us that one of the other girls was dating an Adam too. Who worked at the hotel. That's right - Creepy Adam! My "Oh, really?" Was extremely high-pitched due to attempting to keep my laughter/vomit contained. I nearly ripped my tongue bar out through all the effort.

Because I'm such a nice sister, I took Timmy to see Due Date. It was such a shite film that I left half way through to go and hide in the loos. I have NEVER walked out of the cinema before. I was in such a rush when we eventually got to leave, that I was in a mega bad mood. Timmy mentioned that he wanted to go see Tron (possibly the only disney film, aside from Fantasia, that warrants being remade. Orrrrrrrrrrr DON'T BOTHER! The first attempt was shit enough!) soooo mid rant and with arms flailing, I didn't see Dale until it was literally too late and I knocked him flying. Excellent. The head on collision winded us both slightly, and I all but died of embarassment. I'm such a wonderful person to take out in public. May I have my medication now, please?

I now have 3 advent calenders as my mummy sent me one (her note said "I can't forget my little girlie :)" and the envelope smelt of her, meaning I can't bring myself to throw it away.) Ah. Writing about the envelope, I have just smelt it and now 2 days later I can no longer smell her. Soooo in the bin it goes! I stayed at Dad's on Saturday, purely to get a decent night's sleep away from Amani and her relentless onslaught of noise determined to keep me awake. Fuck off, silly bitch. No one likes you. Even Adam, who spent a mere 2 days, can't stand her.

Ahhhhh just 2 weeks before I head on home. I need a break. I need to see everyone. I need to see Adam. I really miss him. It's strange - normally I am seemingly indifferent to men while I am with them, but this is a completely different story. I can't stop thinking about him. I just want to be with him, as often as I possibly can. I don't know what has happened to me - this really is out of character for me. I even started humming Canon in D Major the other day and imagined myself walking down the aisle to it! Steady on there, sailor! I have never even thought of marriage before (it made me shiver in horror) so there is seriously something going on here. I will keep you posted, although not as often as usual, obviously, I have far too much to do.

Without my Adam, I've had to make do with wearing about 85734987693 layers of clothing and snuggled up with the Tudors. My soft porn, as Lissi calls it. It is incredibly sexy, if not completely historically correct. Henry is EVER SO SMEXY! Get naked some more! P.S. whoever can tell me what I'll have seen Sam Neil in before will get a gold star. Lucky youuuu! Counting down the days til I go home and ultimately until Christmas. Squeeee! XD XD

All Night Long ;)

Yeah, this is dedicated to my Mr. My Mr who has not shaved in a while (yummmmmm!!!!) My Mr Who left this morning. :( Aha! The lack of blogging now makes more sense! But wait, there's more. Hang on to your seats, babies, cause this one's a screamer! And quite literally - I did a lot of screaming come Saturday morning (Adam arrived Sunday night, so shut up) no no no, oh ye of dirty minds, Friday was the night of our flat party. Before hand Amy and I took time out from the lots of essay writing (pfft) to make vodka jelly, and Lissi and I wandered to Sainsburys. I purchased a trifle and mince pies. Fat fuck, I think you'll agree. I just REALLY wanted some trifle! But anyways, It was a rather good night tbh - lots of people turned up and towards the end of the night we were all chillaxing in my room watching moooovies and that. Katie was a bit worse for wear, and proved this by sticking her tongue down my throat (Um. GET OFF?!?) followed by Mike's. She then hauled up in my bathroom and attacked the toliet with her vomit, which made me panic hugely and almost break down. No vomit please, Kthanksbye!

So, what was the cause of the saturday morning screaming? Abi told me she had £20 taken from her purse, so I panicked and did a sweep of my room - laptop, DS, Blackberry, Printer, Passport, old 'new' pho- BOLLOCKS! Someone has come in to my home, and searched for something to take. I know this because the phone was partially hidden. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! I was planning on selling the damn thing for food moneys! That's fine though, I really don't need food moneys. Ugh. I was with Lissi in the kitchen before heading to Hell, sorry, work and decided what to eat - trifle. I made her lol ^^

It's lovely working with Maria and Lee, you have a really good shift,even if you all have to wear Santa hats that make you look like an arse and you have to serve toffs from a big company that have no concept of any kind of human language... Drink champers at the end, finishing at half 11. And then being told you're working the breakfast shift tomorrow. Oh. My. God. And it is snowy and hideous outside. Gee, thanks a bunch. Bastard. When he arrived the next morning (late, and sporting a black eye) he yelled at us loads (for what? Getting the buffet ready 20 minutes early?) and buggered off to his office to do fuck all to help out, leaving me as the Hostess (with the mostest, of course. And with a massive hole in my top, exposing a lovely bright green bra.) This must be why I got a £15 tip. A £15 tip that I split with the other 2 without telling Chris. Why should he get some? All he did was wander in to the room once, make a joke about my chest attracting customers, and bugger off again.

Did some workings stuffs before booting Adam towards the direction of a train so he could get here. I had several hours to wait before I had to pic him up, so I skyped David again. As I have mentioned, I enjoy skyping David. Although he kept buggering off, because he's useless. Honestly, I walk all the way to the train station at half 10, in the dark and snow, to meet Adam off the train, only for him to scare me shitless by walking up behind me when I got there. ¬¬ But yesssss, everything was fabbity fab, lounging around come Monday (By that I mean Adam would NOT GET UP! It took bribes of food and stuff ;) to get him to move) I then had to go to work. Bugger. Leaving the poor git stuck in my room for 6 hours and not able to go and smoke.

I asked if ~I could leave work early (spouting some elaborate lie, obviously) And he FINALLY let me go at almost 11. He sent one of the other girls home at 9. WTF?!?! I was the most senior waitress on the shift, meaning I'd been there longest. Oh sweet Jesus, but I am very good at my job, even conversing with some German men, who were ever so surprised when I started chatting away in German with them. RAN through the streets, which was made easier by a group of about 20 men nipping at my heels most of the time. FUCK FUCKING OFF! Burst through my door complaining about the freezing cold, and watched Adam wake with a start and practically fall off the bed. He then got in to his Mard-mobile for a bit and wouldn't talk to me - he DID nick the rest of my biscuits and some cranberry juice while I was gone. UNIMPRESSED :P :P

He eventually buggered off at 11, much to my dismay :( it's really weird in here now without him - he only stayed over 2 nights! Scuttled to uni as fast as we could in the snow that was falling equally fast. Bit miffed about uni - this was the reason Adam had to leave so early. Slept through Dave's lecture despite DVD on hostage negotiation (nothing happened - the hostage and hostage taker both lived. Boring as hell!) and loitred for 2 hours for Sam's lecture, which was cancelled. I could have left at 2 in that case. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- ahem, be a lady Leah. Please try at least once. Walking back from uni was bloody fun though - snow ball fights with Amy, Alex and Sallie, who all have fantastic aim, whereas I am shit at it.

Went to Sainsburys to buy an advent calender, and then staggered back to the flat to be met by Hayley and Laura who dragged me back in to the snow again. And Sainsburys actually. Haha. Dragged outside again for snowball fights with Liss, Vetty, Seb and Shelley ^^

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This will be edited soon - I should be asleep. I have work in 3 hours. Woops!


I left that party early in order to go to bed for a breakfast shift I wasn't actually working. So I would have gone to work for bugger all reason. Oohhhh, would NOT Have been impressed!

Paedophiles Say Yes To Small Women

As The music from Gex 3 blares from my laptop, I am still intoxicated. And so tomorrow this blog post will be edited. If my head will allow it. Owwwwwwww!!!

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Ok, my head does allow it, it is fine. I fail tbh - my George Forman-esque "I'm so proud of it, I write it everyday!" (just imagine the voice) would have been abandoned until the start of December, which would have sucked and David would have had a bit of a fit I think :P So Amy is round while we write our essays. Our essays that @I have abandoned in order to write this. Woops,goodbye degree it was nice knowing you (even though I didn't)

Tuesday was a usual day at uni, Lisa was back so we were back to being the loud lot at the back during lectures, and Sam and Dave's lectures swapped places, which confused the hell out of absolutely everyone until the break in the evening lecture, during which the fire alarm went off. Ahhhh fuck it, it was freezing! Most people buggered off just as they began to let us in again. Never mind.

