I haven't. Although, some of the plebs that I have to deal with on a daily basis have come pretty close to causing me to change the title to something like "I once killed a man because he threw a chilled hot wing at my face because he hadn't eaten it within half an hour of purchasing it because he was an utter moron." That, of course, is a true story.
Naturally, I'm not capable of having a normal day at work. Last week I collapsed after I pulled a box of fries on to my head. The next day I walked in to an open (hot) cress door and got a nose bleed. The day after that a customer threw a drink at me. The day after that my shirt burst open, yet again, and I didn't realise for about 10 minutes. The day after that Daniel thought he'd slap my ass with full force while I was serving a customer causing me to scream in their face. Finally, yesterday Chubbs thought it would be absolutely HYSTERICAL to demonstrate how loose my work trousers actually are and pulled them down infront of the entire store.
Ah, I do love my male work mates. It's like they've never seen a woman before! There is actually now a small percentage that look me in the eye when they talk to me, which is nice. It's an improvement from virtually none of them. Male customers are the same, which is incredibly irritating. Today I had some of our friends from 'Across The Big Pond' i.e. America who asked me, I kid you not, literally 6 times for mashed potatoes. I told them at least 9 times which side orders with have, which doesn't include mashed potatoes. Every time I looked at them there was a slight pause while they looked up to find my face again.
People get so touchy about their chicken. I'd normally say it's absolutely hilarious but when you're on the recieving ends of threats, insults, throws and physical grabbing, the situation somewhat loses it hilarity. It is fun when you are faced with an extremely red-faced customer screaming blue murder because he "didn't want fucking cheese on his fucking burger" and you are an "ugly skank who needs a breast reduction" and you can smile and wave as they are escorted out of the store by your boss and banned while the entire restaurant claps.
Showing posts with label complaints. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complaints. Show all posts
Sunday, 11 September 2011
Saturday, 6 August 2011
Pet Shop of Horrors
Everyone has pet hates, right? Here are some of mine. I doubt you will disagree with me on them. Of course, they mainly span around the two things I hate most in my life - people of the road, and my job.
1. The Expectant Hand
I know everyone has dealt with The Expectant Hand. What is it? Well, has anyone asked you to pass them something? The Expectant Hand appears in most occasions after this - as soon as you consent to passing said asked for item, a hand from the asker just WAITS in limbo for you to hand over the item. I HATE it! Just be bloody patient - I said I'd pass you the damn thing, so I will. I didn't just say I would so that I could actually NOT pass you what you wanted and watch your face crumple with sadness. This is something I get at work a lot. To deal with The Expectant Hand is simple - simply look down at it, then take longer to do whatever it is you're doing before handing it to them. The Hand soon gets tired of hanging around and buggers off.
2. Your/You're They're/there/their too/to - uh, WHA????
People not being able to use the correct spelling of these certain words. Seriously. How is it difficult?!?! For example - You're is obviously 'you' and 'are' combined. You can SEE IT! I learned this in primary school for Christ's sake. The worst one is when people write "Your such a twat". What? I'm a 'such a twat' belonging to someone? I thought as such. Fools.
3. Wet socks.
Just Ew. The worst feeling EVER. I have a new puppy that pees EVERYWHERE and the other day I accidentally trod in a puddle of it and did a massive scream. Not at the fact that I'd trodden in urine and it was gross, but because I had obtained wet socks.
4. Road Hogs
Just generally people driving like knobs. Mainly, those that overtake A LOT. 60 mph not fast enough for you? Or those that overtake 38768 cars at once (Obviously they lack a penis). Wheel spinning out of drive thru is a good one too - I'm not impressed. You're just making a lot of noise. The ABSOLUTE worst are the people that overtake you, then immediately turn off the road. WHAT THE HELL?!?!? I could understand if your wife was in labour and I was blocking the way to hospital but if you're just impatient... What the hell is the matter with you?!?!?!?
5. Get Your Own Book
People reading over my shoulder. Just bugger off. I know what I'm doing must be SUPER interesting but seriously - I will stop doing it for just long enough to punch you in the face before continuing again.
6. Sticky Hands
Do NOT touch me with them, and I will not touch you with mine. You are gross.
7. Throat clearing
I may just not be listening to you fullstop. Clearing your throat is just going to make me ignore you more. I guarantee it.
8. Slow - people moving? I dunno, I CAN'T TELL!!!!
Wandering down the street in a huge, wide MASS going at -2 mph, driving along at 40 in a 60 zone, getting to the speaker box at the KFC Drive Thru and taking a minute to READ the menu. Everything in this day and age is made so we can live faster and get things done quicker. This means, we need to sodding well catch up first!!!
1. The Expectant Hand
I know everyone has dealt with The Expectant Hand. What is it? Well, has anyone asked you to pass them something? The Expectant Hand appears in most occasions after this - as soon as you consent to passing said asked for item, a hand from the asker just WAITS in limbo for you to hand over the item. I HATE it! Just be bloody patient - I said I'd pass you the damn thing, so I will. I didn't just say I would so that I could actually NOT pass you what you wanted and watch your face crumple with sadness. This is something I get at work a lot. To deal with The Expectant Hand is simple - simply look down at it, then take longer to do whatever it is you're doing before handing it to them. The Hand soon gets tired of hanging around and buggers off.
2. Your/You're They're/there/their too/to - uh, WHA????
People not being able to use the correct spelling of these certain words. Seriously. How is it difficult?!?! For example - You're is obviously 'you' and 'are' combined. You can SEE IT! I learned this in primary school for Christ's sake. The worst one is when people write "Your such a twat". What? I'm a 'such a twat' belonging to someone? I thought as such. Fools.
3. Wet socks.
Just Ew. The worst feeling EVER. I have a new puppy that pees EVERYWHERE and the other day I accidentally trod in a puddle of it and did a massive scream. Not at the fact that I'd trodden in urine and it was gross, but because I had obtained wet socks.
