I love waking up naturally and realising you still have 2 hours left before you need to wake up. And it's even better when you find a text asking if you can meet an hour later. Yippee! And so today, I was looking at spending most of it on my arse.
It all began on my mince in to town - I needed a cash machine. So when I saw a couple say "Ooooh a cash machine!!" and start making their way towards it, I literally ran to get there first. The woman rewarded my efforts by standing basically IN me, so I paid her back by sticking my arse out as far as I could. That's how I roll. And when getting on the bus I sounded like an old woman. "That'l be £1.30 please, love" "Oooh that's nice!" What the fuck? no Leah, what would have been nice was if the driver had said "You are waaaaay too beautiful to be made to pay to travel on my bus! Sit your fine ass down, you don't owe me anything" Though it has to be said that if that had happened I probably would have slapped him or been extremely outraged at least.
Ahhh Rollerworld, that I haven't been to since I was about oooh 6 or so? I remember it was a very embarrassing trip and I didn't go again. This time I was very much expecting for my arse to be meeting with the floor just as many times as it did when I was younger. I was pleasantly surprised! I didn't do any falling, well, by accident. it was only when an entire group of kids fell infront of me and I realised that I wouldn't be able to stop in time or change direction, I just thought "fuck it, I might as well join them" and lifted one of my legs up. Bye went my balance and I went horizontally in to the air before crashing to the floor in a spectacular wah hey! I think hip started bleeding and it is already bruised. I went down sooo hard (oooer missus! :P)
I had to leave the rink at one point due to almost wah heying watching a grown man (Who was mega good at skating and so was majorly embarrassed as could only just scoot around without much purpose) skate very rapidly round with his hands behind his back. I had to leave very quickly. While queuing for food things in the cafe we realised there were no free tables, so I positioned myself near a table full of a family that I knew would be vacating the table shortly. I sat my arse down and a bloke and his kids came and joined me. Um, fuck off? I then saw another empty table, but saw a child making a beeline for it. I started to fall as i reached it, but because I'm so amazing I simply fell in to the seat. Up yours child! There was a party going on while we were there, and I felt so sorry for the little girl who's party was interupted by a massive dykey staff member storming over with a crappy cake with 3 spindley candles stuck in it. Had I been her mother and paid £10 a child for that (seriously!) I think I would have slugged her.
Karma was going to be our bitch as we sat there laughing uproariously at a girl leaning against a wall who then suddenly slammed to the floor. I started crying I was laughing so much. We're gonna make this a regular thing methinks, which will be fab as it really was a rather good workout - i have a rather sore beeehinddd due to muscle tonage and would like to get lovely legs too! We're going to hell also, as upon reaching the bus station we looked and saw the FATTEST FUCK IN THE WORLD sat in the same booth (is that the right word? Booth?) as the one we were heading to.
This made us burst out laughing. Yep. I pointed and laughed at a fat person. This in itself isn't the reason we're going to hell - soon its bus arrived, and it standing up caused us both to burst out laughing. Alot. "Are you laughing for the same reason i am, Leah?" "What, at the fat thing that had to stand up in stages?" Yup - it had to gear itself up (i say it as I have no actual clue what sex it actually was. it was hideous and i didn't quite want to look at it) and sort of jumped up, didn't get fully up and came back down (Causing me to leave my seat as it was like a seesaw and I was unfortunate enough to be sat right next to it) before using the momentum created to finally stand up. ROFL for about 34798 years or so it seemed.
So cue an evening of gaming, Xfactor and generally being arses. I like it here - I spend every spare moment laughing. A lot ^__________^
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