I woke this morning, ahem, this afternoon to find that I no longer had a throat. No, that random infected bitch from my dream hadn't ACTUALLY ripped my throat out. Dear God that would be very messy. And obviously impossible. And also would suck as I would be dead - why the fuck was that the last thing on my list?? O_O No, It had just closed up so much that it felt like it had become a straw. A very thin straw. With a blockage in the middle. Dear God in heaven, it was rather hideous!
Eventually, everyone in the flat buggered off to go home for the weekend/over night, leaving me on my jack jones and bored shitless. I spent most of the day in my jim jams watching the rest of Quarantine - verdict = rofl at the ending, and working up the courage to watch The Mothman Prophecies. Now, I am not scared by horror films. I find them amusing. They may make me jump, maybe. But you will be hard pressed to find one that scares me. I first saw this film when I was 15. It's a 12 - I cannot watch it ¬¬ It's not the whole film, just the voice of the mothman! It makes me shiver just thinking about it. Another film I can't watch? Donnie Darko. Mainly because it is utterly SHITE but alo due to Frank's fucking voice! Argh makes me shver just thinking about them!! And jesus, if Frank ever told me he's been watching me, I wouldn' fucking go downstairs to see him - I'd shit myself instead!
Ended up readin One Piece to see what all the fuss was about and ended up getting sucked in to it!! Nooooo! I had to read the Wallflower to calm down. The Wallflower is a romantic comedy, and is extremely funny. One Piece is a 'comedy' about pirates. Naah fanks, fink I'll pass! Not before I'd read 33 chapters O_O Also watched Goldmember while trying to make some notes.That failed - I got distacted and ended up playing a load of online games. And watching the film. Ah well,maybe later.
Or not. Daddyyyy rang and offered to take me out for a mealage. Not gonna turn that down, you know, free food and that. Oh, and also the fact that I haven't seen him in months. Had a lovely evening just chatting and catching up, but I got an awful lump in my throat, not caused by the illness. The conersation turned to my stepmother and the fact that he hadn't seen her real dad in 23 or so years. A similar situation I was in until I was 16 and turned detective, so to speak. My dad doesn't know that I've found Kevin,and tonight was my oppotunity to finally tell him.
I couldn't do it. I chickened out again! Argh! I really am so pathetic. I'm scared about how he would react. Not his reaction, but how things would be between us afterwards. I'm scared to my core that he would no longer see me as his daughter. I know he wouldn't obviously treat me differently,but I know that something like that would change an attitude, deep down. Every time I try to do it I think of how things will change and I get scared. It rips me apart to think that he might think that I would see him any differently, initially, not knowing how things stand between me and Kevin.There is no doubt in my mind who my dad is - Andrew. Kevin made me, that is all. He can go rot for all I care. Argh.... This is the main stress in my life, and has been for the last 2 years. And by the look of things, this is how they are going to stay for years to come. I love my dad, but it's like he's stabbing me in the heart whenever he says how proud he is of me.
I think the stress made me even more ill - he took one look at me and went 'Bloody hell! you look rough!' Looking in the mirror I found myself looking at a damp piece of paper, and I couldn't stop shaking. Excellent. I have a fever - I am freezing, yet sweating like an abslute pig. Despite the fact that pigs can't sweat, obviously. So am sat in the flat, alone, feeling very sorry for myself. I only cheered up when I found some 'Sonic Sez' skits - "There's nothing cooler than being hugged by someone you love, but when someone touches you in a place or way that makes you feel uncomfortable, then that''s no good. The first thing you should do is say 'NO' the n get the heck outta there! Finally,tell someone you trust like your parents, your teacher or a police man!" O_____________O
Am watching the Pagemaster, another film I loved/was scared of in my childhood(I was really pathetic as a kid - I was scared of everything. Ohhh,how things have changed! Well, a bit.) The librarian is actually the definition of 'paedophile' O_O I can now hear movement in the flat, oh Jesus Christ, so if there is no blog tomorrow I have been killed by a random infected bitch ripping my throat out or horror flatmate ripping my face off with her bare hands and pounding the shit out of it.
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