4. Road Hogs
Just generally people driving like knobs. Mainly, those that overtake A LOT. 60 mph not fast enough for you? Or those that overtake 38768 cars at once (Obviously they lack a penis). Wheel spinning out of drive thru is a good one too - I'm not impressed. You're just making a lot of noise. The ABSOLUTE worst are the people that overtake you, then immediately turn off the road. WHAT THE HELL?!?!? I could understand if your wife was in labour and I was blocking the way to hospital but if you're just impatient... What the hell is the matter with you?!?!?!?
5. Get Your Own Book
People reading over my shoulder. Just bugger off. I know what I'm doing must be SUPER interesting but seriously - I will stop doing it for just long enough to punch you in the face before continuing again.
6. Sticky Hands
Do NOT touch me with them, and I will not touch you with mine. You are gross.
7. Throat clearing
I may just not be listening to you fullstop. Clearing your throat is just going to make me ignore you more. I guarantee it.
8. Slow - people moving? I dunno, I CAN'T TELL!!!!
Wandering down the street in a huge, wide MASS going at -2 mph, driving along at 40 in a 60 zone, getting to the speaker box at the KFC Drive Thru and taking a minute to READ the menu. Everything in this day and age is made so we can live faster and get things done quicker. This means, we need to sodding well catch up first!!!
Thursday, 9 December 2010
Critical Analysis Of A Journal Article On Employment Of Ex-Offenders
Woops, bit of cross over there. This is not an assignment, Leah. ¬¬ Ugh I have no motivation to do this!!! Or any of them for that matter. Total completed: 2/5. Meh... I have just noticed I occasionally switch from writing in the first person to writing in the third person. Although this would be awful if I was actually writing an assignment, or doing an English degree in general, this is genuinely how my mind works. I talk to myself in the third person - I insult myself more often than not. Or tell myself to do things. Right now I should be telling myself to complete at least one more assignment before my weekend off from it all, but nooooo I'm telling myself to blog, as it is obviously much more fun.
I have a massive wooden pig in my room, with delicate wooden ears and feet. Delicate wooden ears and feet that may break if bashed too hard (ey up, there!). A massive wooden pig with delicate wooden ears and fe- YES ALRIGHT! Ahem, that I have been carrying round uni with me all day and trying not to break (As you can imagine, the skate home was really good for my confidence regarding the not breaking thing) Why did I buy a wooden pig? It is a present for my Grandparents. My mum's Dad, so this explains why it is a pig and not something you would normally buy for an old couple. What would you buy for an old couple? A goat in Africa in their name? Lavender-scented EVERYTHING? Big nappies? I don't have normal oldies in that sense...
We had another guest speaker today - from the parole service. "Ooooh!" Came the cry from the very few people who decided to turn up. This man had about as much personalty as a damp old sock. So, none then. Everyone was complaining about how boring he was, but my main critisim was the fact that he had a jittery head. Not his fault, I know, but whenever he paused for breath, his head would shake. Very noticably. This was infront of about 15 people - he can't have been that bloody scared of us.
Sam remembered I love Jazzles and brought me a packet to say thank you for sitting the mock exam. Out of about 5 of us that turned up. He is a baaaaabe <3 <3 (Adam, I know this annoys you, but hush. I don't mean it. It's like when I call my boss sexy or my lover. He clearly isn't - he looks like the elephant man.) I'm not very well inclined to like my job at the moment - I finished early (well, at 10) wednesday night, got IN TO MY FLAT and realised I still had my fucking buzzer on. Knowing that I would not be in after that night (sure, I'm on, but I'm ill in bed. Cough.) I had to go allllll the way back there again to return it. I got home at half 11. Un.Im.Pressed.
Somewhat like that posh snob who ordered some wine from me. I instantly hated him. My "Just a bottle then, sir? Instead o-" "One bottle is what you usually order, yes." If he had let me finish, I would have said 'instead of individual glasses'. Sooo he places his order, and I go back to serving others. 3 Times in 5 minutes I am stopped to find out where the wine is, each time with larger and more obnoxious 'I am OPENING A WINE BOTTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' mime. Fuck off. Sooo the bar had no luck fnding the wine, so he ordered another, all the while complaining loudly and just generally being an arsehole. I run over with their food and do my "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "Beef and Pasta? Yes." ... "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "We ordered beef and pasta, yes." ...... "....Who had the BEEF?!?" They then decided there and then who was having what. FUUUUUUUUUUUCKING HELL! All the while his lap dog/wife was egging him on to yell some more. I was in the kitchen every 3 minutes telling Lee how much of a wanker the bloke was and we STILL couldnt find his wine. Eventually, after having a final go at Sammy for bringing him the correct wine, they stormed off without paying. Everyone stood there slightly stunned and so before anyone could act I charged it to their room. Invisible wine, too!
I hate people - I can't decide whether it's posh snobs or yobbos that I hate the most... And my laptop is now refusing to type what I press.Fab. Just as I'm about to write essays...
I have a massive wooden pig in my room, with delicate wooden ears and feet. Delicate wooden ears and feet that may break if bashed too hard (ey up, there!). A massive wooden pig with delicate wooden ears and fe- YES ALRIGHT! Ahem, that I have been carrying round uni with me all day and trying not to break (As you can imagine, the skate home was really good for my confidence regarding the not breaking thing) Why did I buy a wooden pig? It is a present for my Grandparents. My mum's Dad, so this explains why it is a pig and not something you would normally buy for an old couple. What would you buy for an old couple? A goat in Africa in their name? Lavender-scented EVERYTHING? Big nappies? I don't have normal oldies in that sense...
We had another guest speaker today - from the parole service. "Ooooh!" Came the cry from the very few people who decided to turn up. This man had about as much personalty as a damp old sock. So, none then. Everyone was complaining about how boring he was, but my main critisim was the fact that he had a jittery head. Not his fault, I know, but whenever he paused for breath, his head would shake. Very noticably. This was infront of about 15 people - he can't have been that bloody scared of us.