Watched Princess Diaries 2 with Hayley and Laura while Lissi spent some time with her family. I then got in to one of the foulest moods I've been in for a while (I need to point out that this was nothing to do with Hayley or Laura,of course.) but DAVID TO THE RESCUE! I can't believe I've never skyped him before! But it was mega to say the least, and I got to 'meet' his flatmates who are also the awesomes, so come April we are gonna have so much fun ripping David to shreds :P (David's Christmas pressie to me are Avenue Q tickets!!!! XD I get to go visit!) The best part of the conversation was when David dropped his laptop and disappeared. I had died when he eventually popped up again. He badgered me all night to do some blogging, which I didn't do because I was watching Dumbo and reading info about Disney films. Stay with me, this is seriously how cool I am. This I did until 4 in the morning. Woops.

Wednesday was my arranged bumming with Jadey of course. Yet again I had to do her a favour (I'm nice like that you know) and go and get her cds from Inka, which she has left the employment of but just hasn't bothered to tell them. When asked how she is I said she'd been in a car accident. Oh for fuck's sake Leah! Every time I need n excuse, a car accident is the key, obviously. Jade's now been in one (she went 'a bit funny' but is fine) to excuse her from an old job, Adam has been in one to excuse my shitty mood at work and avoid constant come hither eyes and I myself have been in one back home to explain to an ex why I stopped calling him (Intensive care for ages, massive head injuries and chronic limp. Actual answer - he was fuck ugly and odd, and I couldn't be arsed to.) I really hope karma isn't a bitch about all this O_O

Harry Potter was AMAZING!!! Although I can never show myself in there again. We went early to secure tickets and as we were leaving Jade went "Ooh, there's Dale." I had an outburst of tourettes and SCREAMED "WHERE?!?!?!?" and instantly slammed to the floor laughing. No Leah, no. Mexican fooooood which was ORGASMIC to say the least but I choked on my sombereo. Don't ask. This left us half an hour before the film to do all the tasks as the film will probably be about 485948759 years long. Stampeded to Salamander to get our piercings changed (we failed at this the last time we were in town as the shop shut like a minute before we got there) I now have rings in my tragus XD But yes, the film was good. When they moved Harry in to hiding they burst through some clouds to be presented with roughly 47583476583746 Death Eaters. My cry of "Oooh, that's intense!" was heard by everyone, so cue some lolling.

Sainsburys can be a highly entertaining place. As well as Boots. Pokemon mobile phone charm machine dispensers are the best - there is now footage of me attempting to get a pikachu one, which is ambandoned at the retrieval of an Eevee. I am cool. So I spent the night at theirs, doing dance mat stuffs and rudetube stuffs, ending with a massive heart to heart session and cackling session talking about cocks and chocolate bars. Yes, in the same way. Am now addicted to South Park again, not all of it, just the World of Warcraft episode with "You can c-c-count on us!" "TIMMY!"

Froze to death on the walk up to uni and got elbowed in to a lift by Fagface. Fuck off. At least I haven't run headlong in to a wall. Ugh. And ~Andy is a dark horse! (And is alsterrifying when crammed in to a small spaces) Turned down not only an invite out for a curry, also for a Wetherspoons meal. This is because A) I have naff all money. B) If I didn't do some work I wouldn't ever do it and would be living here over Christmas trying to get it done. This is despite the deadlines being before Christmas of course, FFS. Has Liss calling me boring all night and trying to get me to go out. Eventually she won and I turned Lady and the Tramp off (Y) and went out for a cheeky drink at Amy's

This turned in to a full blown party, which was rather mega! I almost ripped my head off leaning back on Amy's bed (It did happen, as unusual as it sounds) and we watched Harry Potter. We are so cool! Played fuzzy duck, or is it ducky fuzz? Ah, does he fuck! Our quest to get more booze failed as I had no ID on me and as soon as Liss put one foot out of the door the store 'shut'. Arseholes. Stumbled in at half 2 after a tip top night and have been getting ready for our flat party tonight (This is why I wouldn't have blogged in a while). Right, now we have to do more work - right Amy? Yeahhhhhhhhhh I thought you'd say that ;)

Tears Dry My Lips Out :(

This is going to be a 'boo hoo' blog. Naff off if you don't wanna read it. *empty seats all round* Bugger. Maybe I should stick to trying to be funny? (I originally wrote 'fucking?' Um, ok then... What would I much rather be doing? You know it!) although am I good at that? Being funny I mean, not fucking. Shut up now, Leah, you're beginning to enjoy being in that corner aren't you?

Highlight of my day? I washed some clothes. Um.... yay? Stayed in pjs allllll day, which was niiiiiace. XD Skyped my mother in a frantic attempt to gain more info - I recieved a txt saying 'Awww, your little is not well at all :( :( will skype later with details of bad news' which made me instantly think 'OMG OMG PONYO NO! NOT MY LITTLE DARLING!!' and spent most of the afternoon in tears, even contemplating hopping a train to see her.

Ponyo is my chick. She is a very special chick, well, chicken now. People may think I'm stupid for getting so attatched to her, but I am her mummy after all (There is a blog about this, in July. Read for info. Which one it is, I'm not sure. Find it yourself!) And it's true of any pet - as my mother has said every time my hamster, or guinea pig, or rat died "NO MORE! It upsets you too much when they die!" and then for my next birthday or Christmas I have got a new pet. A rat may be different to a dog (which my mum would, not replace, but get another for company nd because they are family etc. whatever) but they have still been my pets. I had a hamster of my very own when I turned 5 (obviously my mum thought I was very responsible. Oh how I have changed) and it lived for 3 years. They normally last for 2. I am good at pets. ^_^

Turns out it wasn't Ponyo, it was my car! Yay at Ponyo living! OH thank GOD I was so worried! I'm happy now! I th- ah. Buggerations. It failed its MOT in a spectacular fashion. Woops. £300 on repairs. My words to my mum? "I don't care. Pay it. I'll work it off, take it out of my Christmas and Birthday funds. I need my little car!" Yeah it's a heap of shit, but I love it so! (Yeah, that reads well) Made some rice balls, or origiri, which are pictured. I am the awesomes!

Had a massive rant on Skype about my father again - the real one, I mean, not my Dad. Keep up. I don't have a nice word to say about him or so it seems. My mum's pleas of 'give him a chance' were countered with 'Mum, when Grummar buggered off and left you all, how long did it take for you to start talking to her again?' No counter arguement. I won. I don't want to go see him, I don't want him to come here, I don't want anythin to do with him! I don't see why someone who buggered off around Europe for 16 years or so should get any of my attention now. He STILL refuses to tell me that my grandfather is dead. I' 18, not 8!!! In a way I like that he rarely talks to me or whatever - it's made it so I don't have to tell my Dad or G about it, which has always been my biggest worry in the world. It doesn't need to be known as nothing has changed. If I was to start talking to him more now, I'd have to tell them both and the chances that things will change between us are very high. Then, true to his usual form, My 'father' will fuck off again and eveything will be in tatters. ARGH!!!! This wears me out. To be honest, I will eventually talk to him, but I was hoping to wait until after uni when I'm more mature and maybe when he finall sees me as an adult.

Forced to watch Love Actually, due to EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME (or so it seems haha) being shocked at me having never seen it. It was brilliant, to say the least. Then finished watching The Notebook. I sobbed hysterically throughout it, but not for what people usually cry at - you know, the 'awwwww int love sweet?' sort of stuff. It just reminded me of my grandmother again. One day my grandfather will be in the same situation, his heart broken and watching the woman he's always loved slowly die. It also made me realise I need to go and see them again. I have seen them once since moving here. In September. I am a fail of a Grandaughter. Well, not as much as that other one. The one who buggered off at 15 to live a life of unemployment with her fuckwit boyfriend. Naaah, I'm way better than her. I am happy to say that out of the 2 'grandaughters' (oddly, My dad and his older brother have only biologically fathered boys. I am the eldest of the daughters and am better) My dad never stops bragging to Phil about it - I love my Dad ^^ Don't get me wrong and all, Phil is an alright bloke, but like all uncles he can be a complete knob sometimes. Unlike my Uncle Matt of course. ^__________^

Ahhhhh, another angsty blog over and done with. I think you'll agree that these don't happen often (And I also believe you are thinking 'thank FUCK for that') Of course you are XD.

Oddities

Exploring some other blogs just now (instead of hiding in my own little self-obsessed bubble like I usually do) which is a lie - a comment on my blog alerted me to another uber hilarious blog. Which I now follow. I don't follow enough blogs - I might start branching out from just following a few of my friends/family who have blogs.

When I say 'another uber hilarious blog' I mean yes, I do find my own blog, and myself, hilarious. It's a curse really. As is the lack of capability I have for remaining on the point of what I am trying to say. Where was I? Ah yes.

