My God. Apologies in advance to my readers - this is one super huge mega blog for the past 2 days/nights. Why didn't I blog? I have been drinking. A lot. Are you ready? Cause this is gonna be big! Even bigger than my arse!
So, we begin on wednesday, where I went to work. Fries again - excellent. Bring on the dehydration. Aimee cornered me as soon as I arrived and pactically pinned me against the fryer asking me if I would like to go out with them all for her birthday. As lovely an offer as it is, I'm thinking of not going. This is purely because everyone, especially Mazi, would have a field day if she found out I'd checked out Derby's Gay Scene. I didn't even know there was one. O_O She calls me Lee - don't get me wrong, people call me Lee all the time. I remember I used to hate it, but it's shorter than Leah so I've got used to it. But she thinks that's my name. Ah well - I've just gotta learn to respond to it until I leave. Which hopefully won't be too long if Jade can dig her claws in for me ^_^
Holly popped by to visit, which was the highlight of my day before I collapsed. Again. I do this a lot. But seriously - let me have a drink! I really am all crap and pathetic at work lately. Ah well. Only there til 6 FFS!!!! Popped home then instantly went to the cheap offlicence (cheap really doesn't do it justice!) with Lissi to get some booze for the night and the night after. She takes the piss a bit - she made me walk alll the way back to the flat with her bags too as she was selfish and buggered off to have chinky wink (Chinese. Learn) with the dance troupe. I am of course, joking.
We were due to pop down to see Liss and Vetty for a bit before heading over to Abi's for another epic partay, but not before I sorted out Lissi's buffdee pressie. I had a brainwave of epic proportions but found that the things I needed to buy were sooooo expensive in the shops! And so, I turned to ebay. Found one I wanted that finished within 10 minutes, so easily won it. Although the main one I wanted (obviously I am not writing what they are as Lissi reads this. Duh!) finished within half an hour, so I had to watch it. It's a good thing I was watching it - some other bugger was bidding on it too and was pushing the price up. Irritatingly, they bid again in the last 2 SECONDS of the auction! I had the last laugh - I'd already bumped my max bid up to £15 and easily won. UP YOURS OTHER PERSON!! MWAHAHAHAHAAH!
It was then that we could finally go to Liss and Vetty's. So there we were, nomming cheese cake and chatrouletting it up (believe me, I have a story to tell about that!) when Seb walked in with his brother and cousin. It was then that I fainted/my head fell off/my jaw hit the floor. You may pick one - it's all the same to me. Seb is attractive. A lot. His younger brother? SCULPTED BY ANGELS! Jeeeeeeeeesus he is yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! I went bright red and kept having to turn to everyone and mouth 'pwoar' every 5 seconds or so. Sex on legs. It's the stubble. I can't resist stubble. Oh. Yum. ... YUM................. Pwoar...
There are some even sexier people on chatroulette. You know I'm joking. Poor Luke - every single one that came up was a penis. Liss eventually stumbled upon this fat fuck who told us he had a magic spunk trick (even though his knob was tiny and flacid) what happened next was hideous - he frantically started wanking, but for some reason we were all transfixed (don't ask me why. Because I don't know) Then we all got distracted by Ed walking in to the room again (pwoaaaaaaaar) but when Liss turned round again she screeched that the hideous bloke had spunked. How pleasant. Although maybe that was his trick - managing to come without an erection? Still ew...
Soooo, following some drinking games we were ready to pop to Abi's. About 3 hours late, but nevermind. David rang, which was lovely as haven't physically spoken to him since we've left. I was a bit drunk, but for some reson I ended up screaming "OMG ARE YOU GAY NOW!?!?" down the phone at him. I don't know why - I love him, and he is my best male matey ^_^ But yes - got to Abi's and the party was already in full swing. By that I mean, as always, Katie and Abi were already drunk and Am, Phil and Sophie were doing a shot a minute. Abi greeted us by falling on us through the door. Love it.
Hayley and I joined in with the shot a minute thing - we got to an hour before we got bored and played I Have Never. By that I mean that Phil and I just bitched at each other for an hour. We were having a lovely chat when Laura came slamming back in to the kitchen and complained that no one had cared about her. Turns out she'd locked herself in Abi's loo for 20 minutes and we hadn't noticed. She now has a MASSIVE purple bruise on her arm from where she slammed in to the door handle. Hayley and I bimbled out in to the hall in time to see Abi diving out of the door, before holing up in her room.