Sam remembered I love Jazzles and brought me a packet to say thank you for sitting the mock exam. Out of about 5 of us that turned up. He is a baaaaabe <3 <3 (Adam, I know this annoys you, but hush. I don't mean it. It's like when I call my boss sexy or my lover. He clearly isn't - he looks like the elephant man.) I'm not very well inclined to like my job at the moment - I finished early (well, at 10) wednesday night, got IN TO MY FLAT and realised I still had my fucking buzzer on. Knowing that I would not be in after that night (sure, I'm on, but I'm ill in bed. Cough.) I had to go allllll the way back there again to return it. I got home at half 11. Un.Im.Pressed.
Somewhat like that posh snob who ordered some wine from me. I instantly hated him. My "Just a bottle then, sir? Instead o-" "One bottle is what you usually order, yes." If he had let me finish, I would have said 'instead of individual glasses'. Sooo he places his order, and I go back to serving others. 3 Times in 5 minutes I am stopped to find out where the wine is, each time with larger and more obnoxious 'I am OPENING A WINE BOTTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' mime. Fuck off. Sooo the bar had no luck fnding the wine, so he ordered another, all the while complaining loudly and just generally being an arsehole. I run over with their food and do my "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "Beef and Pasta? Yes." ... "Who had the beef and who had the pasta?" "We ordered beef and pasta, yes." ...... "....Who had the BEEF?!?" They then decided there and then who was having what. FUUUUUUUUUUUCKING HELL! All the while his lap dog/wife was egging him on to yell some more. I was in the kitchen every 3 minutes telling Lee how much of a wanker the bloke was and we STILL couldnt find his wine. Eventually, after having a final go at Sammy for bringing him the correct wine, they stormed off without paying. Everyone stood there slightly stunned and so before anyone could act I charged it to their room. Invisible wine, too!
I hate people - I can't decide whether it's posh snobs or yobbos that I hate the most... And my laptop is now refusing to type what I press.Fab. Just as I'm about to write essays...
Sunday, 5 December 2010
Christmas Time
Mistletoe and wine.... Cue creepy choir boy being held in the corner by a gun held to his head, come on, why else do you think his voice is so high? Aaaaand with Cliff Richard cheesing his way around in the fore ground, we have a fantastic Christmas hit. Erm, no. It is a bad song - The Poques win hands down every time, purely due to the fact that the only reference to Christmas in the song is use of the words "Christmas Eve" and "Christmas Day".
You may have noticed that I have not blogged in a while. It may be more realistic to assume that this will continue to be the case, that is, I will not blog daily, due to time constraints and the like. But I promise to make them as amusing as I possibly can. So to start the ball rolling, I got snowed in and stuck at my aunt's house from Wdnesday til Friday. This is not a complaint - I had an EPIC time! The addition of the shitloads of snow only added to the number oppotunities presented in order to be hilarious. Here is an example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnEC1Oyvyq8
Gracie Pop's newest video - and I am in it! Check it outttttt (You have to watch until the bitter end, purely to see me starring in the best ending to a video ever. Seriously. I do sexy dancing.) All I can say is that her webcam makes me look STUNNING right at the end. I wish people had 'web cam vision' when they looked at me - like putting on your beer goggles. Web cam goggles if you'd like, though I can't see that being as catchy. Also bonded with Jadey some more on the Dancing Stage games - I have got goooooood. We were on them basically all hours of the day, so uch so that now that I've gone, Jade no longer enjoys playing it on her own.
They are more like my sisters, they really are. It is even facebook official. South Park was our main quote source over the weekend (I say weekend, only bcause it felt ike it. I couldn't get to uni or work :/) Dad picked me up come Friday (teehee come)which meant I could go back to work Saturday morning. Oh glee - brekkie. Though I had Maria, Tanya and Lee to keep me amused. Lee certainly delivered on that front - us girlies were discussing how weird it was that all 3 of us were dating men called Adam who worked with food, when Lee informed us that one of the other girls was dating an Adam too. Who worked at the hotel. That's right - Creepy Adam! My "Oh, really?" Was extremely high-pitched due to attempting to keep my laughter/vomit contained. I nearly ripped my tongue bar out through all the effort.
Because I'm such a nice sister, I took Timmy to see Due Date. It was such a shite film that I left half way through to go and hide in the loos. I have NEVER walked out of the cinema before. I was in such a rush when we eventually got to leave, that I was in a mega bad mood. Timmy mentioned that he wanted to go see Tron (possibly the only disney film, aside from Fantasia, that warrants being remade. Orrrrrrrrrrr DON'T BOTHER! The first attempt was shit enough!) soooo mid rant and with arms flailing, I didn't see Dale until it was literally too late and I knocked him flying. Excellent. The head on collision winded us both slightly, and I all but died of embarassment. I'm such a wonderful person to take out in public. May I have my medication now, please?
I now have 3 advent calenders as my mummy sent me one (her note said "I can't forget my little girlie :)" and the envelope smelt of her, meaning I can't bring myself to throw it away.) Ah. Writing about the envelope, I have just smelt it and now 2 days later I can no longer smell her. Soooo in the bin it goes! I stayed at Dad's on Saturday, purely to get a decent night's sleep away from Amani and her relentless onslaught of noise determined to keep me awake. Fuck off, silly bitch. No one likes you. Even Adam, who spent a mere 2 days, can't stand her.
Ahhhhh just 2 weeks before I head on home. I need a break. I need to see everyone. I need to see Adam. I really miss him. It's strange - normally I am seemingly indifferent to men while I am with them, but this is a completely different story. I can't stop thinking about him. I just want to be with him, as often as I possibly can. I don't know what has happened to me - this really is out of character for me. I even started humming Canon in D Major the other day and imagined myself walking down the aisle to it! Steady on there, sailor! I have never even thought of marriage before (it made me shiver in horror) so there is seriously something going on here. I will keep you posted, although not as often as usual, obviously, I have far too much to do.