There are lots of religious blogs (each to their own etc etc, I've said this all before I know) out there on ye olde internete (which is soooo old as my language suggests. Also, stop using FUCKING BRACKETS!!) and I came across a 'Scan For Your Soul' or someting similar blog. This in itself didn't make me do a huge roar of laughter. It was the 'My ex girlfriend still blogs from Hell :)'

Ah, it's the simple things in life that are often the best.
And sex.

Ooooh! I Thought I Went Blind There!

This was not me. Infact, this is possibly from one of women from the nicest group of cstomers I've ever met. I actually said to them as they left that I wish I could tip customers. It was at this point that she handed me a tenner. I wanted to throw her across their littered table and sex her up. Also, this is dedicated to David who is a complete tit who (albeit didn't know) I was working the night shift last night followed by breakfastANDlunch today and was bitching at me to blog stuffs. Here is your blog, bitch! :P It's his fault I was up until the early hours friday chatting his head off - not that I minded though, as he is infact my bestie (male edition. tm haha) and I aime him muchlies ^^

On Friday I woke up at about half 3 or so. This was WITH the aid of an alarm. Thank God, I don't want to be late for work! Turns out that I was late anyway, as for some reason I now started at 5 instead of half past. Fuckbags. As punishment I was made to polish, I kid you not, as I counted, 348 knives forks spoons etc. Slight lie though, as 80% of them were knives. Why the hell are so many knives needed? There are not enough forks to match! Do people EAT the forks?!? It wasn't a bad night shift - customers were ok, some were FAB as I said at the start, I got to work with Sammy, who I love and is wonderful - she is SUCH a sweetie!!! And my line manager (My boss's boss) was very impressed with how good I've become so quickly. Did get in to a leeetel bit of trouble as Arnold came in and I got distracted talking to him for about 20 minutes. He is the sweetest little man (little being the correct word here - he held a door open for me and even after bending right over, I still headbutted him in the arm ¬¬) I have ever met!

Also had to contend with Creepy Adam tonight. No, that is not my Adam. Creepy Adam is one of the chefs (a collection of complete perverts, of course, who neglect to remember that I have a face. Damn you tight shirt!) and is soooooo hideous to look at and be around (unlike my Adam who is, it has to be said, absolutely yummy and fab to be around. ^^ Anyways moving on) who was once again creepy and completely inappropriate (No, I don't believe that my breasts should be used for a plaster of paris mould. Fuck off please) and Kieran who, when told that Matt had accidentally brushed against one of my boobs on the way past, basically just trust his head on my chest ¬¬ Goddamn, I hate being female sometimes. To avoid the constant "Want me to take you out for a good time?" comments, I mentioned Adam as often as I could. It's not like I need an excuse to do this. What fnally got them to fuck off slightly was blaming my 'suddenly miffed mood' on the fact that Adam was in hospital. This did not happen, but it got them to back off a bit. Sorry sweetie! Luckily they didnt ask questions or I'd have been fucked and my lie exposed - knowing me I'd have probably said he was giving birth or something... ¬¬ And no, I am not going to complain about it. It's just banter, probably completely harmless but just ever-so-slihtly annoying, that is all. Plus, I've only been there 3 weeks and I'd be getting a bit high and mighty if I complained already.

EVENTUALLY managed to bugger off at HALF 11 meaning I would get in at 12 and to sleep at 12, ready to be awake again a quarter to 6. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH go and crawl in to a pit and die somewhere. Don't mind if I do. Breakfast was slow and hideous - no bugger came in til 9, then they all swarmed in and didn't fuck off til HALF 11 LEAVING ME HALF AN HOUR TO SET UP LUNCH WITH SODDING TABLECLOTHS AND EVERYTHING! The only thing that mae this bareable was working with the adorable Arnold and wonderful Maria (it pays to have a cousin with connections and also who has invited her friends on nights outs with you so you can meet them.) and Lee with his scrummy Irish accent, and Mel being as awesome as ever. I died during lunch - 2 people came in. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG it was so slow, I was close to crying at one point and I left my feet in the Mirror Room they were that sore.

Was stood chatting to Mel as the shift slithere by at a slower pace than maple syrup on a cold day, when she told me that Josh, the cook with a gammy eye, was still drunk. This, I had to see. I used to feel sorry for him and his gammy eye (and also a bit awkward. It was like Michael Mcintyre said about people with lazy eyes - you don' know how to look at them. This is completely true) but after what he did next, I am not in that place. It's a glass eye. How do I know this? He took it out and THRUST IT IN MY FACE! This in itself didn't cause me to drop the tray of glasses I was holding (results = no breakages. Total triumph) it was when I was so startled I looked at his face and happened to see an empty eye socket. This sight will never leave me. Mel couldn't stop laughing when I came back shivering and rocking myself slightly. Ughhhhhh I still shudder at the thought. He's lucky I didn't upchuck at the sight of it.

Was working til 3, but there waqs a meeting at 4 so who got to stay on for ANOTHER extra hour? yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay meeeeeeee! Folding napkins and organising some drawers and cupboards. The thrills just didn't stop. Actually that's true - the meeting was hilarious! Although Chris, my boss, seemed to be suffering from 'I Am A Dick' Syndrome toniht. These meetings occur monthly. This is something I am not used to. In good old KFC I'm used to waiting a year if Im lucky before a manager eventually goes "Ooooh, A meeting might be a good idea at some point." Wandering home I saw they EXACT same couple walking the exact same dog having another blazing row I'd seen the night before. This was coupled with another drunk guy walking towards me, followed by 2 cops. At this point I got a bit scared and thought I'd gone through some sort of time warp nd would have to do the whole horror shifts all over again.

Hayley and Laura eventually came home and we did some memory tests for Laura's work. I have an ace memory XD also made an ORGASMIC tuna melt toasty sandwich. Settled down to watch Scott Pilgrim with the sandwich (I showed that sandwich a good time ;) )and chatted to Adam a little bit morrrre. He makes me smile. I could fall in lesbians with him ^^ (Oh Scott Pilgrim, you are a babe!)

Quite Surprised It Took This Long To Get On The Sex Offenders Register But I'm FINALLY On There!

This is going to be another one of those 'ohhh I spent days in a row getting pissed so here's the stuff I missed' blogs. Sorrys. Am currently sat here typing with great difficulty as my left arm is in a huge amount of pain. Yup, finally got the vein of my life inserted in to my arm. There's a story that goes with that - come on, it's me. It won't have been just a simple process. No.

Lying on the bed I was bombarded with the same questions he'd asked me just the day before, (Have you had sex in the last week. Answer: 'Chance would be a fine thing'¬¬) I also had my mother's words ringing in my ears "The pill is better the pill is better go on the pill!" Take your pharmacist head off, mum, you know I'd just forget to take the damn thing and you'd have a grandchild before I could say 'woops.' "Are you ready for the anaesthetic?" "...Uh... yeahhhh...." "You don't sound too sure." "I have an awful phobia of needles" "Ah ok then... Look away now then." Take this advice people: When a doctor knows of your phobia and tells you to look away, don't turn towards him and ask what he said. He maaay just be holding the biggest needle in the known universe and fainting at the sight of it doesn't really help him out. I was only out for a few seconds and woke to "Are you alright?!?" "Yeah I'm good, just get it over with!" I have never stared so intently at a wall in my life. The needle killed. Sharp scratch? BOLLOCKS was it a sharp scratch. I'd have loved it if it was the same pain as an injection, piercing or giving blood. Instead it felt like he was attempting to scrape the insides of my arm out. Pain was on par to getting nipple pierced, so you know it's bad. Sorry Kim, I know you haven't had it yet, but I'll be honest - OW just doesn't do it justice.

And as cool as it is to not be able to feel your arm when tapped, don't poke the shit out of it. This leads to the bruising being so much worse then it needs to be and the pain to be greater once said numbing wears off. Just learn from my fails, it's easier that way. I now sporting a GORGEOUS over kill bandage the size of a towel wrapped round my arm, the bruing is hideous, the wound is awful and I can actually see the implant through my skinn. Yummeh... I also learned today that I make a fab alarm clock - Lissi was napping and I went in to the kitchen. Singing 'Like A Virgin' is a great way to wake someone up with a smile. I wasn't smiling when I got to work and stupidly agreed to work the morning shift.

It was nice to be sent home early i.e. 10 so I could do some sleeping. Instead I talked to Adam of course. I had to get up at half 4, which is so hideous it isn't even funny. When my alarm went off I genuinely didn't know what the noise was (The opening to Roobarb and Custard screaming right by your head isn't exactly a gentle ease in to the waking up process). Had some stupid old arse yelling at me for wanting to take his plate away. He had a yoghurt pot on it, which he had yet to finish and picked it up to thrust it in my face/show me. So I established that he was capable of removing the pot from the surface on the plate and putting it on the table. You do not need a plate to eat a yoghurt. Grow up. After only a few hours sleep I fell asleep during Angie's guest speaker. While making notes that I now cannot read. ¬¬ See if you can tell from the pictures which are my usual note standards and which ones I was swanning during. Thank God I had Sallie on one side and Amy on the other prodding me to keep me upright at least!