Hot Fuzz and a Dominos nom nom nom. Abi made the mistake of giving me her laptop and allowing me to sign in to facebook. So cue a load of embarassing tags etc. ¬¬ Eventually stumbled back to the flat carrying several pizza boxes, dvds and my shoes. So all in all, a tip top night! But am ever so greatful to Liss and Luke for giving me a lift in the morning, or I will not have been alive in time for the lecture. I knocked on the door for it to be eventually opened by Ben, who instead of opening it and allowing me to come in, slammed it in to my face and barged past me. Pleasant. This might have been because last night he said that loads of people find him sexy and I laughed heartally in his face. No. You are weird. And not sexy, also.
Hilariously, as I was stood talking to Liss and Luke, Vetty imerged from her room in her dressing gown. It was about 10 to 11. She had a lecture at 9. I don't think she made it, somehow.
Following Angie's death lecture, e had a lovely chat about, you guessed it, sex. What else would we talk about? Seriously - what kind of person do you think I am? Alex yet again threw his toys out the pram about it. Oh do grow up :P Poor Sallie and I had to stick around til 6 for Sam's tutorial. Got talking to Kim about our perceptions of Sam. I.e. I swear he is gay - he's v. fashionable. Lives alone with a cat (who wakes him up at 3 every morning, he later told us. This is why he is looking forward to the trip in January - no cat for 2 days. I am going to wake him up at 3 on those mornings because I'm lovely). This was until Kim offered me some chocolate and I screeched "OOOOH! I love nuts! ;)" and Sam went "Ughhhh no, anything but nuts!"
And so - the night was about to begin again! Popped over to get more booze with Abi and Phil. I needed A LOT. It takes looooooads to get me drunk, and I wantedt get ever so drunk! People began to arrive and we started playing ring of fire, which was immnsely fun! Although Noel didn't like sitting next to me when we had to do 'Waterfall' - one person starts drinking and everyone in the circle can only stop once the person next to them stops. He is a bit of a lightweight, bless him, so everyone kept picking on him to drink all the time. We were all getting very merry very quickly - which was depressing when Noel actually checked the time and it was only 5 to 9.
I Have Never. Again. I was running out of booze! Although I did kinda meet my match in the form of James - we drank to virtually every single one. Again. Noel made me DIE laughing when I said I have never fucked a woman. He paused for aaaaaaaaaaaaages then finally screeched what has now become the blog title. Lissi was taking the oppotunity to pick on me, but then Phil and Abi arrived and I got hit over and over again. Not literally bare in mind.
It's here where things get a little hazy. In a nutshell - Noel went through my underwear drwer and ran around in a G string. We played twister, which ended with Noel pulling my dress up and James spending most of the time bending down to look at my boobs. Dee, Lauren and Noel attacked my room and got Jackson out and ran around the kitchen with him. Phil and Dee poured my condoms all over my desk and a can of cider all over my work hat. Lissi and I ate some of her tingle lube and discussed where it had been and then started comparing our skimpiest underwear. You know, the underwear Noel decided to put on. Then made me take off with my teeth. Abi and I made James (aka Rodney YOU PLOKERRRR) sit through our lovely version of Country Road, but I made Lissi die laughing by SCREAMING the Japanese version through Amani's wall. Lissi, Dee, Nikki and I headed back to Vetty and Liss's t bother Seb and co - everyone's heads fell off again as they were all topless and yum. Dee and I were running down the stairs arm in arm when the lights went off and we screamed hysterically. That ended when they broke out the splifs again so we 3 hightailed it out of there - Phil opened the door to the flat to find Lissi on her back, hugging me extremely tightly on top of her. Um... O_O
Dee ordered pizzas and we went on chatroulette again. As I was sat talking to Hayley and Dee, Lissi walked in and painted my face for me. I looked pretty. Went back upstairs to find Dee alone in my room screaming 'HELLO' to people on Chatroulette. This changed to 'Boo' and eventually 'PUSSY WANKER!' As the pizza arrived, Seb and co did also. This is also when I discovered that there was cider all over my desk.Vetty and Liss left eventually, forgetting their kitchen chairs so that lead to an interesting trip dwnstairs with them while trying not to fall and break our necks and things. As they were leaving, Phil and Co were also going. I asked him t put the pizza boxes in the kitcen but he refused so I balanced them on his head. They slipped off and stuff went all over my clean washing. What I said next became the quote of the night: "FFS Phil! You've got sweetcorn in my pants and mayonaise on my sheets! You're not invited again!"
All in all, a tip top night! Extremely hungover though, but we need to do i again - we sure know how to throw an awesome flat party!
No comments:
Post a Comment