Ahahaha lol (Y) - currently sat in the living at my dearest cousins' house, having an immense time and drinking rather a lot of wine.
The day started off rather... er... interestingly. While sitting and waiting for Jade to come and meet me in town I got chatting to some random drunk guy. When I say I got chatting to some random drunk guy, I mean the random drunk guy started shouting a conversation at me on the other side of the square, before joining me on my own bench and touching my thigh. Um... bugger off? Jade rang my phone so without even answering I screamed "OMG It's an EMERGENCY!" Turns out it actually was, and a very interesting series of events occurred during which my ability to become a human shield became very useful.
Once everything had calmed down a little, the usual hilarities unfolded, such as:
"Hello Person I don't know ^^"
*Walking up to an automatic door for disabled people, which remains shut* "What a GOOD automatic door! I have to automatically open it myself!"
"I basically have a plate of salt, with some chips on it."
"Imagine if you had to use that shit automatic door and you were in a wheelchair. It's on a slope and you want to be able to hurtle down the slope and then continue to hurtle outside."
"Well, as I was sat waiting for you I was waiting people on that ride and thinking 'Hmm, that looks shite' and watching some random fat bitch enjoying a banana waaaaaaay too much."
" I'm sorry that had to happen" "Why the hell are you sorry? It's not like you had a go at yourself in the middle of town"
*walks up stairs* "Right, it's better up here... Ooooh! Where's the food court?"
"I just spent 15 years trying to pay the fucking parking tickets. I put money in, it spat that out, so I tried to insert a note and it basically said 'I do not WANT your fucking note!' so I basically screamed at it 'FINE! HAVE THE FUCKING COINS AGAIN!!!!!"
"These drinks aren't free! They're water!!!"
And then returning to her house (following a hilarious journey home, naturally) and many more funnies:
Jeremy Kyle caption : You have a police record, and a pregnant psycho ex-girlfriend. Stay away from my daughter - says lesbian mother
Discovery that the entire Noble family enjoys bumming other members of their family
Ian EH? a bag of peanuts!
A very long discussion about where the used condom ended up "Do you want to write a book or something? The adventures of the condom" "I put it in a bin bag" "What, a whole bin bag just for one condom???"
"You put your Taywah in her charbs??" "God, that bloke is such a charb"
"you're having an apple at this time of night?" "You don't seem to mind Jade having one" "Jade's gonna be up for a few more hours whereas Grace will go to bed in a minute and store it all as fat. Have an apple if you want, I'm not going to judge you"
"Bacon is good for me!"
"Definitely, no cheese in a can" *huuuge growl*
"When the man comes around"
Disco of the Dead ^^ Council House of the Dead - "they just film a normal council house for a day" "OMG we ran out of cheese in a can!!!!!"
I want you to MASTURBATE!
Feel my COME!!!
Luca is the SEX *YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!*
*Ashe hissing*
"It hadn't been used in a long time and simply forgot how to work"
"You just kicked a toddler, you're going to be a WONDERFUL mother"
AVEC DILDO!
Laughing at Christian's facebook statuses and attempting to translate them in to understandable English.
This is purely so my cousins can read this, and so I can write these up in a facebook note later ^^ If this is going to be what it's like when I go to uni then OMG it's going to be awesome!!
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