Had a phone call from work asking if I could work the breakfast shift Friday. Half 6 til 11. I am quite good friends with Yvonne, so I thought I would be honest with her. "No sorry Yvonne, but I will be in no fit state to work tomorrow morning. Most likely I will still be drunk. But if you would like me to fall over, sing loudly and out of tune etc for the customers then I'll come in for you! :)" Soooo after buying most of Plonkers' stock and grabbing Amy and Alex, we headed to mine first. After I cooked Amy and myself fantastically nom cheese toasties and she mixed us some uber strong Woo woos. After chillaxing for a while in my zimmer until Mike arrived - looking through my draws, naturally, gawking at Adam and deciding whether the Hallmark menu was good value for money, we grabbed the kitchen chairs and were off to Liss's.

I Have Never set the mood, but we soon got bored and lounged around, generally being loud and awesome. Although had a few heart to hearts with Liss, Vicky and Alex which were nice ^_^ Lissi, Laura and Hayley arrived and I spent a lot of the time until they buggered off again with Lissi sat on my lap. Ring of Fire is still an awesome game and I do good smoking while I' drunk (O_______O) and I don't like eggs being thrown at me either to be quite honest. I loved singing VERY LOUDLY to Don't Look Back In Anger and All The Small Things, and I was fraped with the lovely phrase that ha become the blog title - 9 people so far have liked it. Bugger. I also got my nipple out, typically, but only because people asked to see the tongue bar (At one point Vicky was telling people she was going to put HER tongue bar in it O_O) and I really hope everyone forgets about the nipple thing. Although they all read my blog so that hope has already been dashed. No eye contact EVER now, methinks. Vetty and Alex also did some tactful cockblocking and Shelley discovered I'm talented with my mouth... after blowing up an air bed of course! Jeez! I also kicked ass on the wii until the wee hours (ahaha see what I did there?! In to the 'wee' hours.. playing th wii!... oh naff off then...) I also drank ALL the booze I had bought and was saving for our up and coming flat party. Alex helped out too I must point out Well, that's more money to spend then...

Unfortunately I had to set an alarm for the morning as had to see Sam. When said alarm went off I cried out "WHITE COLLAR CRIME!!!" I don't know why either, so don't ask. But Sam would be proud ^_^ Sooooo hungover so bimbling up with Alex caused us to crash in the corridoor outside his office for 45 mins. I love Sam. He said I was one of the stronger students XD So I'm gonna do him proud (You have no idea how many times I checked that to make sure I'd written 'do him proud' and not just 'do him' That would have been difficult to explain...) Had a kitchen blitz with Hayley and Laura, who soon buggered off to leave me alone :( :( :P so I wandered in to town with Jade again.

I always have a whale of a time with her, spending 99% of it laughing. Today was no different. Ann Summers is a fab shop and I love it as many of you will know. We were doin serious shopping in there of course, but every time one of the assistants came over we had just found something hilarious to laugh at. We looked about 5 years old. Teehee sex, that sort of idea. Ughhhh never mind (thought of the day - crotchless knickers. Is there any bloody point? No I thought not.) I'm now freezing my arse off and crying due to the pain in my arm - don't think it's been done right. I can see it through my skin, which is not only hideous to look at but feels revolting. I keep catching it too, and it's the sort of pain I get when I catch a piercing. The sort of pain that makes you wretch. Goddamn it...

Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?

I believe I've ever said this before in my life. Not for a lack of wanting to look nice in a dress, but due to the fact that the number of times I've worn a dress can be counted on one hand. I would like to get a nice dress that is fitted under the bust but not on the legs. I.e. a dress that actually shows people that I have a shape. A shape that women for years used to wear corsets in order to achieve. An hourglass - that is a rarity and is very much sort after. I hope that little moment of love I felt for myself that I felt the other day didn't make me UBER bigheaded, as opposed to the bigheaded I normally am. I'm her direct decendant, remember? The Big Head is my Grandmother. This dress also needs to not show off the size of my thighs. We can forget that they exist.

Every Tuesday morning sees us all scared to come out of our rooms due to the cleaning lady being in. She herself isn't scary, personally I think it's the sense of shame I will feel being shown that I am dirty (and not dirty in a good way ;) ) Pfft I dunno, but I do know that we only emerged once we were sure she had buggered off - FB Chatting with Lissi while we hid of course. I felt nervous as we wandered up to uni, as I was due to be getting the implant. This was the least of my worries. I forgot had to pick up my essay. Ooooer missus. I passed though, so all is good. I'm not gonna lie and say I ACED the essay, but a pass is a pass. This pass of mine is also an incentive for me to pull my finger out. Leave it.

Buggering off during Dave's lecture sent those that didn't know what I was doing in to a slight panic - I left during Dave's speech about paedophiles seeing nothing wrong with raping a child as there is no law specifically forbidding it. It looked like I'd gone "Ugh,your lecture disgusts me! I am LEAVING!" Earning me evils from Fagface. Oh, go fuck yourself. Dog. I was doing some evils of my own when I got in to the doctor's waiting room. Having done some wrecthing through fear on the way down and having to splash water on my face (Keep your needles KEEP YOUR NEEDLES) I was told that I couldn't have the implant done today. This means I have to go all the way to uni tomorrow purely to put myself through stress and pain. Arses.

Loitred in the Librus for a bit to wait for Amy so she didn't die on the way home. Hayley rang to check I was ok which was lovely of her ^_^ though I sounded slightly rude while I was talking to her. My phone had loudly screamed my ringtone and drawn attention to me so I was already embarassed so I was trying extra hard not to do a great big booming voice. Therefore I didn't sound like myself at all. I stopped at Sainsburys for essentials. These were Volvic fruit water, Milk, Butter and 4 cartons of Cranberry juice. Mmmmmm... imagine the meals I can make with all that! Cranberry juice is my new nom treat. And it's good for me. Wiiin.

Movies with Laura and Hayley, which was fun as always and it just got even better when Lissi came and joined us, bringing her orgasmic head massager. I wouldn't mind one of them! There was something theraputic about watching Mulan and absent-mindedly massaging Lissi's head as she sat between my legs. Don't start. I'd forgotten how funny Mulan was, although I was feeling a little glum as I am missing Adam again, who insantly cheered me up when I asked him to (No, you may not guess how. It's me and my boyfriend. You should KNOW how he cheered me up) And I know he reads this and don't think he would like EVERYONE to know. Speaking of him reading this - come see me sooooon :P

Am now watching Hercules. Finally getting my fix!! XD Although I do love it, I noticed a maaaaaaaajor error in it. There is a point where the Titans are heading to attack Mount Olympus but are going the wrong way, and the shot featured 4 of them. When they trned around there was the Cyclops stood there too. The cyclops who is not one of the elemental Titans anyway. In real life I hate fire and water, but the ice and wind titans make me shiver. This is a kids film for God's sake... I might grow up one day. Or not - as I was saying to Amy today, it would be boring if we grew up!

JLB Credit, Fuck off please :)

For a kick off, more and more people are telling my they have been reading my blog - mates from home, uni mates, work mates, family... Even The Boyfriend (calling him that still makes me grin enormously XD) tells me he very much enjoys reading the latest at how I've made a twat of myself. So thank you all for reading and for giving feedback and I shall do my best to continue to keep you amused. I'm also proud of myself for blogging practically every day for the past 4 months or so. I've already passed the 100 post mark, but will think of something fun to do for the 500 one. Answers on a postcard please! ^_^ Or, you know, just ring me back on my MOBILE!

Have discovered, well been shown, an amazing site to download songs from, so have filled my ipod with 3 groups/genres of songs I'm particularly loving at the moment. TheMidnight Beast is first up, of course, closely followed by songs from the old dancing games. This brings back so many memories for me and I can't help but dance when I hear the songs, so I'm hoping they will encourage me to exercise a bit more or something. Probably not, knowing me. Although I spent a lot of time thinking myself over today (Granted, I was staring at myself naked in a floorlength mirror. I recommend you do this) And actually came to the conclusion that overall, my body is not that bad. Yeah, it could do with a bit of toning up, but if I jus focus on toning my legs and stomach I will be happy. I'm not actually that big, in the long run. A size 12 is not big, I could just do with being a bit more firm. I feel like a weight has been lifted or something and I now see myself in a whole new way! It's an amazing feeling! And I feel confident enough to finally say "Hey, I'm sexy!" and not even in an attempt at tongue in cheek humour.