Without my Adam, I've had to make do with wearing about 85734987693 layers of clothing and snuggled up with the Tudors. My soft porn, as Lissi calls it. It is incredibly sexy, if not completely historically correct. Henry is EVER SO SMEXY! Get naked some more! P.S. whoever can tell me what I'll have seen Sam Neil in before will get a gold star. Lucky youuuu! Counting down the days til I go home and ultimately until Christmas. Squeeee! XD XD
You may have noticed that I have not blogged in a while. It may be more realistic to assume that this will continue to be the case, that is, I will not blog daily, due to time constraints and the like. But I promise to make them as amusing as I possibly can. So to start the ball rolling, I got snowed in and stuck at my aunt's house from Wdnesday til Friday. This is not a complaint - I had an EPIC time! The addition of the shitloads of snow only added to the number oppotunities presented in order to be hilarious. Here is an example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnEC1Oyvyq8
Gracie Pop's newest video - and I am in it! Check it outttttt (You have to watch until the bitter end, purely to see me starring in the best ending to a video ever. Seriously. I do sexy dancing.) All I can say is that her webcam makes me look STUNNING right at the end. I wish people had 'web cam vision' when they looked at me - like putting on your beer goggles. Web cam goggles if you'd like, though I can't see that being as catchy. Also bonded with Jadey some more on the Dancing Stage games - I have got goooooood. We were on them basically all hours of the day, so uch so that now that I've gone, Jade no longer enjoys playing it on her own.
They are more like my sisters, they really are. It is even facebook official. South Park was our main quote source over the weekend (I say weekend, only bcause it felt ike it. I couldn't get to uni or work :/) Dad picked me up come Friday (teehee come)which meant I could go back to work Saturday morning. Oh glee - brekkie. Though I had Maria, Tanya and Lee to keep me amused. Lee certainly delivered on that front - us girlies were discussing how weird it was that all 3 of us were dating men called Adam who worked with food, when Lee informed us that one of the other girls was dating an Adam too. Who worked at the hotel. That's right - Creepy Adam! My "Oh, really?" Was extremely high-pitched due to attempting to keep my laughter/vomit contained. I nearly ripped my tongue bar out through all the effort.
Because I'm such a nice sister, I took Timmy to see Due Date. It was such a shite film that I left half way through to go and hide in the loos. I have NEVER walked out of the cinema before. I was in such a rush when we eventually got to leave, that I was in a mega bad mood. Timmy mentioned that he wanted to go see Tron (possibly the only disney film, aside from Fantasia, that warrants being remade. Orrrrrrrrrrr DON'T BOTHER! The first attempt was shit enough!) soooo mid rant and with arms flailing, I didn't see Dale until it was literally too late and I knocked him flying. Excellent. The head on collision winded us both slightly, and I all but died of embarassment. I'm such a wonderful person to take out in public. May I have my medication now, please?
I now have 3 advent calenders as my mummy sent me one (her note said "I can't forget my little girlie :)" and the envelope smelt of her, meaning I can't bring myself to throw it away.) Ah. Writing about the envelope, I have just smelt it and now 2 days later I can no longer smell her. Soooo in the bin it goes! I stayed at Dad's on Saturday, purely to get a decent night's sleep away from Amani and her relentless onslaught of noise determined to keep me awake. Fuck off, silly bitch. No one likes you. Even Adam, who spent a mere 2 days, can't stand her.
Ahhhhh just 2 weeks before I head on home. I need a break. I need to see everyone. I need to see Adam. I really miss him. It's strange - normally I am seemingly indifferent to men while I am with them, but this is a completely different story. I can't stop thinking about him. I just want to be with him, as often as I possibly can. I don't know what has happened to me - this really is out of character for me. I even started humming Canon in D Major the other day and imagined myself walking down the aisle to it! Steady on there, sailor! I have never even thought of marriage before (it made me shiver in horror) so there is seriously something going on here. I will keep you posted, although not as often as usual, obviously, I have far too much to do.
Without my Adam, I've had to make do with wearing about 85734987693 layers of clothing and snuggled up with the Tudors. My soft porn, as Lissi calls it. It is incredibly sexy, if not completely historically correct. Henry is EVER SO SMEXY! Get naked some more! P.S. whoever can tell me what I'll have seen Sam Neil in before will get a gold star. Lucky youuuu! Counting down the days til I go home and ultimately until Christmas. Squeeee! XD XD
Sunday, 21 November 2010
Ooooh! I Thought I Went Blind There!
This was not me. Infact, this is possibly from one of women from the nicest group of cstomers I've ever met. I actually said to them as they left that I wish I could tip customers. It was at this point that she handed me a tenner. I wanted to throw her across their littered table and sex her up. Also, this is dedicated to David who is a complete tit who (albeit didn't know) I was working the night shift last night followed by breakfastANDlunch today and was bitching at me to blog stuffs. Here is your blog, bitch! :P It's his fault I was up until the early hours friday chatting his head off - not that I minded though, as he is infact my bestie (male edition. tm haha) and I aime him muchlies ^^
On Friday I woke up at about half 3 or so. This was WITH the aid of an alarm. Thank God, I don't want to be late for work! Turns out that I was late anyway, as for some reason I now started at 5 instead of half past. Fuckbags. As punishment I was made to polish, I kid you not, as I counted, 348 knives forks spoons etc. Slight lie though, as 80% of them were knives. Why the hell are so many knives needed? There are not enough forks to match! Do people EAT the forks?!? It wasn't a bad night shift - customers were ok, some were FAB as I said at the start, I got to work with Sammy, who I love and is wonderful - she is SUCH a sweetie!!! And my line manager (My boss's boss) was very impressed with how good I've become so quickly. Did get in to a leeetel bit of trouble as Arnold came in and I got distracted talking to him for about 20 minutes. He is the sweetest little man (little being the correct word here - he held a door open for me and even after bending right over, I still headbutted him in the arm ¬¬) I have ever met!
