Monday 22 November 2010

Tears Dry My Lips Out :(



This is going to be a 'boo hoo' blog. Naff off if you don't wanna read it. *empty seats all round* Bugger. Maybe I should stick to trying to be funny? (I originally wrote 'fucking?' Um, ok then... What would I much rather be doing? You know it!) although am I good at that? Being funny I mean, not fucking. Shut up now, Leah, you're beginning to enjoy being in that corner aren't you?

Highlight of my day? I washed some clothes. Um.... yay? Stayed in pjs allllll day, which was niiiiiace. XD Skyped my mother in a frantic attempt to gain more info - I recieved a txt saying 'Awww, your little is not well at all :( :( will skype later with details of bad news' which made me instantly think 'OMG OMG PONYO NO! NOT MY LITTLE DARLING!!' and spent most of the afternoon in tears, even contemplating hopping a train to see her.

Ponyo is my chick. She is a very special chick, well, chicken now. People may think I'm stupid for getting so attatched to her, but I am her mummy after all (There is a blog about this, in July. Read for info. Which one it is, I'm not sure. Find it yourself!) And it's true of any pet - as my mother has said every time my hamster, or guinea pig, or rat died "NO MORE! It upsets you too much when they die!" and then for my next birthday or Christmas I have got a new pet. A rat may be different to a dog (which my mum would, not replace, but get another for company nd because they are family etc. whatever) but they have still been my pets. I had a hamster of my very own when I turned 5 (obviously my mum thought I was very responsible. Oh how I have changed) and it lived for 3 years. They normally last for 2. I am good at pets. ^_^

Turns out it wasn't Ponyo, it was my car! Yay at Ponyo living! OH thank GOD I was so worried! I'm happy now! I th- ah. Buggerations. It failed its MOT in a spectacular fashion. Woops. £300 on repairs. My words to my mum? "I don't care. Pay it. I'll work it off, take it out of my Christmas and Birthday funds. I need my little car!" Yeah it's a heap of shit, but I love it so! (Yeah, that reads well) Made some rice balls, or origiri, which are pictured. I am the awesomes!

Had a massive rant on Skype about my father again - the real one, I mean, not my Dad. Keep up. I don't have a nice word to say about him or so it seems. My mum's pleas of 'give him a chance' were countered with 'Mum, when Grummar buggered off and left you all, how long did it take for you to start talking to her again?' No counter arguement. I won. I don't want to go see him, I don't want him to come here, I don't want anythin to do with him! I don't see why someone who buggered off around Europe for 16 years or so should get any of my attention now. He STILL refuses to tell me that my grandfather is dead. I' 18, not 8!!! In a way I like that he rarely talks to me or whatever - it's made it so I don't have to tell my Dad or G about it, which has always been my biggest worry in the world. It doesn't need to be known as nothing has changed. If I was to start talking to him more now, I'd have to tell them both and the chances that things will change between us are very high. Then, true to his usual form, My 'father' will fuck off again and eveything will be in tatters. ARGH!!!! This wears me out. To be honest, I will eventually talk to him, but I was hoping to wait until after uni when I'm more mature and maybe when he finall sees me as an adult.

Forced to watch Love Actually, due to EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME (or so it seems haha) being shocked at me having never seen it. It was brilliant, to say the least. Then finished watching The Notebook. I sobbed hysterically throughout it, but not for what people usually cry at - you know, the 'awwwww int love sweet?' sort of stuff. It just reminded me of my grandmother again. One day my grandfather will be in the same situation, his heart broken and watching the woman he's always loved slowly die. It also made me realise I need to go and see them again. I have seen them once since moving here. In September. I am a fail of a Grandaughter. Well, not as much as that other one. The one who buggered off at 15 to live a life of unemployment with her fuckwit boyfriend. Naaah, I'm way better than her. I am happy to say that out of the 2 'grandaughters' (oddly, My dad and his older brother have only biologically fathered boys. I am the eldest of the daughters and am better) My dad never stops bragging to Phil about it - I love my Dad ^^ Don't get me wrong and all, Phil is an alright bloke, but like all uncles he can be a complete knob sometimes. Unlike my Uncle Matt of course. ^__________^

Ahhhhh, another angsty blog over and done with. I think you'll agree that these don't happen often (And I also believe you are thinking 'thank FUCK for that') Of course you are XD.

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