I do think that university has changed me for the better, and I've only just started. Although judging on the third 'group' of music I downloaded I'm still as sad as ever. Christmas songs. I know it's early, but I LOVE the Pogues and the song doesn't really count as a christmas song - it only mentions it once! So I'm home free! Anyway leave me alone in my Christmas-ness. As much as I have no money, I do love Christmas. Though I hate buying for guys. David, I can do as he is ever so easy to buy for. Timmy I can do as I grew up with him and he basically likes what I like. Those are the only 2guys I can buy for with ease. Stephen, maybe. Dan, bugger off no. Christian rarel gets a gift from me cause he's a twat... you get the picture... Men = difficult to buy for.

I had hideous visions of waking up this morning and finding 38579485 missed calls from work saying "where the fuck ARE YOU?!?!" It was even worse when I woke up at 11, which would have been the end of the shift completely and I saw a text. Thankfully it was from Tanny telling me to get Adam to shave. Noooo I don't want to! His stubble is smexy!! When I eventually rang work, learning from my mistakes, it turned out I was working tonight. Yeahhhh I didn't go in ^_^ Lounged around watching The Tudors (Y) and complaining all the time that it isn't HISTORICALLY CORRECT, GODDAMNIT! Bloody good though. Henry = pwoaaarrrrrrrr (Speaking of pwoar, I literally fell off my chair just now when I saw the new DP of an old friend of mine. God I wish we'd have stayed in touch! Sex. ON. LEGS. Rather a lot! :P :P)

After my arse fell off from the cold on the way home, I hung out with Hayley and Laura some more and watched more Disney. One day we will watch Amadeus. I will make it so. We also bonded over the menu I nicked from work. Don't ask :P I'm unwell again, too FFS! I am guzzling cranberry juice bythe carton and snuggling up listening to the Pogues some more. Would very much like to talk to Adam but he is obviously recovering from watching Black Hawk Down and is unavailable. Fool ^_________^

Tomorrow I will be having my implant put in. I wasn't scared until Hayley and Laura got it out (Ooooer)and I saw the size of the needle. Fuck. My. Life.

Reddee For Your Pennniz!

The Queen of Vagina is truly a magnificant song writer. I can't help but sing her song, and have been singing it all night. What are the lyrics? "My Vagina is ready, ready for your penis. Vagina, Vagina, Penis Penis Penis Penis" and occasionally I'll sing "This is what I do, I sit on you. Right on your lap." We shouldn't be allowed to watch rudetube... It creates these hideous situations when we can't stop quoting them. Well, that and Jackass and Peep Show quotes. Family Guy too. And Bo Selecta. Basically anything hilarious we may come across. Like Johnny Cash. Or we'll just occasionally bum each other. This is the kind of family I come from - every 5 seconds we are laughing about something else or creating new things to laugh about later on.

No alarms todayyyyy as I didn't have a job interview or something equally hideous that I always seem to have when I stay at my aunts (Although was asked to work the brekkie shift. Fuck to the massive off, much.) neither had we made any plans for the day, which we normally do unless we've been boozing it up the night before. so it was jimjams and bed heads for the day! Well, for me anyway. I don't see the point in doing something with my hair or face unless I'm going out - there aren't that many hours in the day and the chances of bumping in to someone I feel the need to impress while sitting in my aunt's living room are very small indeed. That would be weird - sat being extremely sexy (of course) and Johnny Knoxville walks in (he is my imaginary hump at the moment, so have been filling head with Jackass shows and focusing mainly on his sexy bod. That, and Pontius dressed as a Dutch woman and Bam falling flat on his arse) I think I want some Jackass boxsets for Crimby.

Today HAD to be the day I finally got past the Marble level on Sonic and also the day I wasn't playing my own copy of the game and therefore didn't have a naffing memory card with me ¬¬ After Jade woke up on the wrong side of the bed and promptly bit Grace's head off, I made her sit and have a lol at Bella in New Moon. I then for some reason began to read the Twilight books. I have yet to do this, and have finally joined the masses. Bella is still a pillock and is even more of a stupid bint in the book, but I find myself compelled to read on. Bollocks. I don't know what's happening to me at the moment!!!! O__________O

X Factor, was of course a shambles and Katie will be going in my Human Centipede along with Cher Lloyd and Kristen Stewart. Bitches. And Take That pissed me off - Robbie has blatantly only rejoined as they are doing so well and his time as a solo artist has passed. So why did he do all the FUCKING SINGING!??! YOU ARE NO LONGER A SOLO ARTIST! The years have not been kind to you, so let Gary do the singing please and stop having stand offs with Mark Owen - you over shadow him and your mic was blatantly at a louder volume than theirs. Go back in to your drug filled pit! (I was hideous enough to actually do an Xfactor status along with most of the facebook community. Ah well... I'm a celeb was rather good though, it's just a shame that it's the first year I'm not watching it with my mum. Spent the evening lolling at old photos and discussing old memories. We had a serious moment for once!! I'm sure that will pass. But yes. Christmas is deffo coming as the coca cola ad confirmed and so I'd better get my ass in gear sorting that good will out, hadn't I?

One Way Ticket To Hell

I love waking up naturally and realising you still have 2 hours left before you need to wake up. And it's even better when you find a text asking if you can meet an hour later. Yippee! And so today, I was looking at spending most of it on my arse.

It all began on my mince in to town - I needed a cash machine. So when I saw a couple say "Ooooh a cash machine!!" and start making their way towards it, I literally ran to get there first. The woman rewarded my efforts by standing basically IN me, so I paid her back by sticking my arse out as far as I could. That's how I roll. And when getting on the bus I sounded like an old woman. "That'l be £1.30 please, love" "Oooh that's nice!" What the fuck? no Leah, what would have been nice was if the driver had said "You are waaaaay too beautiful to be made to pay to travel on my bus! Sit your fine ass down, you don't owe me anything" Though it has to be said that if that had happened I probably would have slapped him or been extremely outraged at least.

Ahhh Rollerworld, that I haven't been to since I was about oooh 6 or so? I remember it was a very embarrassing trip and I didn't go again. This time I was very much expecting for my arse to be meeting with the floor just as many times as it did when I was younger. I was pleasantly surprised! I didn't do any falling, well, by accident. it was only when an entire group of kids fell infront of me and I realised that I wouldn't be able to stop in time or change direction, I just thought "fuck it, I might as well join them" and lifted one of my legs up. Bye went my balance and I went horizontally in to the air before crashing to the floor in a spectacular wah hey! I think hip started bleeding and it is already bruised. I went down sooo hard (oooer missus! :P)

I had to leave the rink at one point due to almost wah heying watching a grown man (Who was mega good at skating and so was majorly embarrassed as could only just scoot around without much purpose) skate very rapidly round with his hands behind his back. I had to leave very quickly. While queuing for food things in the cafe we realised there were no free tables, so I positioned myself near a table full of a family that I knew would be vacating the table shortly. I sat my arse down and a bloke and his kids came and joined me. Um, fuck off? I then saw another empty table, but saw a child making a beeline for it. I started to fall as i reached it, but because I'm so amazing I simply fell in to the seat. Up yours child! There was a party going on while we were there, and I felt so sorry for the little girl who's party was interupted by a massive dykey staff member storming over with a crappy cake with 3 spindley candles stuck in it. Had I been her mother and paid £10 a child for that (seriously!) I think I would have slugged her.

Karma was going to be our bitch as we sat there laughing uproariously at a girl leaning against a wall who then suddenly slammed to the floor. I started crying I was laughing so much. We're gonna make this a regular thing methinks, which will be fab as it really was a rather good workout - i have a rather sore beeehinddd due to muscle tonage and would like to get lovely legs too! We're going to hell also, as upon reaching the bus station we looked and saw the FATTEST FUCK IN THE WORLD sat in the same booth (is that the right word? Booth?) as the one we were heading to.

This made us burst out laughing. Yep. I pointed and laughed at a fat person. This in itself isn't the reason we're going to hell - soon its bus arrived, and it standing up caused us both to burst out laughing. Alot. "Are you laughing for the same reason i am, Leah?" "What, at the fat thing that had to stand up in stages?" Yup - it had to gear itself up (i say it as I have no actual clue what sex it actually was. it was hideous and i didn't quite want to look at it) and sort of jumped up, didn't get fully up and came back down (Causing me to leave my seat as it was like a seesaw and I was unfortunate enough to be sat right next to it) before using the momentum created to finally stand up. ROFL for about 34798 years or so it seemed.