Also had to contend with Creepy Adam tonight. No, that is not my Adam. Creepy Adam is one of the chefs (a collection of complete perverts, of course, who neglect to remember that I have a face. Damn you tight shirt!) and is soooooo hideous to look at and be around (unlike my Adam who is, it has to be said, absolutely yummy and fab to be around. ^^ Anyways moving on) who was once again creepy and completely inappropriate (No, I don't believe that my breasts should be used for a plaster of paris mould. Fuck off please) and Kieran who, when told that Matt had accidentally brushed against one of my boobs on the way past, basically just trust his head on my chest ¬¬ Goddamn, I hate being female sometimes. To avoid the constant "Want me to take you out for a good time?" comments, I mentioned Adam as often as I could. It's not like I need an excuse to do this. What fnally got them to fuck off slightly was blaming my 'suddenly miffed mood' on the fact that Adam was in hospital. This did not happen, but it got them to back off a bit. Sorry sweetie! Luckily they didnt ask questions or I'd have been fucked and my lie exposed - knowing me I'd have probably said he was giving birth or something... ¬¬ And no, I am not going to complain about it. It's just banter, probably completely harmless but just ever-so-slihtly annoying, that is all. Plus, I've only been there 3 weeks and I'd be getting a bit high and mighty if I complained already.
EVENTUALLY managed to bugger off at HALF 11 meaning I would get in at 12 and to sleep at 12, ready to be awake again a quarter to 6. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH go and crawl in to a pit and die somewhere. Don't mind if I do. Breakfast was slow and hideous - no bugger came in til 9, then they all swarmed in and didn't fuck off til HALF 11 LEAVING ME HALF AN HOUR TO SET UP LUNCH WITH SODDING TABLECLOTHS AND EVERYTHING! The only thing that mae this bareable was working with the adorable Arnold and wonderful Maria (it pays to have a cousin with connections and also who has invited her friends on nights outs with you so you can meet them.) and Lee with his scrummy Irish accent, and Mel being as awesome as ever. I died during lunch - 2 people came in. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG it was so slow, I was close to crying at one point and I left my feet in the Mirror Room they were that sore.
Was stood chatting to Mel as the shift slithere by at a slower pace than maple syrup on a cold day, when she told me that Josh, the cook with a gammy eye, was still drunk. This, I had to see. I used to feel sorry for him and his gammy eye (and also a bit awkward. It was like Michael Mcintyre said about people with lazy eyes - you don' know how to look at them. This is completely true) but after what he did next, I am not in that place. It's a glass eye. How do I know this? He took it out and THRUST IT IN MY FACE! This in itself didn't cause me to drop the tray of glasses I was holding (results = no breakages. Total triumph) it was when I was so startled I looked at his face and happened to see an empty eye socket. This sight will never leave me. Mel couldn't stop laughing when I came back shivering and rocking myself slightly. Ughhhhhh I still shudder at the thought. He's lucky I didn't upchuck at the sight of it.
Was working til 3, but there waqs a meeting at 4 so who got to stay on for ANOTHER extra hour? yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay meeeeeeee! Folding napkins and organising some drawers and cupboards. The thrills just didn't stop. Actually that's true - the meeting was hilarious! Although Chris, my boss, seemed to be suffering from 'I Am A Dick' Syndrome toniht. These meetings occur monthly. This is something I am not used to. In good old KFC I'm used to waiting a year if Im lucky before a manager eventually goes "Ooooh, A meeting might be a good idea at some point." Wandering home I saw they EXACT same couple walking the exact same dog having another blazing row I'd seen the night before. This was coupled with another drunk guy walking towards me, followed by 2 cops. At this point I got a bit scared and thought I'd gone through some sort of time warp nd would have to do the whole horror shifts all over again.
Hayley and Laura eventually came home and we did some memory tests for Laura's work. I have an ace memory XD also made an ORGASMIC tuna melt toasty sandwich. Settled down to watch Scott Pilgrim with the sandwich (I showed that sandwich a good time ;) )and chatted to Adam a little bit morrrre. He makes me smile. I could fall in lesbians with him ^^ (Oh Scott Pilgrim, you are a babe!)
On Friday I woke up at about half 3 or so. This was WITH the aid of an alarm. Thank God, I don't want to be late for work! Turns out that I was late anyway, as for some reason I now started at 5 instead of half past. Fuckbags. As punishment I was made to polish, I kid you not, as I counted, 348 knives forks spoons etc. Slight lie though, as 80% of them were knives. Why the hell are so many knives needed? There are not enough forks to match! Do people EAT the forks?!? It wasn't a bad night shift - customers were ok, some were FAB as I said at the start, I got to work with Sammy, who I love and is wonderful - she is SUCH a sweetie!!! And my line manager (My boss's boss) was very impressed with how good I've become so quickly. Did get in to a leeetel bit of trouble as Arnold came in and I got distracted talking to him for about 20 minutes. He is the sweetest little man (little being the correct word here - he held a door open for me and even after bending right over, I still headbutted him in the arm ¬¬) I have ever met!
Also had to contend with Creepy Adam tonight. No, that is not my Adam. Creepy Adam is one of the chefs (a collection of complete perverts, of course, who neglect to remember that I have a face. Damn you tight shirt!) and is soooooo hideous to look at and be around (unlike my Adam who is, it has to be said, absolutely yummy and fab to be around. ^^ Anyways moving on) who was once again creepy and completely inappropriate (No, I don't believe that my breasts should be used for a plaster of paris mould. Fuck off please) and Kieran who, when told that Matt had accidentally brushed against one of my boobs on the way past, basically just trust his head on my chest ¬¬ Goddamn, I hate being female sometimes. To avoid the constant "Want me to take you out for a good time?" comments, I mentioned Adam as often as I could. It's not like I need an excuse to do this. What fnally got them to fuck off slightly was blaming my 'suddenly miffed mood' on the fact that Adam was in hospital. This did not happen, but it got them to back off a bit. Sorry sweetie! Luckily they didnt ask questions or I'd have been fucked and my lie exposed - knowing me I'd have probably said he was giving birth or something... ¬¬ And no, I am not going to complain about it. It's just banter, probably completely harmless but just ever-so-slihtly annoying, that is all. Plus, I've only been there 3 weeks and I'd be getting a bit high and mighty if I complained already.
EVENTUALLY managed to bugger off at HALF 11 meaning I would get in at 12 and to sleep at 12, ready to be awake again a quarter to 6. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH go and crawl in to a pit and die somewhere. Don't mind if I do. Breakfast was slow and hideous - no bugger came in til 9, then they all swarmed in and didn't fuck off til HALF 11 LEAVING ME HALF AN HOUR TO SET UP LUNCH WITH SODDING TABLECLOTHS AND EVERYTHING! The only thing that mae this bareable was working with the adorable Arnold and wonderful Maria (it pays to have a cousin with connections and also who has invited her friends on nights outs with you so you can meet them.) and Lee with his scrummy Irish accent, and Mel being as awesome as ever. I died during lunch - 2 people came in. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG it was so slow, I was close to crying at one point and I left my feet in the Mirror Room they were that sore.
Was stood chatting to Mel as the shift slithere by at a slower pace than maple syrup on a cold day, when she told me that Josh, the cook with a gammy eye, was still drunk. This, I had to see. I used to feel sorry for him and his gammy eye (and also a bit awkward. It was like Michael Mcintyre said about people with lazy eyes - you don' know how to look at them. This is completely true) but after what he did next, I am not in that place. It's a glass eye. How do I know this? He took it out and THRUST IT IN MY FACE! This in itself didn't cause me to drop the tray of glasses I was holding (results = no breakages. Total triumph) it was when I was so startled I looked at his face and happened to see an empty eye socket. This sight will never leave me. Mel couldn't stop laughing when I came back shivering and rocking myself slightly. Ughhhhhh I still shudder at the thought. He's lucky I didn't upchuck at the sight of it.
Was working til 3, but there waqs a meeting at 4 so who got to stay on for ANOTHER extra hour? yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay meeeeeeee! Folding napkins and organising some drawers and cupboards. The thrills just didn't stop. Actually that's true - the meeting was hilarious! Although Chris, my boss, seemed to be suffering from 'I Am A Dick' Syndrome toniht. These meetings occur monthly. This is something I am not used to. In good old KFC I'm used to waiting a year if Im lucky before a manager eventually goes "Ooooh, A meeting might be a good idea at some point." Wandering home I saw they EXACT same couple walking the exact same dog having another blazing row I'd seen the night before. This was coupled with another drunk guy walking towards me, followed by 2 cops. At this point I got a bit scared and thought I'd gone through some sort of time warp nd would have to do the whole horror shifts all over again.
Hayley and Laura eventually came home and we did some memory tests for Laura's work. I have an ace memory XD also made an ORGASMIC tuna melt toasty sandwich. Settled down to watch Scott Pilgrim with the sandwich (I showed that sandwich a good time ;) )and chatted to Adam a little bit morrrre. He makes me smile. I could fall in lesbians with him ^^ (Oh Scott Pilgrim, you are a babe!)
Friday, 19 November 2010
Quite Surprised It Took This Long To Get On The Sex Offenders Register But I'm FINALLY On There!
This is going to be another one of those 'ohhh I spent days in a row getting pissed so here's the stuff I missed' blogs. Sorrys. Am currently sat here typing with great difficulty as my left arm is in a huge amount of pain. Yup, finally got the vein of my life inserted in to my arm. There's a story that goes with that - come on, it's me. It won't have been just a simple process. No.
Lying on the bed I was bombarded with the same questions he'd asked me just the day before, (Have you had sex in the last week. Answer: 'Chance would be a fine thing'¬¬) I also had my mother's words ringing in my ears "The pill is better the pill is better go on the pill!" Take your pharmacist head off, mum, you know I'd just forget to take the damn thing and you'd have a grandchild before I could say 'woops.' "Are you ready for the anaesthetic?" "...Uh... yeahhhh...." "You don't sound too sure." "I have an awful phobia of needles" "Ah ok then... Look away now then." Take this advice people: When a doctor knows of your phobia and tells you to look away, don't turn towards him and ask what he said. He maaay just be holding the biggest needle in the known universe and fainting at the sight of it doesn't really help him out. I was only out for a few seconds and woke to "Are you alright?!?" "Yeah I'm good, just get it over with!" I have never stared so intently at a wall in my life. The needle killed. Sharp scratch? BOLLOCKS was it a sharp scratch. I'd have loved it if it was the same pain as an injection, piercing or giving blood. Instead it felt like he was attempting to scrape the insides of my arm out. Pain was on par to getting nipple pierced, so you know it's bad. Sorry Kim, I know you haven't had it yet, but I'll be honest - OW just doesn't do it justice.
And as cool as it is to not be able to feel your arm when tapped, don't poke the shit out of it. This leads to the bruising being so much worse then it needs to be and the pain to be greater once said numbing wears off. Just learn from my fails, it's easier that way. I now sporting a GORGEOUS over kill bandage the size of a towel wrapped round my arm, the bruing is hideous, the wound is awful and I can actually see the implant through my skinn. Yummeh... I also learned today that I make a fab alarm clock - Lissi was napping and I went in to the kitchen. Singing 'Like A Virgin' is a great way to wake someone up with a smile. I wasn't smiling when I got to work and stupidly agreed to work the morning shift.
It was nice to be sent home early i.e. 10 so I could do some sleeping. Instead I talked to Adam of course. I had to get up at half 4, which is so hideous it isn't even funny. When my alarm went off I genuinely didn't know what the noise was (The opening to Roobarb and Custard screaming right by your head isn't exactly a gentle ease in to the waking up process). Had some stupid old arse yelling at me for wanting to take his plate away. He had a yoghurt pot on it, which he had yet to finish and picked it up to thrust it in my face/show me. So I established that he was capable of removing the pot from the surface on the plate and putting it on the table. You do not need a plate to eat a yoghurt. Grow up. After only a few hours sleep I fell asleep during Angie's guest speaker. While making notes that I now cannot read. ¬¬ See if you can tell from the pictures which are my usual note standards and which ones I was swanning during. Thank God I had Sallie on one side and Amy on the other prodding me to keep me upright at least!
Had a phone call from work asking if I could work the breakfast shift Friday. Half 6 til 11. I am quite good friends with Yvonne, so I thought I would be honest with her. "No sorry Yvonne, but I will be in no fit state to work tomorrow morning. Most likely I will still be drunk. But if you would like me to fall over, sing loudly and out of tune etc for the customers then I'll come in for you! :)" Soooo after buying most of Plonkers' stock and grabbing Amy and Alex, we headed to mine first. After I cooked Amy and myself fantastically nom cheese toasties and she mixed us some uber strong Woo woos. After chillaxing for a while in my zimmer until Mike arrived - looking through my draws, naturally, gawking at Adam and deciding whether the Hallmark menu was good value for money, we grabbed the kitchen chairs and were off to Liss's.
I Have Never set the mood, but we soon got bored and lounged around, generally being loud and awesome. Although had a few heart to hearts with Liss, Vicky and Alex which were nice ^_^ Lissi, Laura and Hayley arrived and I spent a lot of the time until they buggered off again with Lissi sat on my lap. Ring of Fire is still an awesome game and I do good smoking while I' drunk (O_______O) and I don't like eggs being thrown at me either to be quite honest. I loved singing VERY LOUDLY to Don't Look Back In Anger and All The Small Things, and I was fraped with the lovely phrase that ha become the blog title - 9 people so far have liked it. Bugger. I also got my nipple out, typically, but only because people asked to see the tongue bar (At one point Vicky was telling people she was going to put HER tongue bar in it O_O) and I really hope everyone forgets about the nipple thing. Although they all read my blog so that hope has already been dashed. No eye contact EVER now, methinks. Vetty and Alex also did some tactful cockblocking and Shelley discovered I'm talented with my mouth... after blowing up an air bed of course! Jeez! I also kicked ass on the wii until the wee hours (ahaha see what I did there?! In to the 'wee' hours.. playing th wii!... oh naff off then...) I also drank ALL the booze I had bought and was saving for our up and coming flat party. Alex helped out too I must point out Well, that's more money to spend then...
Unfortunately I had to set an alarm for the morning as had to see Sam. When said alarm went off I cried out "WHITE COLLAR CRIME!!!" I don't know why either, so don't ask. But Sam would be proud ^_^ Sooooo hungover so bimbling up with Alex caused us to crash in the corridoor outside his office for 45 mins. I love Sam. He said I was one of the stronger students XD So I'm gonna do him proud (You have no idea how many times I checked that to make sure I'd written 'do him proud' and not just 'do him' That would have been difficult to explain...) Had a kitchen blitz with Hayley and Laura, who soon buggered off to leave me alone :( :( :P so I wandered in to town with Jade again.
I always have a whale of a time with her, spending 99% of it laughing. Today was no different. Ann Summers is a fab shop and I love it as many of you will know. We were doin serious shopping in there of course, but every time one of the assistants came over we had just found something hilarious to laugh at. We looked about 5 years old. Teehee sex, that sort of idea. Ughhhh never mind (thought of the day - crotchless knickers. Is there any bloody point? No I thought not.) I'm now freezing my arse off and crying due to the pain in my arm - don't think it's been done right. I can see it through my skin, which is not only hideous to look at but feels revolting. I keep catching it too, and it's the sort of pain I get when I catch a piercing. The sort of pain that makes you wretch. Goddamn it...
Friday, 12 November 2010
I Hate Fucking Kids
See? I'm no paedo! Although I genuinely couldn't see when I woke up this morning, ahem, afternoon. First thought? "I'M BLIND I'M BLIND! It's finally happened!!" (My vision has been a little bad these past few days) But no, my mascara had literally sealed my eyes shut. I ripped abou half of my eyelashes off trying to prize the fuckers open again. 'Met' Lissi for some lunch. Supernoodles that I didn't eat (WHAT THE HELL?!?!) then, still as the uber sexy Bedhead edition of Leah, I popped in to Lissi's Zimmer (You know, her rooooom!) to watch hilarious videos. One of which featured what appeared to be a dwarf of undetermined sex miming a song, which both terrified and amused me hugely. Even better was Me plying the Scary Maze game and Lissi filming my reaction. I died (on the maze, obviously) and did a big jump purely cause the screen changed slightly and I was expecting something to pop out at me. It did, whe I eventually got to the final level. ¬¬
Took some picatoorrrrs of my room to demonstrate just how cool it looks and also to distract from the fact that my laptop will not play my Hercules DVD bcause it is a copy. Anyone who wishes to buy the proper DVD for me (it isn't that expensive, but I can't afford it - Hugs and good will for Christmas, remember?) will get my undying love and probably sexual favours, knowing me. I actually cried, as the sheer urge I had to watch it was all-consuming :( :( I bought it on ebay about 6 years ago and wasn't told it would be a copy. Fuckers. It was the same as when I BEGGED my mum to get me Last Order on DVD for christmas one year. She did, but it was also a copy that I could only get to work after 2 HOURS solid of taking it out and wiping it over and over again and for it to work.... Only for there to be a power cut 10 minutes in. I remember that night well. I snapped my beloved DVD (It's a Final Fantasy anime... And I snapped it clean in half!) ¬¬
Ahhhhh... work. After what happened on the way home Wednesday night I wasn't feeling too up for this, to be quite honest and had to leave home early anyway to pick up my implant. The box is MASSIVE! I am scared now... I began to run late as got stuck behind stupid old couple who had to stop every time the wind blew, thanks to the old bat not being able to handle the 'extra pressure'. It was rather windy. FUCK FUCKING OFF!! I have the issue of there never being any veggie pasties left in Greggs when I go in, but tonight my luck changed! As I was queuing some people came in behind me and I heard them say "Oooh! Only one veggie pasty left! Yess!" So how smug was I when I said "I'll have a cream eclair please! Oh, and a VEGGIE PASTY!! Please XD"? Ever so smug. Hahaha up yours other person! Myyy Veggie pasty. I got some evils as I sat on a bench enjoying said pasty, so I played the part a little. "Mmmmm, what a lovely VEGGIE PASTY FROM GREGGS!" Bitchy? Maybe. But it was a bloody good pasty.
Work was it's usual, although got a massive tip from a lovely little (seriously. She was about 1ft tall) old woman. Had to serve a table of 24. O________O My head fell off and my back snapped. And apparantly I'm already on hugging terms with my boss. Noooo, not the touching thing! Stop whispering in my ear and tickling me!!! And the chefs have already started with their sexual comments. Excellent. 3 shifts in. Bugger. Skipped drinking with them tonight, despite my supevisor with a smexy irish accent (yesssss) practically begging me to go.
Minced home v quickly to avoid fainting again as well as to avoid the group of rowdy men following me and yelling stuff. Thank FUCK two cops crossed my path and saw the panic in the speed I was moving and created a barrier between me and them so I could high-tail it out of there. Silly spanish bitches came up behind me as I was opening the door to the block, so I was nice enough to hold the door open for them. I got no thanks, just a snide comment and them high-fiving each other. In return, I walked up the stairs at minus 49879 mph, putting both my feet on each step and walking with my arms out so they couldn't get past. Yeah, I can be rude too, skanks! As I felt them peel off towards their flat I turned and yelled "YOU'RE WELCOME!"
Stormed in to the flat complaing about fucking foreigners, only for our own lovely spanish lot to confirm my complaints. I ran in to the hall, the only thing stopping me from entering the flat being the Spanish door (Yes, the door is also Spanish) that I slammed in to at high speed and thrust my 'Shut the FUCK UP!' note under. Calmed self down by enjoying videos sent to me by Lissi (She could actually hear me laughing from her room) and watching Of Mice and Men. Don't judge me - I love that film! I can still quote my fave line in the book - "He reached in to his pocket and pulled out a small leather thong." ^_____^ Typical me. Speaking of typical me, at the end of Sam's lecture yesterday Lucie and Lisa both cried "It must be LEAH'S!" What was mine? A condom had fallen out of my bag. ¬¬
I am glad to be sitting down, as tomorrow I am doing skating things and will most likely spend most of my time on the floor. I can skate, but it's been a while. I gotta do my sitting for the next few days in advance as I will not be able to do it. After the bruising I got after ice skating for Moosey's buffdee I am not getting my hopes up about a clear leg. It went purple. It looked like it had been hit b a car, which is more than appeared when I actually WAS hit by a car. ¬¬
Took some picatoorrrrs of my room to demonstrate just how cool it looks and also to distract from the fact that my laptop will not play my Hercules DVD bcause it is a copy. Anyone who wishes to buy the proper DVD for me (it isn't that expensive, but I can't afford it - Hugs and good will for Christmas, remember?) will get my undying love and probably sexual favours, knowing me. I actually cried, as the sheer urge I had to watch it was all-consuming :( :( I bought it on ebay about 6 years ago and wasn't told it would be a copy. Fuckers. It was the same as when I BEGGED my mum to get me Last Order on DVD for christmas one year. She did, but it was also a copy that I could only get to work after 2 HOURS solid of taking it out and wiping it over and over again and for it to work.... Only for there to be a power cut 10 minutes in. I remember that night well. I snapped my beloved DVD (It's a Final Fantasy anime... And I snapped it clean in half!) ¬¬
Ahhhhh... work. After what happened on the way home Wednesday night I wasn't feeling too up for this, to be quite honest and had to leave home early anyway to pick up my implant. The box is MASSIVE! I am scared now... I began to run late as got stuck behind stupid old couple who had to stop every time the wind blew, thanks to the old bat not being able to handle the 'extra pressure'. It was rather windy. FUCK FUCKING OFF!! I have the issue of there never being any veggie pasties left in Greggs when I go in, but tonight my luck changed! As I was queuing some people came in behind me and I heard them say "Oooh! Only one veggie pasty left! Yess!" So how smug was I when I said "I'll have a cream eclair please! Oh, and a VEGGIE PASTY!! Please XD"? Ever so smug. Hahaha up yours other person! Myyy Veggie pasty. I got some evils as I sat on a bench enjoying said pasty, so I played the part a little. "Mmmmm, what a lovely VEGGIE PASTY FROM GREGGS!" Bitchy? Maybe. But it was a bloody good pasty.
Work was it's usual, although got a massive tip from a lovely little (seriously. She was about 1ft tall) old woman. Had to serve a table of 24. O________O My head fell off and my back snapped. And apparantly I'm already on hugging terms with my boss. Noooo, not the touching thing! Stop whispering in my ear and tickling me!!! And the chefs have already started with their sexual comments. Excellent. 3 shifts in. Bugger. Skipped drinking with them tonight, despite my supevisor with a smexy irish accent (yesssss) practically begging me to go.
Minced home v quickly to avoid fainting again as well as to avoid the group of rowdy men following me and yelling stuff. Thank FUCK two cops crossed my path and saw the panic in the speed I was moving and created a barrier between me and them so I could high-tail it out of there. Silly spanish bitches came up behind me as I was opening the door to the block, so I was nice enough to hold the door open for them. I got no thanks, just a snide comment and them high-fiving each other. In return, I walked up the stairs at minus 49879 mph, putting both my feet on each step and walking with my arms out so they couldn't get past. Yeah, I can be rude too, skanks! As I felt them peel off towards their flat I turned and yelled "YOU'RE WELCOME!"
Stormed in to the flat complaing about fucking foreigners, only for our own lovely spanish lot to confirm my complaints. I ran in to the hall, the only thing stopping me from entering the flat being the Spanish door (Yes, the door is also Spanish) that I slammed in to at high speed and thrust my 'Shut the FUCK UP!' note under. Calmed self down by enjoying videos sent to me by Lissi (She could actually hear me laughing from her room) and watching Of Mice and Men. Don't judge me - I love that film! I can still quote my fave line in the book - "He reached in to his pocket and pulled out a small leather thong." ^_____^ Typical me. Speaking of typical me, at the end of Sam's lecture yesterday Lucie and Lisa both cried "It must be LEAH'S!" What was mine? A condom had fallen out of my bag. ¬¬
I am glad to be sitting down, as tomorrow I am doing skating things and will most likely spend most of my time on the floor. I can skate, but it's been a while. I gotta do my sitting for the next few days in advance as I will not be able to do it. After the bruising I got after ice skating for Moosey's buffdee I am not getting my hopes up about a clear leg. It went purple. It looked like it had been hit b a car, which is more than appeared when I actually WAS hit by a car. ¬¬
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