So cue an evening of gaming, Xfactor and generally being arses. I like it here - I spend every spare moment laughing. A lot ^__________^

I Hate Fucking Kids

See? I'm no paedo! Although I genuinely couldn't see when I woke up this morning, ahem, afternoon. First thought? "I'M BLIND I'M BLIND! It's finally happened!!" (My vision has been a little bad these past few days) But no, my mascara had literally sealed my eyes shut. I ripped abou half of my eyelashes off trying to prize the fuckers open again. 'Met' Lissi for some lunch. Supernoodles that I didn't eat (WHAT THE HELL?!?!) then, still as the uber sexy Bedhead edition of Leah, I popped in to Lissi's Zimmer (You know, her rooooom!) to watch hilarious videos. One of which featured what appeared to be a dwarf of undetermined sex miming a song, which both terrified and amused me hugely. Even better was Me plying the Scary Maze game and Lissi filming my reaction. I died (on the maze, obviously) and did a big jump purely cause the screen changed slightly and I was expecting something to pop out at me. It did, whe I eventually got to the final level. ¬¬

Took some picatoorrrrs of my room to demonstrate just how cool it looks and also to distract from the fact that my laptop will not play my Hercules DVD bcause it is a copy. Anyone who wishes to buy the proper DVD for me (it isn't that expensive, but I can't afford it - Hugs and good will for Christmas, remember?) will get my undying love and probably sexual favours, knowing me. I actually cried, as the sheer urge I had to watch it was all-consuming :( :( I bought it on ebay about 6 years ago and wasn't told it would be a copy. Fuckers. It was the same as when I BEGGED my mum to get me Last Order on DVD for christmas one year. She did, but it was also a copy that I could only get to work after 2 HOURS solid of taking it out and wiping it over and over again and for it to work.... Only for there to be a power cut 10 minutes in. I remember that night well. I snapped my beloved DVD (It's a Final Fantasy anime... And I snapped it clean in half!) ¬¬

Ahhhhh... work. After what happened on the way home Wednesday night I wasn't feeling too up for this, to be quite honest and had to leave home early anyway to pick up my implant. The box is MASSIVE! I am scared now... I began to run late as got stuck behind stupid old couple who had to stop every time the wind blew, thanks to the old bat not being able to handle the 'extra pressure'. It was rather windy. FUCK FUCKING OFF!! I have the issue of there never being any veggie pasties left in Greggs when I go in, but tonight my luck changed! As I was queuing some people came in behind me and I heard them say "Oooh! Only one veggie pasty left! Yess!" So how smug was I when I said "I'll have a cream eclair please! Oh, and a VEGGIE PASTY!! Please XD"? Ever so smug. Hahaha up yours other person! Myyy Veggie pasty. I got some evils as I sat on a bench enjoying said pasty, so I played the part a little. "Mmmmm, what a lovely VEGGIE PASTY FROM GREGGS!" Bitchy? Maybe. But it was a bloody good pasty.

Work was it's usual, although got a massive tip from a lovely little (seriously. She was about 1ft tall) old woman. Had to serve a table of 24. O________O My head fell off and my back snapped. And apparantly I'm already on hugging terms with my boss. Noooo, not the touching thing! Stop whispering in my ear and tickling me!!! And the chefs have already started with their sexual comments. Excellent. 3 shifts in. Bugger. Skipped drinking with them tonight, despite my supevisor with a smexy irish accent (yesssss) practically begging me to go.

Minced home v quickly to avoid fainting again as well as to avoid the group of rowdy men following me and yelling stuff. Thank FUCK two cops crossed my path and saw the panic in the speed I was moving and created a barrier between me and them so I could high-tail it out of there. Silly spanish bitches came up behind me as I was opening the door to the block, so I was nice enough to hold the door open for them. I got no thanks, just a snide comment and them high-fiving each other. In return, I walked up the stairs at minus 49879 mph, putting both my feet on each step and walking with my arms out so they couldn't get past. Yeah, I can be rude too, skanks! As I felt them peel off towards their flat I turned and yelled "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

Stormed in to the flat complaing about fucking foreigners, only for our own lovely spanish lot to confirm my complaints. I ran in to the hall, the only thing stopping me from entering the flat being the Spanish door (Yes, the door is also Spanish) that I slammed in to at high speed and thrust my 'Shut the FUCK UP!' note under. Calmed self down by enjoying videos sent to me by Lissi (She could actually hear me laughing from her room) and watching Of Mice and Men. Don't judge me - I love that film! I can still quote my fave line in the book - "He reached in to his pocket and pulled out a small leather thong." ^_____^ Typical me. Speaking of typical me, at the end of Sam's lecture yesterday Lucie and Lisa both cried "It must be LEAH'S!" What was mine? A condom had fallen out of my bag. ¬¬

I am glad to be sitting down, as tomorrow I am doing skating things and will most likely spend most of my time on the floor. I can skate, but it's been a while. I gotta do my sitting for the next few days in advance as I will not be able to do it. After the bruising I got after ice skating for Moosey's buffdee I am not getting my hopes up about a clear leg. It went purple. It looked like it had been hit b a car, which is more than appeared when I actually WAS hit by a car. ¬¬

Papa's Got A Brand New Thang ;)

I don't know why, it's just been going round my head for the last 4 hours. I don't even know if the words are correct. Ah well. We had another guest speaker with Angie today, this time the sergeant of the Derbyshire police force, who was epic in his stories and that, and we found him extremely interesting. We got to watch a load of clips showing police applying force, including one where this guy and his mate Neil (important info, this) were stopped for driving without insurance. Drama Queen was asked to stop and allow to be searched. He was asked whether he knew what it meant, to which he said no. I instantly admired the cops for not smacking him for being so ignorant - I know I would have! It was now obvious that Drama Queen had a lot of things on him that he shouldn't have, as at that point he ran off, was caught by the cops who attempted to pin him down. This was a hilarious process, as he was screaming at Neil to help him, put up waaaaay too much of a fight and even better? The cop acidentally sprayed his cop mate in the face with CS!!!! ROFL!!!! (What's CS? It's like pepper spray but it isn't as harsh.)

Angie buggered off after 2 hours to teach another lecture, but hoo hoo, he stayed! O_O The only reaaaally good bit after that point was when he got his baton out (Steady boys! Although this sentence implies that all men are of the homosexual variety. Oh dear God no!) and we were all sat there, while he was eating in to our hour long lunch thinking 'fuck off, fuck off, and fuck off now.' Eventually he said we could go - I've never seen us all exit so fast. Sallie had bought a massive pink suitcase with her as she was going home straight after Sam's lecture (A massive pink suitcase that Alex looked amazing dragging up the hill in the morning) and Amy was a lazy git and used the suitcase as an excuse to get the lift down. I walked down with Lisa, but not before I pressed the lift button on every floor. When they eventually came down, Amy complained that it stopped at every floor. I wonder why XD XD

Amy and I had literally half an hour to do a tonne of things, so I firstly set about getting a doctor's appointment, to get the implant and to sort of what the bloody hell is wrong with me. The appointment was half way through Sam's lecture, but he was nice enough to let me and Amy bugger off part way through it (she made an appointment of her own, she didn't just randomly come with me) I must say it was rather hilarious watching everyone's faces as we left. It looked like we were buggering off for a quicky or something.

But the short and short of it is, is that even though I was planning on getting the implant anyway, it would be best as a start to find out what's wrong with me (essentially, there is a chance I might have an ovarian cyst or something judging on v heavy period symptoms amoungst others ¬¬) as they tend to alter how heavy they are. Women who have the implant fall in to 1 of 3 groups, judging on how bloody lucky they are. One group don't have periods for the 3 years they have the implant, which would be win. The second has irregular periods, not too bad. Livable. The third group? They have a constant period for the 3 years. I just KNOW I will fall in to this group, and then I will just die. Uber FML situation, but I need this as a starting point ¬¬

Bimbled in to town with Amy and Alex, each with the intention of collecting something. Amy couldn't get her shoes, Alex couldn't get his World of Warcraft subsricption (thankfully, not for him. And I had to get dragged from the shop when I got a bit excited at Asassin's Creed on DS) and my implant wasn't in stock for me to pick up. Oh FFS. So after nomming a chinese and dragging Alex through endless shops full of owl stuff ^______^ I went back to Amy's and died her hair and enjoyed a bit of Scrubs with Mike.

It was when I got back that I felt really down and glum. After doing some ironing (I
know, how truely gripping) I just curled up on my bed feeling really low. The reason I realised? I missed Adam. Fuck loads. When he started chatting at about half 10 I literally threw myself across the room and smacked my head on my desk (¬¬) so talking to him really cheered me up, along with another of mine and David's epic wall post conversations. We are the coolest. So my 2 fave guys did a fab job at cheering me up, and things only got better from then on. Lissi eventually came back and stormed in to my room with Beckie in tow XD

After telling me of an uber scary bloke that had followed them back, and after disturbing Jackson in all his slumber (Lissi was ever so pissed :P) and me practically ripping my nipple off, we set off to take Beckie home, as I'd be buggered if I was gonna let her walk home alone. At this point I was braless, underwearless and in pjs and dressing gown. A bit sexy, I think you'll agree. Ah well, I'd rather she was safe then me feeling awful after something happened to her.

Had a full circle, mood-wise today. It was odd. I still don't feel 100% - I don't know what's wrong with me and some of it is starting to worry me (3 years down the line, for God's sake Leah) but I'll find out, and everyone is cheering me up without even realising. Just by being their normal selves, or drunken selves in some cases :P, I've been focusing on other things. Danke Mein Leiblings! Ich Leibe dich sehr muss! (Thank you my darlings, I love you very much!)

Living In A Hello Wembly Skit

As hideous as it seems, I can still taste the hideous noodles I attempted to make the other day. Basically, salt water. Ugh ugh ugh... I feel physically sick just thinking about it. But thanks to Liss and her random asda trip I was able to eat brekkie wih Hayley, and by Brekkie I mean a Nom yoghurt. Duh. A certain someone has gone too far - Lissi's section on the white board had 'I have a *crudely drawn cock*' It wasn't me, Hayley or Laura, and it certainly wasn't Lissi. Who does that leave? Oh yeah. Bring it on, bitch!

Jackass 3D with Jadey, but first, a short embarrassing interlude. I had to buy a pregnancy test (not mine. REPEAT: not mine. Remember the whole 'not had sex for months thing? Yeah, it still stands. Fuuuuuuuck. Although obviusly, not me ¬¬ Anyway where was I?) and even though nothing embarrasses me, this did because EVERY SINGLE BUGGER IN THE DAMN STORE heard the sales assistant SCREAM "PREGNANCY TESTS?!?! RIGHT OVER HERE, DARLING!!!!" when I meekly asked her where I could find them. This required the purchase of a decoy. Soooo I was paying, right at the front of a massive queue (obviously. I wouldn't be a the back of the queue or something. Berk.) and they got scanned, and 'PREGNANCY TEST STRIPS' appeared on the till screen in the biggest letters known to humanity. Scan the decoy, SCAN THE DECOY! Would it scan? of course not, and she had to go get someone. All the while with the phrase of death screaming from the till and people looking at me with pity. Fuck you!

Scared Jade and my aunt shitless when I popped up behind them in the 99p store buying sweeties and sweeties. OH. MY. GOD! The film was HILARIOUS! We were screeching with laughter the entire way through! My fave bit was ever so simple - Chris Pontius was dressed as a woman (a very good woman, actually) having a bit of a meal with Preston, which was lol in itself, but it was when Dave England (the surnames are necessary ¬¬) came to serve them, he got blown away by the wind generated by a plane engine. And Johnny Knoxville got his top off. Often. Do me. A LOT! Corrrr the body on that one is an ultimate win~!

Came home and washed basically all of my clothes. I was seriously low on clean clothes. And underwear - I found underwear I forgot I owned. My room smells of cleanness now XD But I soon had to leave for work, standing up my own daddy :( but who came in to the hotel to see me anyway. ^_^ I spent most of the evening serving and being the awesomes, of course. And sniggering manically - it was the 'would you care to try the wine, sir?' *tries it* '...Yes.' and 'anything else sir?' 'an expresso please, just an expresso' *wife* 'an expresso? Just before bed????' I had literally lived through an exact replication of a Michael Mcintyre observation!

My shift came to an end and my night went spectacularly downhill. I had been feeling a little odd all night - can't really explain it, but just really off and rundown. Stupidly, I was walking home alone. I reached a car park, well lit etc... And woke up there about 3 minutes later, freezing, confused and completely petrified. No one had come across me as I lay there, thankfully, as I still had all my valuables, no puncture wounds on my body and no come stains on my trousers. So I hadn't been robbed, stabbed or raped as I lay there.

I feel really weird still. I don't really understand where I am or what's going on. I think this calls for sleep. P.s. are fingenails meant to turn blue without the aid of varnish? I thought not O________O

Literal Trolley Dash!

At this very moment I am nomming possibly the nommest thing I've ever nommed. What is it? NOM YOGHURT!! Or-gas-mic. That it is. How did I obtain such a heavenly thing at such an early hour? Aha, read on, and eventually you will find out. If I last that long, of course. My head is being held up by bugger all at the mo. I feel like a thunderbird puppet, which is both hideous and terrifying.

I didn't like sleeping in my room last night. The reason? There was so much shit on the floor (not literal shit, of course, you sick sick peoples, but all my bags and clothes and that that I still cannot be arsed to move. It goes from bed, to floor, to bed ¬¬) and I woke up with clothes tags all over my face, and the sound of the cleaner in the kitchen with who I initially thought was the halls manager. This caused me to panic as I knew the kitchen was revolting. Hayley obviously shared my panic as she sent me a text asking if I thought we should go out and sort the rubbish out. My answer? No, I am scared and want to hide.

Eventually we did go out and take the rubbish with us, which made us appear more respectable. Turns out that the male voice I heard was not Neil, but was the maintanence man, who started harking o about the so-called dirty kitchen. Um, fuck off? Look at it this way - we are univesity students, studying for a degree. You are paid to clear up our messes. Lol at your life. And we have to clean the kitchen before the cleaners can do it? How the hell does that even begin to make sense?

Lectures were their usual bile, although I downloaded this awesome app for my blackberry, in that te light that flashes when people ring me now flashes in loads of different colours and not just red. No, I didn't make Amy ring me loads. Highlight had to have been Andy telling his phone to sod off when it rang, and Alex giving me hiselectronic dictionary. I was screaming with laughter alongside Amy and Lisa as Dave came over, screaming about rumpy pumpy and coitus. I'm... cool? Someone who isn't cool? Fagface. She would NOT stop staring at me today! She has a face like a slapped arse and acts and dresses like she's just stepped out of the 1920s. Let's dot he fucking off thing, k? :) While we were discussing her (how much of a twat she is and how she looks like she's run headlong in to a wall) Amy simply stated "She's a virgin." I chocked on my oreos and laughed hysterically. No wonder.

Oh Sam, why do you think Amy and I bought sweets to your lecture? (it was actually because they had goo in them. Literally the reason.) To give us a sugar high so we could actually STAY AWAKE unlike some, who I lovingly took photos of and posted on FB. Wiiiin. Made Alex stay for the later tutorial, but we both died of boredom before we could even make it. So after an unsuccessful attempt at making salt noodles (which were VILE and actually made me wretch. Salt and soysauce vommmmmmmm) We settled down to watch Sleeping BEauty. I've said this before, and I will continue to say it - Fauna's gift of 'song' is a shite gift. Of course, when I was 16, I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally wanted a singing voice that made me sound like a goosey 60 year old woman.

Adam finally allowed me to add him as my other half on fb. XD My fave person in the whole wide world, Lewis, who had been telling Adam I'm a slag a mere 3 weeks ago liked it. Fuck off. You are a wanker and a twat. It still baffles me HOW and indeed WHY someone would want to go out with him!!! He is so hideous, I feel greasey just looking at him. ewwwwww, how charming. Eriously though - yuck.

I have a tendancy to blog at 2 in the morning. This is because by this time things have normally stopped happening. It hit one, and Liss popped up, asking if I wanted to go to Asda. Hell to the amazing YES! She was shocked that I had never been to a supermarket at 1 in the morning. Liss, you officially took my supermarket-at-1-in-the-morning virginity loool and I wasn't even drunk. I went purely thnking about gettng bugger all. It was like multibuy, multibuy, multibuy.... (including the nom yoghurts nom nom nom!!!) and I even bought a pudsey T shirt. How is that a necessary purchase?!?! It looked like a bomb had hit most of the isles, as obviously they were all setting up for the next day.

Liss proceeded to shout at the self checkout sevral times, before attempting to put the tolley back. As she was stood grappling with the trolleys already in the stand, I watched from the warmth of the car as the trolley we had used buggered off straight in to the direction of a parked carr. Watching Liss run after it was hilarious, but even better was when she ot in the carand set off, for some unknown reason she bgan to drive on the wrong side of the road. And her uturn outside westfields made me think I was going to die. Don't get me wrong - it wasn't a dangerous mov, she simply just trned toface a differet set of traffic lights, but it was because we were sat at those bloody lights for so long I could actually feel myself aging!

Jackass 3 tomorrow - I am scared, but it should be wiiiin! XD

An Inconvinient Truth

Well, for me anyway, as a complete anti-religion so to speak. As I have said before and will most likely say again due to gatherings o comments on my posts, I am not religious BUT if people wish to be, then that is their choice. I will not dictate or whatever against them. I know I blaspheme (spelt????) a lot, but to be hoest if it offends you,then don't read this.

Simples!
*meerkat noise*

The inconviniance? EVERY bloody blog on blogspot, more or less, contains religious lessons, preachings etc. No wonder there are so many people to offend!

Woops.

I CANNOT SPELL AT ALL! But again, deal with it.
I do.
Sometimes.

I said I hated uni today. Why? I wasn't allowed to buy Spooky the guinea pig :(
Sad faces all around.

SEX XD

No, this is not trying to bulk out my blog again!




^________________________^

teehee.

That Will Take A Miracle

Is that the correct spelling, first of all? Ah well. It'll do. I don't really give one. Besides the spelling issues, there CAN be miracles when you believe. Though hope is frail... it's hard to kill... No, I do not know this because The Burke sang it. I love the Prince of Egypt, remember? Good. Now, on with the show!

I take back anything about Chelsea being a twattish choice of dog to take in to my caravan with me (as I said to G, if I was ever attacked, the only dog that would literally be of NO use and more of a hindeance would be Chelsea. She'd want love from the attacker. Even Pippin, about a quarter of her size, would be of more use as she is a gobby little chav. Yeah. Nice. But credit where credit's due, Chelsea is such a dipshit that she had no idea where she was all night she didn't whine at all! My mum said she probably thought she was at the beach or something. Oh Chelsea, you can come again! Although when I first took her in she lay on the sofa looking at me as if I was slowly choosing a weapon with which to kill her, and I did wake up with a BIG FACE ABOUT AN INCH FROM MINE at 3 in the morning. No one heard me scream. This is quite worrying. I'd like to point out that she came with her name, although I call her Dipshit Dog. She responds to it. She doesn't help herself. ¬¬

Claxton and Joe popped over, and we exchanged much needed gossip and bitchings. Well, what would we do if we couldn't bitch? Not a lot, I have to tell you to be quite honest. Although Joe didn't get the sex orgy I promised if he came to visit me. Claxton did cop a glance at my nipple (the pierced one, obviously, I didn't just get my tits out) so does that count? When they eventually buggered off I settled down with my Mum to watch Beauty and the Beast. She had been looking foward to this all weekend - methinks I am deffo my mother's daughter. Even more evidence? She hasn't seen the film since I was about 5 and has a brain like swiss cheese at times, yet she can still remember most of the lyrics to many of the songs, and can even quote whole secions of the film. Jesus, how many times did I make her watch it?

I then stormed over to Kay's, and true to our usual fashion, we made complete arses of ourselves. Kay fell backwards off her bed in a fantastic display that I actually MISSED as I was facing the other way!!! She broke her tv - rofl, is all I can say to that :P My display of arseness? As I was leaving, I was speaking in a Norfolk accent, as you do, and spectacularly stalled as I was pulling off. I had an audience. Oh fuck it. Watched The Fourth Kind with Timmy, who assured me that the film would scare me. Um, no. It didn't. The real footage looked fake and it was all really badly cut together. The only thing that shook me up a little, was the fact that the aliens (stay with me) would appear to the victims as these uber creepy owls that weren't owls! Let's just say I didn't fear sleeping in my caravan - usually my imagination would be thinking up a little abduction senario as I was watching it. Nope :)

So, without fearing abduction or so much of a slight disturbance (apart from a hideous dream about an arson attack. I wasn't in the thing as it burned, it was just horrific as all my manga is in there!!!) I settled for some sleep. Ever been woken by your room shaking violently? (if you DIDN'T sleep through that earthquake, unlike me, then maybe you have. But hush.) Christ, I had no idea what was going on, and did some more screaming. Again, no one stirred in the house. God help me if something ever does happen and all I've got to save me is a witless greyhound that's about as intimidating as a rabbit with the word 'boo' painted on its nose (Sorry Blackadder, but I like that one and am feeling rather uncreative in my cruelty). Mum woke me asking if I wanted to come to the garden centre with them. The garden centre full of its Xmas stock. HELL TO THE AMAZING YES!!!

Ohhhhhhh it was soooooo good and pretty and nice and Christmassy and awwwww! I wanted to buy EVERYTHING but I am very much aware of the fact that I have bugger all money to my name. As I said to the others as I got back to the flat, for Christmas this year it's going to be hugs and good will to all. At one point, my mum put a massive hat on, with 'Give me beer' written on it. G filmed her, asking "What would you like for Christmas, Roody?" "lots of nice th-*nudge by Leah, who whispers 'beer'* BEER! XD XD XD" "Not a good rogering?" "SHHHHH!" I died laughing in the middle of the shop. Seriously. Most people would have died of embarassment, but I loved it. I joined in in the next video - mum put a different hat on and started jigging along to a song. Low and behold, guess who gets filmed also and does some dancing of her own? Be prepared to see Leah as you've never seen her before on here shortly.

Ah, 1st train Spalding to Peterborough. Oooh! It's actually early! Ah well, a half hour wait till the train is fine, I'm sure. I wandered to the platform, but on the way, I was accosted by a homeless bloke, who naturally asked for money. I said no, of course, as I'm so poor I could almost sit down next to him and join in. He then GRABBED MY LEG! OMFG! "Um, what are you doing!?!?" "I want some money!!" "Well, I don't have any and you're starting to scare me now! O________O" Just then, a group of soldiers came running over, one of them giving me a massive bear hug, crying "Sorry to keep you waiting, darling! Have you been waiting long?" And the 4 of them formed a barrier between me and the smelly madman, who looked truely terrified. To keep up appearances I had to walk down to the platform with them, but then after an ENORMOUS amount of thanks, they buggered off :( I could have used them for the next 50 minutes or so, as my next train was MASSVELY delayed. A lot.

I worked out that the leisurely 40 minute stroll I had waiting for me at the next station had turned in to a 2 minute dash. IF I was extremely lucky. I arrived at the station to discover that ALL the electric signs were down and so I was sprinting blindly over a footbridge hoping that the one I was heading for stationed the correct train. I was doing fine, until some absolute ARSE thought it would be FINE to stop in the MIDDLE OF THE STAIRWAY and check her fucking text messages!! Without even pausing for breath I screamed "Move out of the FUCKING WAY!!!!" Earning me a cheer from an old woman also running alongside me. I may not look it, but I am bloody fast when I want to be, but it does very nearly kill me. I stampeded on to the platform to a bloke crying "Come on, love! You've got 30 seconds!!!" "This....Train....Derby?" "Yeah it does" "Wait....Woman... Board... There!" And somehow still found the energy to leap on.

Arriving in Derby I was faced with pouring raing and very little hope. My phone finally died in Peterborough and my Ipod died in Leicester (which is one saving grace as I wasn't tempted to listen to it on the walk home) and I couldn't even put my hood up as I needed all my fields of vision. I was going to get soggy. I knew the chance of attack were slim - I'm a big girl (not in the sense that I'm a big girl and my mummy even lets me cross the road on my own, but in the sense that I am not psyically small) and not many people would see me as an easy target. I also walked fast, but a a pace that I could easily speed up if need be, and checked behind me constantly and so rapidly I'm surprised I didn't get wiplash. I also played a fun game with myself, in that I gaged how threatening people appeared to be. For example, woman grappling with own umbrella? V little threat. Foreign couple arguing? Only a threat if I look at them the wrong way. Group of men smoking outside Westfields? Threatening if altogether, but all look pretty weedy and would be pathetic on own. Man who very obviously passed me and then changed direction so he was now behind me? Extreme threat, so much so I ran in to the Bell End and slipped out so I was now behind him.

It was good to get back to the flat with the girlies. Although I looked less like one of the girlies and more like one of the Goonies. If they went in to the sewer. Smexy. Some fab banter, including Laura's hilarious unintentional slagging of Hayley - she wants to, in her own words, get thin and sexy for when she sees Ben on Saturday. I looked at her and said 'um, tahdah?' and Laura simply stated 'That will take a miracle!' ROFL!! When preparing my hot drink for watching Moulin Rouge, I discovred my milk went out of date today, so I drank a load straight from the almost full bottle. As I was putting it in to my tea, it curdled. oh my godddddddddd I feel siiiiiiiick and so so rough! Ah well - lectures tomorrow (how thrilling, and obviously not the reason I am happy about tomorrow) I get some more gossips